Chapter 3
Chapter
Three
One month earlier
Ewan
“She can’t see you, man.” Rowdy’s eyes are sympathetic, but his stance is unyielding.
Maddie’s heart monitor beeps on the other side of the door. Steady and reassuring.
But Rowdy, who was once my best friend, is not going to let me go in there.
“I just want to make sure she’s okay,” I say.
Rowdy gestures down the hall. “Come on, let’s talk in there.”
I follow him to the vending area, along with another guy who’s with him.
That guy seems reluctant to leave Maddie’s room. “She needs snacks and electrolytes,” the guy says, seemingly talking to himself.
A prickle of jealousy raises the hairs on my neck when I realize I saw that guy at the dance earlier tonight. He was the one who carried Maddie off the stage before I could get to her.
“Who’s this guy?” I ask Rowdy, gesturing with my thumb.
My high school best friend introduces the new guy as Foster, who owns a sporting goods store in town.
“How do you know Maddie?” I ask Foster a bit aggressively.
“She’s my most annoying customer, and she set me up with Ari. Who the fuck are you?” Foster retorts.
“Are you new? I’m her fucking husband.”
Rowdy frantically waves his hands in the air and shushes us. “Everybody, unclench your sphincters! We’re all friends here.”
Foster and I glare at each other. He’s with Ari, he said. But that doesn’t entitle him to have opinions about Maddie’s recovery.
To Foster, Rowdy says, “Listen, I’m going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to breathe a word of it to Maddie, Ari, or anybody. As far as you’re concerned, you don’t know Ewan, and you did not see him here tonight.”
Foster shrugs. “I think we should let Ari decide. Maddie’s her best friend.”
“I don’t think your opinion matters, friend,” I say.
Rowdy sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “Come on, guys.”
Foster backs off. “Okay, what’s the story? Someone going to fill me in here?”
Rowdy turns back to Foster and says, “They’ve been separated for a very long time. Maddie is delicate right now, and if she knew he was here, she would have another attack of—whatever that was back at the dance.”
I feel ashamed. I strongly feel that I caused her to collapse.
I’d been tracking her schedule. I knew she would be at the Valentine’s Day Dance.
I went to the gym at the community center against my better judgment.
I had the ring in my pocket. The one I had planned on giving to her on our first anniversary to replace the cheap gumball machine ring I gave her at our wedding.
Just before I left for basic training, I had saved up a little money and bought a sweet gold band with a diamond chip. More like a diamond speck in it.
But when Maddie saw me across the room, she was not happy to see me. Her knees buckled. Her eyes rolled back in her head. I tried to get to her, but it was chaos as people surged toward the stage to help her. Before I could get to Maddie, that Foster guy and Ari had whisked her away.
“What can I do to help?” Foster asks.
I’m really tired of this guy, and I let him know. “It’s not your job to help my wife.”
Rowdy turns back to me. “How you can help is by leaving her alone.”
I look into the eyes of this man who is now more than ten years older than when he witnessed us get married. When he was the kid who helped Maddie and I sneak out of the house over spring break senior year, and drove us all the way to Sunrise Beach because he was rooting for us.
Now, I’m not so sure he’s the same person.
“Fine,” I say. “I don’t want to be any trouble.”
Rowdy looks relieved and puts a hand on my shoulder. “I appreciate you, man.”
I nod. “I’ll be around.”
Before I leave the hospital, I have a question for the intake nurse, who refers me to billing.
It’s wildly fucked up how complicated it is to try to anonymously pre-pay someone else’s hospital bill with a personal check, but I manage to finally get the job done before anyone else notices my presence.
I head back to my boss’s sprawling cabin in the mountains, noticing all the feelings I’m having as I drive through Songbird Ridge.
It looks a lot different from the last time I was here.
Six years ago, there was a pandemic, and I was crawling out of my skin.
The plant was shut down and I was on paid leave, pacing around my studio apartment.
I had to make sure Maddie was safe and healthy.
Downtown Songbird Ridge was like a ghost town.
All the quaint shops, restaurants and galleries were locked and dark, with handwritten signs taped to the doors.
Posters were hanging in windows reading, “Thank you, essential workers,” and “Stay safe, stay home.”
The only places open were the urgent care clinic and the drive-through pharmacy.
The community center was functioning as a medical testing site.
I pulled up to the grocery store to grab some snacks after the five-hour drive, only to find out I needed to pre-order my items online for curbside pickup.
Everything was just as upside down here as it was in Nashville.
Crazy of me to drive so far just to get a glimpse of Maddie, but I had to know.
Maddie’s dad’s garage was mostly empty, with only two mechanics working on a car outside, masked up.
No Maddie sitting inside at the reception area.
Worried, I drove to the house. No one was there.
I parked two houses down, cracked my windows, and waited for hours.
My heart exploded out of my chest when suddenly she appeared, riding her bike right past my car.
She didn’t see me.
But I saw that hair streaming behind her, and a mask covering half her face. The basket of her bike was full of groceries. I watched her unload everything and wave hello to an older neighbor.
I could only pick out bits and pieces of their conversation as they called to each other.
“Doing okay?”
“Hanging in there,” Maddie replied, her eyes smiling. “You?”
I knew that guy. Vietnam vet with a long gray ponytail, who moved here to make pottery and be left alone with his many adopted dogs. “Kinda losing it,” he said. “But I sure do appreciate your piano playing every night.”
“Any requests?”
“Do you know any Creedence?”
She laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Let me know if you or your dad need anything.”
“You do the same.”
She headed into the house carrying her groceries.
My whole body relaxed, knowing she was fine. Not sick. Being careful. And of course, taking care of her friends and neighbors in her own way.
I drove back to Nashville that same day, sleeping at a rest area when my body couldn’t take it anymore.
She was fine.
That fact got me through the next couple of months. And then the chest pains began.
I waited it out, knowing it was a bad idea to end up in a hospital.
I tried everything. YouTube yoga. Supplements. Exercise. Vegan diet. Nothing made me feel better.
I even fostered a dog, which got me out of the house and contributed to the aforementioned exercise regimen.
Pascal, part poodle, part Bernese mountain dog, and part lab, was a good idea.
But even the sweetness of that black and white boy with the floppy ears could not make this pain in my chest go away.
That fostered dog became my adopted dog.
Still didn’t help, even though Pascal is the best and most patient dog I’ve ever met, right at my heels, everywhere I go.
And every time my thoughts drifted to the subject of Maddie, which was hourly, the pain was worse. Somehow, Pascal always knew and would try to lie on top of me whenever I was feeling my worst, nudging me with his nose and staring at me with those soulful brown eyes.
Finally, I was able to see a doctor, who ran tests but found nothing wrong with me. My heart was in perfect condition, despite the way I was feeling. That doctor recommended pills for anxiety and depression, which I didn’t take.
“If I feel like shit, I’m just going to feel it,” I told the doctor.
In hindsight, I probably could have used something to take the edge off until I could go back to work.
Today, as I drive through my old hometown in the middle of the night, there are people on the street outside the bar. A couple of the galleries are hosting after-hours events.
The sporting goods store is new and, frankly, overdue, given the crowds that descend on the area to ski in the winter.
Back at the log cabin, I take Pascal for a walk outside along the tree line.
The place is beautiful, with a wraparound porch, jacuzzi, and a sprawling, luxury fire pit area.
But as comfortable as it is, I’ve never been comfortable up in the isolated mountains.
The wildlife that I have seen coming out of these dark woods, the sounds that I hear at night sometimes, let’s just say I feel steadier in town.
Give me streetlights and paved roads. These mountains make you see things and hear things.
They seduce you into thinking you’re safe.
The only safe place I know is with Maddie. That’s never going to change.
I head back into the cabin and take a long, hot shower, thinking about things.
What if her friends hadn’t been there? What would have happened if I’d gotten to her and made her panic even worse? What kind of an asshole just appears like that after all this time?
Maybe, just maybe, I should start with an apology.
Maybe Pops is right, and I need to work on myself and figure out how to be in Maddie’s life instead of watching her from a distance, aching for what I once had?
The next morning, I call my boss in Nashville to let him know my wife is sick and I might have to stay in Songbird Ridge a little longer.
After a long pause, Pops lets me have it.
“Kid, you don’t need to come back.”
I’m so taken aback that I almost forget how to use my tongue. “Are you firing me?”
“No, I’m not firing you. I’m offering you early retirement.”
“What do you mean?”
Pops laughs, as if I should already know the answer.
“Listen, you’re vested in the company. That’s never going away. You’ve spent seven years putting the maximum amount of contributions into your retirement savings and every single type of savings the company offers. You’ve got over a million saved, kid.”
I know he’s fucking lying.
“What are you talking about? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I don’t know how it happened, but I’m looking at it now, and that’s it. Kid, don’t question it. Just cash it out when you need it — if you need it — and I’ll take care of the early withdrawal penalties.”
“Pops.”
“Go take care of your woman, you hear me?”
With that, he hangs up.
This new reality washes over me.
The old man forced me into retirement. Can I even call it retirement in my early 30s? No way I’m cashing out. That would be nuts, wouldn’t it? But I do have enough to live on for several months until I get a job.
But the bottom line is, I don’t have to be stressed about it. And if the stress of affording to live goes away, I won’t ever have to leave Songbird Ridge again.
I won’t ever have to leave Maddie again.
If she doesn’t want to take me back, I can at least live the rest of my life making sure she’s taken care of.
Even that crumb of satisfaction is enough. Even that is better than going back to a studio apartment in another state.
Maddie’s here and I’m here to stay.
And I’m not leaving, ever again.
But first, I have to find a way to make it up to her and address the hurt I caused. I have to let her know I’m safe for her. And that I regret how things ended.
You can’t force these things, though. She has to walk into a new chapter of her life with me, of her own free will. It’s my job to make sure that chapter is a place she’ll want to go to.