30. Olivia #2
But I want to breathe. I want to remember. Yet, I want to forget. I want to walk through these woods without our ghosts peeking around the corner and reminding me of everything that was lost.
I turn my head in the direction of my old home. The one Wade insisted was still there. It’s out there. In shambles. Ashes. And I’ll see it one day.
Whenever I’m ready.
I have to stay smart and vigilant if I want to figure out what the fuck happened five years ago and, most importantly, what’s happening now to all the people who are showing up dead with their hearts and livers missing.
“Is this why you brought me out into the middle of the woods? To tell me stories?” I ask, attempting to change the subject and focus on the people dying. Thinking about Mack sitting at my grave does funny things to my head. It makes me think…
I squeeze my eyes shut, turning away from JJ completely. Memories of the first night I was in Greenwood come to mind. A rock. A lighthouse charm. They sat on top of my grave until I threw them into the woods behind my marker.
“No,” he says softly, sounding closer than before. “Maybe,” he huffs. “I wanted another chance to talk to you alone.”
I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Did you visit my grave?” I whisper without thinking.
JJ makes a noise in the back of his throat. When I peer over my shoulder, he nods. “Not as much as him. But it doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you any less. I found other ways to deal with my grief.” He nods a few times. “Other ways to heal, knowing you were gone. We all did. We all had to.”
“And Mack?” I stupidly ask.
“Every morning, he runs for five miles with Waffles, and at the end of every run, he sits beside your headstone and talks to you like he used to. Confides in you and tells you about his day. The good and the bad. It’s a ritual for him. Something that helps him to heal.”
“Just talks?” My face twists with confusion. “Why…” I don’t understand why he’s telling me this. I don’t want to hear it.
My heart aches in my chest, pounding when he steps even closer to my back. It’s me and JJ standing alone in the woods; no one else would dare to come here. I’ve heard the stories they tell the other students about how haunted this area is because of the graveyard.
The warmth of JJ’s breath hits the back of my neck, and he shudders, attempting to control whatever is going through his mind.
“Because you were the one he went to when he needed an ear to bend, Spitfire. Not me. Not Hux. You meant a lot to us, and you still do. He talks with you to help him feel human. You continue to ground him even if he thinks you’re six feet deep.
I want you to know that, because every time you look at me, I see the doubt in the back of your eyes.
You still think…” He trails off, his voice choking up with emotion.
“Yeah, I do,” I mutter with no heat behind my words.
I’m lost. Confused. Not fully convinced that whatever happened, happened. Was it them who walked through fire and left me there to rot in my own pool of blood? Or were they in Vegas, doing business for Franco?
Everyone in my life has let me down at some point. My mom. My father, if you can even call him that. My boyfriends. Every person who was supposed to protect me and keep me alive led me straight to slaughter.
The walls around my heart slam back into place, sturdier than before. I can’t let JJ through my defenses. None of them. But I can pretend, right? I can pretend that I’m loosening the reins on the betrayal and seeing past it so I can get the answers I deserve.
“Did you leave me things? At my grave?” I stare at the tree in front of me, refusing to turn back around and look JJ in the eyes.
“Once or twice a year, I leave a lighthouse for your charm bracelet.”
“You could have added it yourself,” I say, shivering when his fingers wrap around my waist, and my body instinctively wants to melt into him as he presses into me.
“It wouldn’t have been the same.” His breath blows against my neck again, and the heat of his body pours into me.
I stand there, rigid as ever, letting it happen. Even as my brain screams how wrong this is. How stupid it is.
“And Mack?” I lick my lips when he gently squeezes my waist at my question.
“Almost every time he jogs by and talks with you, he leaves a fancy new rock he found along the way. He knows you like obsidian, so he tries to find them for you, but you know how it is…”
“They’re mostly in the desert,” I murmur, nodding my head. “JJ…” I trail off when he gently kisses my shoulder, and the warmth of his mouth goes straight through my clothes.
“Yes, Spitfire,” he says so softly that I can barely hear him.
I squeeze my eyes shut. This wasn’t what I had in mind. The more his hands are on me, the more I remember from our past. Then the fire, knives, and Franco’s mocking laughter fill my head, and I step away from JJ’s embrace.
“I can’t,” I whisper, holding up a hand so he keeps his distance.
He nods once. “Too soon. I’m sorry,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck as a blush crosses his cheeks. “I-I keep forgetting you probably see something in me that isn’t there. You don’t see the happiness we had together. You see a monster, don’t you? You see a man who…”
“Die knowing we used you…” Those words trail off in my head, pounded into my memories of the night they killed me.
“Slit my throat, killed my mother and sister, and then set me on fire.”
Not directly, of course. They hadn’t poured gasoline directly on my body for some reason. Maybe to slightly spare me the pain of the fire. Somehow, though, I made it out alive. Barely.
JJ pales at those words. “I-I’m sorry, Spitfire.
I don’t mean to bring this all up again for you.
Something happened in that house that we weren’t aware of.
They told us that you died in your bed, sound asleep.
Like carbon monoxide had gotten to you first and the electrical malfunction…
” A silent tear rolls down his cheek and punches me in the gut all at the same time.
“I finally read the news articles. The one where Franco said we were like family and how it was an electrical fire. Is that what they ruled it as?” I know it said that in the article, but I want the words from someone who was there when I disappeared.
JJ quickly wipes away the tears escaping down his cheeks and nods.
“They ruled it an accident. I hacked the reports myself because I’ve always believed something was off about it all.
First, your father disappears with that kid and never comes back, and then we’re sent away on some magical trip, only coming back to learn you were gone, and we were expected to go about our days and…
” He shakes his head, throwing his head back to stare at the branches hovering above us.
He takes several shaky breaths. “We tried, Livy. We tried so fucking hard to figure out what happened, but there wasn’t anything we could figure out. We thought Franco did something…”
“He did,” I bite back. “He marched into my house with three fuckers who covered their faces with masks, dragged us out of bed, and said we were paying for my father’s sins.
” I steady my breathing as my mind tortures me, dragging me back to that night again.
The more I talk about it, the more it plays like a fucking nightmare on repeat.
“And those three assholes had the same fucking eyes you all did. The same height. The same gait. The same fucking everything!” My voice echoes off the trees, sending birds flying from the high branches into the sky.
Oh, how I wish I could fucking fly right now.
“But you never saw their faces?” JJ’s calm voice pierces straight through my heart.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. “I was too focused on staying alive. Even when they doused the house in gasoline, lit the match, and told me they used me and never loved me. You all did that.”
“No,” JJ says adamantly, putting up a hand. “We weren’t in town. You have to remember that day, Livy. Please remember that day. You stood in the yard and watched us pull away together. The only person who stayed behind was Franco. We weren’t in the state. Please remember.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head. “No! I don’t remember,” I stubbornly say. “I…”
“I’ll prove it to you,” JJ says. “I promise, I’ll dig through everything I have and find solid proof that we weren’t here. Will you believe me then?”
There’s a hopefulness in his eyes when he reaches out and takes my hand. I tremble in his grip, losing myself further down the rabbit hole of our deadly past.
“If you show me proof.” Finally, I get my wits back and gently take my hand away from his. “And stop touching me.” I shake my head. “You don’t have that right.”
Not yet, at least. Not ever is what I should be thinking. But there’s something in the way his soft hands feel against mine, and the way his warm lips and kisses felt against my shoulder a moment ago. It sends unwanted goosebumps down my spine and shivers through my limbs.
My body remembers what my mind doesn’t want to.
He nods, straightening his spine. “I’ll prove everything to you, Livy. That every word I’ve said rings true. I don’t want you to doubt where we were or what we were doing. I’ll also find the bastards who impersonated us and made you think this whole time that we were… We were monsters.”
I nod a few times and take a deep, clearing breath. “Now, can you tell me about the doctor and the bodies? I know about a few of them popping up. Organs missing. They’re mutilated. Even my stupid group project with Mack has a guy with missing blood.”
JJ tilts his head. “Group project?”
I groan. “Yes, with Mack and Wilder. It’ll be loads of fun.
Please tell me about the doctor and whatever else you know.
” I give him my best puppy-dog eyes, despite the distress bubbling in my guts.
My fight-or-flight kicks in, and I no longer want to be in the middle of the woods with a man hell-bent on eviscerating everything I’ve come to know and trust.