Four
FOUR
Noble
Tim: You up? Can you talk?
I grunted when I saw the text message. Lately, messages from Tim made my stomach knot, especially when they came right at the crack of dawn. Usually, I would be asleep this early in the morning, but lately, sleep evaded me.
Me: Sure.
My phone rang seconds after I had texted him back.
“Hey. What’s up?”
Tim released a hard breath into the phone. “Clear your calendar. The board wants to meet first thing this morning.”
My chest tightened. I tried my best to keep my tone even. “Regarding?”
“Regarding what we talked about the other day. You know I can’t say much, so be prepared.”
“Thanks for the heads up.”
“Of course. See you at nine.”
I disconnected, swung my legs over the side of the bed, and rubbed my temples. I refused to speculate about what they wanted to meet about. No matter how calm I tried to be, the fact that they wanted to meet before I started my workday made me anxious.
Reflecting again on my last few interactions with the board, I felt it coming. We used to feel like a group of friends—a team. Now, I felt like an outsider in my own company. That, and the fact that our numbers weren’t as impressive in recent quarters had shaken my confidence.
I dressed quickly and made it to the office by eight thirty so that I could mentally prepare for whatever the board wanted to meet about. I spent the better part of that time pacing in my office. Usually, I’d call Tyler and fill him in on everything happening with the board. This time, I didn’t. I couldn’t.
Tim arrived shortly before nine. Peeking into my office, he announced that several board members were already in the boardroom.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I wanted to ask him “What the heck do you think?” but I nodded instead, rubbing my sweaty palms against my tailored pants. No, I wasn’t okay. My heart beat faster than normal. I could feel every quickened thump. Not knowing what to do with my hands, I fidgeted. “Be right there,” I said, trying my best to mask how unsettled I was.
Sighing, Tim said, “See you inside.”
I waited until it was close to nine before grabbing my tablet and heading to the boardroom. The knot in my stomach felt more like a brick. Dreading each step, I paused before entering to take one more deep breath.
I straightened my back, held my chin up, and said “Good morning!” as I entered. I wondered if I sounded as cheerful as I intended.
“Good morning,” several members responded as they found their way to seats around the long marble table. I could feel the tension in the room. No one smiled. Each pair of eyes avoided the others.
That brick in my stomach churned. I took my usual seat near the front next to Tim.
Tim pulled out his chair, sat, and looked around the room. “Let’s go ahead and get started.” He looked at his watch and nodded at the board secretary. “We’re officially calling the meeting to order at nine-oh-five.” Tim turned to me. “Noble, we’ve called this meeting to…”
Tim said many words, but they all crashed together in my brain after I heard “…ask you to step down from your position as CEO of Push Beverages.”
The room spun. Or maybe it was just my head. I wanted to turn back time. No, I wanted time to stop. I was losing my job. Not just my job. I was losing my company . The way I proved to my mother that I could make it without her. She would have been so proud of me.
I squinted and concentrated on Tim’s mouth. I struggled to focus on what he was saying. Maybe I could hear him better if I watched the words come out.
I waited patiently for him to finish. Every word felt like a fresh jab.
“We understand that this may be difficult for you, but trust that you understand the reason for this decision…” Tim sounded robotic, as he repeated what he’d told me about wanting the best for me and Push.
When he was finally done tearing my world apart, he asked if I had any questions.
Yeah. I wanted to ask them who they thought they were. Did they think Push could survive without me? I was Push. Instead, I didn’t speak at all, because I didn’t trust my voice. I wanted to curse—tell them where to put their obligations and their shareholders. I had plenty of real questions. My brain was filled with words. None would pass my lips.
I knew this type of stuff happened at companies all the time. Just the other day, news of a CEO of a major pharmaceutical company stepping down had hit the airwaves. I knew it wasn’t her choice to leave. She’d been in the same seat I was now, hearing the same speech. I wondered if she felt like a dagger had been driven through her heart.
Tim peered at me over his glasses. The room was quiet. All eyes were on me, waiting for me to respond.
I looked around the large marble table and then cleared my throat. “Um… Wow. This is pretty hard. As you know, I’ve poured my heart into this company for the past ten years.”
“Noble. Please know that this isn’t personal,” Stew, one of the other board members, said.
Stew was an entrepreneur. Had he ever been fired? Did he know what it was like to feel powerless while something he nurtured with his own hands was being stripped away?
Tim had given me the heads up, but that wasn’t enough to get me through this moment without feeling like a knife had been plunged into my heart, leaving behind a gaping hole.
I cleared my throat again, swallowing the emotion threatening to steal all the air from my lungs. “I understand, but—” I paused again to gather my thoughts. I stayed quiet for too long while I took deep breaths and squared my shoulders.
With brows knitted, Tim tilted his head. A concerned look washed over his face as the silence grew wider and more uncomfortable.
“It’s hard for this not to feel personal,” I finally continued, speaking around the lump in my throat. “While this is all about business to you, this company is very personal for me. I want the best for Push and our shareholders as well.” I lifted my chin. “Please let me know what the next steps are.”
“Yes.” Tim pushed a file toward me. “We’ll ask that you review and sign these documents. Feel free to have your attorney look them over. Your package is substantial.”
They filled me in on the next steps, which included asking Ty to step in as interim CEO until they found my replacement.
Ty? They were going to ask my best friend to replace me. That felt like another jab.
The rest of the meeting was a blur. Tim mentioned dinner later that evening. I stayed behind as the room emptied. Angst cemented me to the chair. I couldn’t bring myself to move. This would be my last few days at Push— my Push. The company I started.
When I finally got up from the chair, I went straight to my office, slammed the door shut, and paced hard circles around my office floor. They wanted me to go. Me! I thumped my chest with my fist. Push was my greatest accomplishment. I didn’t have children, but I imagined this is what it felt like when a child was snatched from its parent’s arms. This was by far the greatest loss I’d ever experienced, next to losing my mother. I pressed the base of my palms to my eyes. I couldn’t cry at work. Men didn’t do that—especially CEOs.
Someone knocked on my door. I didn’t want to talk to anyone but I still said, “Come in.” I rounded my desk to sit down.
Tim stepped in, frowning. He closed the door behind him and locked it.
“How are you doing?” he asked, concern etched in his expression.
“How am I doing?” I shook my head and shot to my feet. “How do you think I’m doing?” I spat. Flopping back into my chair, I asked, “How am I supposed to feel?”
“I know.” Tim held both hands up. That was his pitiful attempt to calm me.
“Bullshit! Whatever you’re about to say is bullshit .” I marched to Tim with a pointed finger. “You said you were going to have my back.” My voice cracked. I was angry but didn’t want to completely break down in front of Tim.
“I did have your back. I still do, but I was outnumbered.” Tim’s hands fell to his side. “I rooted for you. You have to know that. Hell, I wasn’t even supposed to warn you, but I did.”
I wanted to be disappointed in Tim. I hated that he was the one to deliver the blow, but as the chairman of the board, it was his job to do so. That must have taken a lot for him. Right now, I couldn’t be concerned about how this affected Tim. I was the one being fired. My life was changing drastically. Not his.
“I don’t know anything except that the one thing that made me who I am…the thing that I created with my own hands, was just snatched away from me,” I said through clenched teeth.
Tim huffed and dropped his shoulders. Slowly, he walked toward my desk and took a seat. Saying nothing, he let me vent.
When I was done, I stood over my desk panting like I’d just run a marathon. Tim waited a few moments before finally speaking.
“I’m glad you got that out. This is not the end for you,” he said.
It felt like the end to me.
“Take some time for yourself. Go on a vacation. Date.”
What was Tim talking about? Who had time for vacations and relationships when my life was falling apart? I hadn’t ever had time to nurture a relationship. I’d been married to my company.
Then I remembered the beautiful, honey-colored skin of the woman I’d bumped into the night before. Where had she come from? I swore I’d felt something when our fingers touched as I handed her the papers I’d picked up for her. I had never felt anything like that before. Not even when I dated Piper, who I thought was “the one.”
“Take some time for yourself.” Tim’s words broke through my thoughts. “Then, we will work on your personal brand—prepare you for what’s next.”
I didn’t want what was next. I wanted what I had.