10. Zoe
TEN
ZOE
I thought I was going to hyperventilate.
Josh’s horse was a giant, muscular thing that kept snorting and stomping its hooves while Josh finished saddling him up.
The hulking creature was a few feet away and looking like it was ready to take off for the hills.
Josh didn’t seem at all bothered by the way it was acting, but I didn’t trust it.
“Hey, you okay?” Josh asked when he finally looked up at me.
I nodded, unable to squeak out a word. Sweat was dripping down my back and it wasn’t that hot out yet.
“Indigo’s quite a specimen, huh?” Josh patted the side of the beast’s neck.
“Yeah, um, he looks…strong. And fast.” And like he could rear up and stomp me flat into the ground.
Josh laughed good naturedly. “Yup, he’s both of those things. But your horse? Well, let’s just say Sugar never gets out of second gear. She’s a sweet old granny. I’m going to grab her. Back in a sec. ”
I paced in a circle, trying to pep-talk my way into confidence.
Based on what Josh had said, all I’d have to do was sit on the horse and it would do all the work, slowly and carefully.
I could handle that, right? I’d borrowed a pair of Shannon’s cowboy boots, and I hated to admit how much I liked them, considering that they were nothing like what I’d usually wear.
They were comfortable and had a worn-in, well-loved appeal that made me look like I might know what I was doing.
I figured fake it till you make it would help get my head in the game.
And by game, I meant keeping my ass in a saddle without completely losing my mind in fear.
Josh rounded the corner leading a pale yellow horse with a white-blonde mane and tail. Even my Grinchy little heart could see that the thing was gorgeous. I was also relieved to note that it had none of the frenetic energy that Josh’s horse did.
“She’s saddled up so I think we’re good to go,” Josh said with a huge smile. “I’m really excited to do this with you. We’re going to have fun!”
The fear I’d been feeling mysteriously disappeared when I saw his smiling face. Josh was going to make everything okay the way he always did.
“Let’s do this,” he said in an encouraging voice. “Remember, Zo, I’ll be right behind you.”
“Wait,” I squeaked out. “I have to go first ?”
He laughed. “Well, yeah. I want to watch you and study how you handle the trail.”
I felt my cheeks go pink at the thought of Josh staring at my ass for the whole ride. Did it look cute in the jeans I’d worn? Did I have bedhead in the back of my head ?
“So, I know it’s been a while, but I want to make sure you remember the basics of the reins and signaling.
” He walked me through how to get Sugar to turn left and right using the reins, and then added in cues for the horse while using my legs.
“Just light squeezes. She’s a smart lady and won’t need much encouragement.
” I did my best to keep my face expressionless while he took me through the motions.
I didn’t want him to know just how freaked out I was, even though Sugar looked like she was moving in slow motion.
“Up we go, Zo. C’mon, I’ll help.”
I felt a little thrill when Josh held my arm as I swung my boot up to the stirrup, but then realized that I was doing this . I swung my leg over Sugar’s back and tried to keep my trembling to a minimum, but I couldn’t stop the squeak.
“Looking good up there. Like a pro,” Josh said as he walked back to Indigo and hopped up into the saddle in a single graceful motion. “Let’s get moving. Tap your heels into her sides like I showed you.”
I thought back to what Shannon always said about how horses were almost psychic and could sense what their riders were feeling.
Once upon a time, I had been okay with horses, and had really liked them, so I reached deep inside to channel that old version of me.
Given that I’d stupidly agreed to the ride with Josh, it wasn’t like I had much of a choice.
I took a deep breath and did as instructed, tapping my heels to urge Sugar toward the path that cut into the brush. “Like this?” I hated that my voice cracked.
“Yup, perfect. But loosen your arms a little. You might be accidentally telling her things you don’t mean.”
After a few tense minutes, I settled into Sugar’s rhythm and finally let my body relax. Josh wasn’t lying when he said the mare was mellow. It felt like I could walk faster than the horse .
“Okay, I’ll admit it, this is sort of fun,” I said over my shoulder. I felt like the sunshine was giving me a much-needed dose of vitamin D.
“Told you.”
I could hear the warmth in his voice.
I spoke too soon and we came upon a large branch in the middle of the trail. “Uh, Josh? What do I do?” I was ready to jump off, sure that Sugar would crash into it and send us both tumbling.
“Unless you want her to step over it, use the reins and navigate her around the branch.”
As we got closer, I looked left and right to see which side would be easier to pass. Left it was. With a slight tug on the left rein, Sugar turned slightly left and then another quick tug on the right and we safely passed the fallen branch.
I blew out a breath. “I did it.”
“Yes, you did. Congratulations, cowgirl.” As Josh passed the branch on Indigo, he added, “I’ve been taking notes on any trail clearing I still need to do, but given how well you navigated around the branch, I might just leave it.
” I didn’t know what to say to that, so just hmmed in response as we kept going.
The trail was on a pristine part of the property and it was gorgeous.
I’d forgotten how beautiful it was out here.
After riding through trees, the trail opened to green fields dotted with vibrant cornflowers and a ribbon of a stream down a hill.
I tried not to focus on the fact that the trail was narrow and the drop was a little steep.
Heights didn’t normally bother me—but everything seemed more treacherous when horses were part of the equation.
“See where it branches off to the right?” Josh asked. “That’s where we’re headed. ”
I swallowed hard when I saw the incline. “Up there?”
“It looks worse than it is from down here. I swear to you, it’s a bunny trail.”
I looked down at the reins and realized that I was holding them so tightly that my nails were cutting into my palms. I was so focused on trying to relax that I wasn’t ready when Sugar tripped on a root, causing me to lose my balance.
I screamed and leaned forward to grip onto Sugar’s neck. “Oh no!”
“Hey, hey,” Josh said from behind me. “You’re okay.”
I heard the hoofbeats as Indigo cantered up beside Sugar.
“You’re fine, Zo. It was just a little trip.”
“But I almost fell off!” My heart was pounding, and I didn’t feel confident enough to let go of my death grip on Sugar’s neck.
“You made it, though,” Josh said in a reassuring voice. “You rode through it, just like a cowgirl would. You’re okay.”
I flashed back to the fateful ride with Jude and felt my throat start to close up.
“Are there snakes on the trail?”
Josh’s mouth went into a tight line. “I’m not going to lie to you. There are snakes all over the ranch. But I swear, nothing shakes Sugar. I could hire a marching band to jump out at her, and she wouldn’t bat an eyelash.”
It didn’t matter. I was already kicking my feet free of the stirrups, swinging my leg over Sugar’s back, and sliding down to the ground.
“I can’t do this, Josh, I’m sorry.” I stood next to the horse, clutching the reins and wishing I could throw them on the ground and run away .
“Aw, Zo. Don’t give up on her yet.” Didn’t he realize? I wasn’t giving up on the horse, I was giving up on me.
I walked the reins over to Josh and went back to pacing in circles.
The scary feelings were nearly overwhelming me.
I couldn’t stop shaking, and I felt as though I wanted to throw up.
“I’m not riding her home. Sorry, but I just can’t do it.
I stepped out of my comfort zone, but I went too far and now I’m done. ”
“Well…we’re a long way from home,” Josh said, leaning forward in his saddle so he’d be closer to me. “It’ll be dark by the time you get back if you try to walk.”
I stuck out my bottom lip and shrugged. “I’ll use my phone as a flashlight. I’ll be fine.”
Josh chuckled. “Yeah, not happening.”
We stared at one another in a standoff.
“I have an idea, but you have to trust me.”
“What is it?” A warm sensation flooded through me. Of course I trusted him.
“Ride with me. On Indigo. Sugar can’t handle both of us, but he can.”
My eyes went wide at the thought. “So, you want me to climb on top of the Maserati in horse form?”
Josh chuckled. “While I’m sure that Indigo would appreciate the compliment, he doesn’t have the horse power to beat a Maserati in a race.”
I knew he was trying to help me feel better, but I didn’t have it in me to laugh.
“You’ll be safe, I promise. I’ll put you right here.” He scooted back and patted the saddle in front of him. “I’ll still be in complete control and if at any time, you feel uncomfortable, we can take a break.”
I weighed the cost of riding Indigo with the reward of feeling Josh’s arms around me again. I took a deep breath.
“Okay. I’ll do it.”
He gave me a satisfied nod. “Well, all right then. Let’s get moving.”
Josh hustled me onto Indigo before I had a chance to second guess my decision. The sensation of so much raw power beneath me sent a shiver through me that Josh seemed to sense. He scooted a little closer, so that my back was pressed against his chest, and squeezed his arms around me.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.”
And I knew it was true. Even facing my biggest fear, Josh found a way to make me feel safe.