Chapter 3
The thumps of Bonnie’s heart were loud and hard in her chest as she walked to The Tea House. And there was a tremble in her fingers that had been there since she’d woken that morning.
This was it. She was finally going to see Noah and Indie after thirteen years of nothing.
What would she even say? Sorry for deserting you right after our parents died, when we needed each other most?
Sorry for not answering your calls? Sorry for completely cutting you off because I hated myself for a while?
She swallowed the hard lump in her throat and quickened her pace.
There were no words she could give that would make it better. The truth was, she’d been eighteen and hurting.
So she’d left. Run. Tried to escape it all. Because at eighteen, she hadn’t known what else to do.
But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst was remaining gone for so long.
At eighteen years old, she could be forgiven for making bad choices.
But years had passed, and she’d remained in San Francisco.
She hadn’t reached out. She hadn’t apologized.
Because every year that passed had made the mountain that she’d put between herself and her family feel that much higher.
It had taken Noah reaching out to her, and showing her a kindness she hadn’t felt she deserved, for Bonnie to finally reconnect.
But she was here now. And she was ready to start making amends.
Well, at least she thought she was. Until The Tea House came into view. Then her heart raced again.
No. She could do this.
She stopped at the door and took one deep breath.
It will be fine. Everything will be okay. The words whispered in her head before she pushed inside.
He was the first person she saw. The only person.
Noah. He was so much older. No longer the twenty-one-year-old brother she remembered. There were lines beside his eyes. And God, his shoulders were wide. But that smile…it was so achingly familiar.
He rose from the booth. She didn’t even feel like she had control of her feet, they just started moving.
“Hey, Bon-Bon.”
Tears suddenly welled in her eyes, and she threw her arms around his shoulders. His strong arms wrapped around her, holding her as she cried into his chest.
“How is it possible that you feel the same?” she whispered. Not just felt the same. Smelled the same. Sounded the same.
His arms tightened. “I know what you mean.”
She breathed him in. It felt like a part of her had suddenly been returned. Like she hadn’t even realized that piece was missing, but now that she had it back, she felt a bit more whole.
When they finally separated, Bonnie swiped tears from her cheeks. “You look good.”
One side of his mouth lifted, showing a familiar dimple. “Right back at you.”
“Is Indie here?”
There was the smallest hesitation from Noah.
And suddenly she knew. “She’s not coming.”
“Morning sickness. It’s been pretty rough for her. It has nothing to do with you. She wanted to be here.”
Bonnie nodded, wanting to believe him.
He gestured to the booth. “Sit. We have a lot to catch up on.”
She lowered, unable to take her eyes off him. The last time she’d seen him, he’d only been in the military for a couple of years. He hadn’t been as big or strong or…hardened.
“How are you?” she asked.
“Good. Great, actually. We had some hiccups at the park that caused us to close for a while, but we’ve reopened, and it’s been busy.”
“That’s great. And what about the woman you’re dating. Addie, was it?”
His eyes softened, the affection so immediate that she almost felt his love for her. “She’s amazing. I don’t know how I got so lucky with her. She sees my flaws and she loves me anyway.”
Noah’s smile made her smile. Of course Addie loved Noah—he was the best guy she’d ever met. “Maybe I’ll get to meet her soon.”
“You’ll definitely get to meet her. She wanted to come today but also wanted to give you and me some time first.”
An older woman stopped by the table. “Hi, Noah. Your usual?”
He smiled at the woman. “Thanks. Mrs. Gerald, this is my youngest sister, Bonnie. Bonnie, Mrs. Gerald. She’s the fabulous owner of this place.”
Mrs. Gerald scoffed. “I’m not sure about fabulous.”
Bonnie looked up at the woman. “Your coffee is amazing.”
“Thank you, dear. That means a lot to me. What can I get you?”
“I would love a dirty chai with almond milk.”
The older woman frowned. “You might have to explain that one to me. I’ve become pretty clued in on most drinks, but I haven’t heard of a dirty chai.”
She almost forgot she wasn’t in a big city anymore. “It’s an almond milk chai latte with a shot of espresso. But if you don’t serve that—”
“No, I can do it. It’s good for me to learn new things.” The woman grinned before walking away.
One side of Noah’s mouth lifted. “Fancy.”
“No. Not fancy. Nothing about me is fancy.”
His smile softened. “I can’t believe you’re home.”
“Me neither.”
“Tell me about your job.”
She lifted a shoulder. “It’s similar to my last. I organize the programs for women at the shelter.”
“How’d you get into that?”
“I started by working night shifts at a women’s shelter in San Franscisco. I got some certificates and became the program manager. I was there for my entire time in San Fransico.”
He shook his head. “I’ve missed so much.”
Pain cut into her chest. Her fault. It was her fault he’d missed her life. And her fault she’d missed his. “I’m sorry.” Two words she’d wanted to say so many times over the years. “I’m sorry I ran. I’m sorry I stayed away for so long. I’m sorry for so many things.”
He reached over and slipped his large warm hand over hers. “Why did you run?”
How many times had she played this conversation over in her head?
So many that she should have her answer worked out by now.
She didn’t. “Because when Dean died, everyone said it was my fault. Strangers were coming up to me in the street and yelling at me. One person threw their drink at me. Another spat on me, and someone spray-painted my car.”
The muscles in Noah’s forearms visibly contracted.
“It was so constant that I started to believe them. Then Mom and Dad died on their way to pick me up after they’d told me not to go out, and it just…
it broke me. I hated myself, and I suddenly couldn’t stand to be in this town.
I felt like I needed to tear off my own skin.
Like I wanted to be in another body. So I ran from the memories that lined these streets. It felt like survival.”
The expression on Noah’s face was almost one of pain.
He leaned forward. “You realize that none of those deaths were your fault though, right? Dean made the decision to get into a car and drive while under the influence of alcohol and drugs. He sealed his fate that night. And Mom and Dad…that was just something really shitty that happened. The road was icy. Dad hit the brakes too late. The car slid. It wasn’t your fault. ”
She scrubbed a tear from her cheek. “Does Indie hate me for leaving?”
“No. She’s got some big feelings, but hate isn’t one of them.”
She pressed her nails into her thigh under the table. Even before Bonnie left town, she and her sister hadn’t gotten along. Indie had been the sweet, organized, polite daughter. The one who did as she was told. Never talked back to her teachers or parents and got straight As in class.
Whereas Bonnie had been none of those things. And that had created friction between them.
“Tell me everything else I’ve missed,” Noah said gently.
She smiled and started talking about her apartment in San Francisco.
The retro coffee shop she’d visited regularly, sometimes twice daily.
She told Noah about her attempt at keeping a fish alive—attempt because it hadn’t lasted long.
And Noah told her about his life. About his time as a Marine. About Addie and the park.
It felt so good to catch up with him. She’d almost forgotten about that sibling bond. The one that was so different from any other relationship. A built-in person who shared this special history with you that no one else shared or understood.
She was just finishing her latte when she glanced up to see a man standing by the counter. Wait…those broad shoulders were familiar.
Zane.
Her heart gave a little kick.
Two days had passed since she’d stumbled into his gym. Okay, not stumbled. Shot inside like she was being chased. And she’d thought about him both of those days. About the deep rumble of his voice. The way that he really seemed to listen when she spoke.
Suddenly he turned. He didn’t look surprised to see her. Because he’d already noticed her? One side of his mouth lifted, making him look just a bit less dangerous…slightly softer. She smiled before quickly looking away.
Oh God, she felt fifteen again.
Noah frowned. “You know him?”
“Not really. We’ve run into each other a couple of times, that’s it. He said he knows you though.”
“He’s built a good gym here.”
“You don’t like him.” It wasn’t a question.
“I don’t know him. He helped Indie when she got into a bad spot not long ago, so seems like a good guy.”
A good guy with impossibly broad shoulders and laser blue eyes? Sounded like a dangerous combination.
Something behind Bonnie had Noah straightening.
“What?” She turned her head—and her entire stomach dropped to her feet.
Carlos White…Dean’s father. He was standing by the door like he’d just stepped inside. He was looking straight at her, and he did not look happy.
This was it. This was the moment she saw her deceased boyfriend’s father again. And despite the time that had passed and the healing she’d done, every inch of her suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here.
She pushed her mug away. “I should go.”
“Bonnie—”
She rose from the booth, but it was too late, Carlos was marching toward her.
Shit, shit, shit.
“You,” Carlos growled.
Noah rose from the booth, but when he tried to step in front of her, she pressed a hand to his chest. If she wanted to stand on her own two feet in this town, she couldn’t let her big brother fight her battles.
“Hi, Carlos.”
His eyes spit fire. “You dare show your face here after you killed my son?”
“Hey.”
At Noah’s shout, she stepped in front of him and gave her full attention to Carlos. “I’m back because this is my home. But I understand that my return might be a shock for you, so I’m going to leave.”
“You sure as hell are going to leave.”
“Not Amber Ridge,” Bonnie clarified. “This café. This town is my home, Carlos. And I’m here to stay. I know it might take a while for you and Jane to get used to—”
“A while to get used to? I’m not going to drink fucking coffee beside the woman responsible for my son’s death! The best thing you ever did was leave, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll do it again.”
Then he stormed straight back out of The Tea House.
A rush of air Bonnie hadn’t realized she’d been holding rattled out of her chest. Her heart beat like it was trying to punch out of her body. And maybe it was. Maybe it wanted to run as much as the rest of her.
“Are you okay?” Noah’s words were quiet, but there was also an edge to them. An anger. Like he was right on the verge of going after Carlos.
She turned and looked at him, trying hard to keep her voice steady. “He didn’t do anything.”
Noah eyes narrowed like he didn’t agree. “You should have let me put him in his place.”
“His son died. He’s still hurting. And I’m thirty-one now. I don’t need my brother throwing punches for me.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m going to go.”
“I’ll walk with you.”
She shook her head. “No. I just…I need some time to think.” She reached out and pulled her brother into a hug. “Thank you. For coming today and welcoming me home. And for being on my side.”
His strong arms were tight around her. “I’ll always be on your side, Bon.”
They parted, and she smiled once more before turning. But before stepping outside, she caught a glimpse of Zane. He was still at the counter but standing straighter now, watching her. And he looked as angry as her brother. Maybe angrier.
Angry on her behalf? He didn’t even know her.
One thing she knew for absolute certainty—the White family still placed the blame for their son’s death squarely on her shoulders.