32. Sienna
Sienna
“So I told him to stick the pulp up his ass.”
“And then you just walked away?”
“Sauntered was more like it.”
Jules is cry-laughing on the phone as I stride down the road, not really sure where I’m going.
I receive a lot of glances, some adoring, some disdainful, others somewhere between shocked and disgusted. I shake them all off and continue walking. My only focus is getting as far away from that conference room as possible.
“What’s the plan now?”
“I just need to get the ick off me first.”
I take my phone from my ear, hearing another message notification. And it’s Holden. Again. He’s been bombarding me with messages, one after the other.
HOLDEN: Have you thought anymore about getting back together?
Good press. Bad press. It’s all the same. All Holden wants is to be on the front cover of a magazine. He made it to the second page, but that’s only because he was photographed with Valentina, who is utterly gorgeous and way too good for him.
I text him back. I need this asshole out of my life. It’s time to end this once and for all.
ME: We will never get back together. Don’t ever speak to me again.
I hit send and immediately feel ten pounds lighter.
I walk past a newsstand, coming to a stop when I recognize myself on the cover of Hello Magazine.
“Sienna Lane gets naked for three mysterious mountain men.”
I take the magazine from the stand and inspect the image. I look like a deer in headlights. That was the moment I glanced over my shoulder and realized my biggest nightmare had come true.
My ass is pixelated, my lips swollen red from all the kissing. Little do they know my pussy was leaking Eli’s cum when that photo was taken. It was literally spilling all over the sheets.
My chest doesn’t tighten as much anymore when I look at these photos.
I just don’t care as much. I’m more concerned about my men—what they are thinking. They must hate me.
“Sienna? You still there?”
“Yep,” I say, flicking through the pages of the magazine.
I quickly skim one of the many news articles written about me, reciting a sentence to Jules.
“Listen to this: Sienna Lane is scared to strip for the camera, but she’ll happily take her clothes off for three men she barely knows. Are they kidding?”
“These people need to get a life,” declares Jules.
“Totally. And for what it’s worth—I have no problem stripping for the camera. I just did that last night when I was fooling around with Knox, Eli and Cash. They filmed the whole thing.”
“What the… are you serious?”
“It just depends on who’s doing the filming.” I shake my head, continuing to read.
That’s when the guy behind the counter pipes up. “Miss, you need to buy that magazine to read it.”
I shut the magazine with a huff and bring the cover to my face, waiting for the dots to connect.
His jaw drops.
I plop the magazine back onto the shelf and continue walking down the street.
“I take it you’re done?” asks Jules.
“Oh, absolutely,” I say. “And listen, don’t think I’m walking away just to go live in the mountains. Technically, that’s exactly what I’m doing, but I’m not leaving Hollywood just because I have somewhere else to go.”
I pause for a minute before continuing. “This is about me getting the hell out of here before I lose myself again.”
I give a big, fat, tired sigh. “I think a part of me will always be vulnerable to getting sucked back in. And that terrifies me. I don’t want to lose myself.
Not when I’m finally starting to figure out who I truly am.
I was dancing again while I was in the mountains.
I can’t remember the last time I did a pirouette.
” I smile to myself. “Oh my god, I forgot how much I loved doing those. Henry wants me to teach him, but the poor little guy keeps falling over. He’s so adorable.
” I come to a standstill in the middle of the sidewalk. “I miss him. I miss all of them.”
“You’ve got it bad, girl. It’s not even been a day.”
“I know.” I pout my bottom lip. “But, god, I just wanna soak up as much time with them as possible. Life’s too short.”
A white, blinding flash catches me off guard. I look up and find myself surrounded by a full press team. An audience is gathering. I was too caught up thinking about everything to even notice.
Cars pull up on the sidewalk, and more people surround me.
“Jules, I’ll call you later. No need to worry about the press. They’re all right here apparently.”
“What? Sienna, I didn’t arrange?—”
“I know,” I say into the phone. “But I’m not exactly hiding in the shadows right now. I’ll talk to you later.”
I end the call. The press doesn’t even give me time to stuff my phone in my purse. They’re already inches away, sticking microphones in my face, battling with their competitors to try to get theirs closest.
They’re asking me questions, but I can’t hear what they’re saying. There’s too much commotion. Snapping cameras. People talking loudly.
I hear my own pulse thumping in my ears, drowning out the rest of it. It’s like I’m back on the red carpet again. I feel myself slipping back into that role, back into what everyone expects me to do.
It feels like there are strings pulling at the corners of my mouth, tugging at my lips. My initial reaction is to flash an agreeable smile. Hide behind the mask. I want to roll back my shoulders, pin them behind me and straighten my posture so they don’t capture my double chin or belly rolls.
I breathe deeply through my chest, centering myself. I exhale through the noise, through the cameras, and come into my body.
And that’s when I see Grammy’s kind smile.
Twirling through the tiny kitchen.
The innocence in Henry’s eyes when he looks up at me.
The warmth in my chest when I’m drinking coffee and eating warm buttered bread with my men.
Real smiles.
No makeup. Hair back in a ponytail.
Losing myself in dance.
The wind blowing through my hair.
The smell of pine wood.
“Sienna?” asks some man, requiring an answer from me. Like his entire paycheck depends on it.
“What?”
“Will you still have time to film the sequel after rehab?”
“Rehab?” I repeat. “What? No! That’s not why?—”
“It’s okay, Sienna. You don’t need to hide anymore.”
God, these people are complete morons.
“Your drug relapse," chimes in another. “Holden Gray has just spoken out to clear some things up for you.”
“Holden said what?!”
My heart beats rapidly in my throat. Clear some things up for me? Is that what he’s calling it?
The man turns to another guy. “She hasn’t seen it. Show her.”
“Show me what?” I fold my arms across my chest as people whisper and gasp around me.
The interviewer pulls up a video on his phone and flips the screen so I can see it. And of course, while I’m watching Holden talk confidently into the three mics in front of him, my reaction is being recorded.
“...I especially don’t like the way people are spreading rumors when Sienna hasn’t been here to defend herself and speak out about them.”
“So why are you choosing to speak out for her?” asks the interviewer.
I watch the video intently. According to the time in the corner of the screen, this was recorded live only a few minutes ago.
“Give me that.” I steal the phone from my interviewer’s hand and turn the device horizontally, expanding the screen. And when I do that, the cameras get closer, desperate to film my reaction.
“Because Sienna is a sweet girl. As most of you know, we dated a couple of years ago.”
Of course, he slid that one in there. As if he really cares about me…
“She’s a good girl with a good heart. She just has a few… issues.”
“What kind of issues?” asks the female interviewer, raising the mic closer to Holden’s face.
He’s wearing sunglasses. Classic Holden. I’d be doing the same if I were dealing with insomnia every night. I’m the reason he can’t switch off at night. He’s on his phone, fucking up his circadian rhythm to try and talk to me, harassing me with messages. Trying to pull me back into his life.
But he obviously had a plan B.
There’s another way he can become relevant again…
I only told him to fuck off fifteen minutes ago, and he’s gone straight to the press with his backup plan.
I narrow my eyes, waiting for him to answer. He’s being dramatic with his reply, pretending to care as he takes a deep breath and composes his face. Like he actually feels nervous to come out and say?—
“Sienna’s been going through a drug relapse.”
Gasps fill the air again.
“Sienna’s grandmother sadly passed away a year ago, and she was very close to her.”
Holden bows his head, like he’s trying to pay his respects.
This is such bullshit.
He can pay his respects by getting the fuck out of my business. I told him about Grammy’s passing in confidence. I was going through a phase of trusting him again, and I wanted some reassurance.
He gave me breadcrumbs, of course.
And now he’s broadcasting my private life to the entire world to give himself clout.
My blood starts to boil, but I keep listening.
“Sienna was deeply affected by her grandmother’s passing, which is why she turned to drugs.”
I scoff and shake my head. Ridiculous.
“This is why she’s not performing as well in movies at the moment. A lot of people noticed her acting in Hearts For You wasn’t up to par. I get why people are concerned. But it’s important to remember that Sienna is human like the rest of us. She just has some personal issues to work through.”
“Is that why she went off the grid and found those men?” shouts out someone from the crowd.
“Yes,” says Holden. “She wanted to escape. Sienna is a sensitive soul and sometimes lets things get to her personally.”
“It probably didn’t help matters when you proposed to Valentina right in front of Sienna at the movie premiere,” adds someone else from the crowd.
“Perhaps not,” says Holden. “But Sienna and I are just friends, and have been for a while. I didn’t think proposing in front of her would be a problem.”
Okay. Way to play dumb.
I shake my head. The guy’s really grasping at straws to make himself as likable as possible.
“Back to what I was saying before,” continues Holden. “The Sienna you saw photographed with those… men is not the real Sienna. She was very likely taking drugs at the time.”