6. Killian
I flex my arms, moving my hands to try to maintain blood flow. On my tiptoes, my whole body is off balance and looking for purchase. Levi stands before me, blue eyes raking up and down my stretched-out form. I wish I knew what he was thinking. It’s so much easier to slip into someone’s brain while they’re sleeping.
Just when I can’t take the silence anymore, Levi drops to his knees, his pristine white robes circling around him. The thump of his knees hitting the shiny wood floor echoes within the cathedral ceilings. With his mouth inches away from my hard dick, I’m not sure where this is going to go, but I certainly will not be the one to stop it.
Levi bows his head, clasping his hands below his nose. There is something wrapped around his right hand, dangling between us. It takes me a moment to figure out what it is. A wooden rosary. I try to push my hips out. Try to get my hard cock closer to paradise, but I can’t move.
“What are you doing?” I ask when Levi just kneels before me in silence.
Levi doesn’t move his head, just looks up through the curtain of his hair. His blue eyes are piercing in the shadows of the church. I am so entranced by them, I don't see that Levi has moved forward. Don’t notice until Levi has my cock between his clasped hands, the beads of the rosary digging into the side of my shaft. I hiss.
“Your body is my altar, and I intend to pray.”
Levi’s voice is so damn raspy, I moan at just the sound. I try to move my hips, looking for some kind of friction on my aching cock, but I can’t. Between my tied arms and my tip-toed stance, I can’t get enough leverage.
“My God, who is before me, hallowed be thy name,” Levi starts, removing one hand from my cock. The one that holds the rosary still remains. I want to scream at him to move, but I bite my tongue. I want to give him this time of exploration.
“Thy kingdom come.” Levi grabs my left thigh, lifting it so that it’s resting on his right shoulder. I’m forced to rest most of my weight on his shoulder. But he doesn't seem to mind at all. This move makes it harder for me to see Levi, though, so I have no idea what he’s doing. I can just feel and hear him.
“Thy will be done,” Levi continues, and I hiss when wet fingers graze my dry hole. “On Earth as it is here in heaven.” A long lick up the side of my cock onto my balls makes me jump.
“Fuck,” I groan, closing my eyes, ignoring the pain in my wrist and shoulders.
“Give us this day.” Levi dives deeper, and I can feel his firm tongue on my hole, lapping at it. “Our daily bread.” Another lick into my core. I ball my hands into fists, desperately wanting to have those fists in his hair, guiding his mouth to take me deep.
“Father,” I say, cock twitching in Levi’s hand as he thumbs the tip where pre-come has gathered. His wet fingers replace his mouth, tracing around my hole before pushing inside. I moan again, the sound echoing all around us.
“And forgive me for my trespasses.” Levi looks up, blue eyes meeting mine as he gives my cock one long stroke, the beads of the rosary digging into my sensitive skin as they roll over it. “As I punish those who trespass against me.” Levi opens his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head of my cock.
“Fucking hell!” I shout, uncaring of how loud I’m being. I feel like I am about to explode, and we’ve barely done anything. If I don't get it out somehow, then I fear I will come too soon. I want to come with Levi inside of me.
“Lead me into temptation,” Levi says, his mouth coming off my cock with a slick pop. He looks into my eyes, as he says, “For I have fallen for evil.”
“Oh God ,” I moan, his words hitting my body with the impact of an angel falling from grace. I nod. None of this is a question, but I feel the need to answer. “Fuck me, Father. Please fuck me.”
“You’re not…” Levi trails off, clearly unsure of how to say what he’s thinking
“I’ll be fine. You won’t hurt me. Please. Just need you,” I assure him, not even caring that I sound like I’m begging. I am. If I don't get Levi inside of me right this second, I may explode. My heart feels as though it is too big for my chest.
Levi nods once, then stands. Slowly, very slowly, he reaches up, pulling the collar from around his neck. He doesn’t even look at it, just crumples it up and throws it over his shoulder. I lick my lips when he pulls his white robe over his head, leaving him standing in front of the church, completely naked. The sunlight filtering through the stained-glass windows dances on his skin to the sound of angels weeping because his naked body is so glorious, surely the angels do weep.
“Wait…” I say as Levi steps forward. His steps falter, brows creased in confusion.
“What?” He asks.
“You don’t have to do this.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “I want you to know that. You do not have to do this. We can leave and do this somewhere else. We can… we can…”
“Killian…” Levi closes the gap between us, cupping my cheeks with both hands. I let my chin drop to my chest, not wanting to look him in the eyes. He forces my chin up, blue eyes meeting mine a moment later. “I’m going to fuck you in this church on this cross for God and every perverted angel to see.”
“But… God…” I say, and Levi drops his hands to my sides. I think he may have changed his mind, and my whole body deflates, the cross the only thing holding me up.
“From this moment on, I will only worship those who deserve my loyalty. I will worship this body.” Levi's hand trails up the side of my ribs. “I will devote my own body to your pleasure.” Suddenly, his hand grips my cock. I hiss out a breath. “My breath will only be used to pray to you.” He leans in, kissing me softly.
“Please,” I whisper against Levi’s lips. He kisses me again, this time harsh and hungry, mouth opening, tongue delving. I use my arms and core strength to lift my hips up, circling them around his waist. He assists me, grabbing my thighs with both hands and holding on.
“Missed you,” Levi murmurs against my mouth, and I could not have heard that right. Or perhaps he just said it in the moment. Either way, I don't have time to stop and consider the words because he lifts my hips higher, lining me up. I can’t do much to help with tied hands, but I do my best.
“Fuck!” I shout when he ever so slowly sinks down my length. I’m still just a bit to dry, a bit too tight, but it feels so fucking perfect. I crave the sting. It’s good pain. Completely different from the pain I’ve endured over and over again the past three months. I shake my head, refusing to think about that.
“Feel so good,” Levi moans when I’m finally seated. I flex my legs around his hips because I constantly feel like I’m slipping. I know I’m not. His strong body is holding me firmly against the cross.
“Move. Please, Levi, move ,” I beg, closing my eyes in bliss. Levi grinds his hips in a small circular motion, fingers digging into my ass.
“You’re so hot,” Levi says, biting my collar bone, then nibbling all the way up to my neck where he bites down again. I moan, wanting desperately to touch him. I ball my hands up into fist, pulling at the white cloth restraining me. It’s no good. I can’t move an inch, and it’s both increasingly infuriating and incredibly erotic.
“Harder.” I use my legs to pull Levi into me, forcing him to go from grinding to thrusting. My eyes roll back into my head when his cock rubs my spot. With every thrust, something grazes my nipple, but I can’t figure out what it is .
I look down, finding the rosary swinging between our bodies like a pendulum. I didn’t notice, but Levi must have draped it around both of our necks so that we were connected by it. Jesus fuck. I didn’t think it would be possible to be more turned on, but I am.
“I will always answer your prayers. You will always feel my presence, Father,” I blurt out, trying to distract myself from the orgasm that is charging toward me like a freight train.
“I have been feeling it. I was just ignoring it,” Levi says, out of breath as he drives into my hole unrelenting. “It was all around me. It was inside of me.”
“Did you want it to be God?” I ask, almost afraid of the answer.
“It was God. It was you. You’re my God, now,” Levi pants, a sweat bead racing down his face.
“Oh God. Yes. Right there!” I shout when Levi changes the angle ever so slightly. My cock aches. I’m getting so close. Levi slows his thrust to something harder, deeper, more intimate. It’s not a reprieve I feel, but pleasure. The cross creaks behind me with every forceful thrust of Levi’s hips, but I ignore it, too lost in this moment .
“This is heaven. Being inside you is fucking paradise. I don’t need anything else,” Levi says against my skin, a bite punctuating each sentence.
“Yes. Please. God. Please. Find Heaven in me. In us,” I respond. My eyes roll into the back of my head right as the cross gives way. Floating. I’m floating for barely a second before the blunt force of the floor is at my back.
“Shit… are you…” Levi starts to push himself off, concern in his eyes.
“Don’t you dare fucking stop,” I growl, tightening my legs around his waist so he stays buried deep inside of me. I can’t stop the panic from taking over my entire body at the very idea of him stopping. I need this.
“You’re…”
“Don’t take heaven from me.” My voice cracks, a tear streaming down my face. I’ve waited so long for this. For Levi’s touch. For his taste. For our bodies to join together again. I can’t even entertain the notion that it will be taken from me, not when I’ve come this far and have gotten this close .
Levi looks at me for a long moment, and whatever he finds in my expression must be what he was looking for because he nods once. He then settles back on top of me, the rosary pressed between our bodies. When the cross broke in the fall, the fabric tying my wrist loosened. I test its hold, pulling once, twice, and I’m free. I moan, tangling the fingers of my right hand in Levi’s hair while grabbing his ass with my other hand.
“So close,” Levi says, thrusts short and deep. I am on the brink of coming, my cock finding the perfect amount of friction between our bodies.
“Yes. Just like that. Leviticus. Please.” I kiss Levi hard, all tongues and teeth and spit. He moans into my mouth, and I return that moan, bucking my hips to meet his.
“God. You’re gonna make me…” Levi’s words trail off, and my cock twitches, right on the edge.
“Please. Show me heaven,” I beg, and Levi moans, not bothering to cover the sound.
“You created Heaven,” Levi whispers into my ear. With one final, deep thrust I feel his cock pulse inside me. That's all it takes. Pleasure erupts from every cell of my body. I cling on to Levi, crying out as my come coats our bodies .
My limbs shake, my orgasm going on and on as I grip Levi’s shoulders, scratching down his back for purchase. Stars form in front of my eyes, my vision going dark from the pleasure that rocks my body over and over again like a boat out at sea during a storm, but Levi is my dove. He’s my hope for dry ground. He’s my salvation.
We lay there for so long, I lose track of time. Levi is no longer on top of me; we have shifted so that we are laying on our sides, using the fabric I was tied up with as a makeshift pillow. The hardwood floor is uncomfortable, and a splintered cross digging into our bodies, but I’m terrified of moving. Scared to death that one single movement could break Levi out of his resolve and crumble it. So, I take this moment for what it is.
I stare at Levi, tracing the intricate patterns of rainbow light on his face, down his neck and on to his chest. He looks at me in a way that makes me want to squirm. It’s as if he’s studying me, and I’m an open book. I haven’t felt this vulnerable in a long time. I try to think of something to say, but not a single word forms in my brain. I want to ask him if this is the last time, but I can’t bring myself to even broach the subject. I don’t think I would survive the answer.
“So… umm… do you want to tell me where you’ve been?” Levi’s voice is hoarse, breaking the silence gently with a quiet snap.
I sigh, expecting this conversation, but not so soon. “Not really.” I busy my hands by taking the white cloth from beneath our heads and using it to wipe up the come drying on our bodies.
“I thought there was something different about you, but I guess not.” Levi moves to roll away, but I grab his bicep, stopping him. He rolls back to look at me, his expression weary.
“What’s different about me?” I search Levi’s eyes, trying to determine if he was just saying that.
“I don’t know. You just seem… softer, somehow. Like you’ve changed, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Now, though… with all of the secrets… you promised me you would tell me, and now you’re refusing to. I guess you haven’t really changed.” His eyes are downturned, staring at a piece of the broken cross below us as his fingers fiddle with it .
“I’ve never really kept a secret from you,” I tell him, hurt that Levi would even think that. I have done a lot of things to him, but I have never lied to him about anything.
“Then why won’t you tell me where you’ve been? You are gone for three months. I see you in my dreams, almost as if we’re communicating. Then I have a dream about you where we aren’t communicating, I’m just watching you talk to someone that I couldn’t see. Then you show up at 3 am in my church, on Easter Morning, nonetheless, beaten and bruised. None of it makes any sense.” Levi's voice gets stronger with each new point he makes, confusion lacing every word.
“I was-” I pause, trying to decide how to put it. “I was on a quest,” I say for lack of a better word.
“What? A quest? This isn’t some Tolkien novel. You're not a hobbit.”
“Yeah… I’m a demon.” I laugh, touching the side of Levi’s face with my thumb. His skin is just as soft and warm as it’s ever been, and I try to soak up as much of that warmth as I can through a single finger.
“Killian…” Levi warns, but the side of his lip twitches, clearly trying to hold back a smile .
“Fine. After last time… you know, in your bathroom… with the water….” I stutter, unsure of how to say it. I don’t want to upset him or remind him of that night. Now, I hold so much remorse over how everything happened, shamed by my actions.
“What an eloquent way to put it…” Levi smiles this time, and I release a breath I didn’t know he was holding. Maybe I don't have to walk on eggshells with this. Maybe I don't have to be afraid of reminding him of what I was… or still am… sort of.
“Shut up.” I return his smile. “Anyway, after everything that happened, you just looked so broken. You were so sad, and like… I can’t really describe it. I lacked a soul, so I really couldn’t feel emotions such as sadness or remorse, but I felt something. Maybe it was shame. I’m not sure, but you kept calling me a soulless demon. You kept talking about how much you hated yourself for allowing a soulless demon to touch you and the fact that you enjoyed my touch…”
“Okay…” Levi cuts off my thought midway through .
“I hated that you felt that way. I wanted to be worthy. I wanted to deserve the ability to touch you. And you were right. You were too pure, too perfect for someone so tainted to be allowed to touch. It was like touching a pristine white cloth with an ink-soaked quill. So, I wanted to change it.”
“Change it?” Levi’s brows draw in confusion, blue eyes searching.
“Yeah… I-I went on a quest to get my soul back,” I explain quietly. It feels so strange saying it out loud.
“You what? ” Levi’s eyes bulge out of their sockets in complete disbelief. I try not to laugh, but it’s quite funny. To be fair, I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t actually gone through everything. I shake myself, forcing my mind back into the present. I cannot allow myself to get lost in those trials again. I may not survive reliving them.
“I suspect that’s what you saw in your dream. The moment I got it back. If so, I’m sorry you had to experience that, too. If I had known I somehow slipped into your mind, I would have pulled out. I was able to protect you from seeing the other trials. You witnessing that part was an accident. I can usually control it, but in highly emotional times, it sort of just happens.” I hate that I allowed it to happen. Hate that Levi had to feel it, too.
“Your soul. You got it back? How?” Levi asks, apparently unbothered by the fact that I forced him to feel indescribable pain all because I couldn’t control my powers. I was doing it all for him, and I needed him at that moment. It makes sense that my subconscious provided what I needed, but I hate it, nevertheless.
“Honestly, when I left you, I didn’t really have a plan.” I could still hear the door slam behind me as I stalked off. It felt like that was only yesterday. “So, I started with the only in I had. I went to my father. I told him what I wanted. He was very against the idea, but after some… persuasion… he told me where to start.”
“And where was that?” Levi asks, obviously invested in the story.
“By capturing an archangel.” I try to make the statement sound nonchalant, as if it’s no big deal.
“By what?!?” Levi exclaims, voice high and shrill. Apparently, my attempt was in vain.
“Capturing an archangel,” I repeat, shrugging .
“How did you do that?” His eyes are as big as saucers again, a mixture of disbelief and reverence.
“It wasn’t easy, but they can be summoned, kind of like demons. It’s just in a different way.” I force myself to stay in the present, away from the memories. Summoning that archangel was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. If only I knew what was to come. “With some help, I summoned one. I used holy fire from hell to trap him, then made him tell me where to find the trials.”
“Wow,” Levi says, looking at me with amazement. Then his expression falls, eyebrows creasing, “Wait… what trials?”
“So yeah…” I start, clearing my throat. I have to tread carefully. If I talk too much about them, I risk getting sucked back into them. “In order to get my soul back, I had to go through three trials to prove my worthiness. One of water. One of spirit. One of blood.”
“What did those entail?” Levi asks, reaching out to touch my face, then his hand trails down to the bruise over my heart .
“Can we skip this part?” I ask, grabbing Levi’s hand and holding it over my heart while looking deeply into his eyes. When Levi looks like he is going to protest, I say, “I promise I will tell you someday, but I really just do not want to relive them right now. They were… a lot.”
“I understand, but… I think I need to know, Killian. You don’t have to go into too much detail. I just… you left for three months. Then you come back and expect me to just believe you when you say you went through three trials to get your soul back?” Levi asks, his eyes begging me to tell him.
“I want to tell you. I’m just worried that I will get sucked back in. They were real, but they also weren’t real,” I try to explain. He looks unconvinced, though, so maybe I’m not doing a great job.
“Use me to ground you. You’re with me. You’re not there. Just… please. I need to know. What did you go through? Help me understand.” Levi grips my hand, offering me a small smile. I take a deep breath, then another, ignoring the pain in my ribs. I have to do this. I can do this. Through Levi, anything is possible .