Chapter 15
Six years ago
‘Oh, thank God.’ A familiar voice penetrated my sleepy haze. I opened my eyes, and as soon as I did, a very unfamiliar room came into focus. Um . . . where was I?
I felt something on my chest and looked down to see an arm. Cam’s arm. I smiled. I would recognise that arm anywhere, and seeing it now, like this, flashes from last night came rushing back to me. Cam and me. Fighting. Kissing. Fucking.
‘Oh, thank God what?’ I asked, and placed my hand on his arm, shocked that I was finally free to do this.
‘Thank God it wasn’t a dream,’ he replied. He propped himself onto his elbow and looked down at me.
‘What do you mean?’
He gave me that slow, sexy grin again – that perfect mix of cute, vulnerable and panty-stealing-steaming hot. ‘For a second when I woke up, I thought last night might not have happened. That it was all just a dream. But you’re here, so it must be real.’
I bit my lip just thinking about it all. ‘That was real. Very, very real.’
Those multiple orgasms had definitely been real, and those red fingernail marks I could see on Cam’s bare chest as he looked at me, those were also totally real. He followed my eyeline, looked down at his chest and chuckled.
‘You marked me,’ he said, running his fingertips over the scratches.
But then he stopped and leaned closer to me.
‘Looks like I marked you too.’ He touched my neck, bringing attention to the bite marks I knew were there.
Not to mention the marks from when he’d wrapped his hand around it tightly while I’d been straddling him, riding him.
The way he’d sucked on my nipples until the pain had mixed with pleasure.
He leaned in further and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
There was so much emotion in that simple gesture that my heart felt like it was going to explode.
It had been two whole years. Seven hundred and thirty days.
Seventeen thousand five hundred and twenty hours.
I’d not gone as far as calculating minutes, but believe me, I’d come close.
Because that was how long I’d suffered in silence.
Suffered with this relentless and all-consuming feeling of loving him from a distance.
This endless feeling that only intensified when I was near him, and worst of all, when I was pinned under him, or he was pinned under me.
It was bad enough that I breathed the same air as him, that we existed in the same dimension, but when I was close to him, looking at him, even just hearing his voice, that relentless longing became something quite unbearable.
‘So . . .’ Cam began in a tone I’d never heard him use before. It caused a scratchy feeling to creep up my spine, and my entire body tensed as I looked up at him.
‘So what?’ I asked when he didn’t carry on. Something in the air between us suddenly changed. I could feel it crackling against my skin and humming in my ears.
‘So . . .’ His mouth opened again, then closed. He looked like a man trying to psych himself up for something.
‘What?’ I asked. The feeling had moved into my chest now, and was pressing against my pounding heart. Something felt like it was coming, something big . . .
‘There’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you, Lizzy.’
‘What?’ My heart stopped.
‘It’s something I should have said a long time ago, but honestly, I haven’t had the courage to.’
Oh my God. This was it. My cheeks flushed and my stomach churned. Anticipation, excitement, definitely some disbelief and a lot of relief too. These emotions all coiled together inside me, and I teetered on the edge of a sharp scalpel – dangerous, but at the same time exhilarating.
Those words. The ones that had been floating around us for so long.
Sometimes they felt like they were on the tip of my tongue; sometimes I could almost see them hovering above his head, like a teleprompter telling me to read them out loud .
. . I love you. But I never did. I was glad he was going to say them first, because I didn’t think I could muster the courage to do it myself.
Speaking words like that scared me more than any dangerous situation I might find myself in.
These words were the ultimate danger. And he was about to say them. I braced myself.
‘So say it,’ I said, smiling at him, trying to let him know that I was ready to hear them, and if he said them first, because I couldn’t right now, I’d say them straight back.
I love you too, I’d say.
Cam swallowed. I could see nerves creeping over him.
I sat up, looked him in the eye and smiled. ‘You can say it, Cam. Please.’ I love you too, I whisper-screamed in my head, hoping he could hear it.
And then he said:
‘That bridge-and-roll you do when you’re pinned – you need to work on that. You’re leaving yourself completely open.’
It took me a second to process it.
A bridge-and-roll. A bridge-and-roll – a fucking wrestling move.
Those were so not the words.
I felt like I wanted to cry. Salt stung my eyes and my throat constricted, but I didn’t want him to know. Maybe it was just me. Maybe I’d built this up in my head and he didn’t feel what I felt. I pushed it down. Far, far, far down.
‘Well, I have something to say too. Your ground game is not as good as you think it is.’ It came out with a little too much venom.
Silence.
Heavy and thick and . . . sad?
Cam let out a small breath. ‘Sorry,’ he said quickly. ‘I didn’t mean that. I don’t know why I said it. I just . . .’ He ran his free hand through his hair and shook his head. ‘I wanted to say something else, something . . . but . . .’
‘You’re too scared to say it out loud,’ I whispered, and we smiled at each other again.
He nodded. His eyes were still so full of those words, the now very unspoken ones. I hoped he could see them in my eyes too.
‘Maybe one day soon, very soon, I think we’ll be ready?’ It was a question.
I nodded. ‘Hopefully.’
Cam smiled at me, and we both knew we were not talking about our wrestling games.
‘I have faith in us,’ he said playfully.
I smiled. It didn’t need to be said out loud right now. Not yet anyway. And I was okay with that. Because in that moment, I could feel it, and it was as real as the sensation of his finger tracing over my lips.
‘There’s something else I need to tell you that I should have told you ages ago.’ He pulled my bottom lip down with his thumb.
‘And what’s that?’
‘How sexy you are.’ His hand left my mouth, travelled down my neck, across my collarbone and came to rest on my shoulder. ‘How much I love your body, especially this muscle here.’ He traced the line of my bicep. ‘I love how it’s able to dominate me and lock me in place.’
I burst out laughing, all the previous tension gone now. ‘Other men find it intimidating.’
‘Oh, believe me, it is. You intimidate the hell out of me, Lizzy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
I reached out and touched the tip of his nose. I ran my finger down the bridge, then moved it across his cheek and onto the hand that was propping his head up, stopping when I arrived at his pinky finger. It was still slightly crooked. ‘Sorry about this,’ I said, meeting his gaze.
He smirked. ‘You’re not sorry.’
‘Okay, you’re right, I’m not.’ I smiled at him. ‘Given the chance, I’d do it again.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘You’d break my finger again?’
‘A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do, and if— STOP!
’ I screamed, tears suddenly rolling down my cheeks as Cam started tickling my ribcage.
I hated being tickled, and was so sensitive there.
He knew this, of course, because there had been many times while wrestling when I’d had to fight the urge to laugh or scream or both.
‘Stop. Please, I beg you.’ I was fully laugh-crying now, and when Cam finally let me go, I gave him a little shove in the chest. He looked down at my hand and smirked.
‘So it’s going to be like that, is it?’
‘Like what?’ I smiled and then deliberately pushed him again.
His hand shot out and he grabbed me around the wrist. Such big hands . . . Then he pushed my arm back, pinning my wrist to the headboard behind us. He shifted closer to me, heat radiating off him. My eyes flicked downward, to where his cock was straining once more.
‘I’m going to have to punish you for that,’ he said.
I pulled myself up and looked him straight in the eyes. ‘Not if I punish you first.’
‘What did you have in mind?’ He dipped his head, pulling one of my nipples into his mouth. He applied the slightest pressure with his teeth, then released it again. My entire body jerked to life.
‘I’ll tell you once I’m back from the bathroom,’ I said, twisting my wrist loose.
Sex on a full bladder was never a good idea, especially considering the kind of sex we had.
It was not gentle. I jumped out of bed, my naked body now perfectly on display for him.
I walked to the bathroom slowly, knowing full well he was staring, probably gaping.
I liked this feeling, this power that my body, my lips, fingers and tongue had over him.
‘God,’ he moaned. ‘You’re so fucking hot.’ He flopped back down onto the bed and took his hard cock in his hand.
‘Hey, don’t start without me.’ I bolted towards the bathroom.
‘So I was thinking we could have sex, then take a shower together and maybe go grab some breakfast somewhere?’ Cam said from the bedroom, and I smiled. We were making plans together, as if we were a real couple. Were we?
‘Sounds good,’ I shouted back, sitting on the toilet.
‘The sex or the breakfast?’
‘Both.’
‘Excellent!’ Cam said, sounding smug as hell.
I got up off the loo, gave my hands a quick wash and then squeezed a far too large dollop of toothpaste straight into my mouth. I cringed and spat, then hurried back into the room, where he was sitting on the edge of the bed, cock in hand, just waiting for me.
I started walking towards him.
‘Wait. Stop,’ he said suddenly.
‘What?’
‘Just stand there like that for a while. I want to look at you.’
I rolled my eyes but obliged, putting one of my hands on his desk and acting like I was leaning comfortably.
‘What did I do to get so lucky?’ he asked, his eyes dripping with lust as he dragged them over my breasts. I parted my legs a little and he gave a moan of appreciation.
‘Fuck, Lizzy. I knew you were going to be hot, and I’ve pictured this moment so many times in my head – believe me, so many times – but every expectation I had has been totally blown out the water.’
I pulled my hand off the desk, ready to dart towards the bed, but a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. I bent down to pick it up, but as my fingers brushed over it, I caught a flash of movement in my peripheral vision. Cam was on his feet.
‘Wait,’ he said. ‘I can explain.’
I paused, my fingers hovering over the paper.
‘Explain what?’
‘Lizzy . . .’ His voice had a pleading quality. I felt sick. I didn’t know what was on that piece of paper, but I knew that whatever it was, it would change everything.
And it did.
She was gone. I didn’t move. Didn’t follow. Didn’t call out after her. I should have. I should also have had the courage to say it out loud . . .
I love you.
But I’d been a coward. Well, I wasn’t a coward now. I’d been given a second chance at this, and I was not going to fuck it up again.