Chapter 25 #2
Trying to actually read a chapter of the dark faery romance I brought with me, I make it two pages before I look up again.
This time, I see Antonio, Leo, and—you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—Ryder.
My heart skips a beat when I see him, but it’s out of habit, not because the sight of him does something to me.
Leo raises his hand in a wave, letting me know he sees me. They cross the street and come in, joining me at the table.
“Hey,” I say and give Antonio a hug. “Did you get all the ghouls?”
“Every last one. We coulda used you.”
“Of course. I’m the best.”
“Glad to see you haven’t changed,” Leo jokes and hugs me too. “You look good, sis.”
“Thanks. Mabel did my hair.” I smile and step back, awkwardly looking at Ryder. “I’m not hugging you,” I say bluntly. “I don’t know why you’re here. It’s really dumb to be here, actually. You don’t think they just forgot what you did, do you?”
“No, I know they didn’t,” he says, brown eyes filling with regret. “And yeah, I know the risk of being here. They tried to talk me out of it.”
“We did,” Antonio says.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Ryder says. “Alone?”
“Why?” I widen my eyes. “What do you have to say that’s worth my time?”
“Wren,” Leo says, giving me a look.
“Seriously?” I cross my arms over my chest. “After everything you think I owe a damn thing?”
“Of course not. But I do know how much you like closure.” He holds my gaze for a bit and then I let out a sigh.
I do like closure. I like tying up loose ends and making things into neat bows, which doesn't happen in my life very often. Things ended so abruptly with Ryder. We never got to have a going away talk. The very last thing he said to me was, “you’ll be fine”.
For a long time, I wasn’t.
But now I am. I don’t owe him shit, but it would be a lie to say I wasn’t curious what he was going to say.
“You have five minutes,” I tell him.
“Want to take a walk?” Ryder asks.
“Not really, but sure. Only because it stopped raining.”
Leo picks up my coffee and takes a drink. “This is good.”
“If you finish it, you’re ordering me a new one,” I tell him and then go outside the cafe, getting choked by humidity immediately.
“How is, uh, the, uh…” Ryder starts.
“The guy you shot? His name is Devon and he’s undead now.” I keep my eyes forward as we talk. “I heard there’s rumors going around about how you shot a Malus vampire. You didn’t. In fact you created another. Devon would still be human if you hadn’t shot him.”
“I know. Trust me, I know. I didn’t start that rumor. My dad—”
“Seriously?” I interrupt. “I don’t want to hear your dad, Ryder.” I turn my head and look at him. “I know how that man feels about me, and I’ve made my peace with it.”
“I have too,” he says.
“What?”
“You were right about my parents. They don’t care about my happiness at all. They only care about their image. I never should have listened to them.”
We keep walking, but I don’t say anything. Am I dreaming? I created this very scenario in my head a thousand times after we broke up: Ryder realizing that his parents are fucking assholes and he comes running back, telling me he loves me.
“I regret a lot of things I did,” he goes on and my skin starts to prickle. “And I will always regret losing you.”
I pull my arms close to my chest, feeling like I’m having an out of body experience. He’s saying exactly what I longed to hear, what I used to think would be the only thing to heal my heart that had been broken to a million tiny pieces.
“And I’m so sorry I hurt you, Wren.”
“I believe you’re sorry,” I say, hating how small my voice sounds. “What happened between us wasn’t okay. We were really happy and you let someone’s prejudice break us apart.”
“I know, and I’ll never be able to make up for that, but I see it now, Wren I see that you’re right and I had to get away from that life because I don’t want to be responsible for passing it down. If I have kids, I couldn’t bear the thought of even telling them the things my father said to me.”
“What are you getting at?” I ask, heart rate speeding up.
“I left. They cut me off. My dad started the rumor about me killing a Malus vamp thinking he’d get me back.
But I’m not going back. I actually put an offer on a cabin in Asheville.
Maybe step out on my own for a while like we talked about.
They’d probably let you back in, you know.
You’re a good hunter and the Order values that. ”
“Ryder,” I start and exhale while I shake my head.
It all flashes before me: the life we talked about.
Getting a house in the country. Taking a few years off from the Order so we could breathe.
It seemed wonderful then because I didn’t know I could have anything more.
And now he’s here, dangling that future in front of me again.
“I don’t want that life anymore,” I say quietly.
“I don’t want to have to be a quieter, smaller version of myself.
The Order will never accept me.” I swallow hard and smile as I look at him.
“But I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.
” Clarity washes over me right as the sun starts to shine down on us.
Yes, I’m married to Xavier and I’m falling desperately in love with him.
He’s dark and dangerous and embraces me for exactly who I am.
But it’s not just because of him that I won’t go back. It’s because—finally—I’ve outgrown thinking I need to shrink myself to belong.