4. Killian
Chapter four
Killian
My whole body is tense, just wanting to come. I can’t take much more of this torture. My chest stings from the wax and my dick aches with the need to release. The darkness that envelops me is making it that much worse. Then Levi's silky voice, praying over me, marking me. Jesus fuck. I feel like I can’t breathe.
“Father?” I ask, realizing that Levi had been quiet for far too long. I don't get an answer. I try to listen for the sound of Levi’s breathing, anything to figure out where he had gone. I lay there in silence, the darkness closing in around me. I know my hands are free to lift the blindfold, but I want to be good for my Father.
When the silence has stretched longer still, I open his mouth to speak again, but I hiss when I feel hands on my chest. Yes. Fucking finally. Levi finally touches me, and I couldn’t be more ecstatic, almost coming from the feeling of his hands alone. They travel up my chest, starting right around the first symbol he had made with the wax.
I bite my tongue to keep myself from moaning. Levi’s hands are so soft, so warm and perfect. I would lay here for eternity if it meant that Levi would continue touching me for just as long. His hands slowly travel up, deft fingers trace my collar bone, then I feel pressure on my neck. Before I can say anything, Levi’s hands are around my throat, squeezing it.
Pleasure sores through me, and I almost come immediately. I silently moan, my hands coming up to wrap around his wrists. After a minute, the pleasure I had felt turns to panic. Need to breathe. I tap on Levi’s wrist, a silent signal for him to ease up, but he doesn’t. It feels like he tightens his grip, blocking even more air from entering my lungs.
I reach up, removing the blindfold. It takes a few seconds for Levi’s image to come into view. He leans over me, the flickering candles making a halo around his brown hair. He’s the closest thing to an angel I’m ever going to see .
“Let go,” I mouth, unable to form words without air.
“God has left me because of you. If you’re gone, he will return.” Levi’s words are heartless, almost robotic as he continues to squeeze my neck. Pure panic goes through me. I could easily overpower him. I could kill him in an instant, but that’s not what I want. I want him to want me. Surely Levi won’t go through with this plan.
“Please,” I manage to get out, eyes watering from lack of air.
“You must die, demon. Pay for your sins.” The words are so cold, I feel like he was dunked in ice water. I pull at his hands, but his grip is steadfast. He bears down, using the weight of his body to pin me to the bathroom floor by the neck.
“Don’t want to die,” I mouth, vision starting to go black around the edges. Did I wait too long to fight? Is it too late? Am I too weak from lack of air?
No. It will not end this way. It can’t. I use the last little bit of energy I have to raise my arms over my head. I link my hands together, bringing them down on Levi’s locked elbows with all of my might. His grip falters just enough for me to capitalize. I thrust my hands between his arms, pushing out. His hands release my neck in an instant.
I push Levi off of me, gulping air. “You tried to kill me,” I say between painful breaths. I look at Levi, who just stands there, tan skin flickering in the low light of the candles.
“I will kill you, demon.”
Levi doesn’t give a moment's notice, just charges me, tackling me. We land on the tiled floor with a thud. A pain shoots through my head as it connects with the hard surface. Levi is on top of me, attempting to get his hands around my neck again.
Not this time. Levi didn’t catch me off guard. I counter, flipping us over so that I’m between Levi’s legs. Our softening cocks graze together, and I can’t stop myself from moaning. Levi freezes beneath me. I grind our cocks together again, this time allowing the moan to slip from my lips.
“If this is killing me, then don’t stop,” I say, thrusting again. Levi's eyes close for a brief second when our dicks press deliciously together. The friction makes me forget all about my burned skin, sore throat, and splitting headache. Forgive and forget.
“No!” Levi shouts, and he’s stronger than I had ever thought. He locks his thick, strong legs around my hips, then uses his body to roll us. He straddles me within seconds, and sweet infant Satan, I like the look of him on top of me.
“If you wanted to be on top, Father, all you had to do was ask.”
“Shut up!” Levi screams, leaning down to press his forearm against my throat, effectively blocking airflow again. I kick out, flipping Levi over my head. He rolls, as if he has been fighting his entire life. I quickly stand to find Levi already on his feet. We circle each other, I pay very close attention to try to predict his next move.
Levi’s eyes are calculating, as if he has a plan, but is just waiting for the perfect moment. This is doing nothing to calm my raging hard-on. In fact, it is making me so much harder. Watching every muscle in his body flex and release with each movement he makes is downright erotic. They could make a porno with just Levi walking around naked. Jesus’ tits, this man is sexy .
I am so distracted by the way Levi’s quads stretch from his knee to his hip, I don't even notice when he pounces. I stumble back as he wraps his whole body around me, using his momentum to push me further. The back of my knees hit something smooth, hard, and unmoving. My legs buckle, and I fall backward.
The burn of the water is the first thing I notice. It envelopes my entire body, so hot, I worry my skin might burn off. Then I accidentally inhale some. If I thought the way it burned my skin was bad, it was nothing compared to the way it burns my lungs. My body’s natural survival instincts take hold. I grab on to the side of the tub to pull myself out, but a hard body is holding me down.
“Soul of Christ, sanctify me.” My head emerges just long enough to hear Levi’s words. He pushes my torso, submerging me again. He straddles me in the water, legs squeezing my hips to suppress movement. Our cocks grind against each other with every breath we take, but, for once, I can’t find the brain power to be turned on. Not when every part of my body hurts .
“Father,” I get out, finding breath at the surface again. Levi’s eyes look crazed, as if he is the one possessed.
“Body of Christ, save me.” His firm hands are on me again. I would be turned on if the priest wasn’t currently trying to fucking drown me in holy water. “Blood of Christ, inebriate me.”
“Please. Stop,” I beg, realizing that Levi isn’t going to let me go. I might not survive this. And how? How did this happen? How did it all go so wrong? I… I wanted Levi. And not in a fun way to defile God. I wanted him in more ways than I had allowed myself to think about.
“Water from the side of Christ, wash me.” I go under again; this time Levi keeps his hands on me to try to hold me down. I fight with all my might, needing air in my panic. I can’t take in any more holy water. It might actually kill me. I use my whole body to buck, throwing Levi off balance long enough to emerge from the water once more. I suck in air.
“Levi. Please. Don’t do this.” I go back under the water, but Levi’s grip is looser this time, almost as if his resolve is faltering. I use that advantage. With every ounce of energy I have left in me, I bear-hug Levi then roll us, using the buoyancy of the water to my advantage. Water splashes all around us, over the sides of the tub and onto the floor. Levi struggles, but I use my height and weight to my advantage.
I am now straddling Levi, not going to underestimate his strength again. No. I plan to keep the upper hand. I can feel Levi’s mostly soft cock against my hole. I can’t stop myself from grinding down.
The holy water still burns around us, but now that I can breathe, it is providing the perfect amount of pain. My own cock begins to harden again. How could it not when I’m straddling the prettiest person on Earth and in Heaven?
“Demon,” Levi says, his voice hard, but there’s an edge to it that wasn’t there before. A large droplet of water falls from his eye lashes, landing on his freckled cheek and trailing down until it joins the rest of the water. Beautiful.
“Father,” I say, grinding again. I can feel Levi’s body reacting to mine. I can feel the way his cock thickens. The way his hands grip my hips, no longer trying to overpower me, but in pleasure .
“I don’t want this.” Levi's eyes close for a brief moment, lips parting.
“You tried to drown me. Do you think I give a fuck about what you want?” I grind down again, this time pressing our cocks together, making the most delicious friction I have ever encountered. I want to come so badly. He deprived me of that, instead, trying to kill me.
“I always knew you were a soulless demon,” Levi spits, but his hips thrust upward, meeting mine. He can pretend all he wants, but he clearly wants this. His body is reacting.
“And you’re a self-righteous priest. We all have our flaws,” I respond, moving my hips so that the tip of his cock is aligned with my hole.
“You’re disgusting,” Levi hisses, gripping my hips. He doesn't try to push me off, no. Instead, he guides me down, the tip of his cock pressing inside. It hurts. Fuck, does it hurt. The holy water mixed with the lack of lube is painful, but God, does it feel oh so fucking good.
“You’re virtuous,” I retort, sinking down deeper, my cock throbbing. I’m not going to last long. I need to do something, anything, to make him come with me .
“Heathen,” Levi moans, hands gripping my hips so tightly, I will surely have bruises by the end of this.
“Saint.” I am completely seated now, and I feel so fucking full. I had never planned to see Heaven. Knew I’d never hear the angels sing or touch the pearly gates. But Jesus fuck, I hear angels singing now, and the pearly gates? That must be Levi’s dick buried so deeply in my ass, I can't tell where I stop and he begins. This is the fucking Heaven God was going to deprive me of. God can’t stop me from touching this heaven. I am going to keep it.
“Fucking move.” Levi bucks up into me, the water making me move easily. I moan deep and low, water sloshing around us.
“Not gonna last long,” I say, placing my hands on the side of the tub behind Levi’s head. I roll my hips. His head drops back, eyes rolling into the back of his head. Fuck.
“Don’t care.” Levi's words are breathy, eyes blown in the flickering candlelight. I look down at my own chest, the remnants of wax that hadn’t come off in our struggle still stuck to my skin. It clicks then. The prayer. The symbols. Levi tried to banish me. Then strangle me. Then drown me.
“I ask you, Father, with your body, to send the Holy Spirit upon the water of this font,” I say, rolling my hips. His eyes snap to mine, disbelieving. “May all who are buried with you in my death of Baptism rise also with you to newness of life. I ask, through our bodies.”
“Stop.” Levi's voice is weak, as if he doesn’t mean the word. I don't care if he means it or not. I will continue, even if it kills me.
“Praise to you,” I bend, kissing the side of Levi’s lip. “Almighty God and Father.” I grind again, water sloshing over the sides, “For you have created water to cleanse and to give life.” Another grind of my hips, another moan escaping my chest.
“Blessed be God,” Levi responds automatically. He looks as if he instantly regents his words. As if the phrase is so ingrained in him, he couldn’t stop himself from saying it. Pleasure shoots through my entire body at the words.
“Praise to you,” I whisper, directly into Levi's ear. “My Father, for you offered your body to me, that in the blood and water flowing inside, and through your body and soul, I might be reborn.” So, it’s not the exact words of the prayer. The improvisation seems to be doing it for Levi, though, his body stiff around me.
“Blessed be God,” Levi says again, less robotic this time. He grips my hips, urging me faster, but I am enjoying this. I want to be fucked slow. Filled up in every way by Levi. I want to remember this piece of Heaven I was allowed to taste.
“Praise to you, God the Holy Spirit,” I say, kissing the other side of Levi’s lips, continuing the slow grind of my hips. Pleasure pools in my stomach, my cock aching with the need to release. I must wait for Levi. “For you anointed me at my baptism in these waters, so that I might be baptized in you.” I kiss Levi, lips slanted over his.
“Oh fuck ,” Levi groans in my mouth, hands clutching my ass, spreading my cheeks apart.
“That’s not the phrase,” I whisper against his lips as he stalls his hips. He tries to buck up, but I don't move. I just look at Levi expectedly.
“Blessed be God.” The words are harsh as he grabs my hips and slams me down on his cock, punishing me. I scream out in pleasure, waves rocking me so hard, I have to hold on to the sides of the tub.
“Come, Lord, my father, and make holy this water which you have created, so that we who are baptized in it may be washed in your body, born again to live alongside you.” I pick up the pace a bit, my cock not getting enough friction in the water. God, do I need friction right now, but I deprived myself of it. If my cock is touched in any way, I may spontaneously combust.
I touch the water. “Lord, make holy this water which you have created, so that all those whom you have chosen may be born again by your power, and may take my place next to you.”
“Killian…” Levi moans.
“I called you, Levi, to this cleansing water that I may share in the faith of you.” I place my hand over his chest, his heart thundering beneath my fingertips. “By the mystery of this tainted water led you to me.”
“I’m… fuck…” Levi bucks up, trying to get me to move faster, but I won’t. Not until I’m done. I angle my hips forward, pushing him down the tub so that his back is no longer leaning against it. Perfect.
“Father, my God of mercy, through these waters of baptism you have filled me with new life.” I kiss Levi, distracting him while I place firm hands on his shoulders. I push him back, our kiss breaking with an audible pop as he is submerged in the water.
“Killian,” Levi exclaims, sputtering water when he emerges a moment later.
“From all who are baptized in my tainted water, you are now a part of me. Of my body. Of my mind.” I push him again, dunking him in the water, never ceasing the grind of my hips. His cock is throbbing inside of me, never faltering. Maybe he’s enjoying this as much as I am.
“Shit. Fuck. I can’t… I’m gonna…” Levi says between breaths, as soon as he comes back up, gulping air. I fuck him harder, grinding down and jerking back up, over and over. I feel so full… so full of Levi. I never want to feel empty again.
“You have set me free and filled my heart with your soul, that I may live in your presence.” I lean down as if to kiss Levi, instead, I push him in the water again, his movements becoming jerky as he gets closer to his release.
“Killian…” Levi pants, emerging from the water to kiss me. “I’m so close,” he says against my li ps. “Oh my God…” His kisses are frantic, and it takes everything in me to break them
“You have called me to this tainted water, that I may share in the faith of you and have eternal life by your side,” I continue, breathing the words into Levi’s mouth. "By the mystery of this tainted water led me to you.” I barely get the words out, pressure and pleasure fighting within me.
I dunk Levi again, holding him under the water. His mouth opens in shock, a silent scream escaping inside bubbles rising to the surface. When I feel Levi’s cock pulse inside of me, I can’t hold back any longer. I come with so much force, my back bows as I scream, spurt after spurt of my come releasing into the water.
After what feels like a never-ending orgasm, Levi shoots out of the water, gulping breaths. He swipes his hair off his face, looking at me with an expression I can’t read. I want to ease off his now soft dick. I want to turn around, my back to Levi’s chest and just sit in the lukewarm water. Maybe run us a proper bath with bubbles and no prayer. I want to bask in this, but his expression makes me second guess .
Levi pushes me off him, standing abruptly and getting out of the tub. He goes to a closet, opening it and draping a towel around his waist a couple of seconds later. I suddenly feel cold and exposed. The silence is deafening, going on and on and on. Levi doesn’t turn around. He doesn't speak. He doesn't move a single muscle, and my whole body is on the edge, waiting for something that may never come.
“Levi?” My voice sounds so loud in the quiet room. Levi doesn't respond. Doesn’t turn around. He does make a sound, though. I stand from the tub. My entire body is red and raw from the holy water. I shake it off, stepping a foot onto the soaked floor. I slowly walk toward Levi whose body shakes now, as if cold.
“Levi…” I say, reaching a shaking hand out to grab his arm. Levi pulls away quickly, falling to the ground and shoving his back against the wall, away from me. It’s then that I notice the tears. Levi is crying, fat tears streaming down his face. His whole-body shakes, as if he’s trying to hold in sobs, but it’s not working.
“Killian… please leave,” Levi gets out between so bs.
“I-I thought you enjoyed it,” I say, completely confused by this turn of events. Levi’s tears. I have never seen him react this way. Over the past half-day, I have seen him angry, lustful, enraged, and a whole host of other emotions, but never sad. He’s never looked this… hopeless.
“Yeah… that’s the problem.” Levi looks up at me, tears in his blue eyes. He wipes them away, but they just keep coming. I barely resist the urge to kiss them away.
“What?” I drop to my knees on the floor, in front of Levi. I want to take his hand, comfort him somehow, but I just don't know what to do. Comforting people is not in my wheelhouse anymore. I sort of wish for my human half. That part of me would have known what to do.
“That’s the fucking problem, Killian. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed everything.” Levi’s voice gets louder. “Fucking you with a cross. Being fucked by you. The constant praying while fucking. Dominating you. Choking you. The fucked up baptism. All of it. I enjoyed every fucking second of it and… and…” Levi trails off, as if he ran out of steam.
“And? ”
“And I hate myself!” Levi screams, smacking his forehead over and over.
“Don’t hate yourself. Hate me…” I grab Levi’s wrist, stopping him from further hurting himself. “Hate me,” I say again, letting go of his wrist and putting both of his hands on my chest.
“How do I hate you? You didn’t force me to do anything? Hating you is illogical. It’s putting blame on the innocent.” Levi doesn’t look at me, just lays his head in his hands in an attempt to steady his own breathing. I am stuck on a word, though. Innocent.
“I’m not innocent.”
“And I’m not pure!” Levi shouts, fist hitting the tiled floor.
“Levi… please…” I try again, reaching out to touch him but thinking better of it. I don't want to make this situation any worse.
“God, how little I must think of myself. To allow a soulless demon to fuck me.” Levi says the words quietly, looking up at the ceiling as if he forgot I was even there. But I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face by his words, my eyes stinging from them. “Breaking my vows for the likes to demon.” He adds quietly, as if the words were more for himself than me.
“I- I’m…” I start to protest, but I can’t. What Levi said was true. I am a soulless demon.
“Please. Just leave. I’m begging. Leave me to my silence. To my life without Him,” Levi says, finally looking at me again. His eyes are glassy and tired, almost like he’s given up. There’s no life in them.
“What about your life without me?” It almost pains me to ask the question. I search Levi’s eyes for an answer. A real answer, not whatever he’s about to spout off, but all I can find is sadness and confusion. Broken. I have broken him.
But wasn’t that what I wanted? To break the priest. Funny. It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. I feel… hollow. As if Levi’s broken body has fallen out of the hole he carved for himself in my heart.
“A life without you would mean entrance into Heaven. It would mean feeling His love again, being saved by His glory,” Levi says, looking up at the heavens. I have never been so jealous of God. To get this level of devotion from someone like Levi. And to ignore it. If I ever meet God, I will spit in his face. He doesn’t deserve Levi’s worshi p
“Levi… I- I…” The word is on the tip of my tongue. But it’s only been half a day. How could I? When did my obsession with this priest turn to this? And telling Levi will only freak him out, so I swallow the words, instead saying, “I care for you…”
“No! You can’t care for me! You don’t have a soul. You’re infatuated with me! You are obsessed with me! You are enamored by the idea of defiling a priest. You did it! Congratulations, Killian! But don’t you dare sit there and tell me you care. You have to have a soul to care, therefore you can’t.”
There it is again. The soul part. My resolve crumbles. Levi is unmoving on this. He will not see reason. Anger floods me. How dare Levi tell me how I can and cannot feel. I’m capable of feeling lust and anger without a soul, why should caring for someone be any different? Does caring really come from a soul?
“Fine, I’ll leave, but you’re gonna regret ever saying that,” I tell him, tone low, almost menacing. “I will be back, but while I’m gone, you won’t be able to forget me. You will spend every second of every day remembering these past 12 hours. Because I am forever in your mind. In your body. And in your heart.”
“When you come back, God will be in my mind. God will be in my body. God will be in my heart,” Levi says, a finality to his tone as he looks me in the eyes. His chin is up, but his lip is quivering.
“Oh please. God will never know you like I do. God will never touch you like I have,” I reach out, stroking Levi’s cheek. He flinches. “God hasn’t seen the darkness in you, the part that you’ve buried deep under all of that self-righteous bullshit.” I point to his chest, as he leans in closer. “God didn’t witness your first taste of power, when your hand was wrapped around my throat.”
“I-” Levi's eyes are staring at my throat, probably noticing the mark he left there. He swallows, jerking his eyes back to my face which is now inches away from his.
“God will never replace my presence in your body,” I say, my hand rubbing the contours of Levi’s torso. “He will never remove my mark on your soul.” I lean in, kissing Levi fiercely. I put everything I have into the kiss because he can’t forget me while I’m gone. I may not survive what I’m about to do, but I know I will not be able to survive if Levi truly figures out a way to banish me.
I end the kiss, and Levi leans in, almost as if he wants more. I don’t give it to him, though. I made my decision. I just stand and quickly put my clothes on. I look at Levi, who is still watching me from his place on the floor.
“Killian…” Levi says, as I open the door. I glance over at him, pained by the confused expression marring his beautiful features. I almost go to his side. Almost kiss him again. Almost stay. But I can’t, and I will not return. Not until Levi sees me as more than a soulless demon. Not until I’m worthy.
“Soon.”