Chapter 8 - Emma #2
I bite my lip and look away. I don’t talk about this. Not even Tommy knew. Normally I’d just make up a story, stating it was a silly birthday gift. But when it comes to Greyson, I feel the need to tell him. I want him to know me, to see me. “My grandfather bought it for me.”
He inspects my features, noticing this is a touchy subject for me. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too much.”
“No, it’s okay. I want to tell you.” I turn back to him and take a deep breath, then let it all out.
“When I was a kid, I was obsessed with sunflowers. I still am, but it was a crazy obsession. Everything I owned and everything I wore had sunflowers on it, to the point where my dad started calling me Sunflower instead of Emma. One day when I was eight, my dad was working and my mother claimed she needed some alone time, so my grandfather took me with him to a thrift shop.” I chuckle to myself as I remember my grandpa.
“Even though we had all the money in the world, he loved finding unique things that couldn’t be bought in high-end stores.
My mother hated it, said it was a waste of money, and showed poorly on our ‘social circle’.
” I air quote the words and roll my eyes.
My mother and I couldn't be more different.
All she cares about is her image above everything else.
Including me.
“While we were browsing down the aisle, I came across that specific mug and fell in love with it instantly. At first my grandfather was reluctant. I was a kid; what use would I have with a ceramic mug? But I begged and begged and promised I’d be careful with it.
That I’d be so careful it would last a lifetime. ”
I smile fondly as the memory dances through my mind. The joy and excitement I felt in that moment, not knowing it would be so shortly lived… My hands begin to fiddle with the hem of my dress, and I look down at my fingers and swallow, my smile turning sad.
“Finally, he accepted and bought it for me. As we were walking out of the store and heading for the car, my grandfather had a heart attack… He started squeezing his fist against his chest and reached out for support. But there was nothing around but me, and the car was still too far away. As he fell to the ground, he hit my shoulder and knocked the mug out of my hand. It didn’t break, but there’s a chip on the rim because of the fall. ”
“I noticed the chip,” Greyson says delicately and takes my hand in his, offering some form of support.
I sniffle as my eyes become glassy. “I screamed so loud the cashier from inside the store came rushing out. When she saw what was happening, she grabbed me and turned my back to my grandfather so that I couldn’t see him lying there lifeless while she called 9-1-1.
” I swallow past the lump in my throat, forcing myself to say the last words that still haunt me to this day.
“When my dad finally came to get me and my grandfather was taken away, the cashier handed me back my mug and told me to treasure my last memory forever.” A tear slips down my cheek, and I rub it furiously away, hating that Greyson is seeing me like this.
“Fuck, Bunny…”
“It’s okay, it was a long time ago.” I look up and offer him a dejected smile.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel this way. You don’t need to hide your emotions all the time, certainly not right now,” he says, squeezing my hand lightly.
“Strong women don’t cry in public. We do it behind closed doors where the world can’t see.” I chuckle sarcastically. “It’s what my mother told me on the day of his funeral.”
“Fuck your mother. I’m sorry, but that’s a shitty thing to say, certainly to a child who just lost someone important in their life.”
I let out a real laugh this time. “My mother is a piece of work. Pray you never have to meet her.” I sigh, dropping my shoulders. “When I said we would get to know each other better, I didn’t think it would turn so depressing.”
“Yeah, if I’d known, I’d never have agreed.” The corner of his mouth lifts.
I gasp loudly. “Was that the start of a smile I just saw!?”
He shakes his head and looks down. “Shut up, Em.”
“Okay! Let’s share something that will lighten the mood. Tell me something funny about you.”
He thinks for a moment, then says something I wasn’t expecting as I take a sip of my wine. “My first tattoo was done because I lost a bet. Now I have a penis on my ass for life.”
I nearly spit my wine out, coughing a few times. “You’re lying!”
“I wish.”
“Can I see it?” I find myself asking before I can even stop the words from spilling out of my mouth.
His eyes widen, clearly having been caught off guard, and he opens his mouth to speak, but I hold my hand up before he can say a word. “Never mind. That was inappropriate even for me. As you can tell, I don’t always think before talking.”
I giggle, letting my imagination run wild with what it may look like instead.
“Okay, here’s mine. When I was fifteen, I gave my first blowjob.
Which was nasty, by the way. Anyway, the next day I woke up with a sore throat, and when I looked in the mirror, I could see white patches at the back.
I freaked out, thinking I had caught an STI or something. ”
I press my lips together, trying my hardest not to laugh at the embarrassing memory.
“Thankfully it was the weekend and my dad was home, so I ran to him and told him everything. Let me just say, I was mortified that I had to share my first sexual experience with my dad, and he looked like he was about to pass out. Finally, he took me to see our family doctor, and well, it turns out it was just tonsillitis. So yeah, I basically shared a very private experience with my father for absolutely no reason.”
Greyson’s eyes widen to saucers as he sucks in his lips, then puckers them, fighting hard against his reaction. Then the most beautiful thing happens. His lips spread, mouth opening wide as he throws his head back and lets out a rich, deep laugh with his hand pressed against his chest.
The sound coming from his throat is so loud, I fear he’ll wake up Little Tulip. I jump from my seat between his spread legs and place my hand over his lips to dim the noise. “Shh! You’ll wake up Gracie!” I say, laughing along with him.
Grey’s head comes back down as his hand leaves his chest and he places both on my hips, his laugh slowly fading. He nips the inside of my fingers with his teeth, making me pull it away to reveal a breathtaking smile.
I rest my palm against the side of his neck and place the other on his chest, sighing as I bite my lip. “You laughed… and now you’re smiling.”
“Yeah, Bunny. I’m smiling,” he murmurs.
We’re so close, my body pressing against his, his breath a soft flutter over my mouth, and our noses almost touching.
I look down at his lips, wondering what they would taste like against mine, wanting to trace them with my fingertips.
So much for not exploring whatever this is.
His hands lift up the sides of my body, pulling my dress higher, then come back to my hips and squeeze as his face becomes more serious.
He closes his eyes and looks pained. “I was in love with Rose. Well, I thought I was. Now I’m not sure it was really that. When we met, she was the first person who didn’t recognize me; she only saw me for me. It was easy with her, and we shared such a strong connection that night.”
My eyes widen at his admission, but I stay quiet and let him continue.
“That weekend, I was only visiting my family and needed to be back in New York the next day. My schedule was packed when I got home, but I managed to make it back to Toronto a month later and looked for her. But without her real name, my searches came up empty.” He shrugs and offers me a small half-smile.
“I never forgot her, and when I saw her at the game that first time after she met Silas, I nearly lost it. The girl I thought I loved was in love with my best friend, but now I realize it wasn’t that.
It’s not like how they feel about each other.
Maybe it was just a strong crush or heavy lust, I don’t know…
I’ve never really told anyone…” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and drops my gaze, a glimpse of shame flickering in his eyes.
“The day Rose found out she was pregnant is the same day I met Gracie’s mom.
Ironic, isn’t it? The day I find out the girl I love is having my best friend's baby, I go and make my own.” He chuckles humorlessly, searching my eyes for a sign of how I feel about his declarations.
His hands on me tighten as if he fears I might run away.
Wow… I… I don’t even know how to process all of that…
I always thought there was more to his feelings toward Cecilia; I just didn’t realize they were this deep. Cece had told me about the night she met Greyson back when we were eighteen. We were both studying in Toronto to become event planners and went to some posh Christmas party during our break.
While I was off doing God knows what, Cecilia had spent the night with Greyson. Although Cece wasn’t hooked up on Greyson like he was, at least from what she told me, and only thought about him from time to time.
“I had a feeling you were… I won’t say anything, I promise.”
Great. Not only do I have to be jealous about my best friend finding the love of her life, but also now that she has a great guy pining over her. Yet I can’t even seem to find one person who truly loves me, truly wants me and only me…