Chapter 10
Chapter
Ten
Maddie
Because my friends are here, I have to open the box that I left on the porch.
Inside the cardboard is another box, this one a small velvet ring box.
Ari claps a hand over her mouth.
Riley gasps.
I open the ring box and discover the sweetest little gold band with a tiny diamond chip.
And a note.
With a lump in my throat, I unfold the note and read it silently. “Maddie, this is the ring I meant to give you on our first anniversary. I want you to have it, to do with whatever you like.”
I quickly fold up the note and stuff it into my pocket, along with any feelings bubbling up.
“It’s a ring. An old one. From Ewan. He just wanted me to have it.”
Ari has gossip face. “Anything you want to tell us?”
I am moving on from any discussion about the ring. I eat my pot pie crust first. It’s flaky and buttery and so delicious.
“Thanks for the food. Really, everyone is doing too much.”
It truly is too much. Half of my front porch is lined with reusable shopping bags stuffed with groceries.
“Too bad, there’s more.” This statement comes from my neighbor, Iris, the dressmaker. She hauls a big bag up the stairs.
“What have you got there?” I ask her.
She opens the bag and shows me a book with a gorgeous cover. “The smuttiest dark romance paperbacks available at Robin’s Grocery Store,” Iris says.
“We are truly blessed in this town,” Rile says.
“I also have wine,” Iris says.
“Just in time for gossip,” Ari says. “Open it up and join us. We have plenty of food.”
Iris goes into the kitchen to fetch some cups, then comes back out with three and hands them out.
“So,” Iris says. “What are we gossiping about?”
“Nothing,” I say. “I was just saying my friends do too much for me, that’s all.”
Riley dabs her lips with her napkin and says, “Well, you did add Ewan to the group chat, and he mentioned that he used literally every speck of food he could find in the house to make you a half-assed soup.”
“Yeah, so we thought we’d help out,” Ari adds, shoving a full section of her club sandwich in her mouth.
“Don’t let him be so self-effacing, it’s not cute. The soup is great. I credit it partially for being so full of energy right now,” I say.
Riley takes a bite of her chicken wrap while exchanging a look with Ari.
“So like I was saying. Anything you want to tell us?” Ari asks.
“About what?” I reply innocently, shoveling more food in my mouth so I don’t have to answer any questions right away that I don’t have an easy answer for.
Ari smiles and picks up another section of club sandwich. “The ring.”
I shrug. “Just an old ring he wanted me to have. The note says he’s not asking me to marry him again. Just giving it to me. That’s it.”
Riley looks disappointed. “I thought there would be more.”
“Why?” I ask.
Ari says, “Well, you added him to the group chat. He’s been hanging around your house for days. You haven’t kicked him out yet. You complimented his cooking. And you’re glowing like you just got ate out.”
Riley yelps and covers her mouth.
Iris guffaws and raises her glass. “Cheers to that.”
I nearly spit out my food, and as I rock forward in my chair, some of the crust drops to the porch. Pascal is on it.
I look between the three of them. “There has been no eating anyone out!”
Ari cackles, and Riley shakes her head.
“He’s hanging around because he feels guilty for his stalker behavior. I’m letting him stay because he’s a hard-headed weirdo, same as always. And yeah, he learned to cook.”
Riley examines her fingernails and shyly adds, “That doesn’t explain the glowing.”
“We’re not having sex. I’m on day two of anti-viral medicine. It’s not like I’m up for it. And let’s face it, we have a long, long road to travel before we’re back to being together.”
“Hooking up and being back together are two different things,” Ari says to Riley, who grins and lifts an eyebrow.
Iris nods thoughtfully and downs her wine.
“We’re not hooking up, and we’re not back together,” I say, forking more food into my mouth, secretly thinking about Ewan’s mouth and noticing the flutter downstairs. God, that’s so not happening. I’m simply a sex-deprived, horny woman.
Ari says, “You know, you don’t have to rehash all your issues before you connect physically. Just saying. I wouldn’t judge you if you just wanted to hit that.”
“I’m not hitting that!”
“Okay,” Riley says, biting her nail to hide her shit-eating grin.
“But if you wanted to, and if he wanted to.”
“That would be none of your business,” I say through a mouthful of food.
Riley’s jaw drops. “I know what’s different! You’re not being super polite and measured and all that crap. You’re like…relaxed.”
Ari makes an approving noise.
“Y’all, we haven’t…”
“I know,” Ari says. “I believe you. But I think what Riley means is that you seem generally more relaxed and happy with Ewan here. Like you don’t have such a corn cob up your butt like you usually do.”
Wow.
“Leave it to my friends to talk shit while I’m basically an invalid,” I reply.
Riley laughs and gives Pascal a piece of chicken. “Which is it? You’re well enough to try to do our regular Thursday brunch, or you’re taking to your sickbed?”
“I think they gotcha,” Iris adds.
I try to scowl at everyone, but I can’t force the smile away. “Fine. It’s nice being taken care of once in a while.”
“Yeah,” Ari says.
“Look. I admit that after the incident on Valentine’s Day, I might have returned to work too soon and driven myself too hard.
But the medicine agrees with my system so well, I feel better.
That’s the glow you’re seeing. But I’m going to take it easy because you all give good advice, and I need to be careful.
Just like Dr. Taylor said. I’m going to listen this time. ”
“It’s nice to have Ewan take care of you,” Riley corrects. “And it looks good on you.”
I feel the heat surge into my cheeks, chest, and ears. Why? Why does my body give away what I’m really thinking?
“Well, it’s just temporary. He won’t even tell me where he’s staying.”
“He told Rowdy he was staying at a cabin somewhere in the area, right?” Ari asks Riley.
Riley nods her head.
“Also, he hasn’t been really clear about why he came back in the first place. Maybe to gloat.”
Riley and Ari exchange a look. “Gloat about what?” Ari asks.
“You know. How good his life has been without me.”
Riley clears her throat. “So you don’t know.”
I stare at my friend and set down my fork. “I don’t know what?”
Riley and Ari look at each other again, and I’m getting really tired of these silent exchanges between the two of them.
“Well,” Riley starts, dabbing the last of her ranch dressing off her lips, “Rowdy told me that Ewan has been miserable. Absolutely miserable.”
That’s crazy to hear. “What do you mean? His Army record is stellar. He served his four years of active duty and earned several awards! I read about it online. Because yeah, I was curious, so of course I did some checking up on him.”
“Yeah, but it was after his active service that things took a turn,” Riley says.
“How?” I ask. “He went straight to Individual Ready Reserves after that and then disappeared off the face of the earth. No social media, just a bare bones LinkedIn profile, presumably to keep his resume out there.”
Riley explains, “Well, he has a job in Nashville, and according to Rowdy, that’s all well and good. But as far as we know, he hasn’t been happy. He’s just been existing.”
“He has Pascal,” I say, not wanting to believe there’s something concrete to what Riley is telling me. Hearing his name, the dog pads over to me, nudges my leg, and I give him pets.
“He has no friends in Nashville. He works, goes home to a tiny studio apartment in a not-great part of the city. He doesn’t even socialize with anyone at work.
Rowdy checks in with him once in a while, and there are never any updates about anything personal.
He works all the overtime he can get until his boss tells him to go home for his own safety’s sake.
And then he just goes home and drinks to forget.
Rowdy went to see him several times, and he said his place is just a twin bed and not much else.
Barely a step above a prison cell. One time, Rowdy was really worried about him, and he showed up unannounced on a Saturday, and he was blacked out drunk and talking about you and how he fucked everything up. ”
“Aww,” Iris murmurs, refilling her glass.
My hand covers my mouth in shock. “Oh my god. I can’t believe Rowdy never told me any of this,” I say.
“He didn’t want you to know,” Riley says. “He’d be pretty pissed if he knew we were telling you all this.”
“Why?” I ask. “Why wouldn’t he want me to know he was struggling?”
Pascal goes over to Ari to get petted. Ari says, “Because he knew you were happier without him.”
I honestly can’t believe this. “But he’s dated people since we split up, right?”
“Not as far as we know,” Ari says.
“I don’t know why you’re surprised,” Riley adds. “Have you dated anyone since Ewan left?”
“No! I know people do that, but for me, I just don’t feel right about it until the paperwork is finalized.”
Ari says sympathetically, “I know that, and part of me wonders if neither of you has actually filed because you still love each other and want to be together.”
I slouch in the porch swing like the air has gone out of my sails. Pascal sniffs my socked feet with his wet nose.
“That is crazy to me. To waste all of his twenties not having any fun. Not dating anyone else, but not reaching out either,” I say.
“There’s more,” Riley says. Riley, who’s the quietest of all my friends, is really feeling chatty today.
“My god, what else?” I ask.
I look over my shoulder, then remember that Ewan left to give me some space to talk to my friends.
That was something we had argued about before.
I had wanted more time with my female friends before graduation; meanwhile, he was trying to talk me into joining the Army. That was the worst night of my life.
Ari says, “Well, apparently, during the pandemic, he didn’t just get a dog. He also came back to Songbird Ridge to check on you and make sure you were safe.”
I stare, agog, into the middle distance.
“Why didn’t he reach out? He could have texted. Called. Sent a passenger pigeon.”
“Those are extinct,” Riley points out.
“My god, this man is the most stubborn…”
“Or he didn’t want to get in your way. You split up because you wanted different things. He wanted to go into the Army because there were no jobs for him here. You wanted to join the arts guild and teach piano full-time,” Ari reminds me.
Boy, did that flop in the worst way. I’d been told by the guild that while I can become a member, I didn’t qualify for the base salary to allow me to teach music full-time.
That level of membership is hard to get into.
I’d tried to advocate for a change to the rules, but there were several major sticking points.
I had to have a proven record of success in my art, not just as an art teacher.
Unless I was getting invited to perform concerts up and down the Eastern seaboard, I couldn’t be an earning member of the guild.
My dream squashed, I went to work at my dad’s shop and taught piano on the side.
But I couldn’t seem to make anything happen that was more than that.
Deep down, I always wondered if Ewan was right to leave town, to do something that was a guaranteed paycheck.
Maybe everything I wanted was a pipe dream until now.
No, that’s not true. It’s not silly to chase whatever dream I have at the moment.
It’s not wrong to love love. Even if I don’t know what love is for myself.
Just then, Riley’s phone pings. She picks it up and looks at the screen. Her eyes go wide.
“What’s going on?”
Riley clears her throat. “About that little detail of him not telling you where he’s staying?”
“Yeah?” I say.
Ari leans forward.
Iris looks around. “Should I be here for this?”
Riley bites her lip and says, “Rowdy just texted me. There’s something you need to know.”