Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Heavy steam settles in our bathroom like wispy cirrus clouds as I help Charlie undress, mindful of his injuries.
Head to toe, he’s covered in sweat, filth, and dried blood as I expose all of his gruesome injuries and violet bruising.
My gaze falls to his thighs, the splash of color half-visible behind fabric.
“Earlier, I was wondering . . .” My teeth saw into my lip as hesitation tightens in my throat. What if I was wrong?
But he sees right through me.
He exhales a silent laugh. “Yeah, Winnie. I got a tattoo of the flowers my wife held at our wedding after she left me. Pathetic, I know.”
I’m swallowed whole by his affection. I twist up a crooked smile. “Guess you’re lucky I came back then.”
The corner of his mouth twitches up. “Yeah. Guess I am.”
His hands brace against the vanity sink, stomach hollowing on a sucked-in breath, as I lower his boxers so he doesn’t have to disturb his broken ribs.
“Might not be a good idea for me to shower alone after all,” he murmurs.
My cheeks flush, eyes flicking up at him. “You’re sure?”
His brow lifts. “You sound surprised.”
“I guess I just . . . didn’t expect you to forgive me so easily.” I pop the button on my shorts.
“I think we have a long road ahead and some marriage counseling bills ahead of us,” he admits. “But that’s what love is, Winnie. Forgiveness. I know your heart; I know you didn’t intentionally hurt me. And if you’re willing to do the work with me to fix this—then yeah, I forgive you.”
I dip my chin in silent thanks. To be loved like this, so unconditionally, weighs like a boulder in my chest. Probably one of the pit stops along the long road—learning how to accept the good without hedging for the bad.
“Haven’t you ever watched a movie before?” I deadpan. “You’re supposed to make me stand outside your window playing Peter Gabriel or fix up an old house exactly how you dreamed to win back your love. Grand romantic gesture.”
The sound he makes is more breath than laugh, probably to spare his ribs. “I don’t know. You getting emotionally vulnerable felt pretty grand to me.”
He makes no secret of watching me strip off the rest of my clothes.
I hold the curtain back for him to get in first, then slot myself behind.
Even the thin spray of hot water that manages to reach me past his shoulders is an instant balm for my weary body.
He rinses his hair and I tell him to tip his head back as I squeeze shampoo in my palm.
We’re both quiet, enjoying the reprieve, as I work the soap through his dirty hair.
“How is he doing? River?” Charlie asks quietly.
I smile as I loosen a knot, careful not to pull.
“He’s good. Really good. Completely different from how he was when I drove up to Kansas.
He still goes to weekly therapy—still on his meds.
He has some great friends here, he’s been dating Payton for eight months now, and I promise he’s not always such a little asshole.
Between the storm and meeting you out of nowhere, I think he was thrown for a loop. He’ll warm up to you.”
A satisfied noise pops in Charlie’s throat. “I got you to, didn’t I?”
I snort. “Resident expert on feral midwesterners.”
“I’m glad to hear that, though. You two seem really close.”
I lather more shampoo to make sure I didn’t miss any spots and chew on my lip as I scrub it behind his ears. “You’re sure you’re okay with that? With him?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? He’s your brother, Win.”
“Rinse,” I direct, and he bows his head under the flow.
“Because my life’s a lot different now that I have him.
After this shower, I can’t go curl up naked in bed with you.
I’ll have to go tell Riv to get his girlfriend home safely, he’ll say okay we’re about to go.
I’ll give him ten minutes before I nag him again—and I always have to nag him again.
When he leaves, I won’t be able to fall asleep until he’s safely back.
I’ll keep an eye on my phone just in case he gets a flat, or gets pulled over and needs someone to talk him down from his panicking. ”
“Things will change. I hear you.” Finished rinsing, Charlie squeezes past me to trade places.
Facing him, I tip my hair back in the water.
“He plays his music really loud. He leaves dirty dishes in the sink, and he’s really bad about turning lights off when he leaves a room.
He thinks he knows everything, and I mean everything.
I don’t think I’ve been on time to anything but school since he moved in with me, and that’s because I work there.
He sits on his phone for like twenty minutes when he takes a dump—”
Charlie chuckles, a broken off strained sound. “First of all, you’re forgetting I grew up with two younger brothers. And I was a teenage boy once too. I get it. Second of all, why does it feel like you’re trying to talk me out of this?”
Taking a deep breath, I rake sudsy shampoo over my scalp.
“Because I need you to be sure, Charlie. One hundred percent sure. I can’t handle the thought of you waking up one day resenting me for turning your life upside down.
And I know you, Charlie. You’ll give everything for the people you care about.
But I never want to be someone who makes you sacrifice. ”
“Jesus, Winnie.” He huffs, eyes reddening. So softly I almost miss it, he says, “I didn’t know it was possible.”
My head tilts. “What?”
“Falling more in love with you than I already was. I’ve never met someone who loves as deeply or as fiercely as you.
Looking out for your brother. Looking out for me.
You give every goddamn ounce of yourself to the people you care about.
” His arm loops behind me and he presses his hand to the small of my back, drawing me closer as his other hand glides over my cheek.
“But you need to let other people love you in that way too.”
The swelling in my throat is almost unbearable as I shake my head on instinct, like I’m squirming out from under his words. “I—I don’t—I don’t know if I can. Charlie, I—” My voice catches. “I hurt you. I screwed up. I’m not soft. Or warm. Or easy to love—”
He tips my chin up with his knuckle. “Careful. You’re talking about my wife. I’ll defend that woman with everything I’ve got.”
My knees buckle at the title I’ve missed so much as I flatten both hands to his chest, my psyche searching for cracks, loopholes, signs of danger.
“You’re the one person I’d sacrifice everything for, Winona. Gladly. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You’re worried about me forgiving you but I think you need to forgive yourself first.”
Right now, it feels impossible. But the adoration in his eyes, the sturdy way he holds me—it makes me think I can do it. With my husband by my side.
And probably a hell of a lot more therapy.
I meet his eyes and I nod, too raw and worked up to speak.
As I detangle my raggedy strands of hair, I turn and face the shower head.
Not because I want to hide from him, but because sometimes it’s so overwhelming to be seen.
And he gives me that space, running a comforting hand over my bad hip to let me know he’s there, because he knows I need it.
And he knows this because he loves me, exactly as I am.