Chapter 36
I miss our morning tea…
Chris swallowed hard, staring at the text message from Carrah. His thumbs hovered above the keyboard. He missed meeting her at the café too. Her beautiful eyes, fresh face, and thoughtful attitude always brightened his day.
Instead of typing back he cut his phone off and tossed it on his desk. He sauntered over to the floor-to-ceiling windows of his corner office where he was greeted by Tribeca’s historic waterfront and the Hudson River Park. For most, the view was spectacular. He would never deny the fact. However, it couldn’t compare to the Shores.
Or her…
He released a long breath while taking the landscape in. She’d loved landscapes… but apparently not the idea of them enough to choose the happiness she deserved. Which was why he decided against responding to any of Carrah’s calls or texts. If what had happened between them had been purely physical, then maybe he could reply. He’d never had a problem viewing sex as sex. Hell, he knew the rules.
But that wasn’t what it had been between him and her that night. The memory haunted him of the way their bodies entangled as she kissed him, touched him, and accepted his pleasure without complaint. She had given her all to him from dusk till dawn, and it was then he realized he had already fallen in love with her.
The phone on his desk rang, decapitating memories he wished were nonexistent. He moved back to his desk and saw Gavin’s number on the caller ID. Shayla’s failure to announce the caller illustrated her heavy-handedness in forcing him to connect with what he had left behind. “’Sup, Gav,” he spoke into the receiver.
“You tell me, man. You ain’t never left the Shores early.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know why.” There was no reason to beat around the bush. The pissing match with Trenton Butler was well documented… and he wouldn’t allow his heart to be Carrah’s punching bag. So it was best to transition back to that alternate reality where their rivalry permitted her to be the dutiful daughter while pretending he didn’t exist. “Anyways, what are y’all getting into today?”
A snort came from the other end of the line. “That shit won’t work, bro. You and Carrah were legit knocking boots behind everybody’s back. Now you’re gone and she’s isolated herself. Won’t come to anything, and she’s usually at every event. Everything is weird. It doesn’t feel like summer anymore, and I don’t know if it ever will after all of this. Too many lines were crossed.”
Chris cursed under his breath. “Sorry, man. I… I should’ve kept my hands to myself.” It wasn’t his goal to upset the dynamic of their group, and he hated that Carrah had to hide to avoid ridicule.
“Takes two to tango. Both of you needed to keep your damn hands to yourselves. Why didn’t you tell me?” His teeth smacked. “My duty would’ve been to keep you away. Women like Carrah make men forget who they are. You see Trent. The man been cheating with all the ass in the world and yet he won’t let her go. Guess that famous voodoo queen great-grandmother of hers didn’t just pass down looks.”
A light chuckle slipped from Chris. Leave it to Gavin to lift his spirits. And yet his words held truth. Carrah had made him forget he was her enemy, that his mom didn’t approve, and that he wasn’t looking for love. She was the lady he wanted in his life, despite knowing he could never have her.
It was then that a fantasy entered his mind. For a moment he wondered what it might have been like if they’d beaten their star-crossed odds. They both knew on some level that they were playing with fire. It was obvious neither expected the third-degree burns they now suffered. His jaw tightened as he rubbed at his chest. The ache deepened.
“She says you aren’t answering her calls.” A pause hung on the line. “I don’t see this as a hit-it-and-quit-it sort of thing so why won’t you talk to her?”
Gavin was his best friend. He had been for a long time, which meant Chris knew where all the bodies were buried. Therefore, it rendered this line of questioning hypocritical, given the many women Gavin never gave consideration to after he spent time between their legs.
“There is nothing left to say.” Chris meant it. Carrah had been unable to be honest with her feelings toward him when it mattered most. This was his punishment for falling for her—for being a traitor to his family.
A loud, strong harrumph came from the other end of the line. “Try that on someone who doesn’t know you. The fact that you moved as discreet as you did and then stood ten toes down against Trent when he spoke ill of her contradicts the way you left. And to find, what, distraction with your work?”
Maybe. It still didn’t matter. His mind was made up.
“Riddle me this”—he couldn’t see Gavin’s smirk but he heard it—“how does the thought of Carrah being with another man make you feel? That will become a reality if you stay stuck on your ego, Chennault.”
Chris gulped hard and sat absently staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t know how, but he knew he would never fall for another woman in the way he’d fallen for Carrah. For all their lives they’d been around each other dancing a jig, pretending it was because they hated one another. The more he peeked behind the scenes, the more he understood that he and Carrah had both been suppressing a forbidden attraction. Subconsciously it must have turned into hate since they were not allowed to act on it.
As he ended the call and placed the phone in the receiver, a solemn mood clouded him. He couldn’t control how he wanted to not feel for her. And as bad as he wanted her, he refused to put himself in a position to be hurt by her all over again. He’d laid all his cards out to her once, twice, maybe three times. He didn’t have it in him to do it again.
The handle on the door to his office clicked before it opened and Shayla walked in. She stopped in front of his desk, holding a stack of papers and eyeing him much longer than normal. “What did Gavin say? Is Carrah okay?”
Without looking up at her, he replied, massaging his temples. “Gavin seems to think she’s isolating herself from everyone. He says it no longer feels like summer.”
“Yeah, no, it doesn’t. I would give anything to be at the boardwalk right now. Unfortunately, we’re back in the concrete jungle.” She then set the documents in her hand on his desk. “You should go back.”
“No.” His voice rose a decibel.
“Why wo—fine!” She threw her hands in the air. “I know this look, your vibe, whatever you want to call it. You don’t have to discuss it with me, but you should know your mood has been barely tolerable.” He turned his gaze sharply on Shayla. “You’re miserable without her. The entire office knows something is off with you.
“They think it’s because Gerron got booted from his show. Only, I know it’s because of your situation with Carrah, which is worse in my opinion because there’s no legalese to erase what happened. So if you think coming back to New York to work ungodly hours is the answer, you’re wrong.”
Chris felt his jaw twitch with irritation, but he still refused to offer a response. He was certain Shayla took it to mean he was done talking by the way she walked out of his office. He cursed more than a few times then finally picked up the phone and dialed Carrah’s number.
“Hello,” her soft voice came through the other end, effectively clenching his heart.
His eyes closed while his chest rose and fell with the vigor of a man who had just endured a twelve-mile run. “Carrah, this is Chris. I—”
“Hey.” She was breathless. “How—”
“Is everything okay?” He cut her off, unintentionally injecting a stony tone, but understanding he needed a shield of protection. This was a bad idea. He couldn’t relapse this easy. “Might there be something regarding your contract needing my attention?” Never again did he want the lines between professional and personal to become blurred.
A long pause filled the line with silence. His frigid tone took her back to the very first time she went to his office. The question stung. She was sure he’d seen her messages. None of which mentioned their business arrangement.
“Everything is fine,” she lied. She wanted to say, I’m miserable… I love you but you probably no longer love me… and I wish we could start back at the beginning.
Since that night when they’d debated time travel her stance had changed. Hindsight revealed that she would use it to go back, start all over again, and confess her feelings to Chris at the Red Party. Maybe even alter the dislike between their families so he could’ve been her beau at debut. Perhaps then they could’ve discovered the thing that lingered between them.
“Fine,” he drawled.
“Yes, fine.” Defense mechanisms kicked in, making the reply lofty even though tears were stinging her eyes. “I appreciate the call. I have to go.” Without saying bye she hung up the phone.
Her face went into her palms, capturing her tears. She heaved in her disappointments and blew out her regrets. He’d already said goodbye three days ago and she didn’t want to hear it again.
Once she felt she had her feelings under control, she sat upright on the couch and met Reese’s and Ava’s concerned stares.
“Why didn’t you tell him?” Ava’s somber voice consoled Carrah before she made it to her side and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “How hard is it for you to tell that man you fell in love with him?”
Reese flanked her other side. She looked Carrah in the face and frowned. “You’re much too stubborn. Don’t be like me and miss ten years with the man you love, Carrah. It’s hard to make up that time. No matter how many beach-in-a-jars you make.”
“Neither of you heard him.” Carrah sniffled, unable to withstand the way her heart began breaking all over again. “He was all business, cold, and—”
“You did that,” Ava said matter-of-factly, and got to her feet. “How was Chris supposed to act after you threw away everything the two of you shared this summer? Just like you sat on that phone and lied to protect yourself, he did the same. Only”—Ava’s nostrils flared and she blew out a harsh breath—“he has the right. You don’t!”
Carrah’s head snapped up to Ava. Her friend always seemed to take up for Chris more than anyone else. “You like him.” She whispered her accusation.
Ava’s arms folded, melting her frustration from sight. “A long time ago I had a crush on Chris. But I’ve always seen the way he looked at you, Carrah. Especially when no one was watching.”
“And the way Carrah looked at him when she thought we weren’t paying attention.” Reese side-eyed Carrah, chiming in and helping to soften the glare that was set on Ava. “It is clear that something is between the two of you, regardless of your families’ drama. I mean, Chris disregarded societal decorum and stood up for you in front of everyone.”
Thoughts, words, they were all bogged down by the memory of him protecting her from Trent on the night of the Red Party. Before Christopher Chennault, Carrah had been trapped inside a gilded cage. He’d freed her by championing her dreams, keeping her secrets safe, and giving her someone to love. Through him she was allowed a chance to discover a new path. And though it was full of complication, heartache, and uncertainty, it ended with him. She knew she would never love like this again. He was her happily ever after, and she was no longer afraid to fight for it.