29. Sienna
Sienna
“The dude is a walking ick,” I say to Jules while we’re browsing through the shops. “An ick and a leech. And a cheater.”
“Anything else you wanna add to that list?” chuckles Jules.
“A compulsive liar.”
God, the list could go on forever.
“You’re a hundred percent right. Especially the leech part.
” Jules unhooks a leather jacket from the rack and assesses it.
“When you live a ‘normal’ Hollywood life, you get steady PR. But steady PR never brings in the big money, which is all Holden’s ever cared about.
” She studies the jacket’s seams. She’s obsessed with triple stitching.
“Holden’s always been the designer handbag.
And now that you’re seeing your own worth, you’re seeing the truth. ”
Speaking of the truth, I miss my men. All three of them. I never thought I’d say that about Cash, but it was hot the way he stood up for me when the paparazzi invaded. Actions speak louder than words. He definitely cares.
All of them do.
They care so much that I almost feel like I don’t deserve them.
“So, you really should consider putting out a press release soon. Don’t leave it too long. You can’t hide on Rodeo Drive forever.” Jules’s voice brings me back into the present.
“I’m not hiding. I’m shopping.” I unhook a shirt from the rack and make a point of looking at it closely, assessing the fabric, pretending to think about whether it would go well with other items in my closet.
I catch Jules staring at me long and hard, two lines between her brows. “No, you’re not. Until just now, you haven’t picked up a single item of clothing in the half hour we’ve been shopping. What’s going on?”
I don’t need new clothes as much as I need Eli, Cash and Knox. I’d rather be in bed, taking clothes off. Not buying more.
“I really like them, Jules.”
Jules turns her body around to face me. “You’re actually thinking about quitting the industry, aren’t you?” she says, keeping her voice low.
I shrug. “I’m leaning more toward leaving than staying,” I admit. “Trouble is, leaving is such a big fucking commitment. I’m putting all my eggs in one basket. And you know what happened the last time I did that.”
Jules nods, her diamond drop earrings wiggling. “Yeah. I understand that.” She throws the clothes over her arm and reaches out to grab my hand. “Listen to your heart, girl. It’ll tell you everything you need to know—not just about men, but how you want to live your life.”
Every time I put my heart in the driver’s seat, I think about them.
I think about dancing with Henry in the living room. There was a sense of fulfillment in my heart, as if it were overflowing with happiness. I really can’t say acting has ever made me feel that way.
But it’s risky on so many levels. Holden raised my spirits, but it’s nothing compared to the roller coaster ride I’ve been on with these men.
They raise me through the roof, into outer space, where there’s no limit on how high you can fly.
I feel invincible when I’m with them, like the sky’s the limit.
Which means if I fall, it will literally kill me.
I can take the safe option where I save my career and rekindle things with Holden, or I can head back to the mountains and hope for the best.
“Look,” says Jules. “There’s a pre-production meeting for the movie later. You weren’t invited because I assured your dialect coach you were very busy learning your lines. But I think you should go and join in on the table read.”
“You’re kidding…”
“No,” says Jules. “I’m serious as a heart attack.
The public announcement can wait. I want you to get into character, act, and see how you feel.
If you hate everything about it, then maybe this life isn’t for you anymore.
But I need you to be sure, Sienna.” Jules squeezes my hand.
“As your friend, I don’t want you to ever regret your decision. ”