3. Chapter Three
Chapter Three
Milo
I’d fucked up. That was my last thought before falling asleep yesterday and my first thought as I woke.
Sighing, I got up and stretched my arms above my head, hoping by some force of will that I could erase what happened yesterday just so I could do it all over.
Darius was my fated, and I’d hurt him. I’d been a petty asshole.
Yeah, even if I knew I was being a selfish jerk, I’d still gone through with kissing Darius, all so I could hurt my brother.
The worst feeling in the world was being disappointed in myself.
Gods, and the look in Darius’ eyes as I told him why I’d kissed him. It was like I’d stomped on his heart.
Darius, the handsome guy I’d always found too good to be true was fated to be mine and I’d fucked it up.
Now I had to wait until I was “mature” enough, like maturity could be measured?
! Didn’t he realize that it was normal to mess up sometimes?
Why didn’t he see it from my side? Of course he wouldn’t.
I scoffed to myself. Darius would always pick Jeremy’s side, even if he was fated to be mine.
The thought nauseated me and thus breakfast would be cancelled this morning.
Not that I had a lot to eat anyway. Just like with Jeremy, Dad had bought me my own house when I turned eighteen, meaning it had only been mine for a little over a week at this point.
I had a mattress on the floor and too many boxes and tools lying about, making it a sort of maze as I stumbled into my bathroom.
I figured working on my house would help pass the time. Seeing as I wanted to avoid Darius completely, staying here would be the safer option. I would only leave to drive into town for groceries and supplies if needed. Nothing else could bring me out of here.
It wasn’t a horrible house, but like with everything else I’d been handed in life, it was smaller and worse off than Jeremy’s.
I should’ve known he would be alpha. The signs had always been there.
I truly was leftovers. The ones that could be smelled in the fridge that you weren’t excited about eating but had to because food waste was a real issue.
My bathroom was in decent shape, so that could easily wait until I’d finished with the kitchen.
We had funds for our houses and most of us who worked for the pack got paid a salary each month, something the alpha kept control over and because of our pack’s history here in town, we had lots of money to sustain ourselves.
Many of my packmates had careers outside of the pack and some, like Nathalia, had left our pack to join others.
It was hard leaving a pack behind, but sometimes you needed to control your own destiny, and like Nathalia, you could find another pack to join.
Feeling foolish for not showering, I quickly got dressed, ignoring the fact that I didn’t want to wash Darius’ scent off me just yet.
I knew I had to soon. I couldn’t very well stand myself for long after working up a sweat as I ripped out the old cabinets and stripped the wallpaper.
For now, I could pretend I was Darius’. Pretend for a little while that he hadn’t rejected me.
Picking up my sledgehammer, I eyed the ugly old cabinets, and let my anger out on those. For each hard hit, I felt stronger, more determined. I wasn’t about to just wait around for Darius.
Slam!
He only wanted me before because I was his fated.
Slam!
And when I showed him my faults, he’d left me.
Slam!
Like everyone else.
Slam!
No one ever wanted me.
Slam!
They wanted Jeremy.
Slam!
I might as well stay here forever.
Slam!
No one would even notice it.
Slam!
No one would even care.
Slam!
Darius could find another to mate with.
Slam!
He would be grateful if I left.
Slam!
I could leave… I was Milo, the one no one cared about. Not even Dad.
Shaking with exhaustion, I eyed the ruined kitchen, my tears falling freely as I felt all the anger leave me. I was nothing but broken pieces now. I was nothing.
After a warm shower to rid me of a scent that did not, and would never, belong to me, I decided to heat up some soup and eat it in the backyard while the weather was still warm enough for it.
The warm potato and leek soup seemed to warm up my heart as well as the rest of me.
I’d sprinkled bacon on top and had some bread to dunk into it.
Even if I felt more alone than ever as I sat there, watching the beautiful red and orange trees, I was still feeling better after letting my emotions out on my cabinets.
It was sort of…freeing accepting the fact that Darius would never truly want me.
Even if we were fated. I could go on with my life alone.
Maybe adopt a dog. Us wolves loved dogs.
It could help keep me company as I secluded myself from the pack, however hurtful that would be.
Dad had wanted me to act as second and our pack needed a second.
We hadn’t had one for over ten years since Dad’s second retired.
But I couldn’t face Jeremy. Couldn’t face any of them.
I knew now I never really had a place in the pack.
Eyeing my phone where it laid on the rusty old garden table I sat at, I contemplated calling Nathalia. Maybe I could join her pack and find a purpose there? I could, I don’t know, act differently? Be less…me? Maybe then I would be accepted.
No, I thought to myself. If I left this pack behind, I would lose myself, too. I could get used to being around my pack less. Others did the same as they aged and spent less time in their wolf forms. I could just be the odd one out. I snorted at that. I was already the odd one.
Placing the now forgotten bowl of soup on the wiggly table, I shed my clothes and shifted to my wolf.
Like my hair my wolf was pure brown. Another thing about me that was boring.
Not like Jeremy, who was red, a rare color for a wolf and the only red one in the pack.
I hated that I always found ways to compare us, but we’d been compared our whole lives so it was hard not to continue doing it.
Dad had made us do these annoying challenges as he made us ready for the alpha role.
It created the hope in my heart that I even had a chance of becoming alpha.
Now I knew it was just to placate me. He’d never seen me as good enough.
Today was proof of that. Not one visit, text, or call from him.
Nothing. I knew I hadn’t reached out to him either, but still.
Letting my wolf loose, I ran and ran, chasing scents and catching leaves with my mouth as I continued to bounce between the trees, making up my own games as I went, enjoying the fall air as my wolf and I thrived on our own.
As we had fun on our own… I could get used to this, right?
The loneliness felt less oppressing if I just ran around.
I didn’t like lying to myself, but needs must and all of that, so of course I could get by on my own. I didn’t need anyone. Like no one needed me.
A whimper escaped my wolf, but I ignored it and continued to chase shadows.