Chapter 22
Regan
J ust saying it was my fault lifted the boulder on my shoulders and lessened the pain in my stomach. But it would never be gone. Nothing would absolve me of my sins, but if I could help stop this once and for all, then it was time for me to spill the secrets. And not just the ones you’d think.
“It’s my fault, Regan. There’s no way you could’ve known this was going to happen, and you saved Wren,” Seth said to me, but I shook my head as I turned to look at him.
He was handsome, and someone I would have liked to have gotten to know better.
He was a good and honorable man, and so much better than someone like me deserved.
It’s a good thing we never got past the first date, or seeing the betrayal in his eyes when I started filling in the details would’ve probably killed me on its own.
Inhaling deeply, I mentally dragged the box I lived in during my capacity out from the recesses of my mind and prepared to harden myself.
“Can you promise that you’ll make sure Wren is protected and never has to deal with this Syndicate’s bullshit ever again?” He silently nodded, and I gave a quick nod in return before turning to the group.
Devlin, Lucian, Rhys, and James were sitting on the couch across from me, crowded against each other so they would be close. Looking at the number of people here, waiting for me to explain, was a bit overwhelming. I made eye contact with Sadie, and she watched me for a moment before speaking.
“If I’m not mistaken, this isn’t club business anymore.” I shook my head, so she asked, “Would you like some privacy?”
Gunner stared at me, and I responded, “Thank you, and I promise, we’ll be out of your hair soon.”
He gave me a worried look but stood from his chair to approach me. Kneeling in front of me, he whispered, “You always have a place here. No matter what you think is your fault, we’ve all made mistakes, and you are family. Family doesn’t give up.”
He cut his eyes to my family, shocked and eagerly awaiting me to explain my sudden chattiness.
I gave a one shoulder shrug, and Gunner nodded before standing and announcing to the room, “Death Hounds, this isn’t our business unless Regan requests it to be.
So, I want four guards outside each door, and if she signals, remove everyone but her and Wren, no questions asked.
And remember your loyalties to the patch on your back. Everyone else, move out.”
I felt a lump in my throat as Gunner patted the top of my head before walking up to Sadie and following the rest of the leather-bound badasses out the door. I knew not all the brothers and old ladies would leave, but if they were affected by what I had to say, they needed to be here.
Skid, Grace, Hawk, Stella, and Jacob were either still seated or finding a seat as the tight group moved to give everyone room. I looked at Stella and asked, “Is Hailey going to join us?”
Jacob, Hailey’s old man and Skid’s brother, shook his head and crossed his arms, stating defiantly, “She doesn’t need to be here. Whatever you tell me, I’ll tell her.”
Hawk protested. “It’s not fair that you don’t give her the chance to hear whatever Regan has to say. She’s not going to shatter, Hatchet.”
“But she may crack,” he responded, and when a small sound came from the side of the room, he snapped his head and jumped up from his chair. “Why are you here, darlin’? I told you everything was okay.”
She smiled and patted him on the cheek before she said, “The brothers are worse gossips than the old ladies. I wanted to come and meet my sister.”
Wren lifted her eyes to Hailey and stood as she approached.
Tears fell as the two women who showed some resemblance, minus the difference in hair color, looked at each other.
Stella stood and stepped away so Hailey could take a seat next to Wren.
If nothing else, I would always remember the two lost women finding each other and making their family better, stronger, and filled with more love.
I needed to get on with this. “Hailey and Wren can get something to eat while we talk.” I looked at a worried Wren and calmly said, “You’ll be just through that doorway over there, and Hailey won’t leave your side.
All you have to do is yell and I’ll come running.
” She seemed unsure, so I added, “I promise.”
Reluctantly, she and Hailey stood, and as Hailey escorted the scared young woman across the room, Wren turned over her shoulder and gave me a worried look.
I nodded and offered a false smile of reassurance, and when she turned around, I let the facade drop for the first time in years.
Taking a sip of water, feeling slightly dizzy, I looked out at everyone and just ripped the bandage off.
“I was with Sergey for the first year I was gone, and only after he was killed did I get moved to . . . that place. So, ask whatever you want, because I know it all, and I’m going to ask for forgiveness now because my sins are unforgivable, and some of you will never speak to me once I’ve confessed them.
” I held my hand up as some of them tried to speak, and I raised my voice as I said, “You can’t say I’m wrong until you know what I did, and I’ve reconciled myself with being alone.
” I looked at Seth and said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t ever the person you thought I was. ”
He tried to stop me, but I shook my head and kept talking.
The one person who didn’t seem shocked or even angry was my cousin, James.
He sat to the side with a smile on his face as he held a notebook in his lap and was writing something.
My guess was he was recording my confession so they’d have the correct facts to hate me with.
Looking at Lucian and Rhys, I began, “I can start back before you went undercover, or I can confine my information to that timeframe. Which would you prefer?”
The two of their mouths opened like they were trying to catch flies, and when Lucian spoke, I could tell he was confused and probably thought I’d finally slipped my rocker. But what no one knew was that telling this was going to be liberating, and once I was free, I would be ready to live.
Alone was fine, but it would take some adjustment.
“Why not start with how you and Sergey came to know each other, and we can go from there,” he suggested, like he was trying to calm down an angry animal with a placating tone.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “We have lots to cover, and I don’t want to overstay our welcome here, so if it’s okay, I’ll just start.”
“Regan,” Devlin said, and I slowly turned to look at the man accused of putting this shit-tastic night into play, “we can go to my building if you’ll be more comfortable, then you can tell us whatever you want us to know. You’ve had a rough night, and we don’t have to do this right now.”
“Who are you to tell me what kind of night I’ve had? Huh, madman? Isn’t that what everyone calls you? Jesus, I never realized it until now, but Sergey was right about you. You really are a bleeding heart.”
His face turned hard as he cut his blue eyes at me. Gasps were heard from a few people, but I wasn’t bothered to see who was judging me. If they thought that was bad, they had better buckle up. I had years of shit to unpack, and I was done being the good, compliant girl I was expected to be.
I was pissed I had to experience all that bullshit.
I was pissed I’d carried the secrets of a demented asshole for years.
I was livid that I was used as a pawn in someone’s game.
And I was raging at the fact they set me up to be kidnapped.
That was the biggest thing that was getting to me while sitting in front of them all, and I saw James push his smile neutral as Devlin began to raise his voice.
“I know you’ve had a fucked-up time of it, but don’t ever compare me to that asshole, Regan. I won’t tolerate it from you or anyone else,” Devlin warned.
I snapped my head to him and sat forward, ripping the bandage off to show the twenty-three stitches holding the side of my arm together.
Dropping the bloody bandage to the floor, I pointed at the still seeping wound and replied, “When you decided to kidnap me, was me accidentally dying part of the plan, or just an acceptable loss? What about this?” I asked before turning sideways and lifting the side of my hair to show the crusted blood and black bruise from the gun I took to the head earlier tonight.
Turning back after everyone got a good look, I asked, “Did you plan to give me another concussion, or didn’t you factor Ricardo or Giovanni’s anger into the situation? ”
“Giovanni?” Devlin asked with a stunned expression. “You’ve seen Giovanni? You know who he is?”
Lucian said at the same time, “How do you know Ricardo?”
“See? This is why I asked you to tell me where to start. There. Is. Too. Much. To unpack,” I returned and signed heavily. “And, yes, I know him. He’s the sadistic bastard who decided to make me his personal punching bag.”
“Can I ask something?” Stella asked, and I nodded to her, feeling like shit for thinking what I endured was anything compared to her years of pain. “Were you the one I heard screaming the night I killed Sergey?”
Tears flooded my eyes, and I looked down at my lap as I nodded, admitting part of my shame. Looking up, I admitted, “I’m sorry.”
Stella moved until she was sitting next to me and carefully pulling me into a hug. “I should’ve searched the house after I took care of him, but I never thought he would have a hostage with him. Regan, can you forgive me? I wouldn’t have left you there, I swear.”
“I know. It’s okay. I was invisible . . . until I wasn’t,” I admitted, and she lifted my gaze until I looked at her.
“What happened after Sergey died?” I whispered my response, and as Stella looked at her brothers with anger, she said, “Say that again, louder so everyone can hear.”