Chapter Twenty #2
“Stacy, hush. I’m not fucking leaving you,” I say as tears start to fall. My vision is blurry, and I’m struggling to see. I am sniffling and hiccupping, trying to get her free as the noises continue outside.
“Sadie,” she says softly, putting her hands over mine.
“Stop. I’m not leaving you. Stop it,” I cry. I wipe my eyes and start working again. Eventually, I pull the last rope off and drag her up from the bed. The door slams open, and Leo has a phone in his hand.
“Are you fucking stupid?” he screams at me as he throws his phone against a wall. Stacy and I back up to put some distance between us. “You didn’t think I’d fucking listen to you two?”
“Leo, please let her go. Please,” I plead as he walks closer.
“I believed you, Sadie,” he shouts.
“I fucking trusted you, too,” I scream. “You’re fucking insane. Just stop this shit already. I don’t want you. I’ll never want you.”
I don’t realize how big a mistake my outburst was until he stops walking and his face drops.
“Do you mean that? There will never be a chance?” he asks.
“Sadie,” Stacy says as a warning.
“Say it!” Leo screams. His face is bright red, and the veins in his head bulge in response to his rage.
“I don’t want you, Leo. I will never want you,” I say firmly. “Just let Stacy go and do what you need to do.”
Fear floods my system when Leo pulls a pistol from his waistband. He has his finger on the trigger, but it’s pointed down.
“If I can’t have you, you don’t deserve to live,” Leo says. “I could have saved you, Sadie.”
“Leo. Please let her go. Please, let Stacy go,” I plead with tears running down my cheeks. “I swear to God, I’ll do whatever you want me to. Okay? I’ll stay with you. I’ll try. I’ll learn, Leo. Please let her go.”
Stacy has a tight grip on my wrist to prevent me from stepping in front of her. I have to protect her, though. I can’t let her get hurt. I can’t let him hurt her. This is my fault that she’s here. I don’t want to kill my best friend. Todd would be so angry at me if something happened to her.
“It’s too late, Sadie,” he says softly. “I’ll always love you, Sadie.”
The world slows down as he lifts the gun.
The realization that all eight of my friends are about to have to grieve my loss is sobering.
If I die, will he let Stacy live? I can’t help but think of all the happy memories I have in the field with my friends.
All the time we spent together at the cabin.
I can recall all the movies we watched as a group and how Billy is secretly afraid of horror movies.
I remember times when Mason would cheat in Monopoly, just to get under my skin when I’d have to pay him rent on his properties.
Knowing I will never see my men again is painful.
More painful than anything I’ve ever experienced.
Stacy screams something that my brain doesn’t register as she yanks me behind her body. A shot rings through the cabin, and we both freeze. Stacy groans and comes down to her knees. I see red flooding the front of the lace top she is wearing, and something inside of me snaps.
Leo points the gun directly at me as I stand frozen, but when he pulls the trigger, nothing happens.
Stacy slumps to the cabin floor, and I scream.
It is unhinged and filled with years of built-up rage.
All of the years I’ve spent with the guys in the field have taught me that if I want to tackle someone, I put my weight behind it. I’m small, so I have to make it count.
I continue screaming as I run at Leo, catching him off guard when I slam into him. He immediately tries to turn the gun on me, but I grab the barrel and force it away from my face. He might be stronger, but I knocked the wind out of him when he hit the ground.
I am screaming something at him. My words are flying past my lips like venom as I pry the gun from his hands.
As soon as I get it into my hands, Leo grabs me by the throat.
I can’t breathe, so I swing the butt of the gun down on his face.
He screams in pain, and blood pours from his nose.
I keep swinging the gun down on him, screaming at him for all the pain he has caused me.
All of the trauma he and Paul put me through.
And Stacy…
Poor Stacy.
It’s all my fault.
His body has gone limp, but I keep hitting him. His face is unrecognizable, but it doesn’t matter. He can’t keep hurting me. He can’t keep causing the world pain. He is sick, and there is no cure for his insanity.
Stacy’s pained groans snap me out of my murderous rage, and I toss the gun down to rush to her side.
“No, no, no, no,” I say, panicked when I see how badly she’s bleeding. “Why did you do that? Goddamn it, Stacy. Why the fuck did you do that?”
I place my hand flat over the gunshot wound and press in, making her cry out in pain. “Sadie,” she chokes.
“I have to stop the bleeding. There’s too much blood,” I say, sobbing.
“Sadie. Please,” she pleads, pulling my hand away from her belly.
“I can’t lose you. Why did you save me? He wasn’t…”
“Shhh. Sadie. Please,” she says. “I’m dying, baby. Please just lie with me.”
“You can’t die. You can’t. I just need to stop…”
“Sadie,” she says softly.
It feels like the world is falling apart as I move to hold her face between my hands. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Stacy. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I promise, it’s okay,” she says as she starts coughing, making her wince in pain. “Come lie with me. You’re safe now.”
I nod and move to lie with her. I lay my head on her chest and wrap my arms around her body. I don’t want her to die without comfort. She is stroking my hair, but her movements are weak.
“You can’t leave me,” I whisper. “I can’t lose you.”
“You’re gonna be okay,” she says softly. She turns her head slightly to kiss my head.
“I need you to listen, okay?”
“Stacy, please. Someone will come save us. You just have to…”
“I’m not going to make it, sweetie,” she says as I move up to my elbow to cup her cheek. “You can’t push Todd away. He’s going to need you.”
“He’s going to hate me,” I say.
“No, he loves you. So fucking much,” she says. “You have to help each other. You have to let all of them help you this time. I won’t be there to help, so you have to let them in.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” I cry.
“I’ll always be with you. I will be everywhere you look, Sadie. I promised you I’d be there for you forever, and that hasn’t changed,” she says. She sighs and closes her eyes. She’s using so much energy to comfort me.
“I love you so much, Stacy. Please don’t leave me. Please. I need you,” I say, shaking her.
“I’m so tired,” she says weakly. “You have to live for me. Please. Can you do that?”
“Yeah,” I whimper. The reality of her death is sinking in when her hold on me continues to weaken. I move down to hold her tightly as I sob. “I love you, Stacy.”
“I… I love you, Sadie,” she says softly and slowly. “I just want to sleep. I’m so tired.”
“I’m right here. I won’t leave you,” I say. I am still cupping her face with her body pulled against mine. I gently stroke her cheek, and she smiles softly as she closes her eyes.
“Tell them I love them,” she whispers. “Tell them I tried to fight.
“I promise,” I tell her. I’m trying to calm down so I can help her pass peacefully. When she lays her hand on my face and sighs again, I know she’s close. “I’ll be okay, Stacy. You don’t have to fight anymore. Just rest.”
I keep stroking her cheek and holding her tight, long after her breathing has stopped.
She looks peaceful like this. She looks like she’s sleeping with a soft smile still on her lips.
I know she’s not, though. I know I killed my best friend.
I know they’ll never be able to forgive me.
I promised her that I would live for her.
I promised her I would be okay. I can’t let her down again.
Even if I do it alone, I’ll be okay for her.
I lay my head back on Stacy’s chest and hum Amazing Grace to her. I want to comfort her and myself. I’d like to think she can hear me, even though she has passed on. She has the kindest soul, so I know she is in Heaven now. No matter her beliefs, I know God will welcome her with open arms.