Chapter 14
fourteen
GAGE
An hour after dropping Ava off, I pull up in front of my dad's house to pick up Leo with a smile still on my face. I feel it in the ache of my cheeks, and yet, I’m not trying to stop it either.
Those ten hours with Ava were better than I ever imagined they could be. And boy had I imagined it—far more often than is probably appropriate.
I was intrigued by her that first day we met in the courthouse, and my interest has only increased with each additional encounter, but after last night—and this morning—I’m determined to help her break down some of those walls she’s put up.
I have a feeling something significant happened before she came to Ashford Falls, and whatever it was broke her trust in people.
Ava doesn’t seem like a woman who feels the same way I do about love, and from the little I know about her, I know she deserves to find someone who will love her with their whole heart. I might not be one for committed relationship, but that doesn’t mean Ava agrees with me, or that she should miss out.
She’s beautiful, inside and out. She’s witty and quirky and loyal and empathetic. She may have gotten knocked down by something, but she isn’t afraid to go after what she wants. If given the chance, I know she’ll be someone's biggest supporter and advocate.
There is someone out there who deserves her beauty and grace in their life. It would be a shame to see her give up on that because of whatever happened in Boston. She can get past that. The fact that she showed up on my front porch proves she can.
I’m pulled from my thoughts by the passenger door opening and my brother Asher climbing into the front seat. “Hey! I thought you were at school?” I say, shocked to see Asher instead of Leo.
Asher’s in his second year at the University of Maryland College Park on a lacrosse scholarship. While the school isn’t too far from Ashford Falls, he’s normally too busy to come home all that often during the semester.
“I had a rare weekend open. Thought I would come home for a visit while I could.”
“Why didn’t you call when you knew you were coming home? I would have made time to hang out.”
Asher smiles at me. It’s a smile that tells me I’m being ridiculous. “I knew you would be here today for your normal hike with Leo. I figured I could just tag along.”
Before I can say anything, the back door of the Jeep opens. “You suck,” Leo says, glaring at Asher.
“Not my fault you weren’t ready to go when I walked out the door.” Asher laughs, turning in his seat to look at Leo.
“How is it fair that you get to sit up front when you’re the one crashing my day with Gage?”
“You go on hikes with him regularly. I rarely get to spend time with him these days.”
“It’s not my fault you decided to go to college.” Leo shrugs.
“All right. Come on.” I know they’re both giving each other a hard time, but if I let it go on long enough, it’ll turn into a real argument. While there’s a thirteen-year age gap between Asher and me—often making me feel more like an uncle than a brother—there’s only a three-year age gap between Asher and Leo. And even though they have different moms and spent half their time with them, Dad worked it out so he got all three of us at the same time, making sure we stayed close.
I shift in my seat so I can look at both of my brothers. Even though we’re half-siblings, there’s still a lot of similarities between the three of us.
At twenty, Asher is starting to look more like a grown adult every day. He’s started letting the light stubble grow into a full beard—something he’ll likely shave once the lacrosse season starts. Same with his darker brown hair that he’s let grow into more of a shaggy look. His eyes are where we differ the most, though. Asher inherited our father’s hazel eyes. Same with Leo, making them look less like half-brothers.
Leo turned seventeen a few months ago and is only recently starting to lose that baby-face look we always tease him about. And if I’m being honest, I’m not sure he’ll ever look his age. Where Asher and I both started growing facial hair early, Leo only recently needed to start shaving on a regular basis. Though, I’m sure if he styled his dirty blond hair shorter all around, he would look a little closer to his age.
Leo falls back into his seat, buckling himself in. “Well, what are we waiting for?”
I chuckle as I turn in my seat, putting the Jeep in drive and heading back down the driveway and out of town toward Oaks Peak Trail.
It’s not a hard trail—about six miles—but it’s one of my favorites. It’s got a great rest stop with beautiful views of mountains in the distance about halfway through. It’s a trail Leo and I often find ourselves hiking on these shorter day trips.
“How’s the semester going?” I ask Asher.
Asher turns to look out the passenger window, but I catch a glimpse of a smirk before his face is completely out of my view. “It’s fine. Nothing all that interesting.”
“What was that smirk?”
“What smirk?” He turns back to look at me, his face now totally void of any emotion—an indication he’s hiding something.
I narrow my eyes and glance at him quickly before focusing back on the road in front of me. “You know what smirk I’m talking about. What’s going on?”
Leo leans forward between the two front seats. “Come on, Ash. You know you can’t hide anything from our deputy brother.”
“Jerk,” Asher grumbles, pushing Leo’s face away from us and making Leo laugh.
I chuckle at their antics. “All right, now you’ve gotta tell me. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” Asher turns back to the passenger window.
“He met a girl.”
“Shut up.” Asher glares at Leo.
“Oh yeah?” I ask, a smirk forming on my lips now.
“No, it’s nothing,” Asher mumbles.
The smile falls. Now I’m a little concerned. “Why is it a secret?”
“It’s not, because it’s nothing.” Asher points another glare at Leo, clearly trying to communicate that he should keep his mouth shut.
It’s quiet in the Jeep for a minute before Leo breaks the silence. “I only know because I caught him with a goofy grin on his face after dinner last night. But, apparently, it’s pretty serious, and he’s afraid you’ll think he’s stupid for falling in love with her, especially at his age.”
“Leo!” Asher shouts, reaching for Leo between the seats.
“Whoa! Come on!” I grab one of Asher’s arms. “What’s Leo talking about?” Asher falls back in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest, but he doesn’t say anything. I catch Leo’s eye in the rearview mirror and see him shrug slightly. “Ash. Talk to me. Why do you think I’d judge you over a girl?”
Asher shifts in his seat, and when I glance at him quickly I see the contemplative look in his eye. I don’t say anything, giving him space, hoping he’ll talk to me.
“You think relationships are stupid,” he finally says. His tone implies that I should already know the answer. “You always make comments about Dad and his relationships. And about how stressful relationships are and how you have to give up parts of yourself to be in them.”
“Ash—” I try to interrupt.
“No, Gage. You know it’s the truth. You hate relationships, and that’s fine for you, but I just don’t want to hear the negatives about them. I really like Hannah. She’s pretty, smart, and she supports me.”
I glance in the rearview mirror, looking at Leo. I can see the pity on his face, and I quickly realize the pity is for me, not Asher.
“Ash.” I sigh. “I’m sorry for ever making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about your relationships.” I glance at him quickly, making sure he’s hearing me. “You’re right that I don’t see them for me, and I do think Dad needs to take a break from them. But that’s because I’ve never seen Dad not be in a relationship, and I think he could learn a lot about himself if he just took the time to be alone. Which I think would help him find someone who would last.” I take a second to gather my thoughts before I continue down that train of thought—I have a lot of thoughts about our dad and how he handles relationships. But that is because of who Dad is and not my feelings on relationships—or at least that’s what I’ve always thought.
“I don’t think what works for me is right for everyone else. I know there are examples of good, healthy relationships out there. And you are definitely at an age where you should be exploring that.” I glance at him. “You and I might be similar in a lot of ways, but I never for a second thought you would be like me when it comes to love. You’ve got too big of a heart not to find someone to share it with.” I look in the rearview mirror at Leo. “The same goes for you.”
Looking back at the road, I take another minute. I don't like that I've let my jaded views on love impact my relationship with my brothers and their willingness to talk to me.
“I never want either of you to feel like you can’t talk to me about something. Regardless of what my views on the subject are, I’m always going to listen and support you.”
It’s quiet in the Jeep, and while I know there’s so much more I can say, I leave it there. I don’t want to influence their thoughts on the subject any more than I already have. I’m disappointed in myself for the stress I’ve already caused, and I refuse to cause more.
I feel more than see Leo lean forward between the front seats again. I’m prepared for there to be more conversation about Asher and his girlfriend, but I know better. Leo is far more like me when it comes to serious conversations than I would like to admit. We don’t like them and will always find a way to change the subject.
“I heard a rumor you might be seeing that lawyer helping the Marks family.”
My head whips to Leo’s so quickly I’m surprised I don’t drive the car off the road. “What?”
Leo smirks. “Yeah, something about the two of you getting awfully close at Murphy’s?”
I look back at the road, having kept my eye on Leo for far too long. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Great, now I sound like Asher.
“Tell me more,” Asher says, turning to look at Leo with a completely different kind of smirk this time, the tension slowly leaving his body.
I want to be upset about the rumors and the fact that Leo has heard about them, but I can’t. I’m all for lightening the heavy mood, and I like the feeling of Ava being linked to me around town. I’m almost giddy at the idea of it.
“Yeah. She’s Mr. Day’s sister, and she’s hot. Like, crazy hot.”
“Be nice,” I tell him. Even though I agree with him, Ava is hot—and so much more.
“What? How is calling her hot not nice?”
“He means there’s more to a woman than her hot factor,” Asher says.
I nod. “Right. Just like you don’t want to be judged solely on your looks, neither do women.”
“I totally want to be judged on my looks. I am hot.” Leo falls back into his seat, a cocky grin on his face.
Asher and I both laugh, catching each other’s eyes. I love that my brother is so confident in himself. I know I felt the same way when I was his age. I even felt that way through my entire military career if I’m being honest with myself.
It wasn’t until I got home after my discharge that my ego started to return to normal—and I remembered the importance of humility. I know I’ve got some good qualities about myself, but I also know there are plenty of things I can work on as well. The second we stop striving to be better is the moment we fail ourselves.
“So, you’re seeing this lawyer?” Asher asks.
“No, I’m not seeing her. Though, I have had a couple of meals with her at Murphy’s. Like Leo said, she’s in town helping Scott Marks with a custody case. I’m just being neighborly.”
“Yeah, all right.”
I know by his tone he doesn’t believe me. And honestly? I don’t blame him. I wouldn't believe me either.
It’s been a really long time since one night wasn’t enough for me. Since I’ve even been kind of interested in knowing more about a woman. And while I’ve always wanted to fix the world's injustices, I’ve never been so invested in an individual person’s problems the way I am with Ava.
I want to help her regain whatever she lost back in Boston. I want to leave her feeling better than when I met her.
“Dad says she’s nice,” I hear Leo say, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Dad’s met her?” Asher asks, shocked, glancing between Leo and me.
“Yeah. He even had dinner with her.”
“Okay, let’s calm down here.” I force a chuckle at the mischief I see in Leo’s eyes. “I had plans to grab dinner with Dad at Murphy’s, and while waiting for him, I happened to strike up a conversation with Ava. Dad walked in while we were talking and invited her to join us. That’s all it was.”
“Oh, he definitely likes her if he’s getting defensive.” Asher laughs.
“I’m not defensive,” I mumble, causing both of them to laugh.
The conversation moves on to something else, but I’m not paying attention. I know I like Ava; I haven’t denied that. But is it more than that? Asher’s right. I’ve never felt the need to correct anyone's assumptions in the past, so why do I care what my brothers think now?
Not wanting to spend my day with Asher and Leo worrying about this, I decide that my feelings have to do with the conversation about Asher and his girlfriend. It’s the only explanation I’m comfortable with. Because anything else goes against everything I’ve always claimed to want for my future—and my future has already been altered enough.