CHAPTER 16
The car ride over was silent, except for the wet rolling of tyres on cracked tarmac and the buzz of my own thoughts. Merrow Street, an address scrawled on the back of an old betting slip. Danny’s words echoed in my head, “Big house, don’t be a knob, do what you’re told.” That told me everything.
The envelope felt heavier than it should have in my coat pocket. Something about the way he handed it to me, the pause, the smug little twitch at the corner of his mouth. I’d been sold off like a cheap whore, yet again.
By the time I was standing at the gate, staring up at the clean white front of a townhouse tucked behind iron railings and manicured hedges, my gut was already turning. I’d been here before.
Selene. She never gave me any more than that. A power-hungry woman who liked to throw her money around. I figured she never got touched by her dweeb of a husband, as I had become somewhat of a regular before Juvie. I was just another one of her secrets, which she wore like jewellery.
I rang the bell. A camera buzzed quietly above the door. A soft click. Then it opened. She stood there, long black silk robe clinging to her frame, hair tied back too perfectly, lips painted the red you don’t wear for company, at least, not the kind that stays clothed.
“You’re late,” she said, voice soft and smooth.
I hesitated on the threshold, “Danny sent me.” Her eyes dropped to the envelope in my hand, a slick smile spreading on her face.
“Of course he did.” She stepped aside, gesturing for me to enter.
She was expecting the boy Danny used to offer up, the one who kept his head down, teeth clenched behind a quiet yes.
She wasn’t going to get him. When I stepped through the door, I didn’t pause.
I didn’t look around, as if I were impressed by her taste or nervous about what came next.
I just stared at her long enough to see the shift in her expression.
“You’re not what I remember,” she said finally.
I tilted my head, taking her in the way someone might examine a painting they’ve seen too many times. Familiar and unimpressed.
“Is that so?” I said. I saw it in the way her posture hardened, just a notch, like she’d expected some trace of obedience left in me—the kind she could coax out with a whisper and a practised hand. But I didn’t move when she reached for me, just blocked her path with my hand.
“You don’t get to touch me until I say so.”
“Is that how this works now?” Her eyebrow raised slightly with amusement.
“It is tonight.” She went still, then took a step forward, her tone syrupy and edged.
“We shall see baby.” I didn’t answer. Just closed the gap between us in one sharp step, grabbing her wrist tight, just enough to remind her that this wasn’t the same game she liked to force me to play. I’d changed.
Her eyes flashed, but not with anger, with interest. She always liked power plays, but she was used to being the one who held the leash. Her breathing became quicker.
I smirked, slipping off my jacket and throwing it over the ornate banister. “Want to see what you look like when it’s you being unwrapped and inspected like meat on a platter. That’s what you like. Strip them down, see who breaks first.”
“You think I’ll break?” she asked, a breathless challenge.
“I think you already did.” Silence thickened between us.
“You’ve changed,”
“Oh, sweetheart. You have no idea.” She didn’t speak again; she didn’t need to. I led her to the bedroom, all too familiar with the route; I knew this house like the back of my fucking hand.
Her room smelled of spiced perfume, with dark ruby curtains draping to the floor, and a four-poster bed featured in the middle of the room.
My hands slide the silk robe from her shoulders, leaving her standing bare in front of me.
I pushed the door to, her hands instantly at my chest, mouth at my throat, like she knew the script and expected me to follow.
But I didn’t move the way she wanted. My eyes locked onto her as I pulled back, gripping her wrists in front of her once again. Slowly shaking my head as a warning.
Her eyes flared a little, that I wasn’t the same boy she thought was being delivered.
I stepped in, slow and deliberate, backing her toward the bed instead.
She opened her mouth to speak, but I didn’t let her.
Pressing my lips against hers, my teeth teasing her bottom lip before making my way to her ear.
“I told you. You don’t get to be in charge tonight.
” She scoffed playfully. That was until I pushed her unyieldingly onto the bed.
That laugh caught in her throat. I stayed standing, watching her adjust herself as I unbuckled my belt.
Letting the silence stretch long enough to make her question what she had knowingly paid Danny for.
I leaned over her, bracing my hands either side of her head.
My body inches from hers, as my voice did all the work.
I lowered to a whisper, my lips brushing against her ear.
“It’s my turn to show you who’s boss.” Her breath hitched.
The scent she wore was heavy and expensive, clinging to the space between us like a veil.
But it didn’t weigh me down. Not like it did before, because I wasn’t the powerless kid anymore.
I had sharp edges now. Teeth. She reached for me again, this time more slowly, testing.
Only this time, I let her feel me. I steered every inch of our time together, the way her hands moved, the way she looked at me.
Even the way she started to second-guess who was using who.
And in her silence, her confidence cracked beneath the surface.
I knew something she didn’t want me to: She hadn’t expected to enjoy giving it up.
Even when her fingers dug into my shoulder or my hand wrapped around her throat, dragging my mouth along her skin, leaving marks to remind her I was retaliating for all those years I was held down. Leaving her powerless body tangled in the sheets.
The room had gone quiet again, standing near the window, letting the chill from the glass bite into my skin. Behind me, I heard the sheets shift. Her voice was soft but controlled. Still trying to wear that mask, even though I’d ripped it clean off and burned it within the heat of the night.
“When will I see you again?” I didn’t respond; I hadn’t even chosen to be here in the first place. But I guess it wasn’t all bad; the power shift had made things more tolerable. I turned to her, the cover tucked around her frame. Watching as she tilted her head, pale arms wrapping around her knees.
“Guess you're gonna have to ask Danny,” my words biting back at her with intended venom.
She chuckled, reaching for her bedside table, “You see, that’s the thing.
I want to offer you a better deal.” Pulling out a different envelope and throwing it towards me.
“No middleman. No Danny… Just you and me, whenever I want.” She paused.
A smile spread on her face, “You’d be well taken care of. ”
My eyes lingered on her for a moment before falling to the envelope.
“That supposed to impress me?” I asked.
She shrugged, “It’s supposed to make things simple. There's enough in there that you won’t need to ask for anything.”
I stepped forward slowly until I was standing at the edge of the bed, the envelope placed between us. Picking it up in my hand, I leaned down just enough for her to see the crack in my smile.
“I don’t do simple,” I said. “And you don’t get to treat me like a commodity.
Not anymore.” Peeling open the envelope to see a stack of neatly placed notes.
I’d never seen this kind of money, not in my hands anyway.
Danny made sure of that. After every job, it was the first thing I had to hand over, and I was always told never to look inside.
He’d flip his fucking lid if he knew I was considering cutting him out of what I can only imagine is a hefty payout.
“So? What do you say?”
My eyes flashed down at the money, then back up to her. “I could take this,” I said. “And vanish. No calls. No answers. You’d never know if I was coming back.”
“You won’t vanish,” she said too quickly, confident in her position.
I smiled wider, “How can you be so sure?”
She didn’t answer me; she just raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'You need this.' I tucked the envelope in my back pocket.
“Because I know you, or are you forgetting that?” Her hand extended towards my phone on the dresser. Punching her number in with a smirk on her lips, “Until next time then?”
Lying herself back down onto the bed, holding her tight grin.
My options lay bare before me.
Allow my body to once again not be my own.
Or accept a type of freedom I would never get from Danny. That kind of money could get me and Squeeks out, far away from anyone who thought they could take from us.
I grabbed my shirt, still feeling the warmth of her breath against my skin. Was I really going to do this? Dive into the one aspect of my life that I loathed entirely. I left the bedroom, feeling like I'd just signed a contract with the devil.
Arriving home, the front door slammed shut behind me.
Squeeks looked up from the couch, a plate in her lap, chewing on a half-eaten piece of toast. Her eyes caught the storm in mine before I could hide it.
She didn’t ask. She just watched me as I strolled past her towards the back room, boots heavy on the floor.
Danny sat there, in that shrine of sweat-stained leather, bad bets, and the thick stink of damp and smoke.
His shoulders hunched over the table, shuffling through a pile of crumpled notes like they meant more to him than people ever had. He didn’t look up as I entered.
“Took your time!”
I pushed the door closed behind me. “I was making sure she had her money’s worth. Plus, she made me a deal.” I replied with a slight cockiness in my tone. He paused for a moment, then looked up, eyes narrowing.
“Who?”
“Selene.”
His whole posture shifted, like a wolf catching scent of blood. “What kind of deal?”
I propped myself back against the wall, tilting my head to one side as my eyes drifted to him. “The no middleman. No Danny. Fuck her directly, kind of deal.” The silence cracked between us.
He suddenly broke into laughter, “You’re kidding. She’s having you on boy, crafty bitch.”
I didn’t blink, jaw tensing, “You wanna test that theory?” I revealed the envelope from my back pocket and flaunted it in front of me, raising an eyebrow as a smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth.
He stood, each joint popping like the tension inside him needed somewhere to go.
He crossed the room until we were face to face, or at least, until his breath hit mine.
“You think you can cut me out?” he hissed, “You think you’re fuckin clever enough for that?”
I didn’t move, “She made the offer. I’m just doing the courtesy of telling you.” My cocky smirk remained planted on my face.
He grabbed the front of my jacket before I could finish the breath. Slammed me back into the wall so hard my teeth rattled. His face was red now; all spit and rage.
“You ungrateful little shit,” he snapped, “I pulled you out of the gutter. Gave you a roof, gave you work, and this is how you fucking repay me.”
I pushed him off, harder than he expected, as he stumbled back. “I’m not your fucking dog Danny,” breathing hard as I adjusted my jacket, “Not anymore.”
His hand flew, but I managed to dip away just in time. His knuckles smashing into the wall, a pained growl came from him, teeth gritted, glaring at me.
“She paid me for my time …You sold me! Just like you do with mum… Don’t pretend like I owe you for it.”
His lip curled, “So, you think you’re something now? Because some rich bitch likes the way you fuck her?”
I pushed myself into his face, instant regret filling my chest. “More like I’m sick of you selling me off and getting fuck all to show for it.
All those times you sent me to strangers' houses. Every time you sent me to Selene. You just stood there, hand out, just waiting for the money to fall. What did I get? Fuck all that’s what. ”
Danny stared at me, chest heaving. His face twisted with anger, betrayal, maybe even fear. He’d built his power on control, on obedience. But I wasn’t the quiet kid anymore, the one who flinched when his voice got loud. I opened the door, lingering in the doorway.
“You won’t be hearing from her again,” I said. “And don’t you dare think about contacting her. It will only bruise that fucking ego of yours to hear she doesn’t need you anymore.” I let the door close abruptly behind me.
The days started to blur. Mornings bled into afternoons. Nights crept in and stayed longer than they should have. Chester’s place became more than just an escape. It became mine. My breathing room. My quiet.
The flat still smelled like him in the corners.
Smoke, and that cheap aftershave he swore by.
Some days, I thought if I sat still long enough, he might walk back in.
Call me a dumb bastard for getting in too deep and proceed to flood me with endless dad jokes.
But he never did. And now, the quiet he left behind was where I hid.
I’d wake late, crack open a bottle of something Chester would have classed as old school, while flicking through some of his old notebooks.
I couldn’t work out what I was trying to achieve—the mystery of what happened to him, or the mess of myself.
Most nights, I’d pass out on the couch. It felt too weird to sleep in the bed.
Selene would call sometimes or text, keeping it short and precise.
You coming?
I’d go, but not always, just enough to keep the money coming in, to keep the mounting bills paid. Although I always left hating myself.
But the longer I stayed away from Danny’s place, the more distant things felt. I stopped checking in. Let the messages go unread, assuming Squeeks would be okay. How fucking wrong was I. If he couldn’t manipulate me, he had soon turned his attention to my little sister.