Chapter 1 #2
A widow at thirty. How was that even possible? They had so many dreams. She had so many dreams. Her eyes misted over at the thought of all she had lost and how quickly three years had passed. Yet in that moment, it felt like just yesterday her life changed irrevocably.
Both her heart and life were in jagged, broken pieces, and she wasn’t sure how to put them back together again. There had been glimpses of being whole again, pieces that had hastily been glued together with the help and love of family and friends.
But inevitably, she would discover cracks that allowed a whole host of emotions to seep through like sand through her fingers.
Regret, anger, hopelessness, guilt. So much guilt.
Taking in a deep breath, Aria knew she couldn't let her constant companion of grief derail her. Not today. She had to stay focused.
She set aside her thoughts of Nicholas and the crisis at hand as she went to work on other projects.
An hour later, she stretched her arms overhead and tilted her head side to side, trying to loosen the knot in her neck. Her mood had brightened somewhat because she was able to check off several small items on her ever-growing to-do list.
The early days of grief had taught her how important it was to set goals. Back then, her list looked like it belonged to a toddler.
Get out of bed. Check.
Brush teeth. Check.
Change out of the pajamas you’ve been in for days. Check.
Play nice with others. Check.
Despite it all, she’d come a long way.
Looking up through the glass that encased her office, she saw Gio staring in her direction. He winced, and she was sure she heard him swear under his breath through her partially open door.
She offered a nervous smile and a quick wave to the handsome art director. He returned the smile, hurriedly walking toward his office, embarrassment coloring his face.
It certainly wasn’t the first time Aria had seen the lingering looks he gave her.
Having a man like Gio Nostriami paying her attention was more than flattering.
With thick, curly black hair that touched his ears and eyes as blue as the sky on a sunny day, there was no denying Gio was incredibly handsome.
His good looks aside, he was also one of the kindest men she had ever met. She often found her favorite chocolate bar on her desk if she was having a bad day, or lunch waiting if he thought she had worked through it.
Luna knocked lightly as she walked into Aria’s office. She pushed the door open, her eyes following her boss’ line of sight.
“Caught Gio looking at you again, huh?” she asked, smirking and holding out a folder toward Aria.
Swiveling her head toward her assistant, Aria cleared her throat and reached for the folder. She knew where this conversation would take them if she engaged, so she pretended not to have heard.
Luna Comarari was efficient and loyal but incredibly nosy. If her employees were like family, Luna was the equivalent of the obnoxious cousin, always digging into everyone’s business.
“I heard he’s trying to get the nerve up to finally ask you out,” Luna teased as Aria blushed pink.
“I’ve told you about listening to office gossip,” Aria answered, a slight warning to her tone.
Sighing heavily, Luna pleaded her case.
“Listen, the man is gorgeous and has been pining for you since he got the job. His eyes lit up the day you interviewed him. It was the perfect meet cute. Promise me you’ll at least try to be open to the possibility if he ever asks.
I know you’ve turned down all the other men who have asked you out because you’re afraid of putting yourself out there, but Gio is a great guy. And he’s safe.”
Aria winced at Luna’s words.
She had turned down the other offers for dates because the thought of going out with a stranger brought with it so much anxiety and guilt.
But Luna was right about one thing. She and Gio had become friends in the year since he took the art director position.
They shared a love of exotic food, and both were always up for a new taste adventure.
But besides going to lunch occasionally, they’d never been on anything resembling a date.
Aria always made it clear in her words and actions that they were firmly entrenched in the ‘friend zone’.
“You never know. He might turn out to be your Mr. Darcy,” she said in a sing-song way.
Regretting having ever mentioned her obsession with the movie, Aria answered, “I have a lot of work to do and so do you.”
“I’m going, I’m going,” Luna huffed as she left the office, as petulant as a toddler.
Mr. Darcy, indeed.
Aria blew air from her lips. She had already found her Mr. Darcy once, and she knew she’d never find that again no matter how much her heart secretly longed for it.
Even if that miraculously happened one day, the fear of possibly having to experience loss once more... that was something she was certain she’d never recover from a second time.
When she did allow herself to consider the possibility of another relationship, all she could hope for was a companionable friendship with someone who shared common goals and interests. She scoffed as the dreary thought made her romantic heart ache.
Aria weighed the two options as she pretended to read the content of the folder in her hands.
Marrying a man she cared for but shared no passion with, or a life of solitude.
Both possibilities caused that longing to reappear, making Aria entertain the idea of what she might say if Gio ever did ask her out. She couldn’t deny the deep loneliness she felt.
She knew he was attracted to her, and they enjoyed each other’s company. What if he was looking for that friendly companionship, too? Could a relationship grow from that, especially with them working together? No. Surely a man like Gio wanted, deserved, more than that.
And then there was the fear of comparing another man to Nicholas. No one could live up to him and the comparison would be cruel and unfair.
Sensing someone outside of her door, she looked up and saw Gio. Speak of the devil.
When she beckoned him inside with a wave, he walked in and sat in one of the grey cushioned chairs that faced her desk, his nervousness evident.
She had learned his tells over time. Her eyes moved to watch his knee bouncing like an excited kid on a pogo stick.
Averting her eyes quickly, she pretended not to notice.
He nodded toward Natalia who Aria could now see was pouring more coffee at the snack bar. “She’s crazier than usual. I honestly don’t know where all that coffee goes.” Turning his attention back to her, he asked, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, she’s a medical mystery,” Aria answered, shaking her head. “All good. We've got a situation I'm trying to work out, but it’s fine. Just frustrating. How was your meeting with the new client, Silvia?”
“It went well. Silvia knows what she wants but is having a hard time explaining it to me. I think we can make it work though.”
“You always do. I don't know what I'd do without you,” she answered with a warm smile.
Mortified, her eyes widened. She realized her statement might sound like she was flirting. Gio's eyebrows shot up as he smiled widely. Clearing her throat, she quickly clarified.
“Eh, I mean, you’re just so good at your job. The best. And, um, you’re such a good friend. I know I can depend on you.”
“Thanks,” he said, his face wiped of the temporary joy it held moments before as his expression visibly fell.
He squeezed the sides of the chair until his knuckles went white and he broke eye contact. “Well, I'll head to my desk and see what awaits me for the afternoon then, friend.” His tone dripped with feigned lightness.
Aria opened her mouth to say something as her chin lifted, but no words came. She watched him walk away as she let out a loud breath.
Resting her elbows on her desk with a grunt and holding her head in her hands, she whispered, “I’m making a mess of everything. I wish I knew what to do, what I wanted.”
A moment of clarity pushed a truth to the forefront of her mind.
That wasn’t true. She knew exactly what she wanted.
She wanted the impossible. She wanted to be swept off her feet.
Wanted to have a man look at her with adoration again.
She wanted to feel sparks, excitement, butterflies taking flight inside her.
The thrill of being wooed by a man. Passion born from the belief that life would never be the same without that person in it.
She wanted what she could never have.
Frustrated, she opened her laptop and tried to concentrate on work, the clicking of the keys drowning out her anxious thoughts.
Hours later, Aria’s grumbling stomach made her glance at the large white clock on the wall. It was well after 1:00pm, and she needed to get something to eat if she would make it through the rest of the day. Fearing Gio may find out and want to bring her food, she jumped up from her desk.
Reaching for her purse, she called out to Luna, “Grabbing a bite. Be back soon.”
She needed to escape, get some fresh air, and push these romantic fantasies out of her mind.