Chapter 20 #2
She smiles, “Yeah, I thought so too. She doesn’t seem like Madden’s type at all.”
Madden Atwood.
She continues, “Then again, I’ve only known you for five minutes, but I wouldn’t think she was your type either.”
My head is swirling around with the fact that something could’ve happened between Avie and Madden.
Sure it could be bullshit, but typically rumors stem from a version of the truth.
I’m aware that we aren’t meant for a romantic relationship, but it still hurts.
I know I’m a complete hypocrite when my lips were on Cori’s just a few short days ago.
Hell, I was so distracted by her that I missed the playground with my actual girlfriend.
“I guess I’ll see you around then,” she states, taking a few steps toward her house. I think fast, knowing I’m not ready for this conversation to end.
“No, come over,” I blurt.
She looks at me, then back to her house. “I can’t. Uncle Trey already knows what happened, and I don’t want to be in trouble. I can’t afford it, Carson.”
I nod, a little disappointed, but I understand. I wish she would open up and tell me what happened to her. I feel this strange need to be there for her, to protect her.
I know I should let her walk away, but I pull her in for a hug, allowing my jaw to feel the softness of her hair. I run my hand down her bandage, “So much for flying under the radar.”
She pulls back, looking up at me through her lashes, “I still have my paper bag.”
I can’t help but chuckle, “That’s not gonna help you now. Word on the street is that you’ve tied down Nash and that on its own is enough to ensure you will be on everyone’s radar.”
“Nash,” she whispers. “He’s… confusing.”
I remember the way he looked at her, and I try to reel my feelings back in, “He’s been through a lot, and he’s not as bad as he seems.”
She nods, “I see it too. Every now and then, when he stops trying so hard to be a dick, I can see that he’s just… lost.”
“He’s impulsive,” I agree. “He makes horrible decisions and always takes things just a little too far, but he’s my best friend. I’d trust him with my life, Cori.”
She cringes, “After tonight, I don’t think I can say the same.”
I smile and watch as she turns back toward her house, giving me one last glance before disappearing behind the door.
Just one look from her, and it’s like the entire world stops.
My priorities seem to completely slip my mind when she’s around.
It’s a little scary, and I just have to keep reminding myself to stay focused.
When I walk through the front door, I snort-laugh when I see my mom and dad basically going at it right here in the middle of the kitchen.
“Ah-hem,” I cough, making my appearance known.
Dad’s lips turn into a smile, still within touching distance of Mom’s. She slaps his arm playfully, “Babe, not in front of Carson.”
Most people would be mortified to walk in on their parents in the middle of a make-out session, but I’m just happy that they’re happy. That they’re my parents, and they’re here for me. Physically and mentally.
“So honey, everything okay with Nash?”
I roll my eyes, “Yeah, just Nash being Nash.”
The explanation I give them is rushed, and I leave a few details out to get up to bed quicker. When I do, I practically melt into the mattress, between the hospital with Avery and the eventful day, worried that Nash finally offed himself being stupid. I need rest.
I check my phone, not really surprised when I have no messages from Avery. She was distant at the hospital, but I don’t blame her. I dropped the ball big time. On our relationship, on our friendship, on us.
My life was turned upside down when Cori walked into school, but that was by my own doing, of course. I feel that this is just the beginning, though, and the changes will keep coming one by one until everything is different.
I drag my sweats down my legs and kick them to the foot of the bed.
It’s always hot in here because mom is constantly freezing, but Dad and I will sneak and turn the air down.
I guess that is what’s going to happen tonight.
I sling the covers off and tiptoe to the thermostat.
The fan kicks on, and I sneak back to my room to find Cori sitting on the edge of my bed.
I look between her soft hair and the open window.
She’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt and tight-fitted biker shorts, her hair softly hanging against the fabric. Perfection.
Did I mention she is on my bed?
“You trying to give me a heart attack,” I ask.
She sighs, slipping under the sheets, “I snuck out.”
I slip into bed with her, brushing off the fact that I’m in my boxers and nothing else. My best friend just claimed this girl in front of the whole school, but I’m currently in bed with her. Jesus, what is wrong with me?
“Is that okay?” she sighs. “I know I shouldn’t be here. Maybe I should just go.”
She starts to get up, but I pull her back down.
“No, it’s alright. We’re friends. Just stay.”
“Good,” she exhales, falling back dramatically on the pillow next to mine. “I could really use a friend.”
“Well, here I am. Carson Graham, at your service.”
She giggles, turning over to me, her arm ideally situated between her head and the pillow. “Oh yeah? Lucky me then.”
I can’t help but grin at her, “I don’t know how you even have room for me to be your friend between Madden’s massive ego and Lainey’s big mouth.”
She tilts her brows together, “Madden isn’t like that at all. Have you even made an effort to get to know him outside of baseball?”
Truthfully, no. I haven’t. I’ve kept the same few friends for years in fear of being taken advantage of.
If they were there before the fame, they stayed.
Avery is the same way, a small circle. It’s all we’ve ever known, and now that she has even more followers than me, and has practically been using our relationship for the world like a damn reality tv show, she’s more influential than I am.
The girls listen to her every word and take everything she says as if it’s the bible. They worship her like a god, like a queen. What happens when we tell the world that it’s not always rainbows and sunshine? That there’s trouble in paradise?
The answer is simple: uproar.
Her followers will turn on me. They’ll blame me for everything. Mine? They’ll do the same. It’ll be hundreds of thousands of people thinking they know us, making up stories for the press, all lies.
“Where’d you go?” Cori asks, snapping me out of it.
“Sorry, I… no. I guess you’re right. I don’t know him, but he doesn’t know me either.”
“I guess that’s fair. Who are you, Carson?” she asks, and immediately I recognize what a loaded question that is. “I want your version, not what everyone else thinks.”
“That’s the problem. I’ve spent so long being who everyone else wants me to be that I don’t even know who I really am anymore.”
She nods, “I understand that.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask, allowing my bare leg to touch hers. Her eyes twinkle back at me, and I say it before really thinking it through, something I’ve never said aloud.
“I don’t really even like baseball that much anymore.”
Her hand covers her mouth in shock, and it’s adorable. “Don’t worry,” she laughs. “I won’t tell your adoring fans. Why play though, if you hate it?”
“Woah, woah, woah. I never said I hated it. I love the game. It’s just that I'm under a lot of pressure. We won state last year, and everyone is counting on me to get us there again.”
“And if you don’t?”
“That’s not an option. The whole town expects it, and I will get us there.”
“You can’t do it by yourself. Baseball is a team sport.”
I shrug, focusing on the ceiling, hoping she doesn’t pick up on my uncertainty. I’m so used to pulling on a mask and covering it up that I can even fool myself sometimes with my confidence for winning.
“What happened with Nash?” I ask, rubbing the bandage on her arm.
“Nothing, I just thought I could play his game better than he could. Guess I have a lot to learn.”
I sigh, “I don’t know what kind of game he’s trying to play, Cori, but I haven’t seen him kiss anyone like that. Not ever, so just be careful.”
“I thought you said he was harmless?”
“He is until it comes down to the people he loves.”
Her brows tilt together, “Loves? You’ve got to be kidding me, and what do you mean, you’ve not seen him kiss anyone like that?”
“I mean, we’ve never seen him kiss anyone at all.”
And we haven’t. He’ll climb in bed with girls all day long, but kissing is too personal. He claims it’s because he doesn’t want anyone to get attached, but it’s obvious now that it’s because the only person he wanted to kiss lived fourteen hours away.
The problem here is, I kissed her too.