Chapter 44 #2
Her face paled, and she started fidgeting, moving her hips from side to side. "I guess so, but please don't use the strap on me. I am not used to it. I know I will be disciplined without pleasure, and I guess I deserve it for being so irresponsible with my life."
Her words went straight to my cock.
WTF? Am I being punked? Where’s Ashton? She admitted she deserved to be punished for disobeying me. I guess I trained her better than I thought.
Kitlyn
I can't believe I woke up in Atlas’s bed. What the hell was I thinking? I called the guy to come pick me up because I was so stinking drunk that I couldn't see straight. Shit, I guess I needed him more than I thought. Where did Becca go that I had to call my ex-kidnapper?
I remember only eating dinner and dancing with some random dudes; everything else after that is blank.
I kept downing drink after drink, not caring about the consequences, including the splitting headache I have right now or the fact that Atlas had me under his control again, and he was going to punish me. Wait, did I permit him to discipline me for being so stupid?
I could tell him no and leave, but deep down inside, I didn't want to. I wanted him to take me over his knee and spank my ass raw. I felt so lost without him for the last four months that it made me physically ill.
I had a tough time sleeping. I was seeing a shrink to help me sort my feelings towards him and his sadistic punishments, and that wasn't helping either. This isn't some Stockholm syndrome bullshit. I would have been over him by now, but I wasn't. Not by a long shot.
I dreamt of him every night. I abstained from sex with other guys because I liked the punishments and kinky sex we had together. He taught me how to be his little whore, and I enjoyed it. I know that now. I'm pretty sure I love him.
The thought sent my heart racing through my chest. It felt like a lightning bolt had just struck me.
I love him. I fucking love this man!
How did that even happen? All these months, I thought I was insane because I felt something that would label me as crazy.
I knew I was in love with him months ago, but denied it.
My mind struggled with what was right and wrong.
I had a difficult time with what was acceptable by society for a while.
What do I owe society, anyway? Society teaches us to act and think in a certain way.
People may call us crazy or weird if our ideas or interests don't fit in with what society considers normal. Becca's judgment worried me more than anyone else's. I didn't disclose my feelings to Becca when I was having a tough time dealing with the separation. I kept it bottled up.
I didn’t want her to think I was nuts. My shrink was my sounding board, and she was useless. I decided it’s my life and will live it however I choose. I will deal with Becca when the time comes, and I stopped seeing the shrink a while ago.
I felt as if an enormous weight had lifted from my shoulders. I love Atlas—end of story.
I know he has a volatile temper, and he kills people for a living, but he doesn't kill good people. He is ridding society of pure evil. The way he took me was wrong, and no matter what others may think, he still makes the world a little safer for women by taking out human traffickers.
I will never condone the kidnapping, but I can forgive him for it. I can forgive him for many things he initially subjected me to because he was desperate.
His obsession was that intense.
Maybe he is a psycho, but he is my psycho, and he never really hurt me. Once I spent time with him, I knew he wouldn’t severely injure me. He spanked me and used the strap, but he also pleasured me, and I liked it; I just wasn't willing to accept the truth back then.
I used to be a cutter. The pain helped me escape my life. I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a drug-addicted mother who didn't care about me.
No one cared about my welfare except the man sitting next to me with a huge grin on his face. I know he can't wait to drape me over his lap, and neither can I.
Maybe I was crazy, but it didn’t matter. Atlas and I could be nuts together. Just looking at him makes me wet. My sex throbbed at the thought of being spanked. I crave him. I want all that he can give me and more.
I want to submit to him one hundred percent.
Maybe we can negotiate the kid thing. I am even willing to become a cat lady if I can't persuade him to change his mind.
I was so miserable without him in my life that some days I didn't even want to get out of bed.
This is a fucked-up world. Maybe Atlas is correct.
Bringing kids into it may not be a good idea.
I grabbed his large hand in my small one, smiling happily for the first time in months.
I have never felt more clear-headed than I do right now.
"I am willing to be punished when you are ready to do it. I know I deserve whatever’s coming. I realize how much I missed having you in my life. I will submit to you completely."
He had a shocked look on his face, but kept quiet while I continued speaking to him.
"You won't need to lock me up in the house and hide me away. I am coming to you willingly. I love you, Atlas. I have for a long time. I just wasn't ready to admit it to myself. Will you take me back?"
He seemed lost for words. The formidable, domineering, crazy killer was speechless for a minute.
I almost laughed, but this was a profound moment, and I didn't want him to think I was joking.
His voice was gentle, but serious. He arched his brows.
"Do you know what you're asking, pet?"
I gave him my best Sunday smile, batting my lashes.
"Yes, I know what I am asking of you and what I will give up to be by your side."
I was never more positive about anything in my life.
I was surprised that all the drinking the night before didn't make me feel lightheaded and dizzy. Mostly, I felt normal except for the dull ache in my temples. I looked at the large man beside me, and my heart soared.
Once I admitted what I had known all along, I felt free. This was the man I wanted to be with. This was the man I wanted to father my children someday, if he would agree. Perhaps with nothing in the way of our relationship this time, he would change his mind.
He was my lover, protector, and tormentor.
Once he released me, my life changed…I had changed.
I was no longer the same girl I was before he took me.
He awakened a side of me that had been dormant for many years.
I just needed someone to dig deep down and release the real me—the one who no longer wanted to hide behind the facade of normal.
I never had what one would call a normal life. Atlas and I just fit together. No other man would come close to him, and I was okay with that.
I felt as though an enormous burden had been lifted from my shoulders now that I was free from all doubt.
What more could I ask for from a partner? He was wealthy enough that I would never want for anything. He was fiercely protective of me, so I never had to worry about guys like Johnny anymore. I know Atlas will always have my back, no matter what.
He was stunning to look at. He was a bad boy, as bad as they came, and he was a skilled lover. The man got me off so many times and in so many ways; it was almost sinful.
What woman in their right mind would reject such a guy?
Of course, everyone has bad qualities, too, and he certainly has his.
He has a dark side, but he is not some random serial killer.
He is an assassin who removes the scum from society.
It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that he was a killer, but he didn't take out good people.
I looked at it in a different light than I had before. It was almost the same as being a police officer. Sometimes they had to decide whether someone lived or died, and I damn well knew that the people's lives Atlas ended were not good, law-abiding citizens.
I looked at the man who now owned me and spoke concisely.
"I hope you will forgive me for being so stupid, and like I said, I am ready to pay for being so careless.
If you don't mind, I would like to shower and try to get rid of the rest of this lingering headache.
Once I am done, I will be ready for my punishment. "
His face still held the same expression as I dropped the blanket, completely exposing my nakedness to his gaze. I didn't feel embarrassed anymore.
I always felt proud of my body, but now that I relinquished all control to him, I no longer felt shy as I watched him swallow hard while he stared hungrily at my naked form.
The only thing that made me nervous was the punishment. I wasn't sure if he would consider my plea not to use the strap, but I would have to deal with it if my request fell on deaf ears. From now on, this was my life. I was his to do with as he pleased, and this time I was ready for it.