15. Connor
CONNOR
“ Y ou okay?”
Elliot looks at me and I melt. “I feel terrible about hurting Gabe,” he says.
“I know. I still don’t think he’s good enough for you, but I felt kinda bad, too. If I was in his shoes, I’d be devastated.”
“Is that why you let him win air hockey?”
I glance over at him. “You noticed?”
Elliot nods. “You were kind of ruthless in the beginning.”
“I was treating it like a dual to win your …” I stop myself before I say ‘heart,’ “Favor.”
He snorts. “Okay, Mr. Darcy.”
I drive down the dark, coastal road, the radio so low I can’t hear what’s playing. “Think Scout’s okay with those guys by herself?”
Elliot smiles.
“What?”
“Nothing. You’re just being all protective big brother.”
“Well, I am a protective big brother.”
There’s silence after that comment.
I clear my throat, my heart pounding. I know he said he wants to keep this casual, but what if there was another option?
“Hey, what’s the worst that could happen, really? If Scout found out.”
He doesn’t even miss a beat before replying. “She’d be heartbroken.”
“But why?”
Elliot turns in his seat to face me. I keep focusing on the road, but he’s right there in my peripheral. “What?”
“You really don’t remember?”
“Remember what?”
“Kissing Sarah Levin at Scout’s sweet sixteen.”
I frown. Sarah Levin? Ohh. “Yeah, so what?”
“So what? It ruined their whole friendship.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t kiss your best friend’s brother. And because you acted like nothing had happened and broke Sarah’s heart.”
Oh, fuck.
“It was just a kiss. I’m surprised she even remembers it.”
Elliot shakes his head. “It isn’t just the kiss. Scout actually defended you when Sarah started shit talking you to everyone and the whole thing blew up with them having a huge fall out.”
“Wait, is that why Scout’s pissed at me? It was like five years ago. We were kids.”
“You’re her big brother and she stuck up for you, then you didn’t even see the big deal. When she tried to confront you about it, you just laughed.”
I run my hand over my face. “Fuck, I was a douchebag when I was seventeen. But it was a long time ago. Surely even Scout doesn’t hold a grudge that long? ”
Elliot gives me a strange look, one I can’t read. “She hasn’t had another female friend since.”
“What? In case I kiss them?”
He shrugs and turns back in his seat.
Am I the reason my sister doesn’t have many friends? She’s so scared I’ll make out with them and ruin their friendship, she doesn’t even try to befriend girls anymore?
I let the silence build between us before I speak. “I thought she was pissed because I got into Harvard.”
“She’s pissed about that, too, but she doesn’t really blame you, except—” He cuts himself off.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Go on.”
He sighs. “She was pissed when you ‘took a break’ from school. She was mad you’d get in and then not bother to graduate. She didn’t know you’d….” he trails off.
“That I what? Flunked out?”
“Connor, you haven’t flunked out. You could still go back.”
The thought terrifies me. But if I’m honest, Elliot suggesting I go back also fills me with the most excitement I’ve felt—outside of this thing with him—since leaving. Except, it’s not as simple as going back, is it? I grip the steering wheel, needing to admit this to someone.
“I don’t think I’m smart enough for Harvard.”
“I’d help you,” Elliot says quietly. “And you are.”
I swallow. Is Elliot offering to have some sort of relationship with me after the summer break? Even if it is only a tutoring arrangement, it would make this ‘summer fling’ a hell of a lot more complicated. All the more reason to stop it right now.
“I’m not as smart as Gabe. ”
Elliot snorts. “I don’t know if Gabe is smart or not, but reading Proust doesn’t make you more intelligent than other people.”
“Oh, no?”
“No, it makes you a masochist.”
I burst out laughing and Elliot grins. For a moment, everything else falls away.
“Hey, you wanna grab something to eat? I’m starving.”
“Yeah, okay.”
It’s not a date, I repeat to myself as we drive to Arnie’s.
We take a booth in the quiet restaurant and start scanning our menus.
“You like the burgers here, right?” I ask.
“I could make out with the burgers here.”
While we’re waiting for our food, Elliot drums his fingers on the table. “Do you like Cher?” he asks suddenly.
Is this a trick question? “Yeah. Who doesn’t like Cher?”
He smiles. “You’d want to hear her sing if she was in a movie, right?”
“Obviously, it’s Cher. It’s kind of disappointing when she’s in a movie and doesn’t sing.”
He laughs.
“What is this? Some sort of test?”
“No.”
“Is it like one of those psychopath tests? If you don’t think Cher’s a legend, you’re a serial killer?”
“No.” He laughs, shaking his head.
A lightbulb goes off. “Did Gabe think Cher was corny or something?”
“Yeah. But let’s stop talking about him.”
“No complaints here.”
If this was a date, it would be the most natural and easy date of my life.
We sit close together in a booth and eat burgers and fries and drink milkshakes and I don’t worry about calories or letting myself go.
I just watch the gorgeous guy sitting next to me and hang on every word he says.
I don’t touch him, but anyone paying attention would see what this is, and I don’t give a shit.
I couldn’t be prouder of being here with Elliot.
We stay until closing, but I still don’t want to go home and have to pretend in front of my mom and dad. I don’t want us to go to separate bedrooms and pretend like nothing’s happened.
I’m about to ask if he wants to drive around for a while when he looks at his phone and says, “Shit.”
“What?”
“Scout’s car won’t start.”
“Where is she?”
“She’s at Park City.”
“Tell her we’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
I step on the gas, worried Gabe and those guys might leave her standing outside in the dark by herself.
But when we get there, the women she was talking to in the arcade are still standing around. She’s laughing about something with them. My heart clenches at the sight of her being sociable with someone other than Eli. She can make friends, but she chooses not to.
Despite looking like she’s having fun, she still sags with relief when she sees us. Is this the first time my sister’s been happy to see me in years?
She starts hugging the women goodbye and they wave as she climbs into the backseat of the car.
“Hey, thanks,” she says to me as she buckles her seatbelt. It might be the afterglow of the concert, but she actually sounds sincere.
“No problem. ”
I turn the ignition. She leans forward, looking at Elliot. “I thought you’d be in bed.”
Elliot blushes. Luckily, she can’t see his face fully from her angle.
“Someone had to keep me company,” I say.
She laughs. “You need to get used to your own company. You’re not a frat bro.”
I’m not sure if that was supposed to be an insult or not, so I just keep driving.
“How was the gig?” Elliot asks her.
“It was okay. I’ve seen better. How are you feeling?”
“Better, thanks.”
She slumps back in the chair and yawns. “Connor, I can’t believe you dragged Eli out of his sickbed to keep you company.”
“I know. I’m a monster.”
She looks out of the window, ignoring me.
“Ophelia thinks you’re hot, by the way.” My mouth gets dry and I start to sweat.
Is she calling me out for yet another one of her new female friends looking at me?
“How did she describe you? ‘An all-American poster boy.’” She chuckles to herself and I relax.
She thinks it’s funny that Ophelia thinks I’m hot.
That’s progress, right? I’m about to tell her that I have no intention of getting involved with her new friend, but then I remember how involved I am with her oldest friend and change my mind.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You would,” she says, but for once, there’s no venom in her voice.
When we get back to the house, Elliot disappears upstairs with Scout. I hang back for a bit to let them yap and get ready for bed.
Dad’s laptop is on the counter, so I turn it on and log into my student account at Harvard. I could send my advisor an email, telling her I want to come back to school. If Elliot doesn’t think I’m too dumb for Harvard, maybe I’m not?
My finger hovers over her contact information, before clicking on it and drafting the email.