Chapter 18 #2
He wanted her faith. He wanted her love. And he needed it with a hunger that didn’t understand boundaries or her choices. It was the kind of need that destroyed a living room. Or a family.
And so he brought out his last argument. The last barrier to a life she would end up hating.
“Have you thought about children?” he asked. “Shifter kids are hard to raise. They’re impulsive and wild, and that’s even if they don’t shift. If they do, well, many don’t survive the first change. There are instinctive needs and they hit at random when the hormones start flowing.”
“I live in gang territory in Detroit. Kids are always in danger. And dangerous to others.”
“How many friends have you lost?”
Her gaze skittered away. “Too many.”
“You want to risk that with your own kids?” He dropped his forehead to hers. “A shifter adolescent in gang territory Detroit. The complications of that are astronomical.” He shuddered at the very thought.
“Kids are always hard. One way or another.” She lifted up until they were nose to nose. “If we get there—when we get there—we’ll have decisions to make. Maybe we go live in the UP.”
“I’m alpha of the Griz. It’s the purpose I’ve been searching for since I left the military. I’m here until I’m killed.”
If she paled at his words, he didn’t see it.
But he heard her breath catch and her heartbeat sped up.
But she kept her body still and her eyes steady.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Once things stabilize, you can go on vacations.
Our kids can take weekends and run off their animal stuff.
We can go to the UP and still manage things back here. ”
She was seeing all the upsides. All the possibilities, and a logical man would acknowledge them.
But even as he nodded, accepting her words, his mind replayed the day his mother had left.
The fear in her eyes and the screams of his sister who didn’t want to go.
His mother had been a strong woman, too.
She’d loved his father and him, but the shifter life had driven her away to the point that she’d left the man she loved and her only son.
She’d run away and he couldn’t blame her for it.
It wasn’t her fault. It was the shifter’s fault, and he and his father both carried the gene.
“I’m afraid I will destroy you,” he whispered. “And that would destroy me.”
She cupped his cheeks in both her hands. She pulled his face up to hers and she pressed her lips to his. He clung to her then. Just his lips, but oh he reached for her with them, wanted to draw her close forever. But other than his mouth, he held himself back.
“Simon,” she whispered. “I don’t destroy so easily.”
True. It was one of the things he most loved about her.
She was strong and determined. She ran a successful business in Detroit.
And she’d whipped her brother into shape when he’d probably fought her the whole time.
She was damned strong, but he couldn’t risk it.
He wouldn’t risk her. She was too special to destroy.
“You’re locked in your head, Simon,” she said as she straddled his lap. “You’re seeing only the bad side.”
“Someone has to.”
“Okay. So you saw it. You told me. And your mother was a bitch. But I’m not going to let her weakness destroy us. I’m just not.”
He huffed out a breath. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“Yeah, I do.” She pressed another kiss to his lips. “I’m asking for you.”
He shook his head. “I can’t, Alyssa. You don’t understand what it means.”
She must have understood the importance of what he said.
She must have felt the tension in his body because she stilled.
Then she straightened up until she could look directly into his eyes.
“We don’t have to decide anything tonight.
It’s late. We’re both tired. If all we do is a repeat of yesterday, a coming together—”
He gripped her arms and tried to hold her back. But he didn’t have the strength, so he tried to use words. “It’s not like last night. Then I needed you to bring me back. To show me…” Love. “Tenderness. Gentleness.”
“Yes,” she said. “And—”
“And I don’t need that now. I’m not in that place now.”
She smiled. “That’s good—”
“There’s a thing we do, Alyssa. There’s a thing shifters do sometimes.” He grimaced. He’d never understood it before, but now he felt it. To the depths of his bones, he knew exactly what was going on. And it terrified him.
“You mean besides going furry?”
He looked her in the eyes and said the words. “We lock on to a mate. It’s one-sided, Alyssa, but it’s all consuming. We lock on to a mate and we don’t let go.”
Her lips curved into a soft smile. “That sounds nice.”
“Really? You ready to commit to me for life, Alyssa? Because I’m already half locked on.
If we do this now, if I put myself inside you again…
” He thrust up against her groin for emphasis.
“If I do that, I’ll lock in completely. I won’t let you go no matter what you want.
You won’t have a say in the matter, and when it’s bad…
” He swallowed, but forced himself to go on.
“When it’s really bad, you won’t get a say in anything. ”
It took a moment for his words to sink in. He wanted to leave it alone. To let those words be enough. But she had to see where he could go.
“Think of the worst stalker tales you’ve ever heard of. Those were shifters.”
She jerked back from him, and his hands tightened instinctively, keeping her exactly where she was.
“That’s bullshit,” she rasped. “They can’t all have been crazy shifters.”
“True. But enough were. Enough that you need to think very carefully. Do you want to commit to me now? For life? If not, then you better leave right now.”
She blinked at him. “What are you saying?”
He huffed out a breath. “I’m half mated with you right now. It’s the grizzly half, but the human part isn’t far behind. It’s going to see you as mine no matter what you want, how you want it, or anything. You’ll be mine and I won’t give you up. Ever.”
Her eyes narrowed and her cheeks flushed. She was thinking romantically, and yeah, that was definitely there. But there was a darker side. A stalker side.
“You have to be ready to take me forever right now. Or you need to give me distance and I’ll slow this down.” He took a breath and forced his hands to release her. “Decide.”