2. Sienna
Sienna
The next day, I throw on the biggest pair of sunglasses I can find and wait for my driver, Derek, to pick me up.
The weather this morning feels colder than my heart, but the sun still manages to shine, spilling gold across the hills.
I live in luxury, my master bedroom overlooking Beverly Hills.
On a clear day, the Hollywood sign is visible.
I used to spring out of bed and admire the landmark for a solid thirty minutes while drinking my morning matcha, in total disbelief that a small-town Michigan girl like me had made it as an A-Lister.
Now I can only glare at the sign with resentment.
It’s important I get out of the house. Since sleep was almost non-existent last night, I’m relying solely on green juice and some retail therapy to fix this situation.
“No Pilates this morning, Miss Lane?” asks Derek as soon as I collapse into the backseat of the car. “That’s very unlike you.”
“My muscles are still in agony from the class I took yesterday,” I lie. “That power lunge was murder.”
Derek chuckles, glancing at me from the rearview mirror. “I saw in the news last night that Holden Gray has finally decided to settle down. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Me neither,” I say briskly. I really don’t want to talk about this. I heard enough at the premiere. And on all the socials once I got home.
Derek seems to take the huge sunglasses as a hint that I’m having a bad morning and leaves it at that.
I glance out of the window as he cruises to Rodeo Drive. We pass enormous mansions—their driveways so long it’s impossible to see the end of them, and palm trees sway in the breeze.
Beverly Hills is vibrant, but my future is not. How am I supposed to improve my acting and feel passionate about my career again when every cell in my body feels like giving up?
I’m worried there’s a cap on how many times you can push your emotions away and ignore them before everything eventually explodes.
I quickly open the car door as soon as we arrive at Juicy Day.
Derek gives me a look from the car, probably realizing that things are worse than he thought.
He usually grabs my juices for me. I don’t usually get them myself if I can help it. Somebody behind the counter always recognizes my face and insists it’s on the house, no matter how many times I tell them no.
“I’ll see you later,” I say to Derek, waving goodbye. “I’ll text you when I need a ride back.”
I keep the sunglasses on as I head in for my juice. The person behind the counter recognizes me instantly.
“Don’t worry about it—it’s on the house.”
“You’re the sweetest,” I say, sliding a hundred-dollar bill into the tip box when they’re not looking.
I hit the shops, sipping on a blend of celery, cucumber, lemon and spinach in hopes of it fixing me.
I tug my leather jacket closer, a chilly breeze blowing up Rodeo Drive. Christmas is over, but the streets are still super busy.
Living in LA is chaos no matter the month, but that’s why I was so drawn to the city in the first place.
Having grown up in a tiny Michigan town my whole life, I was ready to experience the hustle and bustle of city life, and to be something other than a high school reject who was never picked first.
I pirouette in the kitchen, careful not to run into the table. The space is tight, but I’m still able to dance.
“I want to be in the spotlight one day, Grammy.”
“You’re going to be a star, sweetheart, I just know it.”
I pop into one of my favorite stores, buy a new purse that costs more than my monthly mortgage, and wait for my mood to improve.
Unfortunately, I think it’s gonna take more than a purse to get me out of this hell hole.
To top it all off, I happen to pass a woman on the street who does a huge double-take.
“O-M-G. We just walked past Sienna Lane,” she whispers to the woman next to her.
“Don’t get too excited,” replies her friend. “I saw her new movie last night at the midnight showing, and it was terrible. It’s so ridiculous. These people get paid millions, and all they do is memorize a few lines.”
“Was it seriously that bad?”
I disappear into another store before I have to hear any more. I release a breath, heart beating so fast it’s starting to hum. Good to know I wasn’t just being self-critical of my acting skills last night. I was really just that bad.
I take a big sip of my juice, but the juice cleanse isn’t cleansing today.
My phone buzzes with a call from my agent and best friend, Jules.
“Just checking in to see how you’re feeling this morning.”
“That’s a great question.” I glide through the clothing racks, smoothing my hands over different fabrics, none of which excites me right now.
“I’ve had better days,” I admit, coming to a standstill.
“You’re in Vesante,” she states. “I can tell by the music.”
“Good ears,” I say, unhooking a jacket from a rack to inspect it. “I’m doing some light retail therapy to take the edge off.”
“Meet me for a coffee at Bean. I don’t think retail therapy is going to work this time.”
I glance once more at the red sequined jacket I don’t need and head back outside into the cold.
The sleek car pulling up alongside me can fuck off. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone who isn’t my Jules.
“Sienna?” calls the dude from the passenger seat, rolling down the window so he can stick out his camera. “How are you feeling after last night? It must have been horrible to see your ex propose to a new, much younger woman.”
I keep my gaze forward and hope he gets the hint that I’m not in the mood. The sunglasses should be a big enough indicator.
“Sienna?”
I keep ignoring him, but the camera keeps flashing.
Hitching my bag up my shoulder, I pick up the pace and hightail it the rest of the way to the coffee shop.
I collapse when I get inside and feel safe enough to exhale a sigh of relief. I look around for Jules and find her sitting in a booth in the corner.
“Hey.”
“Jesus,” she looks up from her phone and winces. “Somebody needs a coffee or something a lot stronger.”
“And mind-erasing therapy so I can get over Holden.”
“Get under another man if you want to get over that asshole,” Jules suggests. “You’re Sienna Lane. All you have to do is name the man, and he’s yours.”
“I wish it were that simple,” I cringe, dropping down into the booth.
“You’re aware the charm and smoldering looks are all fake, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I drop my elbows on the table. “But I just miss how good it was with him.”
Jules looks at me pointedly. “Maybe it’s being new to the industry that you miss.”
“Maybe.” I adjust my sunglasses, making sure they’re keeping me disguised. “I definitely miss people not making my failed love life the topic of every conversation.” I push back hard against the booth. “I wish I could teach these assholes a lesson.”
Jules laughs, ordering us lattes when the server comes around. “Men secretly love the drama of showbiz even more than women.”
I think about that. Women want to know about the products I use on my hair. Men only care about the type of panties I’m wearing or if I’m wearing any at all. They either make suggestions about getting into them or look at me like they’re imagining doing it.
“Would it be so bad to take a break?” I ask.
“Not at all,” says Jules. “You deserve a break. Take a kickass vacation as soon as you’re done filming the sequel.”
My stomach twists in a knot. I have another movie to film with Holden while I continue to attempt to get over him. Ironically, I’ll actually be getting under him again several times, according to the script.
“There is absolutely no way I can do all of that again with him. I barely managed last time. I get that running away would be the wrong thing to do, but I just don’t know how I’m going to do it.”
Two lines appear between Jules’s brows, concern written all over her. “You’re contractually obligated to be in this movie, Sienna. You’ll never hear the end of it if you decide to drop out.”
“People spreading rumors about me being unstable is better than people actually seeing me unstable.”
Our lattes arrive, and I take a little sip of mine, waiting for Jules’s response.
She takes a sip, her chocolate brown eyes never leaving mine. “I understand this year has been tough for you, and I feel terrible that I couldn’t get approval for you to fly home in time for your grandmother’s funeral?—”
“That’s not your fault,” I say. “What happened with Grammy is nobody’s fault.”
“But you seem to think it was yours.” Jules deepens her stare. “Sienna, you can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control.”
I bite my lip. You can’t control death, but you can control how you choose to spend the days leading up to it.
I sip my latte and wait for the caffeine to rush over me and make me feel better, but it isn’t working. The only thing that makes me feel lighter right now is the idea of taking a break from all this.
“I think I’ll book myself in for a spa retreat this weekend in the mountains.”
Jules watches me, saying nothing.
“Just for a couple of days. I need to get out of here and catch my breath.”
“Alright,” she says, “as long as you’re back first thing Monday morning for the costume design meeting.”
“I’ll be back, don’t worry.”
Jules reaches over the table and gives my hand a squeeze. “Clear your head, get some rest. I want you back in LA refreshed and ready to take on whatever next week throws at you. Filming for the sequel starts in thirty-four days.”
Ugh. Fuck. I didn’t need to know that.
Jules raises her eyebrows. “Have you even started to learn your lines yet?”
“Nope.” I grimace. “And according to the woman on the street who was totally bashing my acting skills ten minutes ago, I’m way overpaid.”
“You’re Sienna Lane,” Jules reminds me. “You busted your ass to get to where you are. You deserve the millions, but most importantly, you deserve to be happy without being dragged down by a loser like Holden Gray.” Jules spits out his name, and that makes me feel better.
“Trust me, in another month, he’ll be on the hunt for his next victim. ”
“I don’t know. Holden never goes so far as to propose. Maybe he’s actually serious about this one.”
“Then let’s hope Valentina sees the truth and dumps his ass. The one thing that man could use is a bruised ego.”
Jules finishes her coffee and rises from her seat. “Okay. I have places to be and other glamorous Hollywood stars to see. Focus on relaxing. Treat yourself to a massage or something, and if there are any decent men up there in the mountains, flirt a little, enjoy yourself, girl.”
Jules tosses her hair over her shoulder. “I’ll see you first thing Monday before that meeting.”
I give her a big hug. “I’ll see you soon.”
I gather up my shopping bags and text Derek.
It’s time to get my ass out of town.