Chapter 14 #2
I look away from her tired eyes to get myself under control, but my voice comes out huskier than I intend as I say, “Thank you, Amri. Thank you for letting me know my family is alive and okay. And thank you for helping them. I have no idea how, but I’ll repay you someho?—”
Her free hand presses over my mouth as she shakes her head. “Nope. None of that. There is no debt owed between us. Never that, Malik.”
Stars, hearing my name come from those lips.
Amri realizes her hand is still pressed to my mouth, and she moves to pull back, but I grip her wrist. I angle her palm and kiss it. I smile against her flesh as a tiny gasp escapes her lips. I can’t help myself. I kiss her palm again before letting her go.
After another beat of silence, her eyes finally dip to my neck. I wait for pity to fill her expressive eyes, but I’m rewarded with a flash of anger. Then that anger fizzles, and she chews on her lip before asking, “Does the pain help?”
I lift a single shoulder in a half-shrug. “Sometimes.”
“What about the dancing?”
I smile, pleased that Amri once again watched me dance. “Sometimes, but I haven’t used this room in years. I used to practice in here for hours. One of my brothers would often have to come get me for meals, I’d get so lost in the music and movement.”
Amri tilts her head. “Hmm. I don’t think I have anything like that; something that can pull me away from reality.
” She touches her lips, her gaze going soft, and I wonder if she’s thinking about our kiss.
Amri blinks, focusing back on me as she waves a hand around the room.
“I won’t tell you how to deal with your emotions, but I must say I prefer the dancing over the mauling. ”
Her lips twitch with a smile, and I find myself smiling back. I would dance until my feet bled for her.
Amri’s smile slips into an expression filled with … awe? “Watching you dance is a surreal experience. The control yo u have over every single one of your muscles, the precision, the emotion, the power, the grace.”
I chuckle, rubbing the back of my neck. “I’m not that good.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, fuck off! You know you’re good.”
I wink at her, surprised how easy it is to be playful with her.
She gives my hand another squeeze, seemingly not bothered by the sticky half-dried blood. But I am. I hate seeing blood on her skin.
I frown at our joined hands. “Sorry.” But when I tug, she still doesn’t let me go.
After a second, Amri leans forward, whispering, “Do you know if there’s been any word from Circe?”
I shake my head, taking the offered switch of topic. “But it’s been three days. I’m sure she’ll make her move soon.”
Amri bites her lip, shifting her weight from one hip to the other. “Circe is crazy powerful, but the coven is well protected and pretty spread out. I can’t imagine how Circe is going to pull this off, but I know enough about the sorceress not to underestimate her.”
Without meaning to, I touch a finger to my collar as I ask, “Any luck on the Queen of the Night?”
She tenses, her little wolverine ears popping out in her agitation. They’re cute, and I wonder if they’d twitch under my touch.
“Shit! I can’t believe I forgot to ask Sadie.
Shit, shit! Sorry. I …” She looks over her shoulder towards the door, and I involuntarily tighten my grip on her hand as she says, “I’ll go ask.
Besides, I should make sure they got settled in okay and see if they need anything. I’ll pop over there right now and?—”
“Hey.” With her lips pressed between her teeth, she turns back to me as I say, “Contrary to your heightened sense of honor, it’s not your job to take care of everyone all the time.”
My heart does a little flip in my chest as her cheeks flush with a pink that almost matches her lips.
And then she straightens her spine, aiming a glare at me.
“I know that, and hey, guess what? Despite your over-protective alpha-ness”—She waves a hand, gesturing at all of me—“you don’t have to be alone. ”
“Alone is safer.”
“Alone is selfish.” I bristle at her words, but she’s quick to add, “It hurts the ones who care about you when you push them away, when you try to shoulder everything.”
My voice drops, laced with a hint of a purr, as I ask, “Do you include yourself on that list, Amri?”
She holds my gaze, and after a pause, Amri dips her head in a small nod. “I do. And I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Her hand is so warm in mine. I rejected our bond. How can this woman stand here so resolute? Why is she sticking around? Why hasn’t she left me?
“Why?” I don’t mean for the whispered word to slip out, but here we are.
I know better than to want anything for myself …
But I want this shifter. I want Amri. It’s selfish and wrong.
I have to keep reminding myself why I rejected our bond.
Yet here I am, wanting this woman with an ache that goes soul-deep even without the fate threads.
Amri closes the space between us, lightly brushing her small breasts against my chest. Now, not only can I hear her heart, but I feel it.
“Amri.” I whisper her name like a prayer.
“You’re worth fighting for, Malik.”
My knees nearly buckle at her words, but as sweet as they are, I can’t seem to accept them.
“I’m not. I’m afraid you have painted a picture of me using brushes made of how my brothers remember me …
before all this. And you have colored me in with the light promised to you by the Fates.
But I’m no longer that brother, and I never was your mate.
You do not know me, not the real me. Not who I’ve become. ”
Her expression doesn’t change. “Okay.”
Okay? What am I supposed to do with that? Okay, like she agrees that she doesn’t know me as well as she claims? Or okay, like she admits I’m not worth fighting for? Either way, I don’t like it. But isn’t that what I wanted? Fuck! How did I get so tangled up in this female?
I glance down at my chest where for the first time since we met, I feel the absence of the fate threads. It’s a hollowness that’s waiting to be filled either by regret and sadness or something spectacular.
“Malik.” My eyes jump to her face, hope warring against self-preservation within me.
Her gaze softens. “I’m not going to argue with you about this.
You’re not ready to believe me, but we’ll get there.
” It’s reflex that has my mouth opening to protest, but she shakes her head.
“Luckily for you, you don’t get to decide which causes I choose to fight for.
That’s not up to you. And in the end, you’ll see I’m right. I’m right about a lot of things.”
She winks, and my heart does a funny fluttery thing in my chest, and my beast practically rolls over for her.
But no matter how much I want, I can’t. I …
can’t. My voice comes out flat. “Amri, nothing, and I mean nothing, that I’ve ever held dear has lasted.
No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, the end result is always the same.
Pain. I’m so tired, but worse, I’m so very angry.
I’m furious. I’m choking on it. And I know when I finally erupt, the wrong people are going to end up getting hurt. ”
Her eyes dance between mine, and I can see her thinking, but she has to know I’m right. The tragic pattern of my life speaks for itself. Yet, when her spinning mind settles behind her eyes, all she says is, “Then I’ll be there to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
I blink at her, unable to form a response, but that’s not a problem because in the next heartbeat, my mate disappears. I stare at the empty space she occupied a second ago, and it’s not until a breeze flutters through the window that I realize she’s gone.