Journei
All he did was give me his back and walk out like I asked. I was in tears from somethin’ I wanted. There should’ve been some type of joy from seeing him, but I was furious. It took me gettin’ hurt for him to show, which was bullshit.
Why couldn’t he understand that I didn’t care about no one else but him? My thoughts revolved around him. He was my safe haven and protector. I just wanted him to realize he was enough.
Leaving me was so easy for him, and that was what pissed me off. I didn’t want to let him off the hook yet. He needed to see how it felt to not have access to me.
“Is there anything else I can help you with, Ms. Evans?”
I wiped my face and pulled myself together. Hunz and Belle had always been my go-to. That dialed back when everything unfolded with Christian. I needed them again.
“Is there any way you can make a phone call for me?” I asked.
She nodded, and I riddled off my best friend’s number. If no one else came through for me, I knew he would. Out of our thirteen years of friendship, he never failed me. Hunz was my rock, and I was thankful for him.
“Now that you’re awake, I can have the doctor who’s over your case come in and give you an update on your injuries.” That time, I nodded and watched her exit the same as Christian.
My hand went to my stomach as I closed my eyes. I put my child in a situation where things went left, and we both could’ve been laying in a morgue. That breakdown in that hospital bed was heavy.
I was acting like Jourdell with not making my child a priority. That cut me deeper than Galleria. I never wanted to follow in the footsteps of my father.
Someone else was counting on me to protect them, and I was doin’ a shitty job at it. That made the second time I acted without puttin’ him first. Everything I did was off emotions and not thought out. He deserved better.
The last time I fixed my lips to pray was over thirteen years ago. I didn’t know if my words would even be heard, but I said it anyway.
“God, if you’re listening, please help me. I don’t know what I’m doin’ out here. My life is a mess, and I don’t know how to clean it up. I want to do better. I want to be better. I can’t love my child while broken. Help me heal me so I can be genuine. In your name I pray. Amen.”
I sat and cried until I felt relief. I needed to better myself if I planned on teaching my child anything. I was a wreck, and I didn’t want my misery to rub off on him.
There was a knock on the door by a short Asian man. He walked in and introduced himself as Dr. Seokjin. His English was on point and not choppy.
“Ms. Evans, you were brought in earlier around two this morning. I was informed that you were attacked. Your injuries consist of nerve damage done to your left hand, which you’ll need physical therapy for.
And then your shoulder was just a deep cut.
No major arteries were struck, so you should heal properly.
You have a few bruises on your face with a busted lip, but that should clear up within a few days.
Because of your pregnancy, there are only a select few medications that can be prescribed. ”
I interrupted him and asked about my unborn. “The baby… he’s fine, right?”
“You mean she. Your daughter is fine. But I will be placing you on bed rest for six to eight weeks.”
Shocked was an understatement. I was having a mini me. We started calling the baby him and stuck to it. We never deviated to her. We just knew it was our son. Instead, we were blessed with a lil’ angel.
“I can’t be on bed rest, Doc. I have a grand opening next week.”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Evans. Your daughter won’t be fine if you keep moving the way you are. Your body needs a break and time to heal. Too much pressure and stress causes problems. To reach full term, you need to relax a bit,” he said, tryin’ to get me to see what I was doin’ was unhealthy.
A simple nod was granted. I was over the conversation and wanted some peace and quiet. Once the door was closed, I used the bed remote to adjust the position. I had just woken up, but sleep seemed to be the best thing to do at the moment.
“Baby, look at her. Who would do that to her?” I heard my baby’s voice.
“When she wakes up, we’ll see what the fuck happened. Until then, calm down. My kids due date ain’t for another month.”
“I picked the wrong people to call. Can’t even sleep in peace,” I jested.
Belle ran toward me—well, what best she could. She was carryin’ twins, so her stomach moved before she did. It was cute on her. I smiled just from seeing how they made her glow.
“Nei…” The most she got out was my name before her tears started.
I gave in to the hug she was wanting. She already had a soft spot for me, so I was sure seeing me in a hospital bed, plus her pregnancy, made her more sensitive.
“We’re fine, Belle. I promise.”
“What happened?” Hunz asked.
“It’s a long story, an—”
“I got time.” He cut me off before I could finish givin’ an excuse.
“Fine. All I know is Christian left me a few days ago. He wasn’t answering my calls or texts, so I left him.
Alexis had texted me about the divorce papers.
She said if I gave her one last conversation, she’d let me leave with them signed.
When I left Christian, I went to our old house.
To my surprise, Galleria was there. We fought, and the bitch played dirty.
She stabbed me twice and tried to kill the baby. I blacked out and woke up here.”
I summed the story up, leaving out many details. Hunz and Christian were best friends. If he wanted more to the story, all he had to do was call him.
“It’s more, but I know who to call. Speaking of, where is he?” Hunz questioned.
“I kicked him out. I’m not ready to deal with him yet.”
He shook his head and sat in the chair beside the bed. Regardless of how he felt, he didn’t say too much about it. That was one thing I loved about Hunz. He didn’t overstep.
I was kept for another day for observation and then released the next morning. Best friend allowed me to crash at their crib until my bed rest was over.
I was grateful because I didn’t want to be close to Christian. My condo in Nashville gave us no real time apart. I would forgive him within hours, and I couldn’t have that.
&
A week had passed since the incident with Christian calling every day. He hadn’t missed a day of sending me money through Apple Pay or having food delivered. If I didn’t answer, he called Hunz to check in.
He wasn’t playin’ fair. His actions showed he still loved and cared for us. I turned him away, but he only left physically. Verbally, he was accounted for.
Hunz explained to me his reason of absence for those two days. Although I was a fuckin’ widow, I was finally free from a selfish bitch. Christian didn’t have to kill her, but I understood his reason behind it.
Protecting us was a promise he was upholding. I tried to fault him for what Galleria did to me, but I could only blame myself. I chose to run when I honestly didn’t have a reason to.
My emotions were unstable, and I acted off the first thing that came to mind. My trust for anyone other than Hunz, Belle, and recently Christian was shot. I done been lied to and spit on, so it wasn’t granted often.
I loved the fuck out of that man. I just couldn’t say if we were temporary or not. He made it like that for me. To go from “I’m not goin’ anywhere” to leaving me for days brought that on. His words were untrustworthy.
I walked into bestie’s man cave. We needed a serious one-on-one. The rawness that flowed through our conversations was what would prolly bring me to my senses. We called it chop sticks.
“Chop sticks, bestie, ASAP,” I said, as I sat on the opposite end of the couch and placed my feet in his lap.
“Are you ready for chop sticks? I won’t hold shit back.”
“I think that’s what I need best. There’s two topics. Christian and my father. Start with either or.”
“Christian is yo’ soul mate. That man loves the fuck out of his family, which includes yo’ stupid ass.
He did what he did ‘cause a threat was opposed. As a man, he was fulfilling his duties to you and his child. If you want to fault that man for showin’ his love, then you don’t need to be with no-damn-body. ”
I listened to everything he said, and he was right. Alexis wanted him dead along with our daughter. I wasn’t upset that he freed me. I was upset that he didn’t tell me.
“Bestie, he held shit back from me, which meant he didn’t trust me. Then he made sure to ignore my calls and texts. I told him to leave, and he’s called me every day since I made him do so. What sense does that make?”
“When I do my shit, I don’t call or answer Belle. At first, she acted just like you, but when she realized answering the phone almost got me killed, she backed off. Bestie, you got to let that man be a man. He don’t deserve the bullshit you givin’ him.”
We sat in silence for a while. I missed Christian, everything he did for me, how easy it was to smile with him around, and the comfortability he provided. It was time to loosen my grip.
“Alright, alright. Well, what do I do about Jourdell?”
“Shiiiiiddddd. Fuck that nigga!” he shouted.
That caused me to laugh. I knew he would say somethin’ of that nature. Hunz didn’t care for my father at all. That was one person he never forced on me to forgive, rekindle, or fix a damn thing with. It’d always been fuck him.
“Facts, bestie. But seriously, Christian thinks I should give him a chance.”
“That’s the godly side of him talkin’. Trust me when I say Hades screamin’ fuck that nigga too,” he said jokingly.
I saw a glimpse of Hades the night he put me out of his condo. I hadn’t had a chance to see the big bad threat everybody claimed he was.
“You are so aggy. I was being serious, best. Christian pointed out a few things, and I kind of want to see what Jourdell is on. He might do right by his granddaughter,” I said, rubbing my belly.
“Yoooooo! Number two, you havin’ a girl? That’s dope. Now you ain’t got no choice but to sit the fuck down.”
“Right. She prolly been talkin’ shit with us callin’ her a boy. Her damn daddy started it.”
“Does he know?”
I shook my head and said, “He still calls her a boy.”
“If I invite him ova to grub, you’ll talk to him and fix this shit, right? Y’all are made for each other, best. I’ve never seen love like yours. It ain’t fuckin’ with my and Belle shit, but yeah.”
“Whatever, black ass. I’ll talk to him. I miss him anyway. Can you ask him to bring dinner? Give my baby a break to relax.”
I was granted a head nod and then more silence. He grabbed his phone, and I assumed he was hittin’ his boy up. My body had been through a lot, and the only thing I had wanted to do was curl up under Christian and let his heartbeat sooth me.
Mortal Kombat occupied our time while we waited for my baby daddy to arrive with the food. I was nervous but more so apologetic than anything. I owed him more respect than I gave.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I would’ve expected him to understand. I still hadn’t explained to him why I was even at my old residence in the first place. My childish ways had to be checked.
Owning up to my wrongs came with being an adult. I didn’t want to be handled like a child, so it was on me to present myself maturely.
“Kung Lao, you betta show ’em why you one of the realest niggas to do it nie!” I screamed at the television.
I was in a relaxed state. Being around people I loved and the genuineness that surrounded them was what I needed. Quality time with Hunz was always an outlet of mine. All that slowed down when things went downhill between Alexis and me.
She changed a lot of routines for me. I was looking at life through rose-colored glasses, not seeing reality for what it was. I could’ve easily picked up on the bullshit she was doin’ if I wasn’t blinded.
What she did in the dark came to light quickly. Granted, I gave her three good years of my life. I didn’t feel like it was a waste. I learned what love wasn’t.
Him! The second he entered the room, my soul damn near leaped out of my body. Not only that, but our daughter also started to go crazy. He was home, and my whole being knew it.
Nervousness settled in as that magnetic pull we had pulled him closer to me. With each step he took, my heart skipped several beats. My back was to him, but the warmth his body possessed was felt.
He either kneeled or bent down to whisper in my ear, “I love you, and that won’t stop.”
Tears fell on impact. “I love you too.”
“I’m goin’ to check on my wife. Don’t fuck on my couch please. It’s a bed right the fuck there,” Hunz said and pointed to his guest room to the right.
That caused me to laugh and shake my head. He was dead ass serious about using that bed too. He knew damn well we wouldn’t disrespect him like that.
Hunz left us in his man cave to talk. I was emotional as fuck at that point. I wanted to apologize, explain, and love on him all in one notion. Arguing wasn’t in my plans that evening.
I got up and rounded the couch. Throwing my arms around his neck, I stood on my tiptoes and nuzzled my face in the crook of it. I missed the way he smelled and how good his body felt against mine.