45. Nessa
45
NESSA
From Goat to Soap and Other Valentine’s Day Fun!
By Arden James
In honor of the anniversary of their very first date, Archer Boyd and Bea Carter are sponsoring a workshop at the annual Valentine’s Day Farmers’ Market held at the Blackstone Falls High School. Patrons will be able to make their own soaps and candles, meet the goats who are the heart of Bea’s Bubbles and Balms, and enjoy a great afternoon out!
More details to come…
“ A nything good?” Jensen asks as I scan the article and set it down with a sigh.
“Valentine’s Day Farmers’ Market. Archer and Bea are sponsoring something.”
He nods, a smile tugging at his lips. “That’s where they met. He was too nervous to talk to her in person but managed to ask her out and they’ve been together ever since.”
“I’ll have to ask her about it,” I say and then wince, thinking about how I only have a week left before I’m due back in Nashville.
“You should. It’s a good one.” Lingering at my side, he asks, “Are you busy? There’s somewhere I’d like to take you.”
My eyes land on the clock. Remi will be up soon, and I mentally calculate how long it will take to get us both dressed and her fed before we can feasibly leave. Jensen must see the wheels in my head turning because he smiles as he takes my hand, threading our fingers together.
“Just us.”
“But who?—”
A knock sounds softly on the door before Mason walks in with a smile. “Hey guys, how’s it going?”
“Good. Thanks for coming over. Is Bodhi with you?”
“Nah, he had to go help Montana with something, but I got this, Sheriff, don’t you worry.”
“I’m not,” Jensen says with a smile before turning to me. “Go put on something warm; there’s somewhere I want to show you.”
Intrigued and honestly too tired to argue, I move down the hall and throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt over my thermal before returning to the kitchen. Jensen holds out my coat and I slip my arms inside.
“You’re not kidding about the cold,” I comment, and he shrugs.
“It’s always a little colder by the waterfall.”
“Romantic,” Mason quips, his tone approving.
“I texted Remi’s bottle instructions,” Jensen says, ignoring him, “but we shouldn’t be that late.”
Mason grins. “Take your time.”
Glaring at him, Jensen shuffles me out the door, Mason’s laughter following us out into the cold afternoon sun.
It’s strange but I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in Jensen’s truck. Our schedules had always been matched just right to hand off Remi before one of us was heading out the door.
The roar of the engine brings me back to the present as he starts down the drive and cranks up the heat. “I Ain’t Sayin’” by Jordan Davis plays softly, and I hum along as I watch fields and fence posts fly past the window. It feels like a date and even though I’m pretty sure it’s not, my stupid heart wishes it was.
The thought makes me feel itchy because even though I know what I want and I’m trying to embrace these feelings , it still doesn’t feel natural to want this side of a relationship. I’m startled from that runaway train when we pull off the road and into a dirt lot surrounded by trees.
Jensen puts the truck in park and pulls a backpack I hadn’t noticed from the back.
“Are you ready? There’s a waterfall right here, but the one I wanna take you to is a little ways in. Montana and Ellison think they’re the only ones who know about it.” He rolls his eyes, and it’s so adorable I can’t help leaning over and pressing a quick kiss to his lips.
His surprise is evident but as soon as I try to pull back, Jensen wraps his hand around the back of my neck and slants his mouth over mine. There’s nothing sweet or chaste about the kiss, and that rush I feel every time he kisses me floods my veins.
“Ready,” I croak when he finally releases me, resting his forehead against mine and shaking with silent laughter.
“Let’s go, Trouble.”
Helping me out of the truck, he puts on the backpack and takes my hand, the two of us walking through the woods. Birds chirp and twigs snap beneath our feet, and it’s reminiscent of my time growing up by the lake.
The silence between us should be uncomfortable but it’s not. I’d expected a sense of foreboding but all I feel is free . The idea that I’ve found something bigger than soccer is indescribable, but I try for me and Jensen and the future I hope to build with him.
The air is chilly and damp when the trees open up but the view is breathtaking. Water flows over the rock shelf, a mixture of the most beautiful browns and tans, darkened by the mist as the water gathers in a stunning teal pool.
“It’s beautiful,” I say finally, shoving my hands in my pockets and turning to face him. He’s set the backpack on the ground, his stance mimicking my own.
“I’d like to bring you here when the weather is nicer,” he starts, licking his lips as he continues, “spend summers here when we can, and travel with you during the season.”
“What?” I ask, completely caught off guard even though I’d been hoping for some version of this. But Blackstone Falls is Jensen’s home—his livelihood—and I want that too.
“You and me and Remi. I could teach at the academy in Nashville or find a department out there, and we’ll travel to as many games as we can.”
“Hold on,” I say, pushing down the panic and meeting his gaze. “Before you start giving up everything for me, I need to tell you something.” My heart hammers in my chest as the words hang between us. “It’s going to change things.”
“Why don’t you let me decide what it changes or doesn’t change?” he replies, his big arms crossing over his chest as his face remains carefully neutral.
“Every other person who knows this was required to sign an NDA.”
“I will if you want me to.” The statement holds no emotion—simply a fact—and it’s almost worse than if he’d gotten angry.
Not wanting to delay the inevitable, I take a breath. “The car accident I was in with my sister sent me to the hospital for emergency surgery.”
“You told me that.”
“They had to remove my uterus and one ovary because they couldn’t stop the bleeding.” I pause as he watches me, unblinking. “I lost the other because of complications from the first surgery. There was a settlement that we donated to the local humane society. But all that means I can’t have kids, Jensen.”
A myriad of emotions crosses his face, but he doesn’t say anything as he unfolds his arms and stalks over to me. His eyes are absolutely blazing as he reaches out, his hands cupping my face as his mouth crashes over mine.
It’s raw and worshipful and absolutely everything I didn’t expect.
“Do you love Remi?” he rasps.
“Yes.”
“Do you love me?” There’s no hesitation in the way he asks the question and because he’s put it all out there—I do too.
“Yes.”
“Then that’s all I need, Nessa. If you want more babies I’ll find a way to make it happen. If it’s just the three of us, I’ll never need anything else. You will not chase me away because of something that happened to you at fifteen that was completely out of your control.”
“I just?—”
“I see you, Nessa. I see the pain in the years you’ve spent pushing everyone away. The carefully crafted persona you show to the world, but that’s out there.” He motions somewhere with his hand but never takes his eyes off me. “That’s not who you are here. With me. With Remi. I just want you. Let me love you, Nessa. Let me show you everything you deserve.”
“But how can it be that easy? How can you look at me and make it be enough?” My voice cracks as years of everything crash over me. The hurt, the judgment, the endless waves of devastation and anger and acceptance. I lived it—breathed it alone for so many years, hiding that piece of myself from the world with a smile painted on my face.
I thought I’d made peace with a future I could never have, but then Remi came along, and being a part of her life awakened something inside me I didn’t dare hope to be real.
She changed me.
And Jensen did too.
“I don’t have to make you be anything, Ness. You are more than enough—you’re everything.”
JENSEN
My heart hammers in my chest, and I want to drop down on one knee and ask her to be my wife right here in front of this waterfall.
But I don’t.
I know as well as I know my own name that she’s not ready—not yet—but I can wait. Because Nessa Hart is worth it.
“I love you,” I say instead, watching her lips part and her eyes well with tears. She’s beautiful, her cheeks pink and her blonde hair dancing around her like a halo.
“Is this crazy?” she asks on a choked sob. “You and me together? With Remi?”
“I was enamored with you the day we met and that hasn’t changed.”
“So you like my crazy,” she teases, her lips twitching as her hands fist my jacket.
“I fell in love with your crazy and the way you love my daughter. I fell for your strength and the heart that you keep locked away.” Tipping her chin up with the side of my finger, I say, “I could live a thousand lifetimes on my own, but the only one I want in this life is you.”
“Been workin’ on your game, Sheriff.”
“Thought it sounded better than ‘thanks for tolerating me; you can’t leave now,’” I muse, pulling her flush against me as she throws her head back and laughs.
“I dunno, that version has a certain ring to it.”
Brushing my lips against hers, I relish in the fact that her lips will be the last I kiss for the rest of my days. It’s a heady feeling and not one I thought I’d ever need, but Nessa is like taking a lungful of air after being underwater too long and finally pushing to the surface.
“I brought a blanket and some hot chocolate. I know it’s cold, but I thought we might talk out here for a minute before going back to the truck.”
“I’d love that.”
“Really?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “I’m from the northeast; this is practically flip-flop weather.”
I laugh as I unzip the backpack and pull out a camping mat and a blanket and spread both out on the ground facing the waterfall. Handing her the thermos, I settle myself on the mat and hold the blanket out so she can sit between my legs. Her body melts into mine the second she snuggles back into my chest.
Not quite the man-eater anymore.
I roll my lips in to hide my smile. Because I’m not sure she’ll appreciate that yet.
“I worked my schedule out with George and then I’ll have about six months of leave.” Swallowing, I take the leap. “Remi and I will join you in Nashville and travel to as many games as we can. We’ll have to figure things out after that logistically, but I know my parents will be willing to help.”
“I’m retiring after this season,” she says casually before taking a sip from the thermos.
“What?” I all but shout, a couple of birds taking flight at my outburst. But Nessa just chuckles as she turns a little to meet my gaze.
“I’m going to retire. Coach Turner had alluded that he’d give me a coaching job and so I’m gonna ask for it.”
“I don’t know what to say. I mean, it’s amazing but I don’t want you to give up your dream. We’ll make it work.”
“We will make it work,”—her smile is bright as it stretches across her face—“but not because I’m in Nashville.” She chuckles. “At least not after this season.”
“What changed your mind?”
“I let myself fall for something other than soccer. I fell for Remi and you and I fell in love with me again. And coaching, even for that short time, felt like a piece of my soul waking up after being dormant for so long. It’s being in Blackstone Falls and feeling at home and making actual friends who don’t like my celebrity face and only want the recipe for the breakfast casserole I made.”
My Adam’s apple bobs in my throat, the passion in her voice awakening a part of me too. A much more southern part.
“I love every part of that.”
Her lips press against mine for one beat and then another. “And it’s your mama tellin’ me about you baking Indie a cake and that it’s okay to redefine what success means. It’s all of it and wanting to make a life with someone because they finally know all of you and you have nothing left to hide.”
“You’ll never have to hide again because all I want is for you to be mine. Ours. Today and every day after.”
“It still sounds crazy.” She chuckles, her smile never wavering.
“I like unexpected.”
“You’re right, there’s nothing that compares to unexpectedly falling for the hot-as-sin sheriff of a small town when you start out as his daughter’s guardian.”
“I think that’s too much to get embroidered on one of those hand towels you seem to like so much in the bathroom.”
“I’m always up for a challenge.”
“You’ve always been trouble.”
“And still you can’t get enough.”
“As God as my witness,” I agree, pulling her into my lap so she can feel how hard I am for her.
“Speaking of witnesses, how alone are we out here?”
“See?” I taunt as I let her push me back onto the mat. “Nothing but trouble.”