25. Sienna #2
“Oh,” I drawl, “here he goes again—Dr. Shrink. Don’t you think I know that already?” I sway to the left, feeling gravity take me. It feels heavier than before. “The only thing that will fix anything is me leaving.”
“That’s not true,” mumbles Eli.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me?—”
Eli grabs my wrist before I can stand, pinning me to the kitchen countertop. His hand clamps down on top of mine. I look down, admiring the strained veins in his forearm. Those are some good forearms. I’d lick them right now if he’d let me.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
“You don’t want me to leave?”
He looks away, not answering the question.
“Let’s be real here. We all know this thing with all of us is going to end,” I say.
Eli meets my gaze again, but this time, he really looks at me. Like I’m not talking garbage anymore. “What do you mean by that?”
“I can’t be here forever.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t seem to keep a man around. Ever.” I throw back my head. “So annoying. Especially this time around.”
Eli’s fingers soften, lifting from my hand. “Why? What’s different this time around?”
I stare through the window, watching the sun drop behind the mountains. Everything is starting to turn black, which means I’m running out of time. Holden doesn’t answer his phone after dark. Says the blue light interferes with his circadian rhythm or some shit.
I grab my glass of whiskey since Eli no longer has his hand on it, and rush into my bedroom.
“Sienna?” I hear Eli call from behind. “Where are you going? That’s really enough alcohol. You’ll get?—”
“We’ll talk later. Promise,” I say before shutting the door in his face. God, they all must be horrendously tired of me doing that. They have the patience of angels—Eli especially.
I sit on the edge of my bed and reach for my phone. I’m pretty sure it’s too late and he’s not going to pick up.
But I call him anyway.
And gasp when he picks up on the first ring.
He only did that a couple of times when we first started dating. Two months in, his phone started going to voicemail.
“Holden Quinn Gray.”
“Please don’t use my middle name. You know I hate that,” sighs Holden.
“I could call you my bitch if I wanted to.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Are you in love with me still or something?”
“What? No. Sienna?—”
“Don’t lie.” I curl my legs up onto the mattress, leaning back. This will be fun. “I have seven messages from you. Yes, that’s right. Seven. Three away from ten.”
“Sienna.” I can tell he’s getting frustrated. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“Take a wild guess.”
“These men you’re with—are they drugging you?”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to elaborate.”
“Weed? Cocaine? Mushrooms? Please don’t tell me they’re?—”
“Fucking me better than you ever did? That’s right.” I finish the rest of the glass and manage to set it down on the nightstand successfully without dropping it to the floor. “They’re drugging me. That’s for sure. Injecting me with the biggest?—”
“That’s enough.” He’s not impressed.
But I wouldn’t be either if my ex was telling me she’d found a new guy—or multiple guys—with bigger dicks.
“I’m concerned about you. This isn’t you, Sienna,” sighs Holden again. “I mean, is it true what they’re saying—you’re doing group… stuff?”
“Yep. What do you think about that, huh?” I smirk into my phone.
“Disappointed, if I’m honest.”
“You? Honest?” I snort. “You’re the most dishonest person I’ve met in my whole entire life. You remember that director we had for the remake of Jane Eyre? He lied and said we’d be on set for two hours, but we ended up being there for twelve?”
“You mean the guy with the bowl cut?”
“Yes. That guy. You’re more dishonest than him,” I spit out.
“You’re drunk. The nutritionist I found for you won’t be very happy to hear that you’ve been drinking like a fish,” says Holden. “You know what? I take it back. I’m not disappointed. I’m extremely disappointed.”
“Hit me with your best shot,” I say, on the verge of bursting into song. “Why are you disappointed? We broke up years ago. You’re engaged now. Stop leaving me all of these messages and acting like you care. We’re done.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“E-N-G-A-G-E-D, Holden. That’s what you are.”
“I’m surprised you can still spell right now.”
“Whatever. Why are you on the phone with me, going on about how much of a disappointment I am instead of kissing Vanessa goodnight?"
“Valentina,” he corrects.
“Whatever.”
“When are you coming home?”
I slouch into the headboard, bringing my feet to my chest. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I’m having a lot of fun here.”
“Yeah, it certainly looks that way,” says Holden in a dull tone. “But you’re forgetting that your actions have consequences for all of us.”
“It’s always all about you, Holden.”
“We’re shooting the sequel in a few weeks, and you’re the female fucking lead.”
“Don’t you fucking swear at me.”
Holden huffs down the receiver. “Everyone needs you back here. Including me.”
My breath hitches. I’m lost for words. Holden fucking Gray is basically telling me that he misses me. I’ve been waiting for this to happen for two years. And now I couldn’t care less…
“How would Valentina feel if she heard you say that?”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t care.”
“Jeez. You’re an awful human being.”
The door bursts open. Eli stands in the doorway, still shirtless, looking like dessert.
It’s about time I had some sugar.
“I gotta go.”
“Who are you talking to?” mouths Eli as he steps into the room.
“Oh,” I reply, keeping the phone next to my mouth so Holden can hear too, “nobody important. He wishes he were, though.”
“Sienna—”
“I think it’s time I introduce you to one of my special friends,” I say, pulling the phone away from my ear to activate the video option.
Flipping the camera, I raise my phone so Holden can see what real muscles looks like.
“This is Eli. And before you say anything—no, he’s not on steroids.
Some men are just bigger, taller, and better than you are, Holden. ”
“Sienna—”
“Gotta run! My Prince Charmings are waiting for me.” I end the call and toss my phone on the bed. “God, he’s such a prick.”
“That’s the important phone call you had to make?” asks Eli, looking totally confused. “To somebody… not important?”
“I just needed to let him know how unimportant he is.”
“That guy’s your ex, right?”
“Ah, so Knox told you about him…”
“Do you still love him?”
“Ha!” I spit. “He wishes.” I swing my legs around the bed and hop off, approaching Eli. He can’t stand there looking like that and not expect me to touch him. I flex my fingers, running all ten over his defined muscles.
Eli places his hands on my arms, steadying me. “Answer my question, Sienna.”
“I did love him. I loved him up until I came here and met the three of you.”
I feel Eli’s muscles twitch under my palms as his entire body tenses.
Eli lifts my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. With all this alcohol in my system, I’m barely able to focus on his face. My head’s spinning, like I’m riding a merry-go-round. But I swear I see something flicker across Eli’s face.
It’s like he’s seeing straight through what everybody else sees, and wanting the parts of me I’ve always kept hidden.
Parts of me I didn’t even know existed until I came up here.