Chapter XIII
Surrounded by cold. Ice cold.
Simultaneously I felt the throbbing fire in my chest, in my throat, then burningthrough my nose.
Trying to take a breathe in, my lungs failed. There was no oxygen to draw in.
Panic rose as I thrashed around.
Strapped down, my wrists and ankles burned.
Opening my mouth, I tried to scream but burning icy water rushed into my throat, down my nose.
Choking me.
A coppery taste down my throat.
I remember reading something about blood filling your lungs due to burst alveoli when you drowned, is that what was happening?
And was I crying? Could someone cry underwater?
I desperately tried not to drown as the recesses of my mind told me that it was dream.
WAKE UP!
I tried my hardest to rip myself from the dream. The struggle felt futile. Like fighting against air.
Finally, my eyes wrenched open.
Gasping, I was no longer under water, no longer endlessly drowning.
Immediately I tried to move, desperate to not fall asleep again, only to feel my limbs frozen. Maybe still trapped in the dream.
No.
I tried harder, I was awake, move. Please move, please. Even my mouth couldn't open, couldn't make a sound.
I could vaguely see into the darkness, the shadows flickering as if alive.
My terror started a new. It was too terrifying to be awake in the dark but immobilized? That was worse. Was I even truly awake or was I still in the dream? I couldn't tell anymore.
Shadows moved. Fading in and out as I wrestled with my own body impossibly.
Seconds.
Then, minutes.
Then, I don't know how long.
Finally the impossible weight lifted.
I shot up from my position on the floor, lighting a lamp.
Safe.
Drenched in cold, sticky sweat, I paced for sometime before settling back down on my makeshift bed. I sat facing the open window, gentle moonlight streaming in.
I wasn't crying, I wasn't sad.
I was scared.
Bone-shakingly frightened.
I didn't dare return to sleep and remained with my arms around my knees as I awaited the eventual sunrise.
The dawn came as it always did.
The morning unfurled as it always did.
It was only me that didn't feel the same as I always did.
Skipping breakfast, I stood under the shower spray for a minute, 30 minutes, an hour, more. Eventually slowly stepping out and dressing in layers. Socks. Leggings. Tank top. Sweatpants. Long sleeve shirt. Hoodie.
I stared out the window some more, trying not to think. Failing not to think.
Just a dream, it was just a dream.
The sun was up, I was up, I was no longer there.
So why could I still taste the blood at the back of my throat?
A loud knock had me jumping.
Looking down, I hadn't cleared my makeshift bed yet. I quickly kicked my sheets and pillows under the actual bed.
"The doctor is here."
S?ren.
The doctor? The conversation from yesterday floated back to me. Oh.
I opened the door cautiously.
It really was Dr Thule and him. Only them though. Where was Arien?
I shifted backwards, allowing them in.
The two men staring my way before Dr Thule cleared his throat, "Good morning Ms Soleil."
Oh yes, I hadn't greeted them yet. I must seem ridiculous. But it was early so maybe they'd just think I had overslept. I wasn't even sure of the time though.
I noticed them still standing quietly, staring...
"Where's Arien?" NowS?ren's brows dipped.
Oh yes, greeting, I'd forgotten again, "Sorry I mean, good morning to you both."
I clasped my hands, waiting.
"Yes, well, I'm just here to do a quick check-up and give you a vaccination."
I nodded. They stood, as if waiting for more of an invitation.
"Okay."
Dr Thule placed his medical bag down and started with the routine physical check. I was used to it by now, knowing when to answer and turn before he even asked.
S?renstood off to the side, arms crossed, one might think bored if it wasn't for the assessing looks sent our way every once in awhile.
Why was he here and not his brother? I'd asked but they hadn't answered...had they? No, no they hadn't. I don't think.
Addressing him, I murmured, "Did I ask where's Arien?"
Again the displeased look, "You did."
Oh. I took a second to think. But no one had answered? Or was I distracted. I couldn't remember so I kept quiet this time.
S?renshifted uncomfortably before carefully explaining, "He had to leave early to the city."
I nodded, calmed now that I had an answer.
But then the next question pinged in my mind, he had to leave for what? He almost never went out.
"You feeling colder than usual Ms Soleil?" The doctor questioned politely.
Colder? No.
"No, I feel fine Dr Thule." Temperature wise at least.
He paused a second, as if a follow up question awaited before lookingS?ren's way, nodding and continuing the check-up. I didn't catch the look they exchanged, but I also didn't understand his question.
I wanted to know what Arien was doing in the city. I hadn't seen him yesterday either. Why was he suddenly so busy?
"Okay, all done and now it's time for the vaccination."
Vaccination, vaccination?
Oh yes, they'd mentioned that at the start. And yesterday. But did they say what it was for? Maybe I already had it and it wouldn't be necessary? Then again, the last time I'd even had a vaccination was as a child as far as I could remember.
The doctor was carefully preparing all the supplies. A vial. Syringe. Some other component.
What was this vaccination for again?
S?renstepped closer, no longer standing across the room.
I inclined my head his way, "What's the vaccination for?"
"Recent viral strain deadly to wolves." Quick, smooth words flowed my way, not even giving Dr. Thule a chance to speak.
Oh.
The Doctor was now asking permission to role my sleeve up.
I nodded.
Wait. What hadS?rensaid- wolves?
As in werewolves.
Not humans, wolves. One thing I was decidedly not. Shit.
Completely still, I glanced at the cotton swab now disinfecting the area to be vaccinated with the werewolf vaccine.
I found my voice albeit soft, "And does it affect humans as well? The virus I mean."
The room was suddenly too silent, suffocatingly so.
AgainS?renspoke, "No."
Why wasn't the doctor answering my questions some vague part of me wondered. And was this safe to humans? I couldn't ask that. It was too obvious. But I also couldn't just let them inject something potentially dangerous in my body.
I tried to wrack my brain for an out. I had to say something, anything.
The doctor was now putting the cotton swab aside and tapping the syringe.
My head felt light. My limbs felt frozen. I lookedS?ren's way, panicked.
Why wasn't Arien here?
Oh yes, the city.
A band was now placed around my upper forearm. The syringe was getting closer.
I still didn't know what to say.
Seconds ticked by.
I couldn't just let this happen. Could be poison for humans. For me.
"WAIT."
I pulled my arm away, stepping back.
Startled, Dr Thule nearly dropped the syringe.
Now the look I couldn't quite understand onS?ren'sface was replaced by the usual frustration.
"Don't be unreasonable. Remember our discussion yesterday," he stepped even closer as if to make me see sense, "remember our deal."
My expression fell. I know. I know. I wasn't being difficult. Not this time. I just couldn't take the vaccination.
"I-I don't need it. Please," now I turned to face the doctor, "it's voluntary right? And I'm anyways just inside, not like I'm out where I can contract anything right?"
That made sense right?
Dr Thule lookedS?ren's way without looking mine. Why?
S?renshook his head.
No, no, no.
Now I moved closer to S?ren, closer even than he'd come. Hands going up before stopping myself.
"Just please. I can't have it. I can do something else," I pleaded.
He had to understand. Couldn't he see I was telling the truth?
S?renwas so close I could spot the subtle changes in his expressions. I didn't know what they meant but I could catch the little twitches of muscles. The scar along his check, down to the jaw, was pale. Maybe not totally noticeable but from here you could tell the vein that pulsed below the skin.
"Stop it. You don't have a choice."
My stomach clenched and swooped down.
Arien wasn't even here to stop them. To help me. I had to convince them.
Then the final threat that caused my veins to freeze - "Don't make us have to tie you down."
As if I'd ingested liquid ice and it was now rapidly spreading through my system. Coursing through me. Burning through me. Hurting me.
I could feel my panic in the tightening of my throat.And all over again, I was back in my dream, back in my cells. Tied down. Drowning.
No no no no no no no no no no no.
They couldn't do that to me again. I couldn't allow them to do that to me again. I didn't deserve it. Not really.
"Soleil stop it, calm down."
Had I said that out loud? I don't know. I was spiraling. I didn't feel okay. My head hurt and thoughts hurt. Thinking them, saying them.
I could feel my upper arms being grasped. Holding me in place. That didn't ground me. More panic leaked.
Please. Please. I didn't want to- couldn't survive that again.
S?ren, the doctor, I don't know who, someone was speaking but the sound remained muted under the rushing of blood in my ears.
As if forcing myself to move like breaking free from sleep paralysis, I finally shouted, "I'm HUMAN."
Now having burst to the surface, the rambling continued, "I'm human okay?
I can't, can't have that. It could kill me.
I don't need it - because I'm not a wolf.
I lied. I lied. I'm sorry I didn't plan to, but I lied.
And I'm not a werewolf. That's why, so please, please don't inject me.
And I was scared, so I didn't mean to lie.
I wasn't going to. But you guys already thought. .."