Chapter 86
AVA - A WHOLE HERD
I stared at the wrapper in my hand like it had personally betrayed me.
The little red mark on the calendar felt like a slap. Like a whispered not yet that left me aching and tired in a way I hadn’t expected.
It had only been a few months. I knew that. I knew it could take time. That stress could throw everything off. That nothing was wrong.
But I’d let myself hope.
And hope always cuts the deepest when it didn’t land.
I tossed the wrapper in the trash and splashed cold water on my face before heading back out into the clinic. The smell of fresh coffee brewing and the sound of Remi singing to herself grounded me.
She was in her office, the door cracked open. She looked up as I leaned against the frame.
Her face softened instantly. “It came?”
I nodded.
She held out her arms. “Get over here.”
I walked into her arms like I had a hundred times before. She wrapped me in a hug that said everything I didn’t have to.
“I know,” I murmured into her shoulder.
“I know you do,” she said back, rubbing a hand over my spine. “Still sucks.”
We pulled apart, and I sat on the edge of her desk while she perched on the arm of her chair, sipping her tea. The office was warm and cozy, scattered with client files, notebooks, and a half-eaten granola bar.
“You want to get checked out?” she asked gently. “Just to be sure?”
“I don’t think it’s that,” I said. “I mean, it’s only been a few months since I went off the pill.”
“We work stressful jobs. And we haven’t exactly had a low-stress year,” she added, with a pointed look.
I let out a breath. “Fair.”
She nudged my knee. “It’ll happen, Ava. Maybe when you least expect it. Maybe when you finally stop tracking it on that damn calendar.”
I gave a small laugh. “I just… I thought maybe this was it. I don't think I have ever wanted something this bad...”
“Picture it,” she said. “Our kids. Running around, stealing muffins from the staff fridge, asking too many questions, driving us absolutely insane…”
I smiled through the ache. “A whole herd of them? Ours...”
“A whole herd,” she said. “Raised right. Loved hard. Treated with the gentleness we never got.”
The words settled in my chest like something sacred.
Remi looked at me, eyes soft. “You’re going to be an incredible mom, Ava.”
“So will you,” I said.
She scoffed, but there was colour in her cheeks.
“So…” I tilted my head. “Logan?”
She lit up. There was no other word for it. Remi Carter, who had spent most of her life bracing for impact, actually lit up.
“It’s good,” she said. “Like, really good.”
“That’s the first time you’ve said that without immediately following it with a disclaimer.”
She laughed. “I know. It’s just... I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it’s not. He’s just... steady. Like he wants to be better, not just for me, but because he finally sees a version of himself, he couldn't dare believe in growing up.”
I watched her closely, committing the expression on her face to memory. I hadn't seen her like this since… maybe ever.
“I think this could be it,” she whispered. “The real thing. Not the fantasy. I told him I didn't believe in fairytales, and he said we would write our own story.... and Ava... I want to with him. He makes me feel more than the pain we carry... I can see it all with him.”
“Remi…” My voice caught.
She smiled wider. “I'm... falling... wait no, that isn't true... I think I’ve already fallen, Ava.”
And just like that, my heart ached in a new way. Because she was happy. She was glowing.
And all I could think about was how cruel this world could be.
But for now, right now, I wouldn’t say it. I wouldn’t warn her. I wouldn’t shadow her light.
Because she deserved to believe in this.
So, I smiled back, leaned my head on her shoulder, and whispered, “Then I really hope he knows what he’s got.”
Because if he didn’t…
God help him.