Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Arbor
W aking up is a slow process. I’m warm and comfy, trapped between the twins in the pack bedroom. It takes several seconds to realize Gracie isn’t crying for me. And a few more after that to remember she’s with Morris. They dicked me into a well-fucked coma, apparently, but my breasts are so full it stings.
It’s tedious to crawl out from between them, and I almost grab a nightgown and bolt for the door. Only, I need a shower before I can feed Gracie.
Handling that as quickly as possible, I get dressed, hoping I didn’t expel all my milk in the shower. I know I leaked a ton. It’s no longer miserable to move, but hopefully I’ll have enough to feed her.
Letting myself out of the bedroom, I head to Morris’s room with my gaze on my feet.
My bonds with Hayes and Hael are still super fresh. Morris doesn’t know, and I don’t want him to feel left out. The guilt about being away from Gracie comes next, and I try to remind myself that moms are humans too. Without rest and a break from time to time, I was an anxious mess. I couldn’t be the best mom possible while I was constantly on the verge of tears and cranky from being exhausted.
I guess there’s just no winning when you’re a parent…
You either stress yourself sick and feel guilty when you’re away from them, or you push yourself too hard trying to do it all completely on your own and end up exhausted and burned out.
I just need to hold my baby.
Tears burn in my eyes as I make it to Morris’s door. I don’t want him to feel like he’s less important than either of the twins, and now I’m terrified that’s what’s going to happen.
“Hey, Mommy.” Morris’s voice comes from behind me, and I whip around. He’s a few feet away, coming from the direction of the stairs with Gracie in his arms. “I warmed her a bottle of breastmilk, but she just got started. Do you want to nurse her?”
“Yeah.”
“Head on in and get comfy.” He nods to his door.
I shove it open, bolt inside, and get settled on the bed.
When I spot Gracie’s bassinet that normally stays downstairs a few feet away, my chest gets tight. What if she woke up feeling abandoned because she had no idea where I was?
Part of me knows that’s ridiculous. Dads help out with their babies all the time, and it’s not like I was gone for days.
Snagging a pillow from behind me, I place it on my lap and wait for Morris to hand her off. He puts her on the pillow, and she starts to fuss when he takes the bottle away.
I rush to get myself ready to feed her as she kicks and wails. I scoop her up, relocate her, and get her latched, all while my eyes ache and my stomach wobbles uncomfortably.
“Want me to run down and grab you a drink?” Morris asks, brushing his calloused fingers over my cheek.
I nod. “Please?”
“Be right back.” He bends and kisses my temple.
I run my hand over Gracie’s head and marvel at how big she’s getting. She’s perfect, and I love her more than life itself. There’s still a lot of lingering stress regarding Adam, but I pray every day that he just moves on. He never seemed excited about being a dad. By the time I was six or seven months pregnant, he seemed pretty disgusted with me and all the changes happening to my body.
I’ve thought about it a lot, and it felt like he was as done with me as I was with him. The only reason I could see him coming after me is for control. He used to love-bomb the hell out of me. Always talking about how much he loved and needed me, but I don’t think that was ever the case. It made me compliant, so he said whatever he could come up with to keep me docile.
There’s no good reason why I’m crying by the time Morris gets back, but here we are. He puts the cup down on the table next to the bed and takes a seat on the edge of the mattress.
I sniffle, glancing away from his prying stare.
He brushes his fingers over Hayes’s bite. “Are you upset about this?”
My head shakes. “No, I’m happy, but I want a bond with you too, and I can’t stand the thought of you feeling left out.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” He wipes a fat tear from my cheek. “That’s not how it works in a pack. I’m content to follow our own path in our time. It gives me comfort knowing you’re bonded to the twins—at least, that’s what my nose is telling me from the change in your scent.” He pulls my hair away to look at the other side of my neck. “It’s a game of hide-and-seek to find the bite.”
I laugh and sniffle when snot threatens to fly out. Pulling the neck of my pajama dress out of the way, I show him Hael’s bite.
Morris nods. “I’m not upset, so no more tears, okay?”
I bite my lip to try to keep the rest from spilling out, but it does. And I ramble out everything from my guilt about being away from Gracie so much the last few days to my concerns about Adam, then I’m crying again. “And I know I have more patience when I can get a small break here or there, but she’s also not your responsibility.”
Morris’s head tilts. “I’m going to be gentle saying it this time because you’re anxious, but you’ve got to stop saying that. You spent nine months growing her, and I respect that bond. None of us will ever be able to compare to the way she loves you because you’re her mom. But, sweet girl, hear me when I say this—Gracie has been with us since she came into the world. Every cell in my body knows she’s mine.” He runs his thumb over my cheek. “And I’ll keep reminding you when your nerves get the better of you, but Arbor, you bonded Hayes and Hael. You’re stuck with us, and we want to be with you.”
Here he is saying the perfect things all over again. And every time he reassures me, I believe him, so I don’t even know why I said that.
It might be leftover trauma from Adam, but shouldn’t I be over that by now?
It could also be the whirlwind postpartum hormone fluctuations. The doctor did make a big deal about stressing how unpredictable they can be.
Morris leans over Gracie, nuzzling his cheek to mine.
I’m not sure why I just freaked out, but I do know one thing…
I grab his T-shirt before he can escape and tug him back to me.
It’s a quick kiss, because of the awkward angle, but once he pulls away to breathe, I whisper, “I love you. You make me feel safe and cared for in a way no one else has. I think that’s why it’s always you I seem to find when I’m panicking. You’re my safe place.”
“And I love you, sweetheart. Gracie too. Although, I’m pretty sure she’s ready to be burped.” He chuckles fondly. “She’s sleeping, and you need rest.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “But I want to stay in here with the two of you tonight.”
“I think it’s about time we all consider moving into the pack bedroom, but I’ll never turn you away.”
I stay home the next few days, and the guys are extremely understanding. I get a little bored while Gracie is sleeping, but now that I’m feeling more like myself, I spend a fair amount of time cleaning and even cook dinner twice.
Only, Hayes specifically told me not to bother cooking tonight. He’s got a five p.m. client, and when I talked to him at lunch, he said he was going to bring home takeout.
Hael got in the first set of parts for Darren’s bike, so he’s been staying later than Morris.
Having a bond is a unique experience. I’m still not sure I fully comprehend how it works, but it’s fun being able to sense the twins’ emotions and sending little tidbits to them. Although it’s harder the farther away they are, there’s a certain comfort in being able to always sense that they’re okay.
Gracie is asleep on my chest when the front door opens. It’s not even six, meaning it has to be Morris. He comes around the corner with his hair up in a messy bun, and my heart flutters.
God, he’s sexy.
A lazy smile crosses his face as he points toward the stairs. “I’m covered in grease. Wanna put her down in the bassinet in the pack bedroom and shower with me?”
Yes, I most definitely do.
I’d also like to smell him all greasy and sweaty from a long day of work.
I showered this morning during Gracie’s first nap, so I have no need to wash my hair again. It’s piled up on top of my head while Morris’s long locks hang around his shoulders.
He growls as I wrap a soapy fist around his thick length. “And to think, I thought you were my sweet girl, but you’re a naughty little thing.”
My head bobbles up and down, and I bring my other hand to work his knot. Feeling how hard he is only succeeds in making my core ache.
Even though these quick after-work showers have become one of my favorite parts of the day, I’m ready to take things to the next level.
Morris is bigger than the twins, but I’ve worked up to the point there’s no pain with them. That means I can handle him too.
Twisting to the side, I let the water cascade over his front and jerk him under the guise of making sure we get rid of all the soap. I have to release his shaft to cup my hands, but I catch water to splash on his side where he has a pocket of bubbles.
Morris surprises me by palming my tits as his thumbs brush over my nipples. “Have I mentioned lately how obsessed I am with your tits? Because I love them.”
I shiver and pray I don’t start leaking.
If I didn’t love the connection I get from breastfeeding Gracie, I would stop. My boobs no longer feel like my own, and it bothers me at times, just not enough to give it up. Not yet, anyway.
I swipe his hands away, and he growls, moving to cup my ass. He lifts me, shoving my back against the wall so we both get to feel the spray of water. Well, my left side does, while his right is the one staying warm, but it’s still worth it.
Morris grinds his cock against my core and captures my lips. I dig my fingers into his fluffy beard and work on making him so feral that he finally snaps.
It’s been a lot of years since I felt completely safe and unconditionally loved.
This man has given me that and more.
I want his teeth print marring my skin. It’s not just about the physical claim; I want to be able to feel his emotions and to send him mine. I need that connection with him.
I run the fingers of one hand through his beard and reach between us with the other. His thick crown bumps around my clit, and I’m slick enough that it won’t be a problem for him to slide inside me.
Morris growls against my lips, grabbing my hand before pinning both wrists above my head.
My feet bounce against his ass as I have a literal fit. “No, not again!”
The last two days in a row, he’s done this. He traps me to the wall and jerks off all over my pussy, but he won’t fuck me, and it’s starting to drive me insane.
Morris chuckles darkly, keeping my wrists pinned above my head with one of his huge hands while the other works his cock. His tip bounces against my swollen nub, only to be stolen away again. The friction makes me shiver, but what I really need is him inside of me. His warm precum spurts over my sex, and I sob, rambling out a begging plea for his knot and his bite.
Okay, I’m not quite hazy enough to believe I could get to his knot on the first try, but my system is more optimistic than I am. Also, where there’s a will, there’s a way. I’m willing to deal with a little discomfort to experience that connection.
“Let me come all over your pretty pussy, then I’ll finger every drop of my cum inside you…” He growls. “ Right where it belongs .”
Stubborn.
Well-meaning.
Lovable.
Pain in the ass alpha.
“Dammit, Morris,” I growl right back. Okay, so, it’s a pathetic attempt at a growl. “I’m not going to break!” Using my feet on his ass, I try to maneuver myself down his length. He ends up notched at my opening, but he doesn’t thrust. “Just the tip. That’s all I’m asking for.”
That’s a blatant lie, and I’m sure he knows it, but we need to start somewhere.
“Sweetheart…” He looks physically pained. “I can’t bear the idea of hurting you.”
“You’re not going to,” I assure him. “Morris, I love the hell out of you. I know you would never purposely hurt me. Now, kiss me.”
He complies, kissing me deeply. The brush of his fuzzy beard over my cheek normally tickles, but I focus on the warmth of his skin and the way the hot water ricochets against us.
His rich coffee scent is heavier than it has been since we got into the shower, and it makes my pheromones thump in the air.
Morris growls into the kiss while circling my aching core from my clit down to my entrance. Scooting my feet higher on his ass, I use them to push up and fall…right down the first few inches of his length.
Oh, fuck.
That might have been a bad idea.