Undercurrent

9. Uninvited

Afew hours later, our nearly empty boat was almost back to the pier of the small island where we were staying. I couldn’t believe what was happening, even with all the time to contemplate it along the way. I felt the same exhilaration with Jason as I had soaring through the forest the day before. We could barely pull our hands from each other, could barely stop kissing.

As we neared the shore, I could see that the beaches were practically devoid of people, save a lone figure sitting on the innermost pillar of the dock where we were headed. The closer we got, the more familiar the shapes became. It was a dark haired man sitting next to a small rolling suitcase.

“That’s weird,” I said, too observant for my own good.

“What?” said Jason, his lips brushing against my shoulder.

“It looks like a man just arrived on the island alone. But, why isn’t he moving toward the check-in building? Or any building?”

“Maybe he’s just taking in the view.”

“At almost midnight?”

He looked up to see what I stared at, but as we docked, my stomach fell. The dark curly hair, the pale skin, the glasses he cleaned absentmindedly as he sat, and the hard case expandable suitcase in silver I bought him for Christmas two years ago.

“Fred?” I gasped.

Jason sat up straight, removing all physical contact between us as the boatman reached over to help me onto the dock. I turned to Jason, confused and cautious. “Oh no,” I said. “I was not expecting to have to do this face-to-face. Here. Please don’t leave my side.”

He nodded, squeezing my hand reassuringly, and helped me out of the boat.

“Gemma!” said Fred, standing up and replacing his glasses. “I’ve been waiting for ages. Nikki said you were on another island and you’d be back soon.”

“Fred, what the hell are you doing here? Did Nikki call you? Why aren’t you in Chicago?”

“I finished the job early,” he blurted, “but that doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I forgot our anniversary. I can’t believe I did it and I am so sorry. It’s a silly thing, but I know how much it means to you. Didn’t you get any of my messages?”

“Messages?”

“I’ve been calling your cell phone since Monday, but it went straight to voicemail. I thought maybe you were punishing me. I didn’t realize that this trip was meant as an anniversary gift. I know I can be such an idiot. But I’m here now.”

“Fred, we leave in two days. It’s kind of pointless for you to be here now.”

“No, no. See, I booked a few extra days so we can really celebrate like you wanted. The reason I’ve been working so much of the time, it was to get a nest egg going for us. I wanted to make sure we were taken care of. Because, well, I want to take care of you,” he said, reaching into his pocket and kneeling on the dock.

No, I thought. Oh my god, no. I chanced a quick glance up to see Jason’s shock equaled mine as he stood motionless beside me, staring agape at the two of us. This can’t be happening. Not now! Fuck you, Murphy’s Law!

“I want to take care of you for the rest of our lives,” Fred said, opening a small box and holding it up for me to see. There was barely any light left as the storm clouds were nearly upon us, so all I could make out was that there was a small ring inside the box, and that if there was a stone on that ring, it did not reflect much.

“Fred, I—”

He took my left hand and placed the ring on my finger, not even waiting for my answer. The band was thin and cold on my skin. He stood and kissed me briefly, grinning from ear to ear. He suddenly noticed the statue of Jason next to us, and seemed put off. “You don’t have to gawk. Go on about your business.”

“Fred,” Jason said, confused, and a jolt of recognition shot through the man still gripping my left hand.

“Oh, Jason. I didn’t know that was you. It’s so dark—” Overhead, lightning struck, sending a crash of thunder through my bones. The rumble went deep into the earth, making the ground tremble underfoot. Fred jumped, clutching my hands tight. “Was that an explosion?” he yelled.

With as many storms as we’d witnessed in our short stay, I was already used to the earth-shattering thunder and sudden downpours that followed. “No, it’s just thunder,” I began to say, but already he had grabbed his bag and was dragging me toward my cabin.

“I should get you to safety,” he shouted as another thunderclap pierced the air. I could hear the smattering of rain on the ocean behind me, and knew that it was coming fast. “Nikki said your cabin was this way. Come on, follow me!”

As if I didn’t know how to get to the place I’d been staying for a week now. “Fred, wait!” I cried, but more thunder drowned out my voice, and the rain was starting to fall in earnest. Just before we reached the tree line, I turned back to see Jason staring after me, but I couldn’t read his expression. Frantically, I waved at him to follow. I was not going to let this strange turn of events sway me from my goal, from happiness.

Fred and I practically crashed through the door to my cabin, soaking with rainwater, followed swiftly by an equally drenched Jason. The lights flicked on as Nikki came out of her room with Siti close behind. Neither of them were naked, but it was clear that it was not far off.

“Oh, thank god,” she breathed, rushing to hug me. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I’m fine. I was with Jason; you know that.”

“But it’s after midnight! It’s not like you to be out all hours of the night.”

“So it took a long time to travel between there and here. Listen, now’s not the time—”

“We’re engaged!” shouted Fred, beaming like an idiot again.

“What?” cried Nikki, grabbing my left hand and examining the ring. I could see it clearly now. A thin gold band with a single small brown gemstone. Nikki’s face twisted in concern for a moment as she realized as I did—he’d gotten me something that had been advertised as a chocolate diamond. She and I had discussed many times our shared feelings for these gems: they were horrid.

“No, we’re not,” I said, looking directly at Fred, hoping to get his attention, but he was busy unpacking his suitcase.

Nikki heard my tone and nodded, beginning the retreat to her room until she spotted Jason in the doorway. Her brow furrowed, and they exchanged silent shrugs.

“Fred,” I said.

“This place is really nice,” he mused to himself. “You chose a good place to stay.” He laid out his blue plaid pajamas on the bed, and pulled a small travel toiletry kit from an inner pouch of his suitcase.

“It’s nothing compared to the suite I originally booked when I thought I was coming here as part of a couple,” I said pointedly, but he barely acknowledged me. “Fred,” I said a little more loudly.

“Gemma,” he sighed, “I’ve had a very long trip, so let’s just get ready for bed.”

“No, Fred! Stop what you’re doing and fucking listen to me!”

He reacted with a moment of fear at my outburst, but quickly recomposed his face into a mask of impatience. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

I took his toiletry bag and pointed to the couch. “Sit down.” He was confused, but did as I asked. I sat next to him, and took off the ring. “You asked me to marry you, but you didn’t wait for me to answer.”

“Is that all?” he laughed, looking relieved. He took the ring and got back on one knee. “Gemma, will you marry me?”

“No.”

His face fell, blinking as though trying to wake up from a dream. “What?”

“No, I won’t marry you.”

He sat back on the couch, dazed. “Why are you doing this in front of them?”

I looked back and saw our audience as they stood awkwardly away from us. Jason seemed to want to melt into the walls and disappear, while Nikki leaned against Siti as she tried to hide her zeal over the drama unfolding before her. “So I don’t lose my nerve,” I said.

“I don’t understand. We’re happy.”

“You clearly haven’t been paying attention. I haven’t been happy for a long time. You don’t spend time with me, you’re always working, volunteering for some out of state project, closing yourself off in the den. You barely even sleep in our bed with me anymore.”

“But I told you why. I was building our nest egg.”

“We have plenty of income. Our nest egg was fine already. I still have more than enough in my savings—”

“Not if we wanted a house and a family.”

“I have more than enough to cover us if you lost your job.”

“Yeah, but I’ve made sure that I can provide for our family no matter what happens now. You don’t have to worry about getting a job, and you can stop writing those silly books.”

I stopped breathing as lightning shot through me painfully. “Silly books?” My ears grew hot, a fiery rage boiling in my belly.

“Well, yeah. Once we have kids, you won’t have time for writing or anything.”

How had I never seen this? I could practically hear Nikki’s and Jason’s shock as I processed this new information. “So my job will be to stay home and raise the kids, take care of the house, while you go out and make the money. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Of course. You always said you wanted to be a stay at home mom.”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t give up my writing. I would never do that! It’s my passion!”

He scoffed. “Passions don’t earn a living wage. Why do you think I worked so hard to get where I am?”

“First of all, I earn at least double the money you do, and I love writing. Second, where exactly are you? I still don’t have a clue what you do for a living because you never talk about it.”

“Why would you want to continue doing something as pointless as writing fiction? It’s not like it’s useful or anything.”

I thought back over what his bookshelf looked like and realized he only ever owned books for DIY, history, or reference books for work. He didn’t own a single work of fiction. “Oh my god,” I laughed. “All this time, I thought you supported me, that we had the same interests. But we have absolutely nothing in common!”

“That’s not true,” he argued.

“You don’t like fiction.”

“Well, no.”

“You hate the shows I watch.”

“They’re formulaic and trashy.”

“And your ideal wife would be a mother, maid, and cook, am I right?”

“I don’t see what the point of this is.”

“Answer her,” said Nikki.

Fred glared back, but grudgingly said, “Yes, I would prefer my wife be the keeper of the home.”

“I really should have asked these things in the first few weeks of dating, but I guess I thought modern men can’t be this antiquated. How about traveling? Do you want to travel?”

“I already do.”

“Not for work! For fun! Do you want to see the world and have adventures? Do you want to peer over the edge of the Cliffs of Dover? Do you want to stand at the base of the Sphinx? Do you want to snorkel in the coral reef?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Maybe,” I repeated. It was a word I’d heard from him more than I could count. “Either you do or you don’t.”

“What does it matter? We won’t ever do any of those things anyway.”

“You’re right, we won’t.” I stood up, realizing I still held his toiletry kit. I tossed it into his suitcase, along with his neatly folded pajamas, and zipped it closed. Setting it on the floor, I wheeled it back to where he sat. He stared at me, unable to speak. “I’ll tell you the truth: I decided to break up with you yesterday. Today, you only made me realize that I should have done it so much sooner.”

“I came all this way, spent all this money on flights and the extension of the cabin reservation, and bought you a damn ring, and you expect me to what? Leave?”

“I expect you to respect my boundaries and see yourself out.”

“No. This is our anniversary vacation.”

“It was our anniversary vacation. But you didn’t feel the occasion was important enough to remember, let alone actually want to join me until it suited you.”

“I proposed.”

“Which you only did as an apology and not out of actual love or respect,” added Jason.

“Dude,” said Nikki behind me. “She’s broken up with you. She doesn’t want to marry you.”

“If you’re not going to respect her wishes, we’re going to have a problem. So… Are we going to have a problem?”

Fred’s eyes narrowed at Jason. “What does this have to do with you? Why are you getting involved with another woman’s relationship?” He rounded back at me. “I told you to bring Nikki, not some other guy!”

“You didn’t tell me to do anything. I don’t take orders from you!”

“She’s not a servant, asshole,” chimed Nikki.

“And I’m not some ‘other guy,’ you know me.”

“I know you’re married!”

“What does that have to do with anything?” shouted Nikki, but Fred didn’t hear her.

“Where’s Annie? Does she know you’re here with my fiancée?”

“Oh my god, I am not your fiancée!”

The color rose in Jason’s face, and his gaze fixed on Fred like a target lock. I saw his fists clench, his shoulders tense. He was preparing himself for a fight, and I couldn’t let that happen.

“Where’s your wife?”

“So what if Jason is here with me?” I shouted. “Would you listen to him if he told you I don’t want you anymore? You aren’t listening to me when I say it.” Fred was silent, trapped in a staring contest with Jason. “Would you somehow respect his claim over me?”

They both broke eye contact to stare at me in surprise.

“I’m not a person to you, am I? I didn’t really see it until very recently, but that’s what it is. As long as I fill some need of yours, do the things you don’t want to do yourself, you’ll keep me around. Any decisions we made, like where to live, big purchases, I didn’t really have a say in. And if I had an opinion you didn’t agree with, you would argue me into submission or make it seem like I was stupid for feeling the way I did. That’s why we got the apartment closer to your family, but miles away from mine, despite the fact that you can’t stand your mother for more than an hour at a time. And when your job was thinking of transferring you to a foreign office but I didn’t want to leave my family and friends, you made it seem like I wasn’t making you a priority!”

“Jesus. You gaslit her,” said Jason. “No wonder she’s not as adventurous as she was in college; you abused it out of her.”

“I never laid a hand on her!”

“Emotional abuse, idiot,” spat Nikki. “She should bill you for the therapy she’s going to need.”

“You said you wanted to take care of me, but that’s another manipulation, too. Because you don’t want to take care of me, you want me to take care of you. Well I’m done,” I said. “You can have that expensive and tiny apartment, and you can figure out how to cook and clean for yourself. I won’t be there when you get back.”

“But I can’t afford that place on my own! I’ll have to move back in with my parents!”

“I don’t give a shit.” I grabbed his rolling suitcase, opened the front door of the cabin, and pushed the case out into the sand where the rain still fell in sheets, though the thunder had ceased. Jason made a move to physically escort Fred out, but Fred began moving on his own. He stood at the threshold of the bungalow, hesitant to move out into the deluge.

As he stood on the front porch, Fred turned back to gawk at all of us, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “I came all the way out here! This stuff is all nonrefundable!”

“Maybe you could invite a friend along. I’m sure you can have loads of fun with one of them,” I said, and slammed the door in his face.