Chapter Twenty Four #2
“Can you accept the dynamic I have with the guys?” I ask. “Because if you can accept all of that and know that I will not be getting her baptized. We do not and will not go to church unless she one day asks to attend somewhere... Then you and I can work through this.”
“Tomorrow will be the last time I ever attend church,” Dad says. “Do they treat you well?”
“The guys?” I ask, and he nods. “They treat me very well.”
“Then that’s all I care about, sweetie,” he says. “I sure hope you take time away from them, because that’s a lot of testosterone for one house.”
“She and that baby funnel a lot of estrogen into the house, so it levels out,” Mason says, nudging me.
“You shut up,” I laugh.
“She made me eat pickles and peanut butter,” Dean remarks.
“Dude, you were eating that with her on the trip over here,” Jake laughs.
“So what you’re telling me is the way to make up everything to her is through food?” Dad asks.
“Yes,” I say quickly, and he smiles. “I mean, don’t call me a whore or try and shove a bible down my throat, but food is a good start.”
“Well, I invited Jeff, Penny, Greg, and Cindy over for dinner since we all knew you’d be here today,” Dad says. “I have ribs, chicken, and a brisket in the smoker out back.”
“You better be serious,” I say, and he laughs.
“They are bringing some sides. I made some Caesar salad as well,” he says.
“Wait. Like with your dressing?” I ask.
“Can you eat that while pregnant?” Mason asks. I glare at him, and everyone laughs.
“Wrong word choice, son,” Dad says with a grin. “I think it’s safe, but I don’t think there will be any way to keep her off it anyhow.”
“You’re right,” I say, grinning.
“You’re having a little girl?” he asks.
“Yeah. I’m twenty-two weeks,” I say. “We are naming her after our friend Stacy. She’s the one Leo killed.”
“Goodness,” Dad says. “What even...”
“Do you want to hear the whole story?” I ask.
“I do, although I think it might break my heart,” he says.
I start with what Paul did to me as a child, then move into what he did before I killed him. I tell him all about Leo and how he tricked all of us for most of our lives. I start explaining the kidnapping and Stacy’s murder, then end with how I shut down after the kidnappings.
“It sounds like you have an amazing support system,” Dad says, wiping his tears. “I am so sorry about Stacy. I can’t even imagine how that feels for any of you.”
“It hurts, but I feel confident that she is always with me like she promised she would be,” I say. “She lives on through our child and us.”
“Bet it was nice beating that fuckers face in though,” Dad says seriously. I stare at him for a second before I burst into laughter.
“I have heard you cuss more in the last ten minutes than I have for my entire life,” I say, still laughing.
“I feel free, I guess,” Dad chuckles. “It’s weird not having to constantly walk on eggshells.”
“That was my entire childhood,” I say. “I understand. I know you blame yourself, but I don’t.
You were emotionally absent, and you did let those things happen, but I also understand how debilitating mental health can feel.
After the first kidnapping, I completely shut down for two weeks.
After this last one, I was a raging bitch to everyone when I finally talked after four days.
I won’t lie... I am going to be cautious with my daughter, but we will get there.
We have to build things from the ground up, so that takes time. ”
“You know, Sadie... You have grown into an amazing woman, despite all the shit that has been thrown at you. You are going to make an amazing mother to that little girl,” Dad says with a tearful smile. “Thank you for giving me a chance to redeem myself in your eyes.”
I move over to sit next to my father and hug him tightly.
We are both brought to tears, and I hold him as years of pent-up despair flood out of both of us.
Mom caused us both so much pain, but now we have a chance to be happier without her.
“I love you, Dad. Don’t ever doubt that,” I say quietly.
Unable to speak through his tears, he hugs me tighter.
After we talk a bit about the town, I go to the backyard with the guys. It’s a warm fall day, so we lie in the middle of the back yard, like I used to do with Lance, Mason, and Dean as a kid. It feels like everything started here, and now I can truly get a fresh start.
I never hated my father, and in a way, I think I always knew that he was depressed. I hope now that Mom is dead, he can finally find happiness. He may have been complacent to a fault, but he is redeemable in my eyes.
I never thought I could find peace after all the bad things in my past. The painful memories of my trauma made everything feel so hopeless.
With my eight loving partners, I am finally able to heal.
Each one of them gives me strength and makes me feel safe.
As I carry our baby, I see a brighter future filled with hope.
Together, we’ve faced many challenges and have built a strong bond along the way.
Our love, trust, and care for each other are what keep us going.
This is our endless devotion.