Chapter 23
No One Needs to Know Right Now
Callie
Despite Cash’s jokes about when I get off work, we still haven’t crossed the line yet.
But things are starting to feel more serious.
His smile, his light, are a constant presence in my life, and in my head.
We had dinner at my little table Thursday night, sitting together comfortably while we ate Chinese food—beef and broccoli for the cattle rancher and sticky ribs for me— before lounging on the couch.
Lying wrapped in his arms in the little bubble of safety I’m creating, that he’s cultivating, things feel right.
But in the back of my mind, Duke’s face hovers like a specter, the destroyed look in his eyes when I confessed, the anger when I told my story.
Things are broken between us. The fact that he and Cash are best friends gnaws at me.
If I don’t fix things with Duke, his hurt may hurt Cash, or I may lose them both.
I don’t know how to fix it though. He hasn’t texted, and I haven’t either.
I want things to settle before I try and bridge the gap—for the feelings to be less raw and ragged.
Cash has invited me to the first event of the season nearby, a small classic in Lewistown, and I’m over the moon excited about the prospect of seeing him in action, live. Before the rodeo though, he wants me to come out to the ranch.
Standing in the store on Friday, he says, “Come out tomorrow morning. I want to take you for a ride.” I raise an eyebrow at him. “An actual ride. With me and Daisy,” he says with a laugh. “I mean, we could do the other thing too…” he trails off.
“Really, Cash? I would love that! Yay!” I do a little dance around. I haven’t ridden since I was a kid and the idea of riding out onto his beautiful land with my real-life cowboy makes me so excited. “What time? Like seven?”
“Well, I’m up with the sun every day so really anytime but don’t you want to sleep in? It’s Saturday.” He grins widely at my enthusiasm.
“Oh, so like…eight? I could bring breakfast,” I insist, bouncing on the balls of my feet.
“Sure thing, Hurricane.” Kissing the top of my head, he heads out and I settle in for a long day, anticipating tomorrow with butterflies in my stomach.
A few hours later, I’m feeding baby chicks who have grown a lot in the last week, murmuring softly to them and rubbing their little downy feathers, when the bell dings over the door.
“Welcome to Pete’s!” I yell in the general direction of whoever came in, but I get no reply. Dusting my hands off, I head to the register to make sure I’m not needed.
“You good, Matt?” I ask my coworker who stands behind the till.
He has this small-town cutesy charm, like you see in movies.
Not too far off from the way Cash acts, except, way more innocent.
He’s cute and a few of the town girls pop in to see him sometimes.
He’s younger, mid-twenties, I’d guess. Brown curly hair piled in a bun on top of his head and steel grey eyes. His relaxed demeanor is disarming.
“Hey, yeah. Living the small-town dream, baby,” he answers as he gives me a double thumbs up and a sarcastic smile. Laughter bursts from my lips.
Mirth still flowing between us, I look up and see my ghost turning the corner, a fifty-pound bag of dog food slung over his shoulder.
Duke approaches the counter, his body tense. As Matt rings his dog food in, I stand silently beside him. Duke watches us, his eyes narrowed, shifting between my face and Matt’s like he’s a detective on a case.
“Hey, Duke. How’s life treating you?” Matt asks as he presses buttons and processes the sale.
“Fine,” Duke snaps with open hostility.
Matt’s eyes widen at the edges a little. Compared to Matt, Duke is an imposing figure. Muscular and a good bit taller, hat on his head pulled low and a giant bag of food over his shoulder. I understand Matt’s reticence.
“Uh, okay.” Matt rubs his neck awkwardly. “Here’s your receipt. Have a good one.”
Duke ignores him, gives me one more long look before spinning on his heel and heading out the door.
“I’ll be right back, Matt.” I chase Duke into the parking lot.
“Hey, Grumpy, wait!” I command him, trying to keep up with his longer legs. He doesn’t slow and his shoulders are rigid. “Duke, please. Wait.” The note of pleading in my voice must touch him because he stops finally.
“What is it, Caroline?” he asks me, his voice tired, defeated.
“What is it? Why were you so...so...hostile in there?”
“Is it Little Matthew Gates?” he questions, pained.
“Is who, Matt?”
“The guy, the other guy?”
Without even thinking of the consequences, I laugh, incredulous. Duke turns to walk away. I grab his arm to stop him, the laughter dying.
“Matt? No. He’s like eight years younger than me. He’s just my coworker. Maybe my friend but that’s it. I don’t even have his number.” I can’t believe he thinks that.
“Fuck, Caroline.” He scrubs his hand over his face.
“I’m sorry. This whole thing has me so on edge that every man I see feels like my competition, even men I don’t think you even know.
I’m not a jealous man. I’m just not.” He shakes his head.
“But you’ve brought out this possessive streak in me and I don’t know how to deal with it. Maybe it is better we cool off.”
He turns to his truck, throwing the food in the bed before I even have time to register it.
Saturday morning, I head over to Lizzie’s early, hoping she’s making breakfast. She has, by far, the best coffee in town.
“Lizzie?” I call out as I get into the B&B.
“Callie? In the dining room, hun.” I see her sitting at the table, breakfast spread out and the smell of her magical, rich, and warm coffee permeating the air. Nothing in the world has ever made me feel as cozy and welcome as this house. “What’re you doing here this early?”
“Heading out to Colter Ranch this morning.” This draws a huge smile from her. “I wanted to bring breakfast and coffee and was hoping…” I trail off.
“Of course! Anything for you.” She pours me a cup in a white mug before bustling off to the kitchen to get to-go cups and a bag for some food. Coming back loaded down, she sits. “Do you have a few minutes to chat? We can catch up.”
“I do.”
“Well, tell me everything that’s happened since you moved. How’s Cash? I haven’t seen him much this week, since he isn’t coming to see you.” Her voice is playfully scolding.
“I’ll tell him not to neglect you. Things are good.
Going riding with Cash today, and to the Lewistown show tonight.
Work is good.” I don’t want to confess all my dirty secrets, but I wish someone knew about Duke.
I agonize over what to do and don’t have anyone to talk to.
The few people I’ve met are on opposite sides.
Obviously, Duke and Cash, but Lizzie and Bud are team Cash, for sure. And Kayla and Sadie would be team Duke.
“There was something I wanted to ask you. Strictly between us girls.” She winks at me.
I still, waiting for whatever this is. I know Cash confessed his feelings to her.
Is she going to try and intervene? “Small towns are—well they are their own thing and nothing stays hidden for long. I don’t know how things are with you and Cash, but I do know that Jim Stark told his wife that he saw you at Waylon’s last Saturday.
In a heated conversation with Duke Williams. And that y’all,” she pauses, seeming to search her brain for the right words, “disappeared for a while.”
She stops talking and waits. Letting the words land how they land and waiting for me to decide how to respond to them.
This feels like a grenade landed in my lap and I can’t stop the explosion.
I know Cash is her whole heart and I’m so afraid of alienating this woman.
I’m scared also that I’m ruining everything I’m building in this town with this back and forth.
“I was and we did.” I drop my head into my hands. “Lizzie, please don’t hate me.”
“Why would I hate you, Callie?”
Suddenly, in a flood of words that feel out of my control, I tell her the whole story.
How Duke is the first person from Inspiration I met.
How Cash blew into the dining room the first morning and brought light and happiness to my world that has been missing.
About falling for both of them because they are so different and each giving me something the other isn’t, and how they complement each other.
I spill out my secrets about Roger and how afraid I am of not being enough and how terrifying it is that I might hurt Duke, who has been through enough, or break Cash’s heart, when he seems to have finally found something he is willing to work toward.
Spitting it all out gives me perspective on my feelings and it’s something I sincerely needed. The feelings are cathartic and complicated, and I feel tears welling up.
“Callie.” She reaches across the table, grabbing my hand.
“We all have our own paths. I want to preface this by saying I had a few romances back in my day. Bud wasn’t the first man to invite me to a dance or take me out horseback riding.
And, when there are a few men vying for your attention, it’s easy to get lost in it, and get confused.
It’s okay.” She pats my hand, looking me in my eyes.
“It’s okay to not know what to do. It’s even okay to love them both.
You know, because you’re a smart girl, that Cash cares about you.
A lot. And seeing his heart broken would be awfully rough for all of us.
He’s a good boy, he’s kind and considerate but if he’s not right for you, you’ll know.
“Duke, on the other hand, is intense, and thoughtful. What Indie did to him, the town is still mad about. When she left, we all picked sides. There was no neutral ground. They both grew up in this town, and we watched their love story unfold. Duke worked himself to the bone trying to make a life. He worked ranching for our family before his daddy died, saving all his money. He bought that bar and he worked day and night to give Indie everything she could dream of, but her dreams got bigger, and his world stayed the same. No one around here wants to see him hurt again. This is a delicate tightrope. I can’t tell you what to do.
You will know when it’s time. But take care of you first, honey.
” Standing, she pours the coffees I asked for and holds them out.
“And Callie, you’re always welcome here and at this table. No matter what happens next.”
I pull her in for a hug. I needed this today. Somehow, she knew. She knew I needed her, like she needed to say her part. I didn’t need permission to love them both, it was too late anyway. But knowing someone else knows fills me with peace.
Knowing that Jim Stark is reporting my comings and goings at the bar to his gossiping wife though, that is not comforting. I’m going to have to air all my dirty laundry to these men who have come to mean the world to me soon or the universe will do it for me.