1. Cal #2
I lean a hip against the counter and cross my arms over my chest, trying to fight back the nausea that rolls through my belly at the mention of the fire. “Shoulder’s good, a little stiff.” Not a total lie. It’s the mental part of the call when I got shot that’s hanging around.
I swallow thickly and speak in a low voice to not disturb any eavesdroppers. “I recovered her.” The words tremble as I force them out, and I have to clear my throat .
Winces contort the faces of the men staring back at me, accompanied by a chorus of “That sucks.”
They get it. They know.
There’s a distinct difference between “rescue” and “recovery.”
Mac grips my good shoulder. “Not sure how things run at the county, if you’ll have a debrief or not, but remember what I’ve always told you.”
Working in the fire service and seeing some of the shit that comes with it means we sometimes struggle with processing scenes. Mac had always reminded us that we weren’t the cause for whatever happened. We tried to help as much as we could, but sometimes, we lost people in this line of work.
I’ve seen a lot in my years of fire service. But this time, it hits differently. That mother isn’t my first dead body and won’t be my last. But knowing she’d been alive when I’d first arrived on scene, and I just wasn’t fast enough to get to her, feels like the ultimate failure.
Yeah, I’ll be processing this one for a while.
“Excuse me, did you still want the Americano, sir?” A sweet voice with the slightest hint of irritation stops my spiraling thoughts.
In another reality, another time, I’d be able to turn this around. Flirt a little, maybe get her number. But I’m not the man I was before the last shift, and right now, I don’t think I can handle one more rejection, one more instance of failure.
I glance at the growing line behind us, realizing I’ve been holding everyone up.
Before I can decline, Mac steps up to the counter, whipping out his wallet. “You can make that two. Why don’t you join us, Cal?”
I want to. Damn, how I want to hang out and catch up with the guys I haven’t seen in months. After spending years with them, I hadn’t known what a good thing I’d had when I bailed from NFD for more money.
“That’d be good.”
Nate and Thoren place their orders, and we make our way to one of the open tables.
“So, catch us up,” Thoren starts, and the weight of their gazes lands on me.
“It’s been a whole bunch of me working. Trying to get settled in a new department. Moved to a new apartment.”
“That’s a lot of new,” Mac states.
“Yeah, but it was time for a change. I’ve been hoping to convince my sister to move up here for a while, and I think she’s finally given in.
Plus, let’s face it, if I want to make a career out of the fire service and don’t want to be running calls until I’m fifty, then I needed to move to a department where I could move up the ladder.
” I glance at Captain Collins and realize my mistake. “Sorry, no offense.”
Grunts all around come back at me, and Mac waves off my unintended jab. One of the reasons he retired was because he’d gone as far up as he could go and still hadn’t made it to the level where he wasn’t running calls.
“How old’s the baby now?” Mac asks.
“She’s two. I haven’t seen her in a while, but they came in last night and are at my apartment waiting on me. I’m excited to see her. I bet she’s grown like a weed.” It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen Charlie in person. The last time I went home to South Georgia, I vowed I’d never go back.
Nate snickers. “I never thought I’d see the day, but you kind of sound like a dad.”
A clatter of coffee cups punctuates his joke. The barista’s delivering orders, face blank but for the slightest frown as she sets white steaming mugs of goodness on the table.
“I still remember the Cal that would drag a date behind my camper in the middle of a party. Somehow, I don’t think you’re the same guy.”
Laughter erupts around the table, and I duck my blazing cheeks. Could they not call me out in front of her? “Yeah. Lotta things have changed since then.”
“Where’d you move? Are you still in Newman?” Nate asks.
I shake my head. “No, down in Senoma. I kept getting stationed out on that end of the county. Rented an apartment, and then they started this county rotation thing.”
“Rotation?” Mac frowns.
“Yeah. It sucks being the new guy and constantly having to work with a new crew.”
“Seems like that’d be hard to settle in to,” Thoren says. “But how is Senoma? I haven’t been out that way in years.”
I imagine not. Since he and Kylie started dating, they’ve pretty much been inseparable. “Senoma is nice. Smaller than here. I’m liking it, for the most part. Except for the new neighbor. Not sure how that’s gonna shake out. But at least with my sister being here, I’ll know someone in town now.”
Conversation shifts, and they fall into a discussion of things happening around my old station. Their tales highlight how much I’ve missed in the few months I’ve been away.
My phone pings with a text from Dani. What time will you be home?
I dial her number, and it goes straight to voicemail. I get an immediate reply. Sorry, baby’s napping.
I text back that I’m on my way and slam the rest of my coffee.
“Sorry, guys. I’ve got to bail on you. Next round’s on me.”
I leave to a chorus of “Yeah, right.” But they’re back to telling stories and laughing by the time I push through the door.
I’d hoped one day I wouldn’t feel like an outsider.
But maybe that’s partly my fault. I quit hanging out with them when the embarrassment of not being able to pay my turn at the bar got to be too much.
I didn’t want to stiff anyone. But when they were partying the most, I was helping my sister with her bills, trying my best to help her and Charlie get on their feet.
I swing a leg over my restored Harley and push away everything except the fact that they are at home waiting on me. And pray that the bike ride home will help erase the last of this shitty morning.