Chapter 22 #2
A single hot tear springs free as I overflow with relief, regret, guilt, need.
I can’t thank him. I can’t apologize. I can’t come clean and explain everything.
I can’t speak at all. All I can do is take his face in my hands and pull him in for a devastating kiss, so wanting, so full of yearning, it makes my own breath catch in my throat.
My hands dip to the hem of his shirt and he sucks in a breath as I inch the fabric up, reveling in the feel of his hot skin.
I drink up the scenic route across his body: the cut of his hips peeking out from his low-slung jeans, the defined stomach, the broad chest, the—my mouth falls open as I tug his tee all the way off.
Dangling from the thin gold chain that’s been hiding beneath his collar all day is a solitary gold ring. His half of the matching set we bought in our last-minute scramble to throw together an elopement.
His wedding ring. All this time.
He still wears it.
I clench my left hand, like I can hide the fact my fourth finger’s naked as I stare.
His gaze drops to his chest, like he forgot it was there.
Instantly, his hand goes to it, thumb and forefinger linking with the precious metal in a gesture so smooth I can’t help but wonder if it’s one he does often.
Another tear must’ve fallen, because he drops his hand and swipes one away with his thumb.
“Why do you still wear it?” I rasp, not pulling my eyes from it.
He sighs, a sound so tortured it makes me wince. “Why do you think, Winnie?”
His implication cracks right through my heart, all of its guarded walls.
His hands fall to the tops of my bare thighs and I can’t stop myself from reaching out.
Tracing the perfect, infinite ‘O.’ Even in the dull light feeding in through the window, his eyes look red and glassy.
He places his hand over mine, halts my obsessive tracing, and in his piercing gaze I see the rink we used to skate near campus; the cheap blue neons that scattered on the walls the first night I kissed him; the cloudless spring sky the afternoon we promised each other forever.
I can’t fool myself any longer.
I love this man. With every inch of my being, every last drop of my rotten soul. I love him.
Sliding my hand low enough to feel his pounding heart, I whimper, “I need you, Charlie.”
I mean it in multiple senses of the word, but the one he latches onto darkens his gaze on me instantly.
“I need you too.” His fist tightens in my hair as I work on his belt and jeans. “It feels like I only half-exist without you, Winnie.”
I’m but a puddle wrapped around his hips as he helps work the rest of his clothes off.
He doesn’t bother to neatly set them on the desk, just kicks them to the side, not taking his hungry gaze off me for more than a second.
As I wrap my hand around the hard length of him, he heaves a sigh, and a soft shade of color on his thigh catches my eye.
When we were together, I explored every inch of him thoroughly—that is new. A tattoo?
One hand still cupping my face, he grabs my hip and slides me closer to the edge of the desk, widening my thighs as they spread around his.
Behind him, my ankles lock together. He twines his fingers with mine as he lines himself up and eases inside me.
I greet the sensation with a gasp, and he traces the bottom curve of my mouth with his thumb, like he’s trying to remember the shape of how much I enjoy him.
“Fuck. You’re so wet.” He groans as we move slowly, getting used to each other again. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
For a long time, I tried convincing myself I’d move on from Charlie one day. My decision to leave was for the best for him, and the shatter lines in my heart would fuse back together if I gave it enough time. Every wound, no matter how deep, heals eventually. I could survive a scar.
But as he holds me with gentle reverence and his mouth finds that favorite spot on my neck and I feel the exact same as I did before I broke us, I realize I’d been so incredibly wrong.
Charlie was never a blade to my fragile body. He is the spreading ink of a tattoo, etched onto me forever. A ghost I can never exorcise. A constant in a sea of variables. Even if I never come back, I will never be free of him. I don’t think I want to be.
Sweat pills on my skin as the clip of our rhythm races ahead and I arch my back at the pleasure we’re careening toward and all the building intensity I feel for him.
His drawn-out moan as I drag my nails down his back sends a thrill through me.
His eyes darken on me, catching my mouth in a deep, bruising kiss, as I do it again.
As his bite sinks into my bottom lip, I moan right back at him.
Charlie’s teeth swipe against my earlobe as he murmurs, “Lie back.” My shoulder blades meet the soft cotton of his shirt as he drags his hand down my stomach, gaze roving over my curves. “Look how pretty you are like this.”
I melt under his praise and he crawls over me, my ankles locking behind him as our bodies close in on each other until my oxygen is his and his is mine, our noses grazing.
His hands crown my head, his thumb brushing my sweaty hair from my forehead as our eyes meet and I pull in a choked breath as we join again.
My nails dig into his biceps and I revel in the low noise it pulls from him.
On top of me, his pace mellows and I feel every single inch of movement as I writhe beneath him, desperate for more.
“Faster,” I pant.
But he shakes his head. “You said don’t go easy on you. I’ve been waiting for this for so long, baby. I wouldn’t rush it if you begged me.”
Like the world’s most luscious punishment, his hips roll against me so frustratingly slow, building pressure in all the right spots, I can’t help but whimper.
His front teeth sink down on his bottom lip as he watches the effect he has on me, looking far too satisfied.
But it doesn’t matter how hard I try to take control, bowing up to meet him, he doesn’t give an ounce of it over.
I drag my nails everywhere I can reach—his corded arms, his muscled back, his neck, the curve of his ass.
With enough pressure to make him moan, I bite down on his shoulder.
The smell of us, the taste of him, his heated skin burning against mine, it threatens to send me over the edge again.
As another wave of pleasure crashes over me, the satisfaction on his face carves into pure awe as I cry out and tighten around him, my trembling release cascading over me.
With his moans in my ear, Charlie crests too, one hand cradling the back of my head as we fall together.
Too bad there’s nothing to catch us at the bottom.