Chapter 59
Sadie
Iwoke up to the small gurgles and coos coming from the bassinet next to me.
I smiled as I opened my eyes to find our newborn daughter lying swaddled in a white and pink blanket.
I sat up in bed groggily and reached for her, pulling her into my arms. Her eyes were shut tight, but her mouth opened and closed in what looked to be a gummy smile.
“Hi, Ayah,” I whispered as I took in her little face.
Her eyes fluttered slightly until they closed again. I shook my head. I was in complete awe of her. She had little bits of me and Jeremiah in her perfect, heart-shaped face. I trailed my fingers gently over the fuzz of her head. She cooed softly and nuzzled against my skin.
I looked around the dimly lit room and saw Jeremiah sleeping soundly beside me in bed.
It had been our first night home since being released from the hospital that previous morning.
It felt good to be home. With Ayah. With him.
He had been right. We were having a girl, and now she was here in my arms.
I smiled at him and the way his lips every so often pulled into a smile.
I wondered what he was dreaming about. I looked back down at Ayah, who wriggled slightly in her swaddled blanket before settling in again.
It felt surreal to hold her, as I looked at the man I loved next to us.
This had been everything I wanted. It almost felt too good to be true, had we not gone through everything we had.
Jeremiah seemed to be made to be a dad. The way he talked me through labor, never letting go of my hand.
I could feel his love through the immense amount of pain I experienced with every contraction.
Every push. He was right there beside me through it all.
It was like he had read some sort of baby book on how to do everything perfectly.
He had done most of the diaper changes when we were in the hospital and here at home.
He did a better job than me, expertly securing the tabs.
He had helped me shower in the large walk-in of our master bath when my legs felt like they might give out on me, washing my hair tenderly.
I was still so tired and sore from giving birth.
The doctor told me I would be for a few days, if not the better part of a week.
He held Ayah any chance he could, and the sight made my heart swell. The way he looked at her was enough to make me cry. It was a wonder he hadn’t woken up now to take her in his arms. I couldn’t even be jealous because of how beautiful their bond was, and it had only just begun.
I looked out the large windows of our bedroom to the black sky beyond, the only lights coming from nearby buildings.
Twinkling and competing with the stars. Gray clouds hung low in the sky, with the promise of rain.
Or possibly snow. I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. It was nearing 4 a.m.
“What’s our girl doing?” whispered Jeremiah through the darkness, breaking me from my thoughts.
I looked over at the sleepy smile he had on his face as he looked over at us. His two girls.
“I think she just wanted a snuggle,” I said softly, stroking her cheek with the crook of my finger.
“Mmm.” Jeremiah rolled toward us and stretched his arms over his head.
“Happy to be home?” I asked, thinking about the small couch he had slept in for two nights in the hospital.
“You have no idea.” He chuckled. “But it was all worth it.”
He eased his arm underneath me and I nuzzled my head against his shoulder, with Ayah still on my chest. We both lay there in silence, watching her breathe.
“She’s perfect,” Jeremiah whispered. I think it was the thirtieth time he had said it since she arrived. I loved to hear those words, dripping with adoration.
“She is,” I whispered.
“You are, too,” he said softly, adjusting his head so he looked down at me. I looked up into his eyes that shone through the darkness and softly kissed him.
“Really. I’m so proud of you. You did it. You brought our angel into the world,” he said, before placing his chin gently on my head.
Moments later, his chest rose and fell slowly. The feeling of him began to lull me back to sleep. I carefully placed Ayah back in her bassinet next to the bed, careful not to wake her or Jeremiah, before settling against his chest once more. The three of us fell into a deep sleep.
We woke up a few hours later to the sounds of Ayah’s soft cries. I pulled her into bed and nursed her, while Jeremiah stroked my hair with his fingers sleepily.
“It’s snowing,” he whispered.
I looked to the windows, and sure enough, a soft flurry of snow floated down to the city below, settling peacefully on the window ledge outside. It was a magical sight. I felt my eyes tearing up.
“Hey there,” said Jeremiah softly, turning to me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m just happy,” I said, smiling through my tears.
“Me too.” He kissed me. “Me too.”
We watched the snow fall for a few minutes before Jeremiah climbed out of bed, and tucked another blanket around me and Ayah, who was now asleep on my chest after her feeding. I looked at him curiously.
“I’m making you breakfast.” He winked, before striding out of the room in my favorite pair of sweats on him. I smiled after him before settling into the pillows, continuing to watch the city turn winter white. It was as if it were blanketing our messy past, melting away to something new.
A little while later, Jeremiah came back into the room, balancing a white tray.
He carefully set it on the nightstand next to me before curling his fingers toward him, a silent gesture asking for Ayah.
I laughed softly and lifted her off my chest, handing her to him.
He carefully took her and cradled her in his arms. He gave her a kiss on the forehead before nodding to the breakfast tray.
“Eat,” he commanded softly.
I pulled the tray in my lap and looked down at the spread.
There were two over medium eggs with salt and pepper, breakfast potatoes with bell pepper and onion, turkey bacon, and a small bowl of fruit.
It smelled heavenly, making my stomach grumble.
I didn’t realize how hungry I was until now. Nursing was taking a lot out of me.
“There’s protein, healthy fats, and some nutrients from the fruits and veggies. Orange juice for something sweet. Oh, and your postnatal vitamins too,” said Jeremiah, rocking Ayah gently.
“Thank you,” I whispered, in awe of how good of a man he was.
“After you eat, get some sleep. Okay?” He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the head.
“But what about…” I looked to Ayah asleep in his arms.
“She just ate. She’ll be fine. I’ll take her to her nursery and have some skin-to-skin time. You need rest.”
“You’re too good to me,” I said, before taking a bite of bacon.
“You deserve it.”
I watched him and our baby girl leave the room before I cleared my plate and finished off my orange juice, along with my vitamins. With my stomach full, I set the tray aside and collapsed into the plush pillows. My head had barely touched them before I was asleep again.
When I woke up an hour later, I eased myself from the bed, wincing slightly from my soreness.
I wrapped my fuzzy robe around me and slid on my slippers to combat the winter cold that seeped through the window.
I padded out of the bedroom and with no sign of Ayah or Jeremiah, I continued on down the hallway toward her nursery.
I heard soft murmurs coming from inside.
I stopped in the doorway and watched as Jeremiah read her a book of nursery rhymes, as he held her in the crook of his arm.
She was most definitely asleep, but it didn’t stop him from going all out, changing his voice with each character.
It was the most heartfelt thing I had ever witnessed.
I couldn’t help but giggle when he brought his voice up to a pitch I had never heard before.
He looked up suddenly at my laugh and his cheeks turned a shade of red. He smiled sheepishly as he gently closed the book.
“No, don’t stop,” I said, taking a step into the room.
“I think she’s asleep anyway, and I know from the look on your face that I will never live that voice down.”
I put my hand over my mouth and stifled a giggle. He rolled his eyes and carried Ayah to her crib, gently settling her down. He carefully swaddled her arms and legs in a muslin blanket and met me by the door.
“You’re really good at that,” I said. “Are you sure you haven’t done this before?”
“What?” he asked, putting his hands on his hips. “Had a baby with a beautiful stranger who I met over a box of sex toys?”
“Jeremiah!” I said wide-eyed, before covering my mouth because of my shrill voice.
He chuckled to himself before placing his hand on my back and leading me out of the room. “Let’s get out of here before you wake up our sweet girl,” he said.
He led me to the couch where he sat me down and pulled my legs over his own. He slipped off my slippers and began kneading his knuckles into the arch of my foot. I groaned in pleasure and leaned my head back.
“Now that’s a sound I’ll miss these next few weeks,” he said mischievously.
“Doctor’s orders,” I said with a dramatic sigh, not looking forward to the next six weeks. “But I’ll settle for these foot rubs anytime.”
He grinned at me as he grabbed my other foot and began running his thumb from my heel up to my toes. It felt glorious after having spent the last few months waddling around with my growing bump. I looked over at the video monitor on the coffee table and saw Ayah was sound asleep.
It felt like all we would be doing for a while was eating and sleeping, like we were in some strange time warp of postpartum bliss.
I liked it though. Doing all of this with Jeremiah.
He had taken the next several weeks off work to stay home with me and the baby.
The office was in safe hands, especially now that everyone had seen the more human side of Jeremiah. The man I knew and loved.
“I’m so happy you’re here with me,” he murmured as he looked up at me, his hands stilling on my bare foot. “I almost lost you. Almost lost this.”
“But you didn’t,” I said reassuringly, as I pulled my legs from his lap and sidled up next to him. I put my hand against his cheek tenderly.
“I know.” He shook his head, as if chasing away the bad thoughts. “I just hate to think I would have missed all of this.”
“Is it everything you thought it would be?” I asked, searching his blue eyes.
“It’s nothing like I expected. It’s intense. I think more so because of the love I have for Ayah. And you. It just makes everything so…real. I know it will be more challenging than any job I’ve ever had. But it’s better than I ever imagined.”
I nodded, agreeing with every word, yet somehow still in awe that the man before me was mine.
My daughter’s father. My love that I had been wanting in life.
I couldn’t understand how life had brought me here.
As if reading my thoughts, he leaned in and softly kissed my forehead, reassuring me this wasn’t a dream.