Chapter 4
Iabsentmindedly go through my end of day routine, making sure my bosses’ desks are organized, setting out files in order of meeting times for tomorrow’s workday, successfully making less work for my future self.
Muscle memory guides me as I set out three calculators for Mrs. Jones, sharpen Mr. Johnson’s pencils, and set out new notepads for Mr. Girardi.
I check each office making sure they are cleaned properly before gathering my belongings, heading home to my man.
“Hey baby,” I say, offering him a soft smile.
“Hi, my love,” he says, giving me a slow tender kiss. He takes my purse and keys from me, sits them on the entryway table, and tells me he grabbed us dinner from our favorite Italian place.
“Thank you,” I say, watching him lead me to our dining table pulling out the chair for me, “did you want to talk first before we dig in?”
Silently I pray he’d agree to my suggestion. My nerves wouldn’t allow me to choke down carbonara while thinking about our issues. My body tenses at the thought that this conversation could go south quickly.
“We’ll talk first–I know how your stomach gets when you're anxious,” he reassures me, stroking my blown-out hair gently.
The tender gesture sends a shiver down my spine.
“Okay,” I nodded.
“I’ll start,” he sighs heavily. “I know I haven’t been the husband you deserve recently,” Samuel’s heavy words hang in the air between us. “I’ve been neglectful of your needs and that stops today.”
“Sammie, baby, that’s not–”
“It is the truth, and don’t you dare try to make me feel better about it,” he cuts me off with his final declaration.
Watching Samuel hang his head, jaw tight. Seeing him like this makes my heart ache. Feeling the need to comfort him I stand, walking over to him before taking up my favorite spot sitting in his lap, my hands cradling his face, laying a soft kiss to his lips.
His big arms envelop me in his warmth as he looks directly in my eyes and continues, “I’m sorry I haven’t been what you needed. Everything that has happened in the past few years made me feel like less of a man."
“I never thought of you that way, baby,” I wrap my arms around him talking into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent–woody cologne mixed with motor oil.
“Even when the issues with the franchise were happening, we were still good financially. You planned for that possibility, and I always trusted you to lead the way. You never failed me before, and I knew that wasn’t going to change. I’m with you always, baby.”
“I know baby, and I thank you for that. I was internalizing things that were brought on by grief and the anxiety I had surrounding my own mortality and manhood, but therapy has helped me sort where the issues started on my end,” he breathes, planting a kiss on my exposed shoulder.
“The other night my ego was hurt, but what hurt more was knowing I couldn’t please you.
I thought I was going to lose you, my baby. ”
“Oh Sammie, I’m yours and only yours. We can work through this,” I tell him, my heart sinking as I wrap my arms tighter around his neck.
“I know we can. That’s why I booked us a vacation for our anniversary, we leave in the morning. I already cleared it with your job,” he says, pulling me up right to look into his eyes. “I need you to know I heard you and I’m going to do everything I can to make this right.”
“Anniversary trip?” I ask, confused. “When did you have time to plan this?”
“Don’t worry about all that. This trip is about making your wildest fantasies come true,” he kisses my shoulder again pulling back to look at me. “You look even more beautiful today than you did when we got married. You gone celebrate it with me, my baby.”
I nod giving him a smile, wetness trailing down my cheek. Sammie’s thumb swipes at the fallen tear. I was surprised he even remembered. We share a relieved breath.
“Where are we going,” I ask, wondering when he possibly had the time.
“It’s a secret,” his mischievous smile leaving me with an excited flutter in my stomach. “Just pack a bag for three days. No panties.”
“Oh, it’s like that,” I ask playfully, biting my bottom lip. When he got bossy, it turned me on.
“Yeah, it's like that,” he slaps me on the ass, giving me the confident sexy smile I missed seeing on him. “You aren’t going to need them for what I got in store for you.”
Without another word, and with the promise of an anniversary weekend freak-end, I land a searing kiss on my husband’s lips and jump up to be a good girl and follow his directions.
Knowing he cared enough to not only listen, but show me he heard me, reaffirmed that all those years ago my heart didn’t steer me wrong then or now.
We stand at the boarding gate staring at the sign with our destination plastered across the dark blue screen in white letters.
Jamaica. We had been to the island previously, but Samuel told me the place he had booked our stay couldn’t be accessed by plane.
Apparently, the plane was only to get us to the boat we had to ride in to get to our true destination.
I wondered what he was up to when I caught him pulling up our MyCharts, pretending to care about vaccines.
Most of my questions died on the tip of my tongue when he showed me the first-class tickets. I didn’t really care where I was going as long as it was with him.