Bradshaw Brothers Group Chat
Titus
Where the fuck is Trev?
Tucker
He’s at work.
Tobias
It’s so weird to see your texts properly punctuated. It’s kinda freaking me out.
Tucker
Kiss my ass.
Tobias
That’s Ruth’s job.
Titus
He’s not at work.
Tobias
Very fucking funny. Of course he’s at work.
Titus
I’m not kidding. He’s not at work. Security just called me with a question because he wasn’t there to ask.
Tucker
Are you being serious right now?
Titus
You got me. Pretending Trevor isn’t at work is so fucking hilarious I had to make it into a bit.
OF COURSE I’M BEING SERIOUS.
Walker
Hey now. All caps means you’re yelling. Someone’s going to get their feelings hurt.
Tobias
Like you didn’t JUST stop using them, Grampa.
And I’m sure Trevor’s still at work. Security probably just doesn’t know where he is.
Titus
His car isn’t in the lot.
Tobias
Oh shit.
Walker
WTF?
Titus
Yeah.
Should I call the cops? Put out a missing person alert? I don’t know how to handle this situation.
Trevor
Calm the fuck down. I’m fine. I had something to do.
Tucker
You had something to do besides work?
Trevor
Yes. I’m allowed to have something to do besides work.
Titus
Of course you’re allowed. You just never have.
Trevor
Probably because I knew you assholes would all have a meltdown over it.
Tucker
Where in the hell are you?
Trevor
None of your fucking business.
Tucker
I bet Mom will think it’s her business.
Trevor
You drag Mom into this and I’ll tell Ruth you bought her an engagement ring.
Tucker
You do and I’ll tell her you were mean to the cleaning staff.
Trevor
I’ll tell Mom you bought Ruth an engagement ring.
Tucker
Why the fuck are you so mean tonight? How long has it been since you got laid?
Oh wait…
Tobias
What is he talking about?
Titus
Trevor got laid? How did he find a woman willing to put up with him that long?
Walker
You can stand anything for thirty seconds.