19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Milo
“Well, isn’t this nice?” Cass stated, eyeing the dark wooden table we sat at nervously. It was almost like the wafting scent of grilled meat didn’t have any soothing effect on his nerves.
I couldn’t help but snort. We’d finally been able to leave our little cocoon at home and decided it was time for me to clear things up with Jeremy. So, here we were, eating at the local diner, just the four of us.
“It really is,” Darius agreed, shooting Cass a blinding smile. “What are you guys having?”
It was lunch time and even though I knew I was hungry, I didn’t feel like eating just yet, my nerves were all over the place and had dampened my appetite.
What if Jeremy got angry with me? What if he sided with Dad?
What if he’d told Dad about our little meeting here and he just “happened” to show up?
“I’m having the tomato soup,” Cass replied, looking over the menu. “Loren told me it was a fall must-eat, so I believe I must have it.”
We all nodded in agreement because, yes, it was truly delicious.
“Try it with her garlic bread,” Jeremy suggested, pointing on the menu where the pictures were. “It’s buttery and so soft. Plus, she makes these croutons for the soup too and they’re made from the leftover garlic bread.”
“Fine, fine,” Cass batted him away from his menu. “I’ll try it all.”
“What are you having?” Darius asked me.
We didn’t need the menus as we grew up eating in here, but I still felt like I needed to try something new. “I don’t know, what are you having?”
“I feel like being boring and just getting the usual,” he said with a shrug.
“Or,” I began, handing him one of the menus from the end of the table. “We could try out something new together?”
His smile was soft as he accepted the menu. “I like that idea much better.”
“Wow,” Jeremy declared with wide eyes at us. “I couldn’t see how you’d fit together before, but now… Fate truly knows what it’s doing, huh?”
I snickered and bumped into Darius. “I for one can’t complain.”
Darius’ smile was blinding. “Neither can I.” His lips found mine in a quick kiss before we looked over the menu together in search of something neither of us had ever tried before.
“I’m not eating the fish,” I stated firmly as we continued to look over the options.
“But the rest won’t be filling enough,” Darius argued.
“Why don’t you just order a little of everything?” Cass suggested his tone a little exasperated. Maybe someone was getting hangry.
“I like that idea,” I decided. “And let’s try the smoothies too, I’ve only ever had soda or water here.”
“Done,” Darius agreed. “And an ice tea, just because.”
“Done,” I grinned.
This was the first time we’d ever eaten here together, and something so small seemed so much bigger in a way.
Like this was our first of many. I couldn’t wait to try out the other restaurants around the nearby towns, maybe we could even travel together one day.
I’d always wanted to visit other countries, maybe Darius would want that, too.
“Hey there lads!” Loren greeted us with a warm smile. “It’s nice to see you out together.”
Loren had always been such a warm person.
Same with his wife, but Loren was just a tad warmer, if that made sense.
He was one of the few in the pack who seemed to notice me at gatherings.
It was a shame they rarely attended nowadays, but it simply meant their diner was doing well.
Couldn’t fault them for prioritizing their business, I would’ve done the same.
“Hey,” we greeted back, all smiling.
“We’re up for something new today,” Darius informed him and then proceeded to list all the things we would need. Loren only smiled as he wrote each thing down, not caring about the absurd amount of food we needed.
“If you can’t finish it, I know Jeremy can help you out,” Loren said, winking playfully at Jeremy who really was a sort of trashcan when it came to food. I had no idea where he put it.
“It would be my pleasure,” Jeremy agreed with a laugh, his hand finding Cass’ thigh under the table.
Loren and Loretta had made a massive change in their diner this last week, changing the tables and benches for a dark wooden look.
Their walls were now a light blue shade, but in a dusky sort of grey.
I found that I liked this new look. They thankfully still had booths, making a more secluded place to sit.
I enjoyed the privacy it offered, especially for this conversation we were about to have.
Loren left our table with a wink as he made his way back to the kitchen.
It wasn’t only Loretta and Loren who worked here, but I much preferred eating here when Loretta was the one cooking.
Something about the way she prepared the meals just made a difference.
Maybe it was love for her customers, or maybe it was because she loved doing it.
Whatever the reason, I looked forward to trying something new of hers today.
“So,” Cass said, gaining our attention now that we were alone again. “Now that our food is ordered, maybe we should get into it?”
“Damn, Cass,” Darius laughed, a sound I truly couldn’t wait to hear every single day of my life. “You really just get right into it, huh?”
Cass blushed, but one reassuring smile from Jeremy was enough for him to relax.
“I just know how much Jeremy needs this conversation,” Cass admitted, giving Jeremy a tense smile while telling us about it.
“I need it, too,” I hurried to say, not wanting Cass to fear he’d put Jeremy in a bad situation when he told us the truth.
Jeremy’s eyes found mine and it was as if it was just the two of us sitting there. Several years of pain and confusion between us.
“I’ve always been jealous of you,” I began, averting my gaze to the table, no longer able to face him as I finally told him about my flaws. “I was never good enough. Never got any praise from Dad. Even my friends abandoned me for your company.”
Jeremy scoffed at that. “You’ve always been good enough, Milo. And those friends of yours were just looking to spend time with someone older than them, not because it was me.”
I started to protest, but he kept going. “I’m not downplaying your feelings, because you’re allowed to feel however you felt in those moments, but please know that I saw something completely different.”
I could only nod, feeling stupid for even trying to tell him about my feelings.
“That’s not all,” Darius interjected. “Your dad is the main reason for Milo’s behavior as of late. Not that I’m saying what he did was okay, but Paul truly isn’t as supportive of Milo as he is of you, Jer.”
“Is that true?” Jeremy asked, his eyes searching mine.
Nodding, I finally told Jeremy the one thing I swore I would never ever tell him. “He doesn’t love me, Jer.”
It looked as though I’d slapped Jeremy as he flew back in the booth, his eyes wide with shock, then came the look of disbelief, so I hurried to add. “He wishes I was more like you. A thing he’s told me. To my face.”
A growl escaped Darius. “He did what?”
“His exact words were ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother’.”
I let those words hang in the air between us, Jeremy, Darius, and Cass feeling the weight of what those words did to me.
“I still don’t know what I did wrong,” I admitted in a whisper. “But it still doesn’t excuse why I took my anger out on you. I should just have left the pack when I turned eighteen. Not that I wished for that now, but if Darius hadn’t been mine, it would’ve fixed many things if I’d just left.”
It seemed Darius couldn’t stop his disapproving growls, but my hand on his thigh seemed to quiet them down a little. “I’m not leaving,” I assured him and his wolf. “I’ll never leave your side.”
Darius nodded, his nose finding mine in a gentle nuzzle. “But it still hurts to hear how alone you felt. How much you wanted to leave.”
“Yeah,” Jeremy said, clearing his throat. “I wished you’d told me sooner.”
“It wasn’t as if we normally talked, Jer,” I reminded him.
“I saw you as my competition for as long as I can remember. I don’t even remember a time I thought of you as anything but.
Dad’s only priority when we grew up was for us to be ready for the alpha title and everything that entailed.
He didn’t care about bonding or us simply spending time together as a family.
Did you truly never think about how odd that was? ”
Jeremy blinked, his eyes unfocused as he just stared straight ahead. “I never really thought about it, no. But you’re right.”
Nodding, I continued. “When he wanted us to spend time together as a family it was either to help clean out the packhouse or for you and me to compete in some made up competition. He blames me for not being a brother to you, but he’s the reason I never saw you as that.”
A lone tear escaped his left eye, and I felt guilty for having caused that.
I knew he wasn’t a bad person, but that annoyance of him being so perfect was still there, reminding me of how I usually saw him.
He reminded me of how much I lacked in comparison.
That thought was like a lightbulb moment for me.
The reason I held so much anger towards him was simply because of that.
I didn’t like being reminded that I wasn’t him.
It was never about Jeremy, but what he represented.
“I’m so sorry, Milo,” Jeremy finally said, his voice a tad hoarse. “I should’ve noticed you more, been a brother to you and not your competition.”
“Dad should’ve made sure we were a family,” I stated, ignoring his apology. He didn’t have to apologize for being who he was, like I shouldn’t apologize for being me. “He should apologize to us, but I still owe you an apology for messing with you and Cass. That was petty and uncalled for.”
“I don’t care about that, Milo,” Jeremy shook his head as his eyes locked onto mine. “I care about what we do from this day forward. I don’t want to feel like we aren’t brothers. I want to have a relationship with you, regardless of what happens with Dad.”
He… he wanted that? Tears formed and the diner suddenly became a blurred mess. Hearing Jeremy say that had healed something inside of me, something I had no idea could be mended back together. I hadn’t realized just how much I wanted my big brother in my life, as a brother and not my rival.
“I want that, too,” I whispered, accepting the napkin Darius so kindly offered me. “I don’t even care about what we do with Dad. I’m so tired of trying to please him. Of trying to be who he wants me to be. I’m finally happy to just be me.”