23. Connor
CONNOR
I wake up with a face full of thick, dark hair and smile.
My alarm is going off, so I rush to turn it off before I wake Elliot up, but I’m too late.
He turns over with a sleepy groan. There are pillow creases on his face and he hasn’t opened his eyes yet. I run my fingers through his hair.
“Morning, beautiful.”
He smiles and buries his face in the pillow.
“I’ve gotta go to practice.”
He nods.
When I put my arm around him to kiss his head, I greedily inhale his familiar scent and try to memorize it to keep it with me all day.
Elliot’s dad is already up and making coffee when I get to the kitchen.
“Eli still sleeping?” he asks.
“Yeah, thought I’d leave him in bed.”
Mr. Bancroft made some not-so-subtle hints last night about wearing earplugs and taking a sleeping pill, but we were still quiet. I watch his face, wondering if he heard anything anyway.
“Students,” he says, shaking his head fondly.
We have a quick chat about my plans for when school starts again in the fall. I tell him I’ve been talking to my coach and old teammates, and about Worcester staying in touch with me.
There’s a guy playing in Worcester I remember from the NCAA—he was at Yale for a few years before moving to BC and winning the Frozen Four.
He was an ass if I remember correctly, but he’s been messaging me on Instagram, hyping up the team and telling me I have to play there.
He has a boyfriend playing in the NHL, so I felt pretty comfortable telling him I’m bi.
He’s weirdly pumped about being in the queerest team in the minor league.
I thought he was being ridiculous, but the idea of representing queer guys in a tough league like that and potentially paving the way for guys in the future actually feels pretty good.
Elliot emerges from his room just before I’m leaving. I pick up my bag, smiling.
“I told you to stay in bed.”
“I wanted to see you before you leave. And Dad’s helping me with my philosophy essay.” He beams, looking so happy and beautiful I could burst.
When his dad has his back turned, washing plates in the sink, I grab Eli’s face and give him a quick, firm kiss before I go.
Coach slaps me on the shoulder when I meet him down on the ice. He’s already started setting up for our last practice of the summer camp .
“This is it,” he says. There’s a wistful tone to his voice.
“Don’t worry, Coach. They’ll be back next summer.”
“But you won’t.”
“Hey, who says I won’t?”
He raises an eyebrow. “You’ll be too busy partying with the Frozen Four trophy.”
I laugh. “Everyone in Boston, Michigan and Denver will have to break their legs first.”
“Hey, that attitude won’t get you anywhere.”
“Sorry, Coach. You’re right.”
He nods. “Anyway, once you go back, there’ll be no stopping Harvard.”
I scoff and shake my head.
The kids are full of energy in their last practice of the summer break.
Some of them will be going into juniors next year.
Others will still be playing for fun. I’m excited for them, all the years they have spread out in front of them to enjoy hockey while their bodies let them, but I’m not jealous anymore.
My career is just about to begin. My life is just about to begin.
We’re putting them through one last grueling bag skate—just for the fun of it, and because the little psychos seem to enjoy it—when I spot a familiar face in the stands.
Elliot smiles and waves at me before taking a seat and opening a book.
“There’s your smarter half, Ryan.”
I snort.
“You got something planned?”
“We’re gonna have one last date before we go back to school and then it’s all books and footnotes.”
“Have fun.”
I say bye to all the kids in the hallway. Emily Brown is there to collect her daughter .
Her eyes light up when she spots me.
“Connor, hi. Ashley had such a good time this summer. She couldn’t stop talking up Coach Ryan.”
“ Mom, ” Ashley says, blushing.
I grin. “I’m just an assistant coach, but I’m glad she liked it. Coach Garvin does a great job with these things.”
“He does.”
The main doors to the rink open and I turn to find Elliot walking toward me with a shy smile.
“This is my boyfriend,” I tell Emily, putting my arm around Eli.
Eli ducks his head and blushes.
“You know Elliot Bancroft, right?”
“Little Elliot? Sure I do.” Her smile is a touch too tight, but she recovers quickly. “You two make a cute couple. What are you doing now, Elliot?”
“Still at Harvard,” Elliot says.
“He’s graduating next year,” I add proudly.
He looks up at me with a smile. “We both are.”
I resist the urge to kiss him in front of the kids.
When I look at Emily again, she’s smiling more warmly.
“Come on, Mom, I’m starving,” Ashley says, tugging on her mom’s jacket.
“Don’t be rude, Ash.”
“Sorry, Coach Ryan.”
“You’re good. Go home, eat. We put them through their paces out there today. Ash did great.”
Emily smiles down at her. “I guess a treat’s in order, then?”
“Yes!”
Once all the parents have left with their kids, Elliot and I head out to the car to go home.
“Your place or mine?” I ask .
“Let’s go to your place. Dad’s meeting one of his old professor buddies tonight so he won’t be home.”
Elliot likes to be home as much as possible while his dad’s new to therapy and doing his best to reconnect with old friends.
He wants to make sure his dad has the best start possible before he goes back to school.
He did suggest taking a break from school all together, but his dad wouldn’t entertain the idea at all and used it as fuel for his recovery.
We know depression and grief are long roads and healing doesn’t happen in a linear line, but we’re hopeful he’s turning a corner.
No matter what, we’ll be close enough to come back and visit often.
The second we step in the door, Scout swoops in, grabs Elliot and says, “Mine.”
“Knew we should have gone to your house,” I call after him as Scout spirits him away upstairs.
“Let her have him for a few hours,” Mom says.
“She’ll still have him at school next year.”
“And so will you,” Scout yells down the stairs. “So no biggie.”
Mom kisses me on the cheek and passes me a cookie bag. I take one and bite into it.
“Take a couple,” she urges.
“Can’t. I’m on a strict nutrition plan. My body is a temple.”
She rolls her eyes and wipes cookie dust off her shirt.
“How’s John doing?” she asks.
“A lot better. He’s seeing a therapist and he’s back in touch with some old professors at the college.”
“That’s good. Eli seems happier. ”
I smile, my neck getting hot. That could have something to do with what we’ve been doing any time we get some time alone.
“You seem happier, too,” Mom adds.
I lower my eyes with a smile. That’s definitely because of what we’ve been doing whenever we get some time alone. I wouldn’t be surprised if I fucking glow.
An hour later, Mom calls Scout and Eli down for dinner. He sits in his usual seat, too far from me, but I allow it.
Last week, Eli made this amazing curry ramen for me and his dad. There was a real emotional vibe around the table and his dad got tears in his eyes at one point. But we ate it, and it was delicious, and afterward, he gave Elliot a big hug and thanked him.
My family clasp hands and close their eyes to say grace. I open mine and peek at Eli and find him doing the same.
I give him a wink before closing my eyes again and saying, “Amen.”