Chapter 4
Valentine
Iwake up in a panic. Blood thunders in my ears, and I sit straight up in bed, gasping for air.
The room is unfamiliar. Red curtains flutter in a sea breeze heavy with salt. The bed is strange, too soft and covered with crisp sheets that wrap around me.
The man leaning over me with a concerned look in his eyes is Lyle. The one thing I recognize. My heart rate starts to steady, and the panic eases out of my stomach.
Then I remember where I am. Lyle fed me soup while Gina bandaged my feet. It was just after she got me out of the shower. Before that, Lyle carried me into the clubhouse because he found me walking on the side of the road.
My mind grasps backwards, looking for more. But no matter how hard I concentrate, there’s nothing before the walking. The first thing I remember is waking up on the side of the road in the predawn light and walking.
“You okay?”
Lyle sits on the bed next to me and takes my hand in his. He looks tired, dark circles under his eyes.
“I’m fine.” My mouth’s dry, and he passes me a glass of water. I drink it all down until Lyle pries the glass off me.
“Take it easy. You’re still recovering.”
Sun streams in the window. It must be at least midday.
“How long have I been out?”
“Two days.”
I can’t have heard that properly. That’s another two days I’ve lost.
“I can’t have been in bed for two days.”
Although that would explain my urgent need to pee.
Lyle nods. “You needed the sleep.”
“I need the bathroom.”
He smiles as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, but my body feels heavy, sluggish. Without having to ask, Lyle wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me out of bed.
“You can’t walk on those feet for a while.”
“You are not carrying me to the bathroom.” I’m grateful for his help, but the last thing I want to do is pee in front of Lyle, the sexy older biker who rescued me from the side of the road.
He chuckles. “You must be feeling better if you’re sassing me.”
“I’m serious, Lyle. I need to keep my dignity.”
He sets me down on the closed lid of the toilet. “Don’t do anything. I’ll get Gina.”
A flame of embarrassment shoots up my neck knowing that someone has to help me pee, but I remember Gina too. She’s kind and business-like. She could have been a nurse, and maybe by hanging out at an MC club she gets to do a lot of nursing.
It feels like Lyle’s gone forever, but it must only be a few moments. I spend the time looking around the plain, tiled bathroom and wondering who the hell I am. I’m no closer to figuring it out when Gina arrives.
She helps me do what I need to do and then Lyle carries me back to bed.
They fuss over me, and I can’t say I mind it. Gina applies a salve to my feet and re-wraps the bandages while Lyle spoon-feeds me soup.
Lyle must have pulled the armchair over so it’s right next to the bed. Once Gina leaves, he sinks into it, looking exhausted. His clothes are rumpled, and I get the impression he hasn’t slept.
“Did you stay there all night?”
He looks at me sideways as if the answer is obvious. “I wanted to be here when you woke up.”
He’s sweet, Lyle, and I feel safe with him. I’m not sure why that’s so important, but I feel something in the back of my mind just out of reach that tells me to get to safety.
“Do you remember anything else?” Lyle asks gently.
I search my brain, and I really want to find something because now that I’m rested, I should be able to remember stuff. But there’s a big black hole where my memory should be.
“No.” I shake my head. “Sorry.”
Lyle’s eyes darken. “Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize, Valentine.”
I smile at the name he’s given me. It’s beautiful, poetic. It makes me feel like someone special.
His hand reaches for me, and my breath hitches when I think he’s going to touch my cheek, but his hand veers upward to brush the hair on my forehead. I flinch as he touches the bruise on my temple.
“Do you remember how you got this?”
I should remember something like that, how I got a big, mean bruise on the side of my head. But I search my mind, and there’s only emptiness.
“No… Sor—" I stop mid-apology when I see his stern look. “I don’t remember anything.”
This time I search not only my mind but my heart. I should feel fear that I can’t remember. I should be upset, terrified for the person that I can’t remember, the lost girl. But I don’t feel upset. I just feel empty.
“When you woke up, you seemed scared. Do you know why?”
I think about my heart rate, the panic that I can’t place. I’m not sure why I woke like that. It seemed like my body’s natural response, like there’s something to be scared of when I’m awake.
“Was it a bad dream?” Lyle prompts.
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think so. I just woke up like that, in a panic.”
His hands close over mine, and the heat coming from him is reassuring.
“I have to go now and do some club business.”
I don’t like the idea of Lyle leaving. He’s my safe place, the one thing I’m sure of in my new world.
“You’ll be safe here. You’re under the protection of the club. Gina and Lily and the other girls will look after you. You need to keep resting.”
“Then what happens?” I’m scared of his answer because already I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to be cast out into a world where I don’t know my place.
Lyle squeezes my hand. “Then we try and find out who you are.”
He thinks he’s being reassuring, and I give him a small smile because I appreciate his efforts. But the truth is, I’m not sure I want to remember who I am.
There’s something in the corner of my mind that I can’t reach, but it’s dark, I can tell. I should be scared that I’ve forgotten who I am, but I’m more scared that of what I might remember.