Chapter 48
‘Lizzy, it’s two in the bloody morning,’ Philly said, opening the door with a very big yawn.
One eye was open, but the other looked like it had been sealed shut with sleep.
She had a roller clinging to one side of her head and she was wearing a pink robe with faded flamingos on it, tied haphazardly at the side with a belt that definitely did not match the gown.
‘I need to talk, I think. Or something.’
Philly seemed to wake up instantly. Her shut eye flicked open and her entire body stiffened.
Gone was her previous sleepiness; clearly me standing in her doorway wanting to talk had aroused some kind of emergency response that now saw her opening the door wide and ushering me inside with a flick of her wrist.
‘Sit,’ she ordered. ‘I think there’s cheesecake in the fridge left over from bridge club.
You look like you need cheesecake.’ She hurried off to the kitchen while I sat, returning moments later with two mismatched forks and a slice of cheesecake lying on its side on a plate the shape of a cabbage leaf.
‘All right, out with it.’ She sat next to me and passed me the plate.
I let out a long breath. ‘It’s Cam.’
‘You’re still in love with him.’ She said it matter-of-factly while stabbing the cheesecake and scooping up a forkful. ‘You’ve always been in love with him, blah, blah, blah . . . only man you ever felt this way about, yada, yada, yada.’
‘Huh?’ I looked at her in surprise.
‘One minute you two were playing fake fiancés and the next minute it felt real.’ She raised one pencilled eyebrow at me, then gestured at the cheesecake. ‘Eat.’
I poked at the slice, but even the lure of sugar and fat wasn’t enough to snap me out of the mood I was in. ‘I don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel . . . I feel . . .’
‘Out of control?’ she offered.
‘Out of control,’ I echoed.
‘Love’ll do that,’ she said, sounding vaguely Sage-like.
‘Well, if that’s the case, I want fucking nothing to do with love at all. I don’t like it, it makes me feel . . . off balance.’
Philly laughed. ‘You know, when Lou and I first started dating, I actually tripped around him. I mean, physically fell, because sometimes it felt like I was floating above the ground. I was so in love my feet didn’t touch the floor. He caught me, of course, caught me every single time.’
‘Well, in my line of work, I can’t afford to trip,’ I said drily, shoving some cheesecake into my mouth.
Philly smiled at me sympathetically. ‘Cam sees you. That’s the problem, isn’t it?’ She didn’t wait for a response. ‘He sees through the sarcasm and the bravado. The way you say you love being alone when actually you just don’t trust anyone to stay.’
A tear decided to leave my stupid eye and slide down my cheek before I even realised I had started crying. Philly passed me a napkin and I wiped my face. I hated crying.
‘I can’t think straight, and every single time I close my eyes, or open them for that matter, he’s there.’
‘And this is bad why?’
‘Because it’s Cam! It’s Cam! That’s why!’ I threw my arms in the air. ‘I don’t know.’ I let them drop to my sides with a thud.
‘You know, Lake didn’t want to fall for Falcon either.’
I let out a wet snort. ‘Oh God, don’t.’
‘She didn’t! He was rude and arrogant, but she loved him anyway. Do you know why?’
‘Because he saved her from her evil twin, who returned from the dead with a new face, a Russian accent and a plan to marry their stepbrother and take over the family empire.’
‘Oh no, that was Sable’s storyline; it was her twin that came back.’
‘I can’t believe I almost got that right.’
‘The reason that Lake finally fell in love with Falcon was because she saw through all of that. She saw down to the real person inside. Saw the worst parts, and the good parts, and still loved all of them.’
‘And Cam’s seen all my parts?’
‘I think he’s probably the only person who does.
Well, and me, and guess what, I love you.
You fought for ages to keep me the hell away, but eventually you let me in, and look at us now!
’ She patted my leg. ‘Thick as thieves in the night. And even catching thieves in the night together.’ Her hand moved to my shoulder, giving it what felt like a very maternal squeeze. ‘Just let him in.’
My stomach tightened. ‘I’m scared.’
‘Were you scared to let me in?’
‘I’ve never really been that good at friendship.’
‘Mmm, you weren’t in the beginning, but you’re improving. I’d rate you a solid seven out of ten now.’
‘Do you miss him?’ She knew immediately what I was referring to.
‘Every single second of every single minute of every single day.’ Her voice was soft, laced with pain. ‘But if I’d walked away because I was scared, then I wouldn’t have ever known what real love was like, would I?’
‘You loved him so much and he died. Was it worth it?’
Philly glanced up at the wall, to the portrait of Lou that was hanging there.
‘I would do it all over again, even knowing the pain I would feel when he died. Lizzy, I believe you only get one love like that. One true, great love, and I know it’s terrifying sometimes, but you have to pull on your big-girl panties now.
Because it’s worth it. So, so worth it.’
I looked at her for the longest time, and then I stood up and nodded. ‘Thanks for that.’
‘Any time, but preferably not at two in the morning again. I need my beauty sleep.’
I walked towards the front door, feeling a little less off balance but still not one hundred per cent upright either.
‘Night,’ I called over my shoulder.
I walked back down the passage to my own apartment, slipped the key into the lock and turned it.
But the second I stepped inside, I knew something was wrong.
Very wrong. It was something in the air.
Something fundamental had shifted, I just didn’t know what, because looking around, nothing had changed. Everything looked exactly the same.
The corner of the carpet had turned up, as it always did, no matter how hard I tried to keep it down.
The couch was still a mess of scatter cushions and the pizza box was on the coffee table.
Half-drunk beers, and an olive on the floor.
I looked towards the kitchen, scanning the counter tops to see if anything was out of place there.
It was not. My car keys were still in the chipped bowl I kept them in, and the salt, pepper and chilli were in the same strange spot I’d moved them to earlier.
Everything was the same, but something felt very different.
My heart started beating rapidly in my chest. It was as if it was telling me something, sending me an SOS in Morse code.
And that was when my logical brain turned off and instinct took over.
I grabbed the nearest thing I could find to use as a weapon: the old brass lamp with a cracked base that I’d been meaning to toss out for literally years.
I was really happy now that I hadn’t. It would do for now, but what I really needed was my gun.
Except my gun was in the safe in my bedroom.
I needed to get it. What if I had a Mafia hit man in my apartment, pissed off about the Blade and looking for revenge?
An Angolan diamond dealer? For all I knew, Agent Russo had come to exact revenge on me because I didn’t appreciate late cubism.
I crossed the floor as silently as I could.
I’d kicked my shoes off at the door and was now sliding along in my socks.
I held the lamp in the air, ready to knock the intruder’s head off, as I moved from room to room, clearing each one as I went.
Kitchen: cleared.
Living room: cleared.
Spare room: cleared.
Only one room left now, and that was my bedroom.
I approached it slowly, every muscle in my body ready to spring into action at a split second’s notice.
I edged the door open with the very tip of my toe and tried to peer into the blackness beyond.
But I couldn’t see a thing, and I needed to see.
I pushed the door open further and then, as silently as I could, slipped inside.
My safe was behind the bookshelf and all I needed to do was get there.
But as I stepped forward, it happened. An arm wrapped around my neck and I was pulled backwards.
My back hit something solid, and in the shock of it all, I dropped the lamp.
I swung backwards with my elbow, trying to hit whoever was behind me, but they caught my arm mid-air. As if they’d expected that exact move—
Wait, there was only one person in the world who could predict my movements like this.
‘Who was that guy?’
‘Cam! What the hell are you doing?’ I wriggled, trying to break free of his grip, but he only tightened it.
‘Told you I’d come after you. Told you I’d fight for you,’ he said, and I let out a breathy chuckle.
‘His name is Byron. Why . . . are you jealous?’ I asked, playing along now.
‘Not at all. Shame, that poor guy. He was a wreck when he left your apartment. Crying like a baby.’
‘He was crying?’
‘What did you do to him, Lizzy? Did you break his poor little heart?’
I flung my other elbow back, but Cam caught that too. And then he squeezed me even harder.
‘By the way, you fight like someone who googled “How To Fight” five minutes ago,’ he said mockingly.
‘Really? And you fight like a man who’s forgotten how painful it is to be kicked in the shin.
’ I swung my leg back, but Cam had already let me go and jumped out the way.
I took the opportunity to fling myself onto the bed and scramble away.
But as I reached the other side, I felt a hand around my ankle, and then a strong yank.
‘There’s nowhere to go, Lizzy. Accept it. I’ve caught you.’
‘Not a chance in hell,’ I said, and twisted my body all the way around.
My ankle came free of Cam’s grip momentarily, and I fell backwards.
I didn’t know if I was in a worse position now, though, because I found myself lying flat on my back.
In one swift and sudden move, Cam dived on top of me, pinning me to the bed. Yup, definitely a worse position.
‘Right where I want you,’ he said, bringing his face close to mine. ‘Just admit it, I’ve won this round.’
‘Don’t be so sure about that,’ I spat back.
‘Just say it,’ he said, that smug smile curling across his lips.
‘Say what?’
‘Say you still want me. That you still love me.’
‘Bite me.’
‘If you really want me to . . .’ He lowered his mouth to mine and pulled my bottom lip between his teeth. And yes, I moaned. I moaned because I did want him.
‘See, you want me.’ He pulled away and looked down at me smugly.
‘I don’t.’ I tried to make it sound convincing, but I knew it didn’t. Especially because the way he was looking at me was making me weak at the knees and I knew it was showing on my face.
‘You do. And you know why I know that?’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Because you could have kneed me in the dick ages ago, but you didn’t, which tells me you have other plans for it.’
And with that, I kneed him. Making sure to miss that area and instead aiming higher. He grunted and momentarily let me go. I twisted, then flipped us around and pinned Cam to the bed in my place.
He just smiled up at me. ‘How about we do this properly?’
‘What?’
‘Push the couch against the wall, fight for real.’
I laughed. ‘You want to fight me in my lounge?’
‘Don’t you?’ He raised a brow at me. ‘But there has to be a prize for the winner.’
‘What’s the prize?’
‘If I win, you give us a real shot.’
‘And if I win?’
He smirked. ‘You won’t.’
I jerked backwards. ‘What the fu— Challenge accepted.’
I climbed off him and was just about to move to the lounge when a leg shot through mine and I came crashing down. Only I didn’t, because Cam caught me.
‘Actually, on second thoughts, why do it in the lounge when we have a perfectly good bed right here?’ He flipped me now and my face connected with the bed. He climbed on top of me and I felt his lips by my ear again. ‘And by the way, I can’t believe you fell for that.’
‘I can’t believe I fell for you,’ I retorted, and immediately felt his hands loosen around me. He sat back on his haunches, and I turned onto my back and looked up at him.
‘What did you just say?’ he asked, gazing down at me with the cutest puppy-dog eyes.
I almost felt bad about what I was about to do . . . almost. I shoved. Hard. Cam fell backwards and I jumped off the bed.
‘And I can’t believe you fell for that,’ I said, adopting my best fighting pose.
He burst out laughing. ‘I guess we’re even now.’
‘Nowhere near it,’ I said, and bolted out of the room, flipping the lights off and plunging the apartment into darkness. I knew this space like the back of my hand, and Cam didn’t. And that gave me the advantage.
I perched on the kitchen counter, waiting for him to walk past, and when he did, I pounced, wrapping my arms and legs around him from behind and clinging to him. He stumbled forward, catching himself on the wall.
‘Bet you didn’t see that coming,’ I whispered gleefully, tightening my grip on his neck.
‘Are you seriously going to try and choke me out this time?’
‘Yes,’ I said quickly.
‘No, you’re not.’ He reached up and started to prise my fingers off.
‘Why not?’
‘Because you love me.’
‘Yeah . . .’ I loosened my arm around his neck. ‘I do love you.’
I let go completely and slid down his back, landing back on the ground. Cam turned around, and when he did, there was nothing else to do but kiss him. He kissed me back, of course, kissed me as though he hadn’t kissed me in six years, when really it had only been a few days.
‘I love you too,’ he said, his warm lips trailing down my neck. I threw my head back and moaned, and he gave me a little shove. I tumbled backwards onto the couch with a very undignified squeak. Cam quickly followed, crawling over me with that maddening smirk.
I twisted sideways and flipped us. ‘I want to be on top this time.’
‘Really?’ Grabbing my waist as if I weighed nothing at all, he stood up, spun us around and dropped me back down. ‘Maybe I want to be on top.’ He climbed back onto me, and this time I looked up at him and gave a casual shrug of my shoulders.
‘Fine! If you really must.’ And we kissed again. So hard and so fast it was as if we were busy trying to win something, when actually we’d both already won it.
But that was Cam and me.
Always fighting.
Still kissing.
And somehow, nothing had ever felt more right.
After six long years, it felt like I’d finally come home.