28. Keegan
Sitting at the small table in our suite, I massage my temples, wondering what the hell to do.
It doesn’t take a genius to understand that Carter still has feelings for Cristian.
However, I also know he is completely devoted to Marcus and me.
The last thing I want is to be a stumbling block in his life.
I want to lift him up and be that safe space.
Hell, ever since he called me Daddy… I never truly understood just how much power one word can have.
Marcus comes up behind me, rubbing my shoulders as he says, “Was it that bad?”
“Eh, Tennant took us to task pretty hard, but it was fair. I certainly didn’t realize the level of harassment both Cristian and Allesandro were going through.
Fuck, I hate to admit it, but I actually have more respect for Cristian after hearing that.
It would have been easy for them to give up, but they both continued to show up.
That’s true inner strength.” I make a face, still hating that I have to give the asshole credit.
“And…fuck. I need to let go of my anger toward him. It won’t do any good because I know Carter still cares for him. ”
“Hmm… So, the same situation you were in with me,” Marcus responds sympathetically. “You hated Il Padrone, but you stayed for me. How did you overcome that?”
Snorting, I think back to those chaotic months, wondering how the hell I went from helping to hold my Tease captive and planning to destroy Il Padrone, to not only letting the guy live, but joining his Organization as a Boy when there’s barely a submissive bone in my body.
Casting through the memories, some of which are horrendously painful, I finally manage to say, “It was a combination of you and Lio.”
Marcus hums quietly, and seems to study me and my words before asking, “What do you mean? I guess I could see you letting go of your anger because you wanted me, but what does Lio have to do with it?”
With a wry smile, I shake my head. “Because here’s this hell, at the time, twenty- or twenty-one-year-old kid, who has survived fucking hell and still finds something in Il Padrone to cherish.
Their love was—and is—completely genuine.
When I gave him the option to escape his captor, Peter, I honestly thought he’d run far in the other direction, instead of straight to another monster’s arms.
“Lio taught me patience and forgiveness.
He has his limits, mainly if you hurt someone he considers his, but overall?
That boy is too good for this world. And Allesandro knows it, but manages to cherish it.
That… I respect that. As a Dom, seeing another Dom show a submissive care and love… that provided a connection.
“It then let me see that my perspective of him and his relationship with all of his Boys was off. I was trying to define them by my own moral compass. I had to realign that, but once I did? I saw his dedication to all of you. He earned my respect—and yes, the right to call me one of his Boys and an inner circle member.”
“Then it seems to me that you need to get to know Cristian more. And perhaps, through Carter’s eyes, instead of as an outsider being protective of a man you love.
If Cristian was able to raise a son as strong and full of life as Roman, and was smart enough to love Carter, there has to be something there. ”
Sighing, I turn sideways in the chair, gesturing for him to come in front of me.
As soon as he does, I draw him into a hug, letting my exhaustion and frustration seep out.
This. This is why my Tease will always have my heart.
And, perhaps, he’s right. My heart needs to listen to Carter and, unfortunately, to Cristian.
“Love you,” I murmur. I feel the brush of his lips against my head as I tighten my grip on him. “Thank you, Tease.”
“Always. No matter what, you and I? We’re solid. And remember, we opened our lives to Carter, but there’s always room for more. Your heart is large enough to carry us, and I’ll be right by your side.
“But for now, I think I’ll take Cole out to see the goats for a bit. He’s been quieter than normal today. This will give you time to talk to Carter without him being overwhelmed.”
I drop my arms, enjoying the kiss he gives me before he sets off.
He’s right that it’ll be easier to talk to Carter when it doesn’t seem like an inquisition.
It’s just difficult because I thought I had all the answers already, and fuck, that’s hard to let go of.
But for love? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Carter or Marcus.
And perhaps Carter just needs to see that.
Blowing out a breath, I wait for our Love to join me. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long. I stand as soon as he comes in, opening my arms. My poor Boy comes willingly—eagerly—soaking up every bit of support I can offer. I hug him tight, trying to say with my body what words can’t thoroughly express.
“That meeting…” Carter groans against my chest, not able to finish his words.
I rub his back, trying to soothe him. Dropping my voice, I gently ask, “Was it that hard?”
“Eh… It certainly wasn’t easy. Tennant really took us to task, but Lio? Lio finished us off.” He cringes, and I brush his hair back as he leans away from me, not wanting him to hide. “But we made good progress.”
“That’s what is important. All of you need to remember is that you’re doing something nobody else has even attempted, and you’ve been successful.
There are going to be growing pains. Leadership is never easy.
There’s a reason I went in and destroyed mafia Families and didn’t stick around.
I didn’t want the responsibility for damn good reason.
What you three are doing is a lot, but I don’t want you feeling guilty. ”
“It’s hard not to feel guilty when people have suffered because we were blind,” he whispers, his voice cracking from the pain, and I know he’s thinking mainly of Cristian.
I guide him over to the bed, nudging him to sit as I take a spot beside him. I hold onto his hand so he can’t go far, but I know he’ll need to process the words I have to say. Hell, the realization has rocked me. But first, I need to get him over this misplaced guilt.
“Love, how could you see it? We’ve run from one emergency to another. Roman was kidnapped. And then he was in recovery—which he’s still going through. And then we almost lost Cole, and he’s still having bad days. You can’t take everything on yourself.
“As Bosses, you can’t be everywhere at once. That’s why you have the Voices, and we in turn have the captains who report to us. This doesn’t land squarely on any of your shoulders.”
He chews his bottom lip before begrudgingly nodding. “I know you’re right, but…”
“But this is something to take seriously,” I finish for him.
“This affects someone you care about. The father of your child. And while he may be your ex-husband, he is still someone you love. Ten years don’t disappear in the blink of an eye.
Nor should they. Marcus and I love you because of your heart, because you care deeply, and because you’re loyal.
“And while I’ll admit I’m not always the most charitable toward Cristian, he provided you safe harbor. And he gave you a chance to grow. He shared his life with you, and in turn, you shared yours with him. Those feelings don’t just dissipate. And I don’t want you feeling guilty over that.
“No matter what, us three—you, me, and Marcus—are solid. We are in this forever. But, Sweetheart, your heart is large enough for more, and Marcus and I recognize that. Not only do we accept that, we cherish it about you. After all, we wouldn’t have entrusted Cole to you if you weren’t capable of opening your heart. ”
His eyes fill, and I use my other hand to turn his face toward mine, kissing him gently.
I taste the saltiness of tears that have overfilled his eyes, but I don’t stop.
Not when I can communicate everything possible with a kiss.
A reminder that our love is infinite, that it can’t be beat, and that he’ll never lose it.
I want to sear that knowledge into him, a vow so weighty, but one that sets him free.
As I end the kiss, I look deep into his eyes and whisper, “Our love is unconditional. And it’s not meant to hold you back, but to set you free. To be yourself. Accept all the parts inside you, because we do—and I promise you, we cherish them, Love.”
His breath catches and more tears flow over. “Even Marcus?”
“Yes, Love. Both of us. We’re here for you, and I promise you, whatever type of future you want, we’ll build it—together.”
He lapses into silence, melting into me as the stress and guilt finally falls away. Quietly, he adds the most beautiful words in the world. “Thank you, Daddy.”
I never knew my heart could be so full. Tease brought me back to life, but Carter?
He completed me—and us—on a level I didn’t think was possible.
The joy I feel should be damn near illegal.
Thank fuck I’m not a good guy, because I’ll never let my men go, and if somehow Cristian slots himself into our life…
Tease is right. There is room. I’ll protect them all until my dying breath, because my Sub and my Boy need me.
And what they sometimes fail to realize… I need them just as much.