Chapter 9 #2
Her thoughts from earlier bubbled to the surface.
She did eventually want to find a man and fall in love.
Audrey had suggested online dating or going to singles functions, but she’d always waved it off.
She knew Audrey only wanted the best for her, just like Andrew.
Maybe it was time to put herself out there and at least try to make a connection with someone.
She regarded Andrew warily. “Why?”
He took off his glasses and polished one lens with the hem of his shirt. “You said that Rachel had been moving on with her life.”
“She was. And?”
“What have you done to address your own fears?”
Hannah immediately bristled. Even though she’d been thinking the same thing just a few seconds ago, hearing the words from him hit a little too close to home. “I’m just fine.”
“Are you?” His chocolate brown eyes stared into hers as if probing her soul, and she snatched her gaze away, pinning it instead to the wall across from her.
“I dated in college. I just never found anyone I was really interested in. And now I’m just too busy.” She took a sip of wine, feeling his intense gaze on her all the while.
“Maybe you could try again. Many successful marriages and partnerships start with friendship.”
Hannah stiffened at the implication. Though he’d never said as much, she’d wondered from time to time if he wanted to ask her out.
The way he looked at her sometimes hinted at more than friendship, and as much as she liked him as a person, she had no interest in dating him.
To avoid answering his question, she tipped the glass upward again, then realized it was empty.
She reached for the wine bottle, but Andrew beat her to it.
“What about you?” she asked as he filled her glass. “Are you still dating… whoever that was?”
Had he ever told her the woman’s name? She didn’t think so.
Something flashed across Andrew’s face as he re-corked the bottle. “No, that’s over. And we were speaking of you, not me.”
He shot her a look, and she rolled her eyes. “I just don’t think this is a good time.”
He stared at her for a moment before responding. “Well, just think about it.”
She offered him a small smile and picked up her fork. “I will.”
They spent the next several minutes eating in silence. Once she’d forced a few more bites down, she scooped up the dishes and carried them to the kitchen.
Andrew brought in the leftovers and placed the cartons in the fridge. “Are you working tomorrow?”
Hannah turned to face him. “No, I had Fiona cancel my appointments. I’m going to Rachel’s service tomorrow afternoon.”
He nodded. “Would you like some company?”
She considered it briefly, then shook her head. “No, thanks, I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s something I need to do by myself.”
“All right. If you change your mind, just give me a call.”
She feigned a yawn. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”
His lips curved into a tight-lipped smile, clearly interpreting her evasion tactic for what it was. “I’d better head out, then.”
They headed to the front door in silence, and Andrew hesitated, his hand on the knob. “Why do you park out front?”
Hannah studied him. “What do you mean?”
“Why don’t you park in the garage?”
She lifted one shoulder. “I do, sometimes. But if it’s nice out, it’s just easier to come in the front.”
His lips turned down in a disapproving frown. “With everything going on, it might be safer to park inside.”
She waved off his concern. “Crime here is non-existent. Besides, everyone has to stop at the security gate before coming in.”
She’d added Andrew to her list about six months ago, a decision she’d recently begun to regret. With that single invitation, she now realized she’d given him the impression that she might one day entertain the idea of a relationship with him.
“I worry about you.” His eyes searched hers as he spoke, and her heart softened, touched by his show of concern.
“I know you do. But really, everything will be fine. I promise.” She pasted on what she hoped was a convincing smile, and after a moment, he relented.
“Fine. But if anything happens, please let me know. I hate having to read about you online or see you on TV before I hear it from you.”
Hannah blushed, suitably chastised. “I’m sorry. Next time I promise to keep you in the loop.”
He smiled and brushed a hand down her arm. “That’s all I ask. Good night, Hannah.”
“Night.”
Andrew stepped outside and closed the door behind him with one last smile, and Hannah immediately flipped the lock into place.
She tapped the code into the security system and trudged up the stairs to the bathroom, turning the water on as hot as it would go.
Stripping off her clothes, she stood under the spray and allowed the water to beat down on her back and shoulders, the knife-like pricks pelting her skin no match for the tumultuous emotions roiling inside her.
She hadn’t cried yet, but that would come later.
Grief was a funny thing. Until one really acknowledged it, allowed it to take over, one could push it down, pretend it wasn’t there.
Failure, however, wasn’t. It hung heavy around her neck, and she touched her chest, the action dredging up the memory of a necklace that had once hung there years ago.
It was a replica of one that Selah had owned, the one that had been stolen from her the night of her murder. Hannah’s locket lay in the bottom of her jewelry box, broken but not forgotten. She knew where she’d gone wrong that night with Selah and the stranger, but what about Rachel?
Heart heavy, she climbed out of the shower and toweled off. Not bothering to dry her hair, she pulled on an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt, then curled up in bed, thoughts of Rachel and Selah parading past her mind’s eye. The darkness outside turned almost to dawn before she fell asleep.
Somehow, she made it through the morning, dressing and heading to the church for Rachel’s service.
Elizabeth and Rachel’s mother, Joanne, were welcoming and kind, and both expressed their thanks for helping Rachel over the past few months.
Hannah wanted to refute their statements, protest that she could have—should have—done more for Rachel. What had she missed?
Fueled by the need for answers, she drove to the health center and took the stairs in lieu of the elevators, hoping to avoid any stragglers.
As soon as she reached her office, she locked the door behind her.
Finally alone, she leaned her head against the cool glass of the door and drew in a shuddering breath.
A riptide of emotions rolled through her, and she wished that, just once, she had someone to lean on—someone to hold her and promise her that everything would be okay.
Shaking off the thought, she pushed off the door and made her way through the dark room. Satisfied that she wouldn’t be interrupted, she gathered Rachel’s files from the cabinet. Hugging them tightly to her chest like it would contain the emotions within, she leaned against the wall.
The reality of Rachel’s death finally hit her with brutal force, and she slid to the floor. Hot tears slipped down her cheeks as she cracked open the first folder and began to read.