Chapter 14
Maren
It appears I’m going to have to lose my shit.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I sigh, taking a deep breath before continuing on my path, directing Zara into the back of our van.
I just don’t have it in me to go give Trevor hell right now. I’m tired. I may or may not have a slight hangover. And I’m having issues with how seeing him in my house last night made me feel.
It was weird. Strange. Unexpected and unwarranted.
But for the first time ever I wasn’t the only adult around.
I didn’t have to handle everything by myself.
All Trevor even did was run Doug off, but that left one less thing on my plate.
And considering I’m on my way to accompany Zara’s preschool to the zoo for their end of the year field trip, I could really stand one less thing to deal with.
With my sister buckled in place, I do a quick rundown of our stuff, making sure we have everything we could possibly need before getting behind the wheel and heading for the school.
“Do you think the tigers will be out?” Zara’s brimming with excitement over this day. She loves the zoo. It’s why we get season passes every year. At this point, we’re there often enough, she could navigate the place with her eyes closed. “And the otters?”
“Probably.” The weather is pretty mild. The sun’s out, and it’s not so hot the animals will be hiding in the shade. “I bet you guys get to see a bunch of critters today.”
And as long as I don’t throw up, it should be a pretty fun time.
As we drive, I chug a bottle of water, using a few mouthfuls to down a couple aspirin. I also put a handful of crackers in my stomach, hoping they’ll help quell the nausea that is either from tequila or the overly sweet mix it was combined with.
Possibly a little of both.
Zara continues chattering about the zoo and her friends and what we packed for her lunch, filling the drive with her cute little voice.
I don’t think I’ve ever turned on the music when we’re in a vehicle together, because I feel bad interrupting her.
I never want her to think I’m not interested in what she has to say.
Even if there are times I’m not actually interested in what she has to say.
Thankfully, by the time we’re parking, I feel a little bit better. Not great, but not two wrong swallows away from purging the contents of my stomach.
I check in with her teacher, get my badge, and it’s time to load up and go. I’ve never actually been on a field trip. My mother never remembered—or possessed—the required fees for me to go, so Zara and I are experiencing it for the first time together.
And honestly, it’s pretty freaking great.
It’s been years since I’ve ridden on a school bus, and even then, the experience was not great.
I was always the stinky, dirty kid everyone pointed at from a distance.
But today, I have my social butterfly of a sister to serve as my guide.
She introduces me to all her friends by name.
Tells me their favorite color, and what she likes best about them.
The coolest part is, they all seem to know her favorite color too. Are there a couple little kids in the group who are probably total shitheads? Yeah. But they’re shitheads who are smart enough to know I’m not above ruining a child’s life over my sister, so they play along.
We arrive at the zoo, and I’m a little disappointed to see we aren’t the only school who planned a field trip for today. The place is packed with loud groups of overactive kids, and I’m overstimulated before we even fully make it inside the gates.
By the time Zara’s teacher is finished explaining the plan—that our little groups can venture out on their own, but we’re all to meet at the picnic shelters for lunch at noon—I’m beyond ready to take my assigned five giggly girls, and get moving.
Chaperoning isn’t for the weak, but it’s not as chaotic as I was worried it would be, and the girls all stick with me as we visit each of their favorite animals.
I know it’s not the most organized way to tackle the zoo, but there’s no way we’re going to have enough time to circle the entire place, and I want to be sure each of them gets to see at least one thing they’re excited about.
So we check out the elephants. Spend a few minutes watching the manatees. Laugh as the new group of baby otters chase each other through their enclosure. Get lucky and have the opportunity to feed the giraffes. And do a quick tour of the bug building.
Not my favorite, but I’m not here to judge. And it’s actually pretty fucking cool that a five-year-old girl is obsessed with hissing cockroaches.
We’ve just finished hitting everybody’s high point, when one of the little girls looks at me. “What about you?”
I’m digging through the cooler bag I brought, searching for the packs of string cheese that seem to have migrated to the bottom, and don’t really understand what she’s asking. “What about me?”
“We haven’t gone to see your favorite animal yet.”
I lift my eyes, looking around the little faces staring back at me. “This is your field trip. Not mine.” I finally find what I’m looking for, and start separating the sleeves, handing one over to each girl.
“But you’re here too.” The little girl with the cockroach obsession takes her cheese, peels it open, and bites off the end like a psychopath, before asking around a mouthful of half-chewed dairy, “What is your favorite animal?”
I haven’t really considered it before. The years I probably would have spent thinking of my favorite colors and animals were dedicated to things like figuring out how to find food and ways to wash my clothes without a machine.
But I’m able to come up with an answer pretty easily.
“The hippos.”
“Why?” Zara asks as she peels a strip from her cheese, eating it like I taught her, the non-psychopath way.
“Because even though they’re vegetarians, they kill more people every year than any other animal.” I slap a strand of cheese between my lips. “So they’re not doing it for survival. They’re doing it because they’re annoyed.”
I swallow my snack, but it gets lodged halfway down my throat when I notice five sets of eyes staring at me in horror.
Pretty sure I’m gonna get a phone call about this later.
“Let’s go see some other animals.” I decide to try to distract them, hoping they’ll forget all about my love of homicidal hippopotamuses.
Unfortunately, the closest enclosure is the fucking hippos, and my new group of best friends proceed to tell every other kid within the area their newly acquired knowledge about the herbivores and their murderous habits.
Before those little brainworms can crawl any deeper into their noggins, I haul them out of the space and take them straight to the ice cream stand. Have they had lunch? No. Do I care? Absolutely not. This is about bribery. Making them love me enough they won’t even consider ratting me out.
They finish their incentive snack just in time for lunch.
After using the package of wet wipes I take everywhere to clear all evidence from faces and hands, we head off to meet up with the rest of the class.
Everyone’s meals are packed into coolers, and the kids wait patiently as their teacher passes them out.
As soon as Zara has hers, I go to work setting her up.
I’ve packed her a lot of lunches over the years—she’s had to be in daycare from very early on—so my sister has a great spread.
I also always pack extra, just in case, and today is no exception.
She has multiple packs of cheese and crackers, two full baggies of turkey and cheese pinwheels, a gigantic container of grapes and cantaloupe, and four break-and-bake cookies I miraculously managed to get through the oven last night without burning.
I sit across from her, forgetting all about the little hiccup over the hippos as I watch my sister being generous with her food, making sure her classmates all get enough to eat.
It’s so difficult to teach someone as young as she is how to be aware of other people’s struggles without breaking her little heart over what some kids have to go through, but this moment makes me think I might have accomplished that.
I’m just starting to eat my own food when I notice a little guy at the next table over with nothing but a half a peanut butter sandwich. He wolfs it down then sits and stares at everyone else as they obliviously consume chips and fruit and cheese.
Catching Zara’s attention, I let her know I’ll be right back, then dig into my bag of tricks to pull out one of the extra lunches I brought just in case.
Carrying it to where he sits, I hold it out, doing my best to seem perplexed as to how I’ve ended up in the position I’m in.
“I must’ve miscounted this morning and accidentally brought too many lunches.
Do you know anyone who might be able to eat this one so it doesn’t go to waste? ”
The little boy’s big blue eyes lock onto the paper bag in my hand before coming to my face. “I could eat it.”
I blow out a loud sigh, looking relieved. “Thank goodness.” I hand it over. “I was starting to get really worried I wouldn’t find anyone to take this.”
He snatches the bag from me, eagerly digging inside to pull out everything it contains. His eyes light up when he sees cheesy fish crackers and apple slices with caramel dip. There’s a bunch of the same turkey cheese roll ups I make for Zara, and a couple yogurt tubes to top it off.
And of course cookies. Because everyone deserves cookies.
Once he’s situated and happily filling his little tummy, I go back to my seat, quickly eating as much of my own lunch as I can manage before it’s time to pack up and go.
The bus ride back is filled with chatter about favorite animals and best moments. Thankfully, I don’t hear anyone mention murderous hippos, so I might be in the clear.
Hopefully. Because I would love to do this again. Field trips are freaking fantastic.
We get back to school, and, since I took the day off, Zara gets to leave with me instead of spending the rest of her afternoon at the daycare. Taking full advantage of being off during normal working hours, we make a quick trip to the library before hitting the grocery store.
By the time we’re finally done with our errands, we get home at about the same time we normally would. And that’s okay. We had a freaking fun day, and I don’t have to go to the grocery store this weekend.
I can’t help but glance in the direction of the tree Trevor’s been parking under, and I’m not sure if I’m relieved or annoyed when he isn’t there.
I know it should be weird to find him parked outside my house like that, even though it frustrated the shit out of me, it didn’t feel weird. It felt strangely… Nice.
The man has a mansion. I’ve only seen it from the outside, but I’m sure it’s gorgeously decorated and meticulously maintained. Definitely more comfortable than his car. Even sleeping in his office would be more comfortable than snoozing under that tree.
No one has ever made themselves uncomfortable for me. Not even to stalk me.
Not that I necessarily think Trevor is stalking me. He literally sees me at work every single day. If he needs a fix, he knows he’s going to get it. But I don’t really know what else to call his presence, so stalking it is.
“Can we watch a movie?” Zara drags my attention from the tree, pulling it back to her, where it should’ve been the whole time.
I hook my bag over the back of her chair and push her up the ramp. “Is this your way of telling me you need a nap?”
“No.” My sister sounds horrified and insulted at the same time. “I’m not sleepy. I just thought maybe you would want to watch a movie.”
“Well I do need a nap, so yes. I would love to watch a movie with you.” I unlock the door and push her inside. “Anything but Barbie and the Unicorn.”
The jut of Zara’s lower lip tells me that’s exactly the movie she was going to try to force on me again. “What about The Bad Guys?”
“Deal.” After unpacking the groceries and the bag I took to the zoo and putting everything in its place, I get our electric popcorn maker going.
While that works, I wipe Zara’s sticky face and help her wash her hands.
I dump the buttery, salty goodness into our designated bowl, and we pile up in her queen-size bed, switching on the television mounted to her wall.
I’m just drifting off to sleep, when a loud banging sends me sitting straight up on a gasp.
My eyes immediately go to my sister, making sure she’s okay. She’s fine, and also a liar, because she is out cold, sleeping hard with one hand still draped over the remnants of our snack.
Working quickly so whoever is interrupting my nap doesn’t also interrupt hers, I slide off the bed and rush to the door, grabbing my bat as I peek out through the peephole.
I try to roll my eyes, attempting to work up a groan and frown. But instead, I’m smothering a hint of a smile as I set the bat back into place and open the door. I do manage to angle a brow at the man standing on my porch, looking much too good for as late as it is.
I don’t even get the opportunity to ask what in the hell he’s here for, because the second I remove the barrier between us, Trevor’s stepping in. Crowding my space so quickly, I take a step back to avoid our bodies colliding.
But Trevor keeps coming, closing every gap I attempt to create until my back hits the wall. Then his hands meet the paneling at each side of my head, caging me in as he leans down, the dark depth of his eyes aligned with mine as he asks, “Where the fuck were you today?”