Chapter 30
THIRTY
Elliana
I want to die. I mean, I have wanted to die before—many times, more times than I want to think about—but now I really, really wish I would drop dead on the spot, so I don’t have to face any of this.
I stand up straight and yank my underwear back up with shaking hands before fixing my dress, but not fast enough that Mom didn’t see as she came up behind Paul. “What the fuck is happening here?” God, her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. I almost forgot how much I hate it while she was gone.
“What were you doing to her?” Paul storms across the room and wedges himself between us, facing Carter and almost snarling in his face. “What is wrong with you? Are you really so fucked in the head that you would pull something like this?”
“He didn’t—he’s not—” I’m trying, I really am, but it doesn’t seem like anybody’s all that interested in listening to me. Mom is beside herself, her face deep red as she yells incoherently and waves her arms.
My face is redder. In fact, my whole body is flushed in shame. They’re home five days early, with no warning. Of all the times for them to walk in. All I see in front of me is humiliation. Getting accused of all kinds of things, maybe being separated from him over this.
The idea chills my blood and makes my chest ache, but there are bigger problems right now.
Like the way Paul is screaming in Carter’s face. “Well? Tell me what you were doing! Why did you have her like that?”
“My baby.” Somehow, the worst part of all is the way Mom rushes to me and throws her arms around me like she genuinely cares. “What did he do to you? What was he going to make you do?”
“It’s not like you think.” Why bother? She can’t hear me when she’s too busy shouting at Paul to do something. What she expects him to do, I don’t know.
“Would you just listen to me, please?” I beg. “I’m telling you, Mom! He wasn’t making me do anything!”
“The way he didn’t make you take those photos, you mean?”
Oh, my god. I’m going to throw up.
My legs are too weak to hold me up. I end up dropping onto the coffee table while bile rushes up my throat.
“Yeah. We know about the pictures.” Paul’s hands are level with my eyes, and I watch with a sinking heart as they curl into fists while he stares daggers at his son. “You left that part out, didn’t you? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
“How could you? What are you, some kind of animal?” Mom gathers me in her arms again, which is pretty awkward from where I’m sitting. She ends up squashing my face against her stomach. “You’re lucky I don’t press charges against you for this.” I have to wonder what makes her think she would succeed. The pictures were of me, and I’m not a minor. If I don’t want to press charges, why should she?
Paul jabs a finger against Carter’s chest. “The entire town is going to think my son is some sort of pervert. Congratulations. I hope you’re proud of the reputation you’re creating for yourself.”
“What about Elliana’s reputation? Oh, my baby.” She even sniffles and her voice trembles. And yes, I am definitely going to be sick, because this is a farce. Since when does she care? I once told her I almost died, and she accused me of overreacting. I’m supposed to believe she means this now?
“Elliana.” Paul turns toward me, and for the first time since he walked in, I can think about more than just myself and Carter. He looks absolutely mortified, sorrowful, heartbroken. Unlike Mom, I actually believe he means it. “I am so sorry for this. Of course, it came out after the fight. When those boys were questioned. The one whose jaw my son broke couldn’t say anything.” He glares at Carter, who stands stone-faced, silent. “But the other one, who only had a broken nose, explained why they were bothering you in the first place. And this doesn’t excuse them,” he adds, throwing a bitter glare at Carter. “But it means being able to see the full picture, finally.”
Turning back toward the still silent Carter, he jabs his chest again. “Did you think I wasn’t going to find out about that? How could you do it? Taking pictures like that of your own stepsister! And then sending them out to everyone?”
“He didn’t do that part.” There’s no life in my voice, though. I’m too humiliated, not to mention disappointed. We were supposed to have more time together. We never even talked about how to handle things when Mom and Paul are around. It’s like getting ripped out of a nice dream and wishing more than anything to go back. It’s never possible, though, is it? You can try all you want, squeeze your eyes shut, force yourself to fall asleep. It doesn’t matter. The dream is over. And even though it makes no sense at all, I’ve been existing in a dream for days. A dream where Carter and I were happy, against all odds.
What is he thinking? How does he feel? I can’t read his face. If I could only tell what he’s feeling, I might be able to get a better grip on all of this. I wouldn’t feel so alone. We might as well be on separate islands, with miles of ocean between us.
“I have never been this disappointed in you,” Paul tells him. “I will never live this down, do you understand? My own son sent pictures of his stepsister to everyone in school, because he is cruel and childish. I can’t even look at you.”
“Neither can I,” Mom agrees. “Neither should my daughter. Come on. I’m getting you out of here.”
“Wait a second—” I start, but she only shakes her head as she pulls me to my feet.
“Get your purse. We’re going now.”
In a panic, I look over at Carter, but he won’t look at me. There’s nothing defiant about the way he stands there, per se, but I think I would rather he throw a fit than act like he’s totally disconnected. He’s totally checked out.
“Let’s go.” Mom practically shoves me out of the room—I have to stumble to catch myself before falling, then trot out through the front door and into the blazing heat outside.
“Unbelievable. Absolutely unforgivable.” Mom is still beside herself as she unlocks her BMW, which is hotter than the surface of the sun after sitting out in the driveway, closed up, and unused. Funny, but it hits me that I’d be much more uncomfortable if I wasn’t wearing my new dress.
“Mom, please, let me explain.” Only how am I supposed to explain this? Yes, I know what he did was wrong, but I sort of fell for him along the way and forgave him before I realized I was even doing it? Okay, that is actually pretty decent, but I really doubt she would understand. It’s not in her nature.
“Oh? You’re going to explain now? I should’ve known you would do this.”
And I should’ve known she would do this. I should know better. There shouldn’t be any surprise making my heart sink like it does. I shouldn’t be disappointed in her, because I shouldn’t expect anything except pure selfishness.
As soon as we are stopped at a light, her head snaps around so she can glare hatefully at me. “There I was, in the middle of paradise. On my honeymoon, Elliana! And I have to come home early because my daughter can’t help but act like a self-centered brat?”
“What? What did I do?”
“What you always do!” The light turns green and the driver behind us taps their horn, so she flips them off before jamming her foot on the gas pedal. “You managed to make it about you! This is supposed to be my time, and instead we had to rush home for you! Do you know what that’s like for me?”
“Do you even care about the pictures?” Why bother asking? Maybe I’m just tired of hearing her yelling at me without being able to say anything in response.
“I think you made it easy for him. Where else did he get the idea it was possible to photograph you that way? You think I don’t know you?” She asks with a bitter laugh, weaving in and out of traffic without bothering to use a signal. “Walking around like you wouldn’t say ‘boo’ to a ghost, but really thriving on the attention it brings you to stand out. Don’t lie to me. I’ve known you all your life. You’ll never change.”
Don’t listen. Don’t let her get to you. Right, I know I shouldn’t, but it’s a lot easier said than done. How can she hate me this much? How can she be so deluded about herself? Like I’m the problem. Like I’m the one who’s always had to make everything about myself. It would be funny if it wasn’t so baffling.
“I will tell you one thing.” She pulls into the parking lot of a Best Western, the first hotel we’ve come to since leaving the house. “You are not going to ruin this for me. I finally found something good in my life. You will not break us up. Do you understand?”
“Who says I want to? I didn’t want any of this! In fact,” I babble as the car squeals to a stop in front of the entrance, “we were starting to work things out. I was handling it on my own. You’re the one who came in like a tornado and blew everything apart.”
“Oh, that’s what I did? Because believe me,” she fires back with a laugh. “I would much rather have stayed in Thailand than come home to deal with this bullshit drama. Now go.”
“Go? Go where? What are you talking about?”
“Get the hell out of the car, go into that hotel, get a room, and stay there until I tell you to come home.” With a huff, she opens her purse and grabs some cash from her wallet. She holds a few hundred dollar bills out in front of me. I stare at it, dumbfounded.
I’m pretty sure my brain just short-circuited. “Do you want me to just get out of the car? Where are you going?”
“I’m going home to be with my husband and support him!”
“But… But I don’t have any clothes with me besides what I’m wearing. I figured we would spend the night or something. I don’t have toiletries. I don’t have anything in my purse.”
“If you waste another minute of my time, Elliana, so help me. Get out of the car. I don’t even want to look at you!” She’s unhinged, screaming, and I feel the hatred in every word. She means it. She does not want to look at me. Well, the feeling is mutual. I snatch the money from my mother’s hand and stuff it into my pocket.
Even though I don’t have anything with me but my purse, I stride with as much dignity as I can into the hotel. I still have Paul’s card from earlier. I guess I’ll have to use that.
Because otherwise, I’m on my own. Just when I thought things were starting to look up. I should know better by now. I shouldn’t even bother trying.