Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Harper
Song- The Apparition, Sleep Token
We pull up to Sterling Ranch, both not saying a word.
I'm holding my breath as the gates pass and the land opens up around us, endless and golden and achingly familiar.
The fences. The paddocks. The big cactus by the round pen, where Ace kissed me for the third time.
The dirt track where he taught me to drive his truck when I was fifteen.
I nearly rolled it into a ditch, and he laughed so hard he cried.
It's all still here. Like it was waiting.
He pulls up outside a barn, it’s bigger than Jett's, better kept, with a row of stables running off the east side. Horses are moving in the paddock behind it. I can hear them before I see them. The soft thud of hooves. Noises that used to be my whole world.
Ace cuts the engine and sits back, pulling his phone from his pocket. He frowns at the screen.
"So, Hunter is going to be a couple of hours. He's picking Wyatt up from school with Lola, then they're grabbing some food."
A couple of hours. On Sterling Ranch. With Ace.
I twirl my thumb ring and look out at the stables. Something in my chest cracks open so fast I can't seal it back up.
"I-Is Penny still…"
"Yeah, she's doing great. Wyatt loves her."
I nod, fighting a fresh wave of tears. My girl who has been looked after by his little nephew because I couldn't.
"Wyatt is your nephew, right?"
I already know the answer. I've researched this family inside out. I've seen their names on documents, their faces on reports. But I want to hear him talk about them. I want to hear the warmth.
Ace laughs. "Criminal journalist investigating the Sterling family's crimes, specifically Hunter's baby mama's death, doesn't know the name of the son?"
My eyes form slits.
"I was just—"
He blows out a breath. "Yeah. I get it. And yes, Wyatt is my nephew. Fuckin' great kid. Has a pet goat named Gary that headbutts the shit outta Hunter. They're expecting another one. Kid, that is. Not goat."
He lights up when he talks about his family. His shoulders drop. The tension in his jaw loosens. That guarded wall cracks just enough for me to see the real Ace, the one who loves hard and laughs loud and would burn the world down for the people he cares about.
It makes me smile. Because it means everything I'm doing is worth it. I left to make sure he stayed here with his family. That he became this version of himself.
"Good. Lola is pregnant?" I ask, almost in shock.
He nods. Then turns to me, something shifting behind his eyes. "You sound like you know Lola."
I chew on my lip. "I met her briefly. In a bar, the night Hunter was arrested in Red Creek. I took her to the police station." I pause. "I gave Lola your number to call you."
His mouth drops open.
And he laughs. Not the this is funny laugh. The this is a fuckin' joke laugh.
"So you were in New Falls. You were right here. You helped my brother's girl call me instead of using that number yourself."
"Ace—"
"That's a new level, Harper. Even for you. Why are you so damn scared to be near me? What did I ever do to make you need this much fuckin’ distance from me?" he asks, the hurt clear in his voice.
He looks out of the window, and I fight back the tears.
“I’d never be scared of you, Ace. It’s not you.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not you, it’s me. Yeah. Heard that one already, darlin’. Change the tune. It clearly is me. You don’t want me, you didn’t want me. And I’ve been pining over you for six goddamn years. I should have taken the silence loud and clear.”
I suck a breath.
“I missed you, too,” I whisper.
But what I mean is I love him. That I never stopped. That my biggest regret in life is moving to LA and choosing my career over him.
That deep down, I believe I would have been happier staying here. Building a life with him. And that I’m scared of how much I love him. I’m scared about what his family is really involved in.
It truly was never him. It was me. Being young and stupid, thinking the world had more to offer than this small town. It was me letting embarrassment win, thinking I’d become a joke if I failed.
I lean over and rest my hand on his thigh. The muscle tenses under my palm. The size of him makes my fingers look small.
"I'm sorry, Ace," I whisper.
He looks down at my hand. I go to slide it away, and he holds it in place. His palm covers mine, his rough fingers pressing my hand flat against his leg. He doesn't interlock them. Doesn't lift it to his mouth the way he used to. Just holds it there.
We sit like that for a long time. The engine ticking and the horses calling from the paddock.
"You want to see her?" he asks, breaking the silence.
"Penny?"
"No, Gary the goat," he deadpans. "Yes, Penny."
I'm out of the truck before he's finished the sentence and running to her stall.
She's in the third stall from the end, and the second she hears my voice, her head swings over the door.
"Hey, baby girl." I press my face against her neck, and the tears come. I can't stop them. She's nuzzling into my hair, her soft lips searching my pockets for treats like no time has passed at all.
"She does that every time someone new walks in," Ace says from behind me. "Don't feel special."
I laugh through the tears and wipe my face. "Liar."
"Yeah." His voice is softer now. "She only does that for you."
I press my forehead against Penny's cheek and close my eyes. Behind me, I can hear Ace moving through the barn. I turn and find him tacking up a huge black stallion two stalls down. Seventeen hands at least. Built for power, not beauty, though he's got both.
"Who's this?" I ask, wiping my eyes.
"Seven. My boy." Ace tightens the cinch, and the stallion stamps, tossing his head. "He's got a temper and trust issues. We're a good match."
I run my hand along Seven's neck. He turns his head and studies me with one dark eye.
"He's beautiful," I gush.
"Don't tell him that. His ego's already out of control." Ace pulls Penny's tack from the rack and hands me her bridle. "You remember how to do this?"
I snatch it from him. "I was saddling horses before you were riding bulls, Ace Sterling."
"That's debatable.”
"It's really not."
I tack Penny up. My hands remember the motions before my brain catches up. Ace watches me from Seven's side. I can feel his eyes on me. I don't look up.
"What?" I say.
"Nothing."
"You're staring."
"I'm supervising. Making sure you haven't forgotten."
"I haven't forgotten anything, Ace."
The words come out heavier than I mean them to.
I lead Penny out of the barn and swing up into the saddle. The leather creaks. My thighs grip. And the second I'm up, something slots back into place in my chest, a piece I didn't know was missing, clicking home.
God, I've missed this. Missed him.
Ace mounts Seven beside me, and for a moment we just sit there.
Side by side on horseback in the late afternoon sun, the ranch stretching out ahead of us, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think no time had passed at all.
That we're nineteen and stupid in love and about to race to the creek bed and fuck.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
He tips his hat back and looks at me. That half-grin. The one that used to get him anything he wanted.
"You know where."
My stomach drops. "Ace."
"What?"
"We can't go there," I whisper.
"Why not?"
Because it's our spot. The ridge overlooking the east valley, where you can see the sunset paint the mountains. Where he first told me he loved me.
"Because," I say.
"Compelling argument."
"Ace."
"Harper. It's a sunset. Relax. Hunter's not back for two hours, and I'm not sitting in the kitchen making small talk."
He clicks his tongue, and Seven moves out. I watch him ride ahead. I kick Penny forward and follow.
We ride in silence. Through the back paddocks, past the round pen, along a fence line that borders the creek bed.
The land rises gradually, and the path narrows to a single track I know by heart.
I used to ride it bareback. I used to ride it in the dark.
I used to ride it so fast, Penny's hooves barely touched the ground because Ace was behind me, and I wanted him to catch me, and I didn't want him to catch me, and both of those things were the game.
The ridge appears. The view opens. And just like that, I'm a teenager again with the wind in my hair and the boy I love beside me and the whole world stretched out below.
We dismount and tie the horses to the old post. The same post, still here, still standing, with our initials carved into the wood. A + H. I trace the letters with my fingertip, and something in my chest pulls so tight I can't breathe.
Ace drops down on the dirt at the edge of the ridge, legs stretched out, hat beside him.
I sit down next to him. Not too close. Not as far as I should. When really, we shouldn’t be sitting on the damn ground in the first place. But we never cared then. I don’t care now.
"Still the best view in the state," I say quietly.
"Second best."
I look at him. He's not looking at the sunset. He's looking at me. Of course he is.
I hold his gaze. My heart is hammering. My palms are sweating, and every instinct I have is screaming at me to either run or close the distance, and there is absolutely no in-between.
"Don't, Ace."
"Don't what?"
"Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you still—" I stop myself.
"Still what, Goldie?"
My throat closes. I shake my head. Goldie. The one nickname I didn’t want him to say, the one that means everything to me. It’s who I am.
"Say it," he says. It sounds just like a dare.
"Like you still want me. Like I never left, and we just carry on as normal," I whisper.
The words hang in the air between us.
"And what if I do still want you? What if I never fuckin’ stopped?" he asks.
"Then you're an idiot."
"Been called worse."
I blow out a shaky breath. “Ace, I didn’t come here to hurt you all over again. My being back is temporary. For work. It’s an important job, kinda a make-or-break scenario here. I have to make it, otherwise all this pain was for nothing.”
He nods, glancing down at my lips.
"Temporary," he mutters.
"Are you dating someone else?" he asks.
I don't deny it. I can't. Not here. Not on this ridge where we never lied to each other. Not with the sun going down and his eyes on me and the sound of his voice doing things to my composure that should be illegal.
But I can’t tell him the full truth either. Because this might be what keeps the gap between us. The one we need right now to survive.
"It's complicated," I whisper.
"It's always complicated with you."
"That's not fair."
"None of this is fair." He turns to face me fully. "You left me. You broke me. You ignored every message I sent for six years. Then you show up in my town, investigating my family, telling me you’re fuckin’ another guy, and I have to sit here and pretend my chest isn't caving in."
His voice doesn't crack. But that pain in there is real. And my fault. And I don’t even try to correct him.
"So no, Harper. None of this is fair. But I'm still here. I'm always fuckin' here. And you know why."
I do know why. That's the problem. That's always been the problem. Because the answer to every question about Ace Sterling is the same answer that's been lodged in my heart for as long as I can remember.
I love him. I've always loved him. I will love him until my last breath and probably after that too, haunting the ranch as a ghost, rattling the fences every time a pretty girl looks at him.
But I can't say it. If I say it, everything falls apart. The deal with Hudson. The protection. The lie that's keeping his family safe.
So I look at the sunset instead. And I feel him beside me. Where he belongs.
We sit on the ridge until the sun is gone. Shoulders almost touching. Not speaking. Not moving. The horses shifting behind us. The night coming in.
Maybe this is my chance to stop fucking running from my problems. But Ace deserves better than what I can offer him.
I thought that years ago, and I still think that now.
I can’t get out of my fake engagement to Hudson, and I don’t think Ace will cope with it.
Ace needs to stay in New Falls, and I have to fix my mess in LA.
"Would you still be here if I told you I agreed to marry someone else?" I say, finally.
He coughs beside me. I can’t even look at him.
And I think, if heartbreak had a view, it would look exactly like this.